Monday, July 31, 2006


1. wake up from my bed to see a nicely prepared breakfast from you
2. a bottle full of heart shapes folded
3. coming up to me and ask "can i be your boyfriend?" when i hardly know you
4. my feet on yours dancing in the rhythm of love
5. bringing me out for fine dining
6. hugging me from behind
7. preparing a candlelight dinner
8. appearing outside my door after we argue
9. filling my room with balloons
10. after a difficult day, to see a bouquet of flower in my room
11. staring at me from your classroom for as long as you can, the kind of glare that says i can't stop looking at you
12. talking to me through the night about anything
13. to sent me an sms out of the blue just to tell me you love me
14. to write me a love letter
15. to write a song for me
16. watching romantic dvds with me
17. bringing me to a park/poolside
18. dropping by with starbucks when i had to work late
19. kissing me on the forehead
20. putting me to bed

all these are things that had been done for me not from the movies, so it is possible. WARNING: do not use all of it in the first year of your relationship, spread it out over the next few years. if not you will get a grumpy girlfriend that feels that you don't care anymore. 6 times a year will be sufficient - birthday, anniversary, valentines day and three more small surprises in between. you can always reuse after one year.

Men and women are positioned against one another in the battle for more fulfilling relationships; today they are being urged to consider that romantically they are setting themselves up for failure. By holding unrealistic expectations and believing fabrications told to them by pop culture, men and women are paralyzed in their pursuit for romance... Women are deceived by the unattainable dream of the romantic man (soon she comes to believe that every man is romantic except the man in her life…despite the fact that all her female friends are experiencing the same dilemma); men are overwhelmed because they bear sole responsibility for the romantic shape of their relationship and they are immobilized by this burden. Unfortunately both end up unsatisfied. Let me tell you a secret – most people aren’t romantic. There is no such thing as the ‘naturally romantic’ person – like most things, romance is learned, practiced and perfected. click for full article

Sunday, July 30, 2006

speaking in their own language

1. lemme know by tonight. i'm going there cos i got class at 6.45pm.
(the class is on the next day 6.45pm)

2. cy: can you fetch me?
answer: at home
(he is at home it is not convenient)

3. ru driving?
(he meant he wants to use the car)
cy: yes, why?
what time will you be back?
cy: not sure why?
i want to use the car

why do ppl speak in their own language and assume other to understand what they mean. they make me feel really stupid when i ask to clarify. especially when they get frustrated when i don't get them. sms (short message system) and msn are killing communications. ppl are sending sms to break up, not to turn up for wedding, probably next time divorce too. why sms? because that can simplify the procedure. no reason required. girls you just have to sulk and bring those unaswered questions to the grave. guys have limited words a day.

ok on top of this i am just hurt. like the case of my bro, he just talks to me when he is in the mood. when he is done, he becomes rude. he will slam the door at my face or try with all his might to end the phone call. again when he feels like it he will buzz you on msn but when he doesn't he'll asks you to SHUT UP or just don't reply. felt so ignored and at the same time so stupid for being offended. and you say girls have PMS. but i am not going to complain to him because i value the little conversations that are left.
ending my day like that affect my next morning. i will feel lousy and refuse to wake up.


rain, 23 (i cannot believe he is younger than me)

kwon sang-woo, 30 (censored photos)

song seung hun, 30

even though i am a korean series freak, i choose my series. i only watched those that had pretty girls and good looking guys. many had been asking what kind of guys i like so they will help me scout around, these are 3 that top my list. thank you for help, coke on me!

what do they share in common:
1. they look good
2. they have very good body, i can't find the photos for all 3 of them but i found sang-woo just to show you an example. rain's body is superb too, caught that on screen in the series full house.
3. they have shoulder length hair
4. their smiles can make me faint
5. they have very sexy lips, those you can't resist :)

i will leave it to jelly to blog on the counterpart. i have to say those girls make me drool too but i shall not make myself feel insecure putting their photos side by side with mine.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

first news

wow. i am still alive. in moments like this you can find out who loves you :) when i reach home yesterday night. i slept from 8pm till 8am this morning. i am satisfied.

the very night i was locked. i found out that leng had a major car accident. she is fine except for some bruises on her hand and blue black on the side of her head. ok not as drama as what i had 5 years ago when my car toppled. her car was greatly damaged from the back, and it had to be towed. i couldn't help because i am in there.

anyway they finally decided to give me a temporary tag, so now i can go in and out of the office during ungodly hours. do you call this making a difference haha... "we usually do not give tag to our freelancers".

