beauty is subjective

© All rights reserved. photograph by anna

since this photo provoked so many comments ever since i use it as my msn photo. i shall compile them to entertain all of you. anyway these comments might apply only when it is in the small msn frame.

nice
1. "wah so lenglui ah" monica
2 "wa, you look nice in this photo" shups, spore
3. "wah, why suddenly got stylish pic? nice!" edwin
4. "nice pic. very nice. have you ever thought of nude potrait? of course not sleazy type" finn, photographer (specialized on skin and baby potraits, that is why the question), spore
5. "this is one from the girls photo shoot? girls... but nice nice :)" ex bf no2

hot
6. "wa hot" dan
7. "oOO nice pic, you look sexy!" hydrolic

killer
8. "woa! is that you? wooohhooo. nice shot. what's the occasion? making yr ex regret? hahaha. tell yr friend i'm impress" my cousin, weimin photographer and videographer, spore
9. "wah nice pic, this pic a lot of guy willl die i think" ex bf no1

turnoff
10. "ur pic looks like ur naked (msn cropped the top and bottom of the photo to fit). stumbling me, pls change thx" keith

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these are comments from msn alone. not to mention my sis says "so bitchy, pls change". personally i think this photo looks really nice and i won't put it in friendster. i don't want to give false expectations. because close up, i don't think i look that good. credit goes to the photographer, who is able to make me look good.

what took me so long to realise

what took me so long, to realise
that you no longer reply my comments
that you are not really going to have lunch with me
that you are not interested to make conversation with me

what took me so long to realise
that you are not showing me any signs at all you are befriending me
that you are just polite when you give me excuses you are not free
that you are not saying more than 'hi' and 'bye'

what took me so long to realise

i don't hate you for that because i'm sure you have your reasons to your doing
but i do question how did it get to this stage
but i do ask what did i do wrong to deserve this
but i do hope i know what i can do to make things better

though i know there are no answers to this how, what and why
sitting here the questions just come in a repeating cycle
sitting here the mind just keep fighting the thought
sitting here the tears just flow out

what took me so long to realise, that you are ignoring me.

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it is half true you think less when you are busy. it is an extreme of both end, either you block your mind and drown your life with work or the quietness of the nights surface out those wounds that are still there and you will just burst out in tears without anyone triggering it

sometimes ppl don't need a reason to ignore you, so long as you are not my friend's friend. you are not my friend too. fullstop.

i'm here to serve you

this will astound you and wake you girls for the morning. to prepare you guys for the day, on how to multitask and be helpful during your toilet break.


how about this? i had watched many soccer games but i had not seen a referee as graceful as him.


this will start your feet tapping and keep you awake through your graveyard hours.

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from FHM malaysia june 2007 fave clips. yah this is what i'm hired to do. to watch these clips before the rest of the malaysians.

coming to my senses

i remember those days i used to be in college, how i hated it when the assignments never seem to end. though i should embraced all the work and take it as an opportunity to prepare a good portfolio, i still loathe the feeling i pay the college fee to go through this suffering. i told myself, i will surely enjoy doing my work more when i start to work. at least i'm paid for my hardwork.

then work started, i work day and night. i still am glad, i proved them wrong that said "when you start working, you will rather go back to college". i mean it was hard work but i really do feel that at least i am being paid for my work. also it is a great feeling to see my work printed and published. that went on for 2 years, then i came to my senses. i do not understand why my workload keep increasing but my pay never. so i told myself, i will surely enjoy doing my work more when i start to do freelance. at least i'm paid for every late night i stay up for.

then i started doing freelance. these is the 5th years doing freelance. i still am glad. i proved them wrong that said "you can't survive long doing freelance, after a while you will go back to a permanent job". i mean there were times that i don't have any jobs at all but most of the times this happen only because i was complacent. at other time i was just too busy, and i am happy i am. because everytime i am busy it just reminds me why i'm thankful i took this path.

i am glad that i can stay up late in my own room then in a big quiet office. i am glad i still have my mummy to prepare meals for me then skipping meals and sleep at the same time. i am glad i can lie down on my bed for short naps then to lie down on the carpet of my office (dun ask me why they don't have a sofa, and yes i was desperate). i am glad i can remind myself the pay cheque that is coming from these late nights then to be hopeful for pay rise that never seems to happen. i am definitely glad that i do not need to take leave for my holidays then to be hold back from holidays because we have yet another deadline. i am glad that organizations recognised my work instead of the company. i am glad. i am glad... that i had the courage to follow my gut feeling and stick with it. i am glad that i am progressing in life.

honestly this is not the end. i told myself, i will surely enjoy life more if one day i own a company that will generate income for me. well of course who will not. hehehe... yah it doesn't seem like it will ever happen, but who knows how long till i write my next paragraph.

