Sunday, December 30, 2007

the power of words

try reading this:
you are not very understanding, oh my gosh... i don't believe you dont know this, what??? stop bugging me, no wonder no one wants you, you are unrealiable

compare to this:
you are looking good, nice shoes, good work, you look hot, thanks for the pressie i like it a lot, you had been a great help, nice profile photo, you are the bomb

after church service today, i told myself ps paul ang is right. i must close my year right before i step into the next. i do not need extra baggages.

im a person that doesnt really care about what the crowds think of me. i care very much though about how my friends think of me. it can be just a passing comment, an expression or gesture but i am able to pick it up and quickly interpret it. ignoring the fact that some ppl just talk this way, i take it quite personal. i feel rejected, hurt, not pretty enough, not good enough and a series of things will run through my mind –– what i shouldnt have say or do. and yes most of the time i feel that i was better off not doing anything. less communication, less miscommunication (sorry this is not really true, but i perceive then). it just goes on and on till i get so fed up and i will just go to bed trying to shut those noises and believe me it helps.

i can accept honesty and constructive comments if im close enough to this person. but i cannot accept bluntness and sarcatism. those words make me really stupid and dumb. that was how i slide to my last depression when i began to compare myself with ppl around me. i wouldnt want to allow myself to get there again because it was tough to believe im good for anything then. two sides of the coin, i had learned not to take things to personal but i had also learn to built walls to protect myself (which is not exactly good). well we have to accept the fact that in this world some ppl just make you and some ppl just tear you.

"remember, it's not something wrong with you... most of the time it is something wrong with them. so dont be too affected" ps paul ang.

in the new year ahead, i want to complain less, praise ppl more and make their days. i want to be a builder. i hope that i will learn to be more sensitive instead of more cynical as well. im 28 still single, am in a highly sensitive and fragile category and it will be great if you can learn to be nice to me :). as for my side i choose to believe.... im still looking good, doing fairly well in my job and having a time of my life.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

the price of being popular

"i'm not easy to forget but i'm hard to remember" elizabethtown

the thing about being popular is everybody never forget me and my name. whether junior, senior, schools i studied for a year and two. places i stay and work for a year or two. plus i had changed my abode a few times – i had stayed in kl, US, singapore and subang in different season of my life. i attended 1 kindergarden, 2 primary schools, 3 secondary schools, one college, 2 churches, 3 companies in singapore, many i freelanced in kl. i had many cliques every season of my life. the price for all this is i get invited for weddings of ppl that i never even meet the whole duration of time since school days. i try not to look at the half empty glass and consider the half full. it is a priviledge ppl never forget me and i will always try to enjoy that honour by attending and catching up with old friends.

tonight, i attended a wedding of a friend i never meet since college. the couples were college mates but both were dating different person then. life. life. life. the food were not that fantastic but the ambience was breathtaking. im waiting for my friends to email me the photos. meanwhile just take a peep at the wallpaper first.

a photo with our formal 'miss the one'

this is the open upper deck of the cruise

my college friends
another wedding, im not disturbed... miss THE ONE ACADEMY is not attach too and she says she is not in a hurry. also im her junior so that gives me wings to fly.

Friday, December 28, 2007

work hard, play hard

i told you i was still playing hard despite the busy schedules. in fact more crazy. show you some proof.

"i think raymond (husband now) underestimated you girls, he said it is ok... they are church girls." said cheryl the bride-to-be, our victim of the night.

of course you have crazy chaiyen... but trust me, i was just participating. im not the mastermind of this whole thing. it is normally planned by the married women cause they can max their evil-ness and know that revenge will never come their way. ok dressed up, we are ready to go!

and we thought she is a shy girl, till she started approaching ppl. these are just some of the photos... the rest are not suitable for public viewing. but then besides our cameras there were loads of ppl with camera around that were snapping non stop. for a moment she felt like a celebrity.

she sold all of it, though it wasn't easy dealing with uncles that claim they dont' know how to use it, or young boy that shy away (he is probably on his first date with the girl hahaha) but overall ppl were very supportive. that is a surprise to me yes but we were smart to approach our target as well.

it is a tuesday night so it is pretty hard to find cute guys and moving on to laundry didnt really make it any better. so we just went for our ever cutest guy, marcus. (of course he was reluctant to let us shave him, all these look-conscious-guy... but we promised to shave with the cover on. so in a way we just mess him up). yes, that is how we reward him, the manager that buy us girls one round of shots.

looking for a guy to put lipstick on was tough. we were careful to approach better looking guys because we know what follows after. to which one told us "i will not do it, im divorce." like who cares... so unsporting weird fella. anyway we gave up with cute guys... so we just went for whoever was willing.

and tadahh we are done. too much laughters and we were really, really tired.

the wicked girls, these are my cell girls. this is what we do without the guys. with the guys... we eat. and i mean we eat really a lot.

following this, we didn't let the guys have an easy way through the doors for the 'chip san leong'. im officially good with hens night and chip san leong. who is next muahahahaha s****!

Monday, December 24, 2007


this is just how wide my macbook camera booth can capture and it is already nicely pack in paper bags for distribution. also i had cleared my ex bfs and collegues. how scary it was? it carpeted every inch of my room while i was trying to pack.

what is christmas to me?
ok, im terrified by the amount of money i keep withdrawing from my atm, christmas shopping is quite crazy especially when you actually know that your bank account still have money (yes, i dont save) and your mind keeps reminding you of the things that these friends of yours want. and if you remember and you can afford, you can't just go get something else that they dont need right? so i just did that. again and again, i try not to total up how much i spend because i believe i might freak out.

leng, my sis asked me, "is it because God so freely give his one and only begotten son, we must learn to give? is that what christmas is all about (because she feels a hole in her pocket each time and that is painful *ouch*, plus the late nights of cutting, packing and hard work)". i answered "erm, i dun think so... it shouldn't be painful. it should be the joy of giving and blessing others. it should be the surprise on the ppl faces to receive what they dont expect from you. the joy of receiving something they ask for long, long ago, the smile on their face that someone in this world actually listens and knows them, a reminder to someone that you still have a place for them in your heart." all those smiles are my present, seriously i dont ask for anything more in return.

and remember im a sucker for birth dates. so christmas is the best i can do. but the downside is, they are too many ppl i need to buy for so my budget is limited.

what did i do on christmas eve?
seriously, no party? one, i dun want to be in a party of my friend's friends. i want to be with one i really care and love (to which i dun have, so i just choose to stay home). two, i dun need to party for the sake of party. also i need to go to church tomolo so i dont need a hangover to dim the real meaning of christmas. because seriously that is probably what i really want from Him this year. a reminder, the joy of my salvation.

i surprisingly cleared all my work. so the last two days i had been eating, sleeping and watching grey's. im really enjoying it, im really going to make sure i fight for this in the new year.

im perplexed leng is in laundry partying with her collegue and im at home. it's normally the opposite.

im amused by the evening incident. i have a cute boy reversed and bang my car. we exchanged number just in case and he sent me a christmas message at 12am. that is ironically funny isn't it? what do you think will happen if i reply that sms... he actually said "it is a present from santa we get to know each other". he actually believes in santa... haha so i guess that is a no-no.

i pray that all of you will have a meaningful christmas this year. the joy of giving and knowing you have someone to love. in the midst of the christmas carols, presents, beers and hugs... may each and everyone of you find that very one that loves you. so that, that love give you the fullness and strength to start the new year. muaks, muaks. hug hug. know that you have a place in my heart.