Friday, July 28, 2006

i need my sleep

i am so tired. i slept from 8am till 11am and i have another night to go. will i make it tonight.

wanted to sent yuchun and sophia off but i have a presentation at 3pm tomorrow. meaning i have to print a whole magazine mockup tomorrow morning. also if i were to drive there to klia with this amount of sleep i will probably have my second major car accident on my way there. i would love to go just to tell them how much they mean to me :), but for now they just have to understand that because my whole body is already working against me.

a lot had happened the last few days, after tomorrow i will have a little time to sit down and reflect. btw i heard of this before, that someone had a sudden death. he didn't wake up from his sleep because like me he was working very hard, lack of sleep for a season of time. one day he just didn't wake up. if this happen, remember i love all of you a lot.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

this is crazy!

everyone in the office left and they didn't tell me. i don't have the tag to go out, so in a way i am locked here. i haven't have my dinner and i won't be having my bed tonight. life has to be this cruel :(

ok, i have biscuits, full supply of water here, air-con, i tunes, and my work as my company. maybe i wasn't meant to sleep tonight because even if i stay awake i might not finish this load of work. just pray that this place doesn't catch a fire. if not i will be on the front page tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

i'll say it again

1. i'll say it again i love being a freelancer. i had been waking up at 10am, going into the office at 4pm and leaving at 8pm. when i walk into the office the girl next to me will say "people going home already le."
2. i'll say it again i need superpower. 3 days away from presentation and i have 6 new articles to layout, 6 main features to relayout (yes, relayout means it is all approved and now they had decided this is not how it should look like) and a lot more that i haven't even receive the project brief. okie i need my midnight msn company but he had not been online for a while. i need starbucks, but since i'm at home i will go for aik cheong iced kopi-o or maybe iced milo.
3. i'll say it again i am korean series freak. for now, since i am busy the korean soundtrack in my itunes will keep me company. the movie is running on my head :)

btw i finished all my work 2 days ago, i am now on my new issue. i'm so lazy to do it all over again! when will the accounts be done with my pay cheque. i have 3 with them :(

Monday, July 24, 2006

continue to believe with me

there are moments in life when there are people around you that believe in you more than you do. the way they described you doesn't seem to match who you think you are but those words are like proclaimation and it makes you become that that they said you are.

for now blessed are those who do not see (the same zealousness in me today) but still believe. i believe in you too no matter what situation you are in. i do, i really do. i guess i am saying i am who i am because you believe in me. so please continue to believe with me as i fight this battle. pray with me that this heart will prevail as i seek the same for you.

especially all of you that has walk this far with me. every sharing, sms, phone call, note, conversation, prayer and your life itself matters to me. i cannot count how many of these had brought tears and courage to me. just want you to know these had gone a long way. i definitely cannot put all of them up but here are some.


most impressive design: by jon chew

most touching words:
i really do appreciate those emails and care you show, 'cos it really is encouraging and heaven-sent. Your heart for people is a gift from God, and continue to be God's good and faithful servant! God bless you in the year 2000! from the director of glue-sticking: jon


most impressive design: by elaine ho

most touching words:
wassup, woman! You know ah, it is always a pleasure to have you down in KL... though i know i have a wild schedule, i always try and make it a point to meet up with you... not because of any ministry reason, but simply because that's the divine beauty of godly community... i know that whenever life may take us, no matter how far we chase our dreams and how many people we know, i look forward to the day when we are 65 (if we live that long), sitting at a living room with everyone else and hair falling off and teeth rotting.., laughing about life. loadsa luv, chris


most impressive design: by hwee chuin (my pageone collegue)

most touching words:
i really looked up to you, for sharing with the camp group about intimate details about you and your ex-boyfriends! it helped to see/hear that i'm not alone - when i'm struggling with physical intimacy with my bf as well. that was the main issue i had with God at that period of time. instead of looking at me at with a different view, you shared with me what you went through, and how you emerge victorious in Christ, in the end! thanks for being you. everytime i see you worship, i'll be touched by the sincerity and simplicity you have. you bring the presence of God down everytime you worship. f


most impressive design: by winnie poh

most touching words:
Finally the time has come for us to say goodbye. when elaine emailed us to prepare something for you to bring back, my mind really went through moments of how time flies. Guess it is never easy to part though i always know about your plans. i truly believe God has so much to do and bless in your life. Thanks for blessing my life in tangible and intangible ways. In my memory bank, when i think of you, dear sister... will always be your zeal in serving God... your "realness" yap, you are so real, in your sharing, your prayers, the way you present your life. Remember your "Phoebe's Gift project" when you