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to celebrate the beginning of another cycle of busy workload. finished 19 episodes of 24 in 4 days. 5 more to go. i will try to squeeze it in between this busy schedule.

raw and wild

ok you won't really believe what i did today. we girls who went all the way to ayutthaya once just for a shoot are back in action. but this time we don't need to fly there, we just need to make it through the jam.

i am never the cross-my-leg and sit-nice-nice-girl. i like the raw and wild feel. i always wanted to take photos in an abandon house. it was a fun saturday afternoon.

this is my favourite. these are the rest. i'm glad anna has vain friends like us. yup i just brought vanity to another level.

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with my blogs attached all over it, i believe anna is determined to hook me up. or was it free beer, she is looking forward for?

web surfing

get to know me
this is quite fun. forwarded to me by elaine. just click on feelings and wishes for my full report.

from yahoo main page
for him: 10 ways to charm a woman. the 2nd last paragraph from the link. someone once said, i'm the kind of girl that arent easily pleased. anyway, that article sounds like my entry how to move from a crowd to be a candidate.
for her: 10 turnoffs to man. i wrote about this too.

now, i think i am good. yahoo really need to hire me for fresh titles.

ego boost
i know i did this before. but once in a while, you just want to know where you stand. currently my short name "chaiyen" is the first to appear on google.com.

without target, you have nothing to aim for

"Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there… because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. But then one day you feel something else-something that feels wrong, only because it's so unfamiliar. And in that moment you realize… you're happy." lucas from oth

i will be flying to one of the country from my list.

2 tickets booked, sept 5-11. going with my travel buddy, steph. my goodness i'm already so excited. i never believe this day will ever come.

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not bringing you even if you get it right, my im so excited. now i have a reason to work hard.

when work and passion kiss

"Nobody has all the answers, but we do have all our whys, like why did this happen? Why didn't we see it coming? Why do people watch American Idol?" rachel to lucas

has anyone tell you, when you are busy you are a happier person? honestly you think a lot lesser and that makes you happy. you knock off before you can start to think. you have no time to complain your bf has no time for you, you have no time to think if he still loves you, or for that matter if you still love him and that might be just how he likes it to be. so yah, maybe i should continue to work after i get married.

after two weeks of sleepless night closing both my magazines, i'm now recuperating. from a designer i quickly switched my mode to a wedding planner. it is nice to know that you don't really need to study to do what you like to do, opportunity is what you need. for that, i consider myself blessed.

"some ppl just dream dreams, some ppl fulfill their dreams"

stage one
two months ago, i went around hunting for a ballroom - sheraton imperial, renaissance, mandarin oriental, holiday villa, one world, kl hilton, cyberview lodge, cyberjaya shang, subang sheraton getting quotation, checking those ballrooms, making bookings, bargaining the deals, putting them in a comparison chart for my client and finally i closed the deal with sunway resort. no joke hotel table nowadays range from rm800++ to rm1800++. i mean honestly how many of us will give an angpow worth rm180, so you can calculate how much you have to dig from your own pocket.

stage two
last week, i went around checking wedding gowns in SS2, bangsar, KL. visiting their outlets, checking the packages and the best part is running through their gowns. finally i had to compile all that to another chart. visiting sites for photographers and videographers. comparing their photos quality and making calls to check their prices. doing this bit of elimination process can be quite tedious but it is quite fun as well to see what is available in our market overall. i'm no expert but i think i had learned quite a bit these few weeks. rental of 3 gowns range from rm1688++ to rm4500++. photographers and videographers range from rm1200++ to rm3000++ each.

conclusion, a wedding overall budget excluding the lost you will make over the dinner would be about rm20,000 to rm40,000. now start saving guys. good luck. oh of course if your dad has a lot of datuk friends, doesn't matter you don't know them just invite them. they will cover a table or two.