Friday, December 21, 2007

a good break from work

i finally found someone to watch this show with me wed night since thursday was a public holiday. i have so much to write about this movie but i need to control my urge for a while because i have unbelievable amount of work to finish tonight. in a nutshell, it is a good educational tool for guys into the world of a woman. wished i had went to that movie with any of THAT few guys. then i can keep poking them throughout the show "HEAR THAT". hehe. if you watch that alone, you will so hear my voice saying that to you.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

tested and proven works

i still remember that feeling. the feeling that i will never get through this. i could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.

i know many ppl believe that sulking is not the way out. we encouraged ppl not to think about the past relationship anymore, get rid of all the things, deny the feelings then it will be gone. i had been the company of a fair share of break-up-ers. i think i had successfuly see each of them get up, pull through, courting again, get attach and get married.

1. i drink with them - too much alcohol is not good but a little will give them a better sleep. all they need to do is pass by the night and that is what we can do for them. a little of 'eyes washing' gives them hope as well that their still guys around.
* i wont even think about lecturing them about alcohol, most of the time i company them till they tell me: " 'enough', i waste too much money in alcohol... i need to pick myself up". so be it, then we can start doing other things.
2. i let them talk - i let them tell me how much they still miss their ex, what went wrong, let them process what happen. we all know sometimes things just happen too fast and to be able to reason all this allow ourselves to come to terms with the situation.
* i never tell them to stop thinking about it because i know it is not exactly a choice and the last thing i will ever say is "actually he is not such a great guy". even though some of them are really not that great because i have learned that it is not exactly comforting. and if you catch the person in a terrible mood you might get a slap, "right! why dont you tell me when we were dating, friend!" izzie in grey's spelled it out very well.
IZZIE: "When Derek broke up with you, nobody told you were better off without him. It's not supportive, it's condescending. I was there for you, and the one time I need you... Just go away, Meredith."
3. i let them know i know how it feels
* i dont pretend that it never hurt me though it is over now because fact is i remember it was torturing. the amount of things that run through the mind every minute. memories, the words-i-should-had-say-and-i-shouldnt-had-said, the cannot-believe-it-had-come-to-an-end, the looking-for-which-bit-it-last-went-wrong, the want-to-stay-and-hope-or-move-on feeling. sometimes this thoughts come one by one. sometimes it comes all together. you hate it..., you drown yourself with work. sometimes you cant even work and you just hide underneath the blanket not wanting to face the day. you dont want to talk to anyone because they ask you surface question and they expect you to give 'im ok, i have move on' answer. the world just doesnt help when friends come asking where is your partner, every song lyrics just seems to want to speak into your situation, every movies seems to want to give a fair share as well.

i had went through it, but i realised that i need to remember what i went through because someone today need to know i know how they feel. this entry is:
1. to those that had not gone through this, i pray that you will never. but make a point to give this ppl time to mourn if you really want to be there for them
2. and to those who went through those sucky time with me, i could not explain how comforting to have you there with me because i know you fully understand. i believe we had dragged each other along the way for a while. and for those that are going through it now, the light is there... we just need to keep walking.
3. to those special ones, those that had sat with me and hear me go through the stories again and again. you deserve a greater salute because you didn't understand but because you care, you had chose to listen. thanks.

this whole situation had taught me to be even more hopeful as if im not already 'miss hope' (haha). for example now, my work seems to have no end but im looking forward... hanging in there each day because the end will surely come. yes it will come.

the sun will rise once again.

Sunday, December 09, 2007


1. work for passion not for the money
i never thought i will ever earn 5 figure in a month. i hit it once or twice this year. with the amount of deadline, wrinkles and sleepless nights that come with it, i concluded that is not what i want to do the rest of my life. i know i can actually keep those clients and at least make a fortune out of it for the next few years. im in my second month and all i want to do is close all my jobs to fulfill my contract and put an end to this. i dont want the money if it means i dont have the time to spent it. i want to go singapore, watch dvd, go out yam cha with my friends, go movies, go gym and most importantly i want my sleep. i always know i dont want to work the rest of my life. i also always know i didnt work just for the money, i want to enjoy my work. this year, i can finally say that im sure about that.
2. better to love then not love
i wounded myself quite badly in my last relationship. the pain lasted so long, i told God "i don't want to feel that pain anymore... i don't want that feeling of being in love anymore." and it is funny i only pray for that this year. maybe it was because i know God is able and the years before this despite the pain i didn't want Him to remove that feeling. the feeling that i love someone so strongly. like i said God is faithful to anwer that prayer of mine. a series of event took place and im not sure which morning but i woke up one day and i realised that i could let it go. i dont believe this either but i actually say this the other day, "i miss being in love". and i dont mean i miss being in a relationship. i actually meant i miss the agony of thinking of someone everyday, the feeling of being thrilled to see him and all that. it is crazy but why i say that is because i realised that "love keeps your heart alive". when you love someone -- whether in pain or joy, whether in tears or laughters -- you live your day. when you love someone somehow it is easier to remember how much God loves you. but now that im not in love and im so busy it seems like everday pass me by just like this. i find it hard to remember God's love for me. i felt that i have not live. because what i last remember, despite how busy i was, i miss someone and i know that my heart is alive.

i think i always know what i wanted. sometimes i think im confusing God. "God i need job", "God i don't want to work", "God i dont want the feelings of being in love", "God i miss being in love"... i think today i shall just say "God i dont know what i want but You know better. but this year i thank You for giving me what i do not want so that i know what i really want". God is good (full stop).