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as for me, i think one white gown is a must. i can wear that the whole day and night. for dinner, instead of 50 tables i would rather have 50 close friends. most importantly a good looking husband would be ideal. cause what's the point of throwing a big party when everyone attending it are whispering how hideous the groom looks like.

kid of the day

yu meng (on the left) just came back from dubai for his school break, so i took some time to bring him out. i went over to his place. again i was excited to meet his little brother, yu weng who is 3 now. time flies, i remember seeing him on his first day when he opens his eyes to this brand new world. he said he wants to follow us for lunch. kids nowadays are really something. let me give you some of his classic remarks.

the-dunno-how-to-lie-bit
1. you have pimples on your face (thanks for reminding me of the results of my 2 weeks of late nights)

amazed-you-bit
1. i have a gf, her name is michelle
2. my gf is italian, she calls water, aqua.
3. i have kiss michelle a few times. i learned that from spiderman. he lays her down on the web

heart-breaker-bit
1. *accidentally step on my feet* wow, your feet is so soft (i thought you only hear this from bf)
2. you have very nice hair. can i touch your hair? wah you really have very soft hair
3. can you hold my hand (i still dunno why he didn't ask for his bro hand, but he is cute so it's ok)
4. him: i'm going to pinch your bf.
cy: i dun have a bf
him: i'm going to pinch your bf
cy: i dun have a bf. even if i do, my bf is not here. how do you pinch him?
him: where is your bf? i want to pinch him.
cy: erm... ok i don't have a bf
him: i know you have
5. cy: you want to give jie jie a goodbye kiss
him: *muuuuuuuaaaaakkkkkkkkkkk* (with loads of saliva on my cheek)
cy: ok point proven, you do know how to kiss

show jie jie scary face?

more of my cutie

more of charlotte


charlotte and mummy


close up


charlotte and daddy


cuteness!


finally one good photo with her


this is how she dance to the music, opps she has a better grip most of the time

charlotte joy

the chinese saying goes, if i have a good life, i ought to have a children by now. same age with me, annie a mother of 1 1/2 years old charlotte joy.



she is quite a child
1. she is japanese looking, cute and sweet.
2. she is born in the living room of her own house
3. she knows how to put my music phone near her ear and she will dance to the music. that was enough to entertain her for our whole lunch. most importantly she has a very good gripped of my phone.
4. she doesn't cry when we leave her with the childcare in church.
5. she finished the whole bowl of porridge for dinner all by herself. no kidding, while my nephew and niece shares a bowl of porridge and won't even finish a bowl of that size
6. my driving must be sucks because she cried the whole journey from SS2 to tanjung USJ. she screeched hysterically. no joke, she didn't pause even for a moment.
7. but to make me feel better, she allowed me to carry her at the end of the night (which is rare because she only sticks to her mummy when she is sleepy), and if that is not enough, she slept in my arm. i love seeing i successfully put a baby to sleep.

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just one day encounter and i'm missing her. nice meeting old friends, they make your day by reminding you you're still looking good. at least i still have a few more years to go. and after no. 6 i concluded i will just stick to playing with other ppl babies, i think it is more fun :)

typical question gets typical answer
ben: chaiyen, quick... (pointing to charlotte)
cy: yup, 3 steps. first you need to wait for me to get a bf, then get married and finally make babies. don't worry, i'm catching up.

the sad fact of life

it is painful in life we are always remember for our bad. it doesn't matter jack bauer saves the world. to his daughter, he didn't tell her he is still alive despite the reason it is for her protection. not to mention the many times he puts america in danger to protect her. as long as she lives, she will remember him for not being there when her mum died. how ironic.

kids don't remember you for bringing them into the world, how you painfully pay their bills and the dinner you cook for them but they remember you for breaking your holiday promises, missing their graduation and driving dad out of the house.

friends don't remember you for the time you are there for them, little sms you sent them and meals you buy them. they remember you for the time you ffk them, the time you screamed at them or that day you two time them.

bf don't remember you for the good times they have with you, how you pamper them with surprises and accept them when the world doesn't. they remember you for the stupid words you said, how things ended and what a pain in the ass you had been throughout the relationship.

yes this is a sad fact of life. every mistakes of your life overwrite the thousands good you did. it doesn't matter the millions good words you had said, your one sentence that hurts them will be remember as your last words or at least they will make sure those will be your last words because they no longer want to hear from you. there are no chance to explain, to redo things or even apologise.

it is sad that only one day in your life that ppl sit down and forget about the horrible side of you. that is during your funeral, too bad you are no longer there. but as long as you live, bite your tongue and bear with it. ppl need a-reason-you-are-no-longer-there, a-reason-why-you-should-not and a-reason-why-you-should-not-be. ppl need an answer for the pain they went through and you are just perfect for the time being. count it lucky someone hates you, someone hold grudges against you, someone is thinking of you. for the record, you remain longer in the memories of someone life when they hate you more than when they love you.