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

my wish for you

i know im always busy but this must be the busiest week. current favourite.

my prayer for you, my friend.

my wish by RASCAL FLATTS
I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

Saturday, December 01, 2007

love comes with complication

today one of my friend is going for to a registrar to certify her marriage without the knowledge of her mum because she knows the mum will disapprove. will be attending a wedding later of which the bride again struggled through her whole relationship because her husband is of a different race. will be attending another wedding at the end of the year, this girl is marrying her best friend ex bf. this wasnt such a great deal except that she dated him shortly after they broke off. so now she definitely going to face the judgemental eyes of some during her wedding.

my question? love is complicated enough isn't it?

it took us forever to find someone we love.
it took forever to find someone that feels the same.
then it takes another forever to find a guy that is willing to settle down and wants to take care of you for the rest of your life.

and we thought that is tough enough. then we realised we still have to find someone that our parents and friends like. at the end we try to do the latter and forget about the formal. today i wish all these friends of mine.

cheers to true love.

love is complicated but maybe it is there to test the love you claimed you have. not that i want the disapproval of my parents and friends, i hope that comes. but i think nothing beats the feeling of finding one that will stand through these wars with you.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

need to get back a life

i shouldnt complain really, at least i slept from 1-5am right? with loads of deadline all clashed together is not bad. on top of that to commit to cell, lunches, friends art gallery, weddings, bridal shower, pick-up-the-bride ceremony, going in to all 3-4 offices to please all my clients is quite a thing. i promise you i wasnt even watching grey's. so glad this is my last astro issue. i like the design part of it because i do have a bit of freedom to design there, i also like the part of spending time with my friend again but i think i should just stick with HELLO! and FHM. stop taking BluInc jobs cause all their good well planned senior designers are gone. stop trashing new grounds with planning weddings and law firm rebranding. enough. i shall focus on sleeping, keeping myself young, go pak toh-ing... if not really i will be left up the shelf, though it sounds like a trend not to be in a relationship now. it seems like all my friend has given up hope on it.

bottom line, i just need to get back to the time i enjoy my work. now i dont have the time to do so. holiday... can't wait.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

i confess im finally feeling stress

1. one of my client which i believe doesnt exactly know what she wants just made me redo all her 14 pages. on top of that i have new pages for her.
2. my other client do not have images attach to all his text. the worst bit is he claimed he finished giving me all his text. i guessed he passed the buck to me.
3. one of the pages just disappeared and i have to redo the 3 pages, i suspect i accidentally trash it. and you hate yourself for making stupif mistake like this. then in everyway you wish that you have this.
4. my external harddisk fell and it stopped functioning immediately. i have stuff inside which i need to finish tonight. but at least i tranferred the bulk of it to my laptop yesterday.
5. im not going to have sleep tonight i suppose. i mean, if i can finish all my work even without sleep that would be a consolation.

it is a terrible way to start off the week. and i feel like standing on top of the mountain to screammm... but a lesson i learn yesterday when i went to purelife home with some of my church friends. i just need to walk one step at time, like this kids who doesnt even know which college is open to them.

i went with fullness of self, to see them made me realised how empty i am. they were a whole bunch of kids with emptiness but to have some ppl visit them brought them fullness of joy.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

everyone is hurt, so let's not do more damage

so we went for our first friendly date. one thing about publishing ppl we get free movies tickets like all the time. and you think that is great enough till he told me the car i was sitting on was his test drive car for the week. the perks for designing a car magazine.

i went to movie with him as i would with many other friends. it gets a bit freaky after the movie, his friend stopped by and said "bye, chaiyen we have to go first". i stared at my friend and ask him plainly "you bitch about me, your friend actually know my name?" and so to prove my point i know he is attached, i asked about his relationship. and of course the kepoh me checked his track records. 2 hands full including mine i meant. and so how come he can have 8 years relationship in between. you do the maths. it didn't take him long to tell me about his first love. she is dead. you think stories like this only happen in korean movies. all these high school gang fights thing. he was supposed to die instead of her. i quickly concluded "so you are looking for a girl to replace her?" "kind off, but i had never met one like her". 14 years have passed and some wound just doesnt close without a scar.

we all get hurt by someone, somewhere, somewhat. we get hurt by ppl that got hurt. and this has to stop somewhere. i mean it cant keep spreading like this. so sorry if i ever stand on the side of those victim mentality ppl. yes, they might have a long track records and i might not totally agree with moving from one relationship to another as a way out but i emphathised with them. some of them just go from one relationship to another looking for true love but in vain because they are not looking at the right place and right ppl. while some of them move from one relationship to another because they dont want to get serious and hurt anymore but they want company because loneliness reminds them of their old wound. and so the question how do you ever make a relationship works with ppl like this? well it takes someone that really love. it was love that started it and it will be love that will heal this kind of pain. but who would start it? no one want to take that risk. as usual the stubborn me am just trying to keep my stand. because we know in every relationship we are not only hurting others even though we think we can pretend we don't care, we know we do.

Brooke: How could you cheat on me with my best friend?
Lucas: Brooke, I never meant to hurt you.
Brooke: That doesn't really matter, Lucas. 'Cause in the end it all hurts just the same.


im not coming from someone very much on top of it all. i have my moments, while mine is a little mild compare to changing one relationship to another. i confessed i had been flirting. as much as we want to stay out of falling in love, we like the feeling of being in love. it puts a smile on your face. flirting is a quick fix for that though you know none of them really meant what they say. though you dont feel for them, you still feel special having someone calls you 'sweetie'. some days you just reminisce the feelings of being in love and you miss having someone there, so at those day you just go out with your fella victim and kill each other loneliness. but i had been going out with quite a few ppl so that i dont get emotionally attach to one and i have been keeping my hands to myself so that i don't get burn. in days when im more sober, i remind them that they are great friends. remind them that they dont need to jump from one relationship to another. im a substitute. i keep ppl company till their right man or woman come along. till then i remind you, you are not alone and you are special. this bit i mean it.

Monday, November 19, 2007


seriously this is really well done.

"remember me not as a hero or a king. remember me as a man with error, flawed" beowulf

gosh im a sucker to lines like this. not that i like regretful cry baby. i love fighter that recognises his weakness. the fighter brings out his manliness, his weakness makes his real. that is besides the point, im a sucker for good body too. *faint*

seriously, i remembered what i was looking for in a man. seriously? seriously.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

much too much

"How do you know how much is too much? Too much too soon. Too much information. Too much fun. Too much love, or too much to ask of someone? When is it all just too much for us to bear?" grey's

there is a whole long list of things due next week. so much so i don't know which to start first. i have 6 projects in hand; 3 to close this coming week and the rest under urgent category. i really don't know which to focus on and start closing. but i shall. i need another miracle God :)

"When you're a kid, it's Halloween candy. You hide it from your parents and you eat it until you get sick. In college, it's the heavy combo of youth, tequila and well... you know... good things aren't always what they seem. Too much of anything, even love, is not always a good thing." grey's

as you notice, despite my busy schedule im not giving up on my leisure time. movies at 9.30pm tonight, ok better start with some work. signing off.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

getting pass today

CRISTINA: "Get out of bed, we're gonna be late."
MEREDITH: "I have a feeling."
CRISTINA: "You have a feeling?"
CRISTINA: "What kind of feeling?"
MEREDITH: "Like I might die."
CRISTINA: "Today? Tomorrow? In 50 years? We're all going to die eventually. Now we're late! Let's go!"
MEREDITH: "Oh Cristina, c'mon!"
CRISTINA: "What? I'm being supportive."
MEREDITH: "Really?"
CRISTINA: "Yeah, this is me being totally supportive. Go on."
MEREDITH: "Okay. The man I love has a wife and then he chooses her over me. Then the wife takes my dog. Well, she didn't actually take my dog. I gave it to her. But I didn't mean to give it to her, I meant to give it to him, and that doesn't change the fact that she's got Derek. And my McDog. She's got my McLife! What have I got? I can't even remember the last time we kissed. Because you never think the last time is the last time. You think you have forever, but you don't. Plus my conditioner decided to stop working and I think I have brittle bones. I need something to happen. I just need a sign. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope, and in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed and feel like I might die today."
CRISTINA: [pauses, then drags Meredith out of bed] "Whatever. Everybody has problems. Get your ass out of bed and get to work. NOW! Move, move, move!"

i realised that we can really think ourselves happy.
1. dressed up and look good as if you are going to meet your McDreamy later.
2. give your best and do so well at work as if you are the staff of the month.
3. after work party so hard as if there is no work tomolo.

im not saying we can deny that we have problem and pretend it is not there. just that in the midst of that sadness dont stop living. do all the above... because with purpose each day, the day passes by faster. and sometimes all we need is to get pass today. because tomolo will bring in a whole new set of problems. the bad new is you have more problems, the good new is sometimes the problem is so great it overshadow your existing problem.

throw you another one. this is two ex couple conversing. now how cool is that and they are friends, yes they can actually be friends.

MEREDITH: "I have this feeling."
DEREK: "I get that feeling also. If you wait long enough it will pass."
MEREDITH: "Do you promise?"
DEREK: "I promise."

Thursday, November 15, 2007

more awake than most ppl

incident no1: starbucks
cy: iced venti latte to go.
cashier: sure iced venti latte. what size would you want your drink to be?
cy: *giggle*
cashier: sorry, iced venti latte right. sorry... sorry.

incident no2: over lunch
justin: where did you come from?
cy: went to hello office in damansara, then to amcorp mall to get something for my wedding client, here and later to bluinc to collect some stuff. argghhh it is another rainy day, super sleepy.
justin: yahh rainy day... where did you come from?
cy: *giggle* do you have alzheimer? hahaha...

incident no3: gym
cy: i lost my card, i want to renew it.
staff: sure, you need to pay rm15 for it. can have your membership card pls.
cy: *giggle* i lost my card.
staff: oh yahh, sorry i get you the form.

am i tired or them? im very much awake even without sleep ok.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

i love you, i love you not

MEREDITH: [pauses] "I have a dog."

DEREK: "You have a dog."

MEREDITH: "My point is, I have a dog."

DEREK: [smiles] "You have a dog. Oh, and you know what? I love dogs."

MEREDITH: "I've moved on, so don't give me that look."

DEREK: "What look?"

MEREDITH: "That look. Our look. I'm over you."

DEREK: "I'm over you, too."

MEREDITH: "You are?"

DEREK: "No."

MEREDITH: "Oh. Well, I am. Over you."

DEREK: "I'm over you too."

MEREDITH: "You just said... shut up." [smiles]


a friend was thinking if she is still in love with her ex or is it just the mind that got used to loving this person. somehow you just know it is over. and i can't recall when. somehow you feel the weight lifted from you. you live each day no longer for him but for yourself. you know you want that friendship and you know it is not for any other reason. being girls that are born with curiousity and kepoh-ness it is pretty hard to differentiate which bit is still-in-love and which bit was just wanting-to-know. this might help:

how you know you are no longer in love with someone:
1. you want to know which girl he hangs out with but you no longer feel the ache when he hangs out with other girls.
2. you compare yourself to who he is dating because that is just a typical girl thing but you dont wish that he comes back to your side.
3. you want to befriend him again but you are not in a hurry to do so.

if you can actually say this without pain: 'im-actually-happy-he-is-happy', you are officially no longer in love with this person. because we are all selfish fallen beings and will never be able to utter this. we will never be able to bear with seeing the one we love happy with another person. so spare me the nonsense if you love someone enough you will be happy to see him happy. so you figure that out girl.

Fresh starts thanks to the calendar they happen every year. Just set your watch to January, our reward for surviving the holiday season. Bringing on the great tradition of new years resolutions, put your past behind you and start over. It’s hard to resist the chance for a new beginning, a chance to put the problems of last year to bed.grey's


ok let me bring you to my house again in case you couldnt recognise it.

this is my living room. it is now double the space, the tv is so far away i really need to wear my glasses now to watch tv. i chose the tiles.

my dad had upgraded his tv but i am too lazy to take another photo. the dark wood behind is my creative idea.

finally i have a shoe shelf taller than me.

"ta-dah", i have more shoes space then everyone in the house.

my dad decided to close the hole with a glass in case samuel and sara, the twins fall off from there.

one of the nicest product my dad ever bought.

the ceiling details are one of the nicest design of my dad.

yup close up... it is nice.

this is now the view from my room, no more sunrise.

result: everyone is happy with it this time. unlike usual how we all complain my dad waste money to make the house uglier. this time he decided to involve us in the planning. of course the outcome will be good, im a designer you know :)

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

dejavu feeling cause unfair judgement

i met up with my college friends yesterday night. as usual they will go to this topic.

friend: are you still single?
cy: yup. erm... i was attached once after college if your still means since college days. hahaha
friend: surely got ppl going after you right since you are so hot? too caught up with work is it.
cy: nooo... i have social life ok. (yahh got ppl going after, but they are all of weird cases for eg...)

i remembered when i first saw him i felt that like he looks like my 3rd ex bf. i did wonder if it is because he stared at me like he used too. the kind that keep glaring at you even when you look at him.