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itunes: you'll think of me by keith urban

i still believe

"And often he (evil spirit) has thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, have compassion on us." Jesus said to him, "If you believe, all things are possible to him who believes." Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!" mark9.21-24

we all go through this bit, to be responsible of our life. the very reason we need to earn our wages to live and survive is to remind us that. you don't work, you don't eat. but it always come a point of time in our life, we don't want to be that. we don't want to be responsible and we want to test how far or long more we can live on. we break some marriage vows, break our parents' hearts and break the heart of those that cares for us. why do we do that?

1. eyes of envy. we conclude that it doesn't pay to be responsible. the irresponsible ppl seems to be happy and prospering. the good and evil ppl will live and die the same anyway. so why should we try so hard? not remembering sins always catches up on us, every decisions we make today determines our tomorrow.
2. deeply hurt. a feeling of rejection makes us think that no one really cares for us anyway. so we become the pathetic person that we are told we are. we let everyone trampled over us. having a pity party and waiting to see how bad we need to get till the world will notice that we exist. we don't want to pick up ourselves because we want someone else to do that for us but maybe this person will never come. if he does it just goes to prove that what they say we are "nothing". so maybe we are meant to stand up ourselves this time to tell the world we are something.

but from the story today i see the third group of ppl. the father, like many of us the helpless. we care but we couldn't help. we had tried every way but it doesn't work. so we give up trying and we just stand at the side to watch. by that i do not mean apathy. it aches your heart but it just seems like the best way is to pray for a miracle because you know there is nothing your hands can do you haven't tried. the world may look at them as a gone case, hopeless person. but there are part of you that believes there are still some good left in them and so you answer God "i believe, i do. help my unbelief (because honestly they are moments you do doubt)".

today, i'm just touched thinking that somewhere around us there might be such an angel. that believes for us when we couldn't. they activate the possible, because when the boy couldn't do it, when the boy don't even remember who he was anymore. the father said "i believe". isn't that life, it is all about hope? it is sad if we have nothing to hope for. because hope is the only thing that keep us going.

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had been working hard but had been playing really hard too. done all the major movies and am pretty proud of myself. as i said, i don't normally do movies when i'm single but i think this time round i had been doing pretty well, in fact i think i do more movies then i was last attached. i am super tired now and i ought to be on bed, but i just need to brag a little that i had not ill treated myself though i'm super busy. i had been attending wedding, meeting the girls, yam cha-ing, clubbing, attending gym, msn-ing. up and coming i just might be planning a big getaway... oh no i'm so excited. told you single life can be pretty fun. while i see my girlfriends stay at home to take care of their new born babies, the guys complain about their gfs, and the girls in agony waiting for the guy they love to express themselves. i'm just glad, for now i have no part in all that. happy, happy, happy

his understanding of love

1. you love because...
she is pretty, nice, attractive

2. you love in spite of...
her weaknesses and her not being good enough

3. you just love
is it you-love-because or in-spite-of? you don't even know why you love but you just do. regardless of what she does to you

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the theory of a guy which i thought was worthy to be published. not a bad understanding. to me you-just-love sounds like my theory of the one. he wisely answered me, "but you know most of the time your the one doesn't think that you are their the one". totally agree with that too. i think we are from the same school of thoughts. let me dig deeper to see he can enlighten me with any new theories.

no one can describe love without experiencing it, no one after experiencing it can fully describe love.

is a small world after all

the kind of things i say when i am sleeping and dead tired:
1. sis: wake up, you call me to wake you up after half an hour
cy: yahh but now i beg and plead you not to fulfill that
2. sis: can you fetch me to school. pls... no one is at home
cy: *cry* you are crazy and cruel, don't let me sleep. got no compassion at all
3. (today) mum: there are constructor in the house doing some stuff. we are going out for lunch. can you make sure they don't go upstairs
cy: no, i'm sleeping. if they want to rob the house i will just let them but i will continue my sleep.