i kind of know it when he makes small talk unlike how other guys without motive do so. offering to drive me back eventhough i drove was quite funny. offering to fetch me back to work the next day to get my car would be giving him too many opportunities. though i was totally tempted to do so since i was dead tired doing OT that period and driving was definitely the last thing i want to do.

i never put much thought to it after my freelance job with that company was over. till i bummed into this guy a few months later right outside my gym where he got my contact in the name of "pass me your contact, i can pass you some freelance job if my friend ask for a writer". i laughed and answered him "im not a writer, im a designer". so he turned the story around and said he can passed me design job then.

i did not of course receive any jobs from him except for many invites to join him for gym and lunch. which i did not purposely avoid but our timing wasn't good so we never actually once met.

i couldnt believe why i bum into him every time i step into that office. whether it is me reversing my car or walking up the stairs. he must be somewhere around and following that will trigger him to SMS me again.

mostly, i never understand why he knows that i know he is attached (because his colleague loudly warned him not to flirt), yet still he thinks that he can get around me.

i dont feel anything at all to him, but that was exactly how i felt for my ex too. he had proven he doesnt has the killer sweet lips which won my heart over like my ex since he is quite bad in even making a date happen, so i guess he will not do me any harm. because i was just wondering if i should be friends with him since im suspicious of his motive. but i shall give him the benefit of doubt maybe he was just being friendly. i definitely do not look like the kind of girl that can be your FWB (Friend With Benefit) despite knowing you has a gf, right? or i can just pretend to be busy the next time he calls since i have always been busy.

i hate dejavu feeling because it warns your heart to be cautious of ppl that has similar trade. and sometimes it is pretty unfair for eg they look alike. but sometimes you really can't help it.

experiences in your life does make you whether you like it or not.

Sunday, November 11, 2007


who are you God to me?

are you someone that i called on to for direction in life because i know you know?
are you someone i come to for financial breakthrough because i know you can?
are you someone i come to for when i get agitated with my sickness because i know you heal?
are you someone i talk to when i feel lonely because i know you are there?
are you someone i cry to when no one understands because i know you do?

how can i know so much of You yet constantly forget?

as crazy as this may sounds like. i dont want to be problem free. let me struggle with relationship, finance, work and health. trembling because i know You can do exactly that, as many ppl say "be careful of what you ask for from God"; i ask for the grace and faith to believe for Your breakthrough because i know You can bring me through.

so today i pray again, be part of my life. help me deal with my relationships, give me financial freedom, help me do well in my work and heal my itching throat.

Give me neither poverty nor riches––feed me with the food alloted to me; lest i be full and deny You, and say, "Who is the Lord?" Or lest I be poor and steal, and profane the name of my God.
proverbs 30.9

Saturday, November 10, 2007


i was super curious. why would they have roadblocks at 12pm. isnt that a bit a early for the drunkards to start heading home. and why would they block drivers who havent even head to town. bear with me. there are 2 roadblocks on federal highway to kl. closing 4 lanes to 1, it is not funny. my cousin sister added, even the chinese policemen are working. this is something big. murder? illegal immigrant? hmmm...

this explains the road block.

how great is your love?

how many times we are in malls, bars, subway and gym when all eyes are drawn to some cute hunks but do nothing about it and watch him walk away.

as crazy as this may sound like. it happened. i guess for such a dramatic introduction he deserves a date. definitely. on top of that he looks pretty cute. no wonder someone emailed him "I'm not the girl but you're so adorable, pick me instead", he told New York Post.

does this really work. let me try to recall my crushes over the last few weeks. there was a few in my gym. so what can i do, draw a picture of him, colour it with the exact skin tone and stick it at the spot where he smiled at me. forget it, i can't draw.

how much do you want what you want? or what will you do to pursue love?

a lot of things are not fated to be but if you believe it enough what you do out of it creates destiny.

Thursday, November 08, 2007


since the day i saw this on alan's blog. i had been telling ppl how cool that mtv is. little did i know it is a movie. so when steph told me that she has the dvd 'Secret' and i must watch it since im such a sucker in korean movies. it had been more agonising than ever since then, knowing that i have the dvd and not able to watch it. yes, let's not talk about me being half way thru grey's.

something about man playing piano... drool. i told you about eric at no black tie. one hand on the piano another his glass of liquor. coooooll. way to cool.
on another note, i was in velvet and some guys were fighting. in my ignorance i walked pass and got pushed to the wall leaving a 8cm cane look alike scratch on my back. i didn't know it was that bad till i lean on my chair today and it hurts. gosh... didn't mummy say it is dangerous to go clubbing? litterally.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

coffee: way to go

you know you drink too much coffee when:
1. you know the girl is from carrefour starbucks doing relieve shift for the ss15 branch
2. you can negotiate for 3 mins parking with the pyramid security when they usually dont even allow car to wait there.
3. the carrefour girl know your regular order.
4. and you know how to bluff your way thru the one way road at ss15 instead of making a big round. that of course comes with the magic of small car like mine.
5. you know how to make full use of your time while waiting for your drink for eg withdraw money from the atm machine right at the back of buckie at jaya shopping centre.
6. you payexact amount rm12.08 for your iced venti latte before they tell you the price.
7. you actually remember venti is large and tall is not.
8. you pack home latte with the cup half full because you want to put the ice in only when you drink it at night.
9. you know it is more worth it to buy grande instead venti because they have the same amount of double expresso shot.
10. you know that the line on the cup is for the portion of milk and not just design. now this is what we can functional design.

if i only need 10 stickers for the free organiser, i will surely have darn a lot of it. who want one? it looks pretty nice. i already got my 2008 organiser so you can have them if you give me your name.

Sunday, November 04, 2007


if only is when you are trap in the past.
what if is when you are trap by the future.

i guess all if kills.


Kelly Clarkson Lyrics

this morning i joined the FHM team for our december GND (girls next door) photoshoot. all 12 girls, of course only some were stunning. sometimes i think guys envied me. but maybe it is not that great. cause see what the writer told me

cy: so how is life treating you meeting pretty girls all the time.
w: not as great as i thought it would be.
cy: too many pretty girls make your expectations unreachable. or after talking to them you wished you had stick with just looking at them.
w: yahhh hahaha... should had stick to just looking at them.

super tired... and i dont care, once i got the money im going to thank that guy for bringing me into this shit. quick think about where to go dude? shang's buffet, starhill or jap? sorry, i just need something to look forward to.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

most memorable moments of 2007

someone asked: "tell me 5 of the most memorable things that happen to you this year? im sure it is easy for you, you are always good at this."

then i realised i cant come out with one. till of course he put words in my mouth "japan trip?", "ok yah". of course i randomly gave him 5 following that but i think i wasn't quite convinced. therefore i decided to type this to rephrase my answer. the most memorable thing about this year is... there are NO most memorable. how about that?

it is not that i don't enjoy my year, in fact i do very much. but you know as most years things are quite mundane, so it is easy to point out those memorable moments. or maybe i was quite focus, so it was pretty easy to count out my achievements quite clearly. but as for this year, i have no focus but everyday turned out to be quite something. every week im meeting different client. every meals i walk into a new person life. also because most years i was happy throughout, time passes by so quickly and it was easy to flash back. january was still as fresh as yesterday when i do my year end reflection. but 2007 feels like forever. february shanghai trip feels like 3 years ago. i went thru quite an emotional roller coaster but this is the break down of my status now.

im conscious of God and involve him in my life everyday. the sad thing is probably it is because i have no one to talk to at the end of the day (you know how much i love to talk). im back in my cell, it grew so much that all the faces there are different which is exactly what i wanted because i dont really like to hang around with ppl that knows too much yet not enough of my background because i feel judged already when i see them. am very glad i like them almost immediately, not to mention our chase for food. yes we just went to klang for bak kut teh on sunday. you know i love them when i wake up at 7am just to do that.
work had never been greater. i never know i can do so much, nothing explain how this is possible except for my prayer. the best bit of it, i actually enjoyed most of it.
i think i had done more than i can ask for and i think it is quite a balance of work and play. so im pretty happy about it.
ups and downs. the downs was so bad that i remember i desperately prayed "God i dont want relationships (bgr) anymore, just give me back all my friends". as it come closer to the end of the year, it seems like all the down has miraclously find a way to solve themselves. so all seems to be looking up.
i didnt try very hard to fulfill my part of the prayer to deserve the above from happening. im not in love. and for me actually the feeling of not being in love at all is good. so that is quite something.

in a way, japan wasnt memorable. me making it to japan was. me meeting some friends was. me getting some jobs was. so this year is that. it is not about what and where i go. but the process of it. only God knows how long i had been dreaming to go Japan. so behind everything that took place this year is a story on itself.

i was just thinking, maybe time stopped.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

memory leaves you no choice

it is one ex's birthday follow by another that is when i realised i can actually remember all my exs' birthdays. ok. i only do not remember the missing-in-action guy's birthday maybe because that was only a 3 months affair. but if im not mistaken he is a september baby which means i kind of like september to november guys quite a bit :)

so what is the big deal i remember their birthdays. those who know me will know that it is really a big big deal because i do not remember anyone birthday except for my family, four girls, a guy (of whom i have a long crush) and all my exs (except mia guy). that will be a total of 15 people birthdays.

one of the many reasons of course is time has cause me to remember them because i had celebrated so many birthdays with them. but i think for my exs it is because i had put much effort in it. meaning like i will be counting down the whole month doing cards, making reservations and so on... that i kind of have those dates ingrain in me. and not that i did anything the last few years expecially my ex 13 years ago, that is why i find it kind of weird i still remember. it is not a regret i remember, not at all. just curious.

you can make your mind remember what you want to remember but later you can never tell your mind what to be removed. memory chooses what they want to remember.

Monday, October 29, 2007

to know and not to know

Laws are there to keep men and women not only from hurting the one they hate but from hurting the one they love.
ps lee choo quoted today in her message.

i love to torture myself emotionally. now that im not in a relationship, i want to cry for the pain of others. im almost sure now that movies do not increase my fantasy of a perfect charming prince. it only brings the bar lower because with the mess in series nowadays, you can be sure im almost numb to all these things like betrayal, lies and disappointment. and i mean not in movies too.

In general, people can be categorized in one of two ways. Those who love surprises and those who don't. I... Don't. I've never met a surgeon who enjoys a surprise because as surgeons we like to be in the know. We have to be in the know because when we aren't people die and lawsuits happen. Am I rambling? I think I'm rambling. Okay so my point actually, and I do have one, has nothing to do with surprises or death or lawsuits or even surgeons. My point is this... Whoever said what you don't know can't hurt you was a complete and total moron. Because for most people I know, not knowing is the WORST feeling in the world... As surgeons we have to be in the know, but as human beings sometimes it's better to stay in the dark. Because in the dark there may be fear, but there is also hope.
meredith grey, grey's

if someone doesn't like you, would you rather know or not? to know, be hurt, rejected and get over it. or to live in denial with a glimpse of hope. i mean what if the person has been the reason you wake up each morning, the reason you fight for your career, the reason why you be that better person you became. i know everyone will think it is pure stupidity to live in this denial. but what if it is pure selfishness not only to not let the person go but also not to let go of everything else that this person cause you to achieve as well. provided of course you never know the truth.

if i am married to him, i never want to know a day that he doesn't love me. just keep it to himself those days he doesn't. i will not want to check if there is another woman, just dont let me bump into them on the street. but if im not married, i guess still not to know is better than knowing because the pain-of-not-knowing i believe is not as painful as the pain-of-rejection. even though some part of me always wish to know the unknown but i finally concluded definitely it is better not to know.

on a second thought the truth hurts but it is better to know as well. nevermind, i dont really know what i want. don't try to figure me out. so you pick your choice, i shall learn to handle both wisely :)

why did i write that? i dunno. maybe i was just trying to make a point that we never really like what happened, we always think that we could have handle the other options better. come on girl, handle everything thrown at you.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

i can't wait

now there are no more reason to drive. beside the point of course im a last minute person. i just might go down south so much more often. everybody smile :)

keeping the body and not the heart

i don't want one that dont want me. but if there is a slightest chance he still does. im not leaving. anderson to her husband's new gf, grey's

statement of every girl. especially after a guy have another woman. it is not about forgiveness we are dealing with. because if she loves him, despite what their stand are before that she is able to forgive. but most girls struggle with this: does he really want me? and no girl can stand that. keeping a man whose heart belong to another woman.

the common saying goes "feelings can be developed". but if there is nothing there, how can it grow?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

the selfishness in us

what if you are in love with the same person your best friend is in love with? what if you never have the courage to speak up and they ended up together? what if you actually realised you couldnt bear seeing them every day as much as you thought you can handle it? what if you later realised you have a hand in causing their break up? what if you actually realised you still like that person?

do you think that love is really selfish? it is subtle yet sometimes you can recognise that ugliness from within even though you can deceive the whole world. then you try to reason to yourself that the feeling is no longer there because you had learned all your life that love is not selfish.

the saddest thing to this is you had not only wrong your best friend but the one you claim you love. so is love about seeing the one you love happy or to possess the one you love? it is easier said then done even though all of us want to be that sacrifical great lover.