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mind you i'm saying all these with my eyes close. sometimes i don't even remember what i said. i was invited to passion yesterday for a free flow of calsberg. we have a budget of 1k to hit. apparently we cleared all the bottles from the bar before we even hit our target so we will continue next week after they stock up. i don't even know the person paying for the beers but i've come to know the world is a small world after all.

let me paint you the picture. i was there with dinesh my smsu high school friend that i got in touch again from friendster, he saw my photos on anna's flickr, one of my close girlfriend from seafield high school and my photos on cavin's blog whom i got to know through joan, my college friends. they work in the same office building. to close this loop. dinesh and cavin ot to know each other from photos site or blog, i can't remember. this is like just one of the many incidents, i wouldn't even want to try plotting the rest out. you can imagine the flashback from the lost series.

anyway i end the night talking about my pet subject with dinesh and his good friend jeremie, a year my senior from smsu high school -- close friends of hon kit and chan hui whom i used to walked to school with everyday. they gave me a new name call miss hope. they said in reality relationship is not about that.

the philosophy of love by chaiyen wong

the beginning of love
- how deep is your love?
- where does love come from?

signs you are in love
- the chemistry
- the obvious list
- the not so obvious list
- the pre-relationship syndrome
- the kind of questions you start asking
- the fear you need to overcome
- the crush. candidates are not signs and why bad boys get the girls
- the old feelings might not be love

love includes choices
- one you love or one that loves you
- to love or not to love
- suitability or compatibility
- suitability or compatibility part 2
- ex bf or new bf
- are we capable of loving two person?
- how about 4?

love kit
1. make sure both of you have the same understanding of the word romantic
- word study of romantic
- if you can't write them, find someone that can
2 don't lose yourself in the course of of love
3. commitment vs love
love keeps you going, it does what commitment cannot do. what he thinks about love, what she thinks about love?

love languages
find out your love language
1. quality time
2. acts of service
3. words and the power of words
4. receiving gifts. eg: this or this
5. physical touch
you can call this romantic or you can call it all 5 in 1

love boo boo
1. don't have too many exs till you get them mixed up
2. don't start talking about
3. don't mess up with the player and how to identify them

the love test
1. another person
2. another chance. sorry is not about who is wrong
3. back to the purest form of love

the not so lovely part
1. what are they looking for or not?
HE: they are not looking for another mum
SHE: they are looking for a hero
2. what are their problems or not?
HE: they don't know what they want
SHE: insecurity and more and more
3. communication or not?
HE: why guys does not like to explain things. but maybe their silence is what keeps man and woman together. this might be a window to their thoughts.
SHE: why does she always bring the issues up?. try to help them understand you and know their heart cry

when love falls apart
- this is when you change the status on friendster: it's complicated before you progress
- remember he is right and she is right
- what are your options?
- what to expect from ex bf?. cruelity and why don't they want to be friends.
- do not leave with things unsaid. talk to the person if possible, make sure this break up doesn't leave you scars you don't need

when love hurts
1. don't pretend to be happy, cry if you need to
2. don't dwell on the good memories. let memories remain as memories
3. don't stay in the moment, remember the whole world moves with or without you
4. don't wait
5. don't ask too many whys
6. don't think too much. kill time
7. don't be alone. go out with some friends
8. don't go holiday alone because that might make it worse. have a good laugh with ppl
9. don't spoil the friendshipok what if you are rejected even before you start?
10. don't try too hard if he doesn't want to be friends, you had done your part

love that last
theory of the one
1. you hate the fact that you never hate
2. you are able to love his not so lovely side
3. you are willing to lay it all down for him

conclusion
grace to love

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i did wrote a lot about love. but still incomplete.

Once you get what you want, you've got something to lose... oth

10 reasons to be single

i had done it before and now i'm enjoying it again. so if you need to have a reason to remain single. here are 10.

10 reasons to be single
1. you can travel without missing anyone, save all the long distance calls and sms-es as well.
2. you don't need to give an answer for your boyfriend that doesn't like to attend weddings with you because you don't have one.
3. you don't need to wait for him to finish your one tree hill series.
4. you don't need to do OT and cracked your head for ideas and burn your pocket on birthdays, v day and anniversaries.
5. you don't need to prepare instant noodle for him when he is hungry because even you yourself are too lazy to cook for yourself.
6. you don't need to worry how-about-him when your friends call you for a movie.
7. you don't need to dress up to impress him and standout from the millions babe out there.
8. you don't need to feel sorry for being busy with work.
9. you don't need to be challenged emotionally everyday.
10. you can go out with all the guys in the world you can get a hold on.