Peyton: ok, I am not arguing with you!
Peyton's subconscience: Oh, come on, Peyton that's what we do, OK? We have these inner conversations daily! Am I gonna look stupid? Am I pretty enough? Did Jake just want to get in my pants? Should Lucas be with me, instead of Brooke?
Peyton: No, OK you're wrong. Lucas and I are just friends and Jake loved me.
Peyton's subconscience: Whatever you say, cheerleader... whine, whine, mope, mope, always the victim! My mom died, Jake left, Ellie lied! Boo hoo.
Peyton: You really are a bitch, you know that?


looping again:

Hoobastank Lyrics

getting a hang of busy schedule. currently doing 5 magazines, planning my next holiday and at the same time checking out cupcakes and lollipops for my client wedding favours. still i found time for sleep, quiet time, cell, friends, movies and dvds. life.

Monday, October 22, 2007


emotional pain or distress; sorrow; grief; anguish

all my life i never could give an answer to this question "What is the greatest regret in your life?" i had done many things im not proud of but i stood up after each of it because i know i can find some good out of that. very often i will gleefully answer "I dont have any regrets".

it is my regret though today to announce that i have found the greatest regret in my life (and no it is not my last failed relationship). every time i think of what happen that night, i just couldnt believe how i allowed that to happen. and it seems to me nothing i do can stop it from progressing. i had tried warning it from happening, i had tried pleading it not to continue and i had tried reasoning why i dont want it to happen. but the same thing just happen again and again. i sit here with tears in my eyes, i know i have no one to blame but myself because i allow it to happen. i really wish there is a way to undo that night because with that i can erase a whole load of things that came with it after that. ask me again why i never tried sex? besides the fear of God, i was just never ready with facing long term consequences like this.

forgiveness is easy when things change but what if they never. how much grace do you think it demands from heaven to love in spite of that. sometimes i really want to just run away from this situation. i honestly do not know what help it does to stay around but as hard as it may be, im allowing God's grace to do His work and i just want to practice the very thing i preach -- i want to face the issue.

GOD, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.

alright i shall go watch grey's so that i can be distracted by other ppl trouble and not mine.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

the girl in the frame

this is for those who have not seen me for a while. i do like to see myself smile. somehow she reminds me of the happier me.

i was contemplating if i should show you guys this because i've got recent comment that i have a lot of slutty photos. being a person that very much get bothered by how ppl think of me, i was a bit affected. then i think about it... come on my photos are so mild compare to those beach girls photos a and d took. also, i dont really have what it takes to do slutty photos. btw that is called art :)

also... it is a truth, i'm quite vain. i like to show off my nice photos. sometimes i do feel that i look better on photos. i guess it is because in photos you choose what you can keep but in life you cant really do that. In case you are wondering why girls go for makeover and big shopping after breakups. they need that to rebuilt their self esteem. Here is a written proof.

"I was also touched when Vogue editor in chief Anna Wintour called to propose an article and photo shoot for the December issue of the magazine. It was gutsy of her to offer and counterintuitive for me to accept. In fact, the experience did wonders to my spirits. I wore a glorious burgundy velvet Oscar de la Renta creation for the cover shoot. For a day, I escaped into a world of makeups artists and haute couture. The Annie Leibovitz photographs were greatm giving me the chance to look good when I had been feeling so low."
Hillary Rodham Clinton words in her biography Living History after the scandal between Bill and Monica Lewinsky

Thursday, October 18, 2007

tried and tasted

i found myself saying this that day:
"i no longer believe in confronting ppl or being transparent to other ppl with my feelings (eventhough my intentions are good, eventhough it is better to get it off my chest), because from experience it had never turn up well"

i didn't know i had change my stand until i say it out. i guess it is a sad fact that i cannot live as liberal as i should. i once thought that if we bring everything to light then we will all be happier creature, not second guessing each other intentions. contrary to that, i found out if i keep those words in my heart and bring it to the grave with me. we will both have longer friendship lifespan. not everyone likes the truth and not everybody know how to face the truth. ppl come and ppl go but i do not need to jeopardise it before time. now that i have learn to speak out, actually to suppress the feelings are quite a selfless act. not many will agree with this, i don't too. but this is just the way to do life. maybe... "the truth set us free" but you see what we think of another is not necessary truth. even what we think of ourselves are not necessary true. so just keep that to yourself and keep everybody happy.

i just upgraded my macbook memory to 2GB. am really please with it.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

im a freaking right brainer

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true." Meredith Grey, grey's anatomy

are you sure most ppl see her dancing anti clockwise.

uses feeling
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
risk taking

i hate myself for always reacting the way i am... but i love myself for that too because who i am if i do not react the way i do. just like how a guy loves me for it then later he knows how much they can't stand me for all the above. it is a love and hate feeling :)

rise above our reasoning and facing them later

"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."
Meredith Grey, grey's anatomy

girls love details and guys don't really like to provide them. the favourite phrase to counter our doubt is "just trust me". you'll never understand how much it takes out of us to rise above our reasoning and how terrible it feels when it falls apart.

for a moment i was excited she had the courage to pursue love but like a love sensation, it doesn't last that long. do they? sigh... i didn't even have a chance to express how sweet he is yet. ok... give me his story, i will tell you if i still like him. now don't you ever tell me again that girls are not reasonable and they refuse give you a chance to speak.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

a new day

what makes some ppl think that:
1. i will do better this year with a new start
2. i will do better in my next relationship, i will make sure i will never choose this kind of girl anymore
3. i need a new job then life will be so much better
4. if i have a new car, i wont have the same problem anymore
5. i just need a new look and a fresh start

something about the old and the baggages that weight you down. and we human being many times are just too lazy to clear up our mess so we take the easy way out and quit. we wish that we wake up to a new start with a new look, new wife, new car and new job in a new year. but i have come to a point that the cycle will just repeat itself.

start your day new everyday. do the changes you need and get thing sorted out. you already know it, so dont let it prove you a point that it wasn't the fault of the car, the job or the guy. it has always been you. so start being a less demanding girl, love your job and car. who cares you have a new look everyday.

dont wait for the new year to do so. it's a new day.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

the long awaited break

all my job is done, so im going to have a good 3 days off to indulge in sleep, gym and grey's. happiness.

if anyone would had told me this earlier. i find myself sitting down there laughing alone –– "penis custody", "angel of death". and how many ppl in the world wake up from a one night stand to a charming doctor. gosh grey's is so warmth and nice. can't wait to see them fall in love. perfect for the next 3 days.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

to change a million or touch one that change a million

some ppl stop everything they do to seek their purpose and calling in life hoping to find a reason to live. i do what i do everyday with a God fearing heart and good conscience. i know one day i will walk into my calling.

would you like to change and influence a million life or would you like to touch one person that thereafter change and influence a million life. i would like to be the latter. here is the story of a man that took a boy home. and the boy had grown up to provide homes for many. though many might not know the name of the man. but that is part of the beauty of it, that you are an angel in someone life. therefore i'm not looking for a million to touch.

to think about it, it is quite tiring to go around the whole world meeting needs like mother theresa or fight and fight for the rights and freedom like martin luther king.

i just want to share life with every person that comes into my life. that might just be the very reason im called to live -- to mamak with you so that you know you have friends and not feel lonely, to watch movie with you so that you know just that your expectations are high and not that you can't find a gf, to complain about my life so that you know your life is not exactly that sucky after all and we all go through the same shit hehehe...

"Did you ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many people have pictures of you, how many moments of other people's lives we've been in. Were we part of someone's life when their dream came true, or were we there when their dreams died? Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there? Or did the shot take us by surprise? Just think, you could be a big part of someone else's life, and not even know it." lucas scott, oth

Saturday, October 06, 2007

weddings and babies and work and life

over the last two weeks. i had been attending weddings and visiting babies. the favourite question when ppl see me carrying my friend baby is "so when will be your turn (to have babies)?" i told them "a long way more". i don't even have a dot, let's not talk about a stroke.

baby asher, the furthest i go for a baby (all the way to singapore).

i have two cliques of gfs from my two different secondary school. when we were younger we did make a prediction who will married first. let me show you how close prediction and reality take place.

CLIQUE 1 - seafield
1. fei meng
2. sien lee
3. shin yee
4. anna
5. chaiyen

1. sien lee - married the man she dated for a month. currently a mother of one boy, brandon
2. fei meng - in sec3 she dated back her first love and got married last year. now a mother of a girl, chloe
3. shin yee - attach and otw
4. anna - complicated
5. chaiyen - single

CLIQUE 2 - smsu
1. salina
2. mei yee
3. celia
4. chaiyen
5. chiau theng
6. kelly

1. salina - married for ages and a mother of 2
2. kelly - married 2 years ago
3. celia - married yesterday with her bf of 10 years
4. meiyee - attach and otw
5. chaiyen - single
6. chiau theng - single

most ppl think that im a career woman type thus place me in the last few positions. i can only tell you it was not intended and i definitely didn't try very hard to fall so close to the prediction. am i pressured? actually still not yet. not sure if i will still say that after the next two weddings. currently very busy with work. and small things like this would please me like if i can catch these movies soon
1. amazing grace
2. the 11th hour
3. grey anatomy

am very blessed already to work back with a few old friends. can't tell you fully how good it feels to have friendship taken away from you restored. after church service today, we sang this new version of the old hymn and i had been looping this song the whole night. these simple words by chris tomlin resonate with what's in my heart, the strong peace that i feel tonight just fits nicely to the stage of my life now.

"Looking back on what I said all those years ago, all the hopes and dreams I had, I've come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is a measure of a successful life, then some would say I'm a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair remember, it's only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home.

"So don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, because most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for. Maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination."
Whitey's time capsule message, OTH

enjoying the journey and i know some of you out there are having some hard time, holding you in my prayers and i pray you will come to peace with where you are now too. guard your heart, love you.

tokyo myth no5: if you don't understand japanese it is difficult to travel in japan

erm... of course it will be so much easier if we do speak japanese. but steph bought a japanese book to help us communicate with these jap but we were so pro we didn't even have a chance to use that book. basically they can't speak english very well but if you give them the words, they understand. for eg: "right?", "buy ticket here?". the train lines were very clear. with a bit of mandarin we did even better :). i was so impress with myself because after a while i couldnt even bother changing the language to english while buying tickets. i just left it in jap. so no worries about going japan for free and easy trip. you will figure it out, besides the ppl are really helpful so what is the fuss.

so cute
cuteness, should we bite the head off?

asakusa temple


nice angle

what is that?
while i was trying to stand away from the smoke. whatever they are doing, it must be to get some luck. so weird.

tokyo disneyland
finally we are here at tokyo disneyland


just the two of us
it doesnt matter you go there alone. ppl are very willing to take photos for you everywhere. they even have staff station at the entrance to take group photos for you. and i mean he shoots good photos.

tokyo disneysea entrance
and so we are in with the woww... wahhh... woooooo....

tokyo disneysea venice look alike
sorry we are really impressed

tokyo disneysea venice
photo by steph

tokyo disneysea broadway2
my conclusion the japanese were too lazy to leave their country. so they bring in venice, broadway, eiffel tower and the whole world and built it in their country.

tokyo disneysea broadway

photo by steph
this is like our chinese dumpling. the food here are really nice and thanks to steph because i wouldnt have the courage to buy them myself

ok a little cute to follow the mood
yes we already told you, this ppl offer to take photos for us. so we just strike a pose.

only cartoon character
unlike disneyland where you can see all the cartoon characters everywhere. we don't see many here and we were quite disappointed. we definitely going to grab a photo though we don't even know what's his name. who cares.


if only i could climb up there
photo by steph

sausage cart street

arabian coast
the arabian coast

the mermaid lagoon
the mermaid lagoon

photo by steph
conclusion: disneysea is a very romantic place. don't go there with another girl.

photo by steph

drama of the day
house of terror
photo by steph
this is the house of terror. i vividly remember the disneyland in US has this house of terror which is really fun and cute. where you see friendly ghost like casper. so i told her i want to go in there. and so we did. she didn't want to take any scarry rides but we saw kids about our waist height in the que so i guessed it shouldnt be that scary. it took us quite a while to finally be sitted in a lift look alike thing. it goes up and the door open in a floor with some weird looking thing but that didn't do any harm at all. then it goes up again a little faster but it was too scary as well. and it goes up and open up at the top view of the disneysea. "wohh so nice". steph said "oh no, i think it is going to... (drop)" and it happens. so sudden, i have nothing to grab. i just remember my foot around hers.... my hand grabbing her and i forgotten where my heart went. after that we both could hardly walk straight, a little dizzy and we finally admit we were too old for this.

statement of the day
we walk here more than we walk in bangkok. look both my ankle are swollen. i think i had overdone it this time.