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i don't really need a relationship to survive. it goes to show im not that selfish if i ever choose to be attach? haha i choose to love. when i get attach i feel like doing everything with this person. sometimes probably that is not even his ideal. at least that is what i thought relationship was about, which everyone has a different stand on this. somehow the whole focus of your life changes when you are in love like the phrase in summer scent, "love is an earthquake that relocates the center of our universe" . well i think at least one of them need to make some sacrifices, if not both to work.

whitney: haley you talked about nathan's dreams and college. how about your dreams and your life?
haley: i'm ok, so long as our family can be together. that is my dream. wouldn't you do the same for camela?
whitney: yes, i would. but fortunately i don't need to. she loves me enough to be the one that sacrifice her dreams to make way for mine. just like you :)
excerpts from oth

so for now, just enjoy being single if you are. dream your own dreams, let your heart takes a break and spent the money all for yourself until you fall for the next dude that comes along. like i phrase it for her. "love always catches you offguard, you never know when you will fall in love. sooner then you realise."

your name goes before you

scene one
mummy: your friends came with paige just now.
cy: is it, who?
mummy: i dunno, they took some photos with your camera. go take a look.
cy: who is this, she said she knows me?
mummy: "ya, paige goes 'oh this is chaiyen's mum'
cy: "is it?"

shortly later
cy: who is that paige?
paige: you dunno her? auntie susan. she said she knows you.
cy: erm nope.
paige: from accf.
cy: oh, i've heard of her but i've not seen her before.

scene two
"Interesting... i thought "Wild At Heart" was a guys book! How did it get to your favourite book list? :P Was going through a my friend's friends and your's kinda got my attention. Saw a couple things that we're similar in so I thought I'd give you a shoutout.."

well, i read that book because some guys want me to know about their story. if not how do i come out with all these love philosophies. anyway, i didn't know you can know ppl that way. now i know the purpose of profiles. to drop pick up line like this. hahaha. "hey there, that's my favourite movie too" and "i love that songs" muahahha so evil.

scene three
remember the second point for this entry. and yes blogging has it's way to expand your circle of friends. i know a girl from japan, ya? and i don't even know who are those anonymous readers that has yet to drop a word.

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Did you ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many people have pictures of you, how many moments of other people's lives we've been in. Were we part of someone's life when their dream came true, or were we there when their dreams died? Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there? Or did the shot take us by surprise? Just think, you could be a big part of someone else's life, and not even know it. lucas in oth

have you ever wonder, how many ppl know your name. i still remember when i change my high school from seafield to smsu. the day i step into the school. the classmate sitting next to me told me "hi you are from seafield right? i heard that you are coming. thought that you are another bitch, but you are quite a nice girl. :)"

especially in this tehnology savvy generation. ppl linked to you from their friends' blogs, see your photos on their friends' multiply or friendster and share their lives with you over msn though they have never seen you face to face. i had not even mentioned those friends' friend that you got to know in clubs, colleagues from your clients' office that opens the door for you everytime you come, or ppl that saw you in the magazine. i always wonder what do they have to say about me?

you know what i saw a few ppl that always appears on magazine. though i don't really know them as a person, i pretty much have my conception of them formed. then i realised after you know them, they are so much better than i thought or heard about. so yah, give everyone a chance. give them the benefit of doubt that they are not such a bitch or jerk for that matter. hopefully by doing so, ppl will give me some grace too. hehe, and yah give me a break, i don't smoke and i don't sleep around. ppl always have the impression i do so ever since high school. but i have no problem hanging around with those who do. not that i agree with it, but that are choices they make for their own lives. and i don't believe that when you hangout with this ppl they can influence you, if so your conviction are pretty shallow. isn't it? that doesn't one bit make me better than them, we all still struggles the same sets of issues - insecurity, financial, purpose. and for that bit, i enjoy getting to know another person.

on the contrast, sometimes you ask yourself how much you know the person you thought you know. for example the person that you wake up with every morning, the person that was your best friends, your good colleague you eat lunch with everyday. to actually know that you give them too much benefit of doubts. that hurts.

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just for girls and guys that doesn't mind blood issues.
i had not had my menstrual for four months. the longest time i can recall. at first i thought it could be these reasons:
1. had been traveling to shanghai and up down to singapore, so different countries and climate
2. or maybe shortage of sleep
3. had i been too emotionally stress?
4. or is it another health problem? does that mean i will have to empty my pocket to see another doctor. i'm not even done with my neck theraphy.
5. or am i pregnant, did i get too drunk one night i forgotten i was drunk?

cut the long story short, i wanted to blog this last night before i sleep but i was too tired and my neck gave in. so i just went to bed with a few very important prayers and this is one of them. i woke up in the morning, i bleed hehehe. i don't need to see a doctor. at least for the time being. i'm pretty excited. i mean the rest of the prayers must had been heard too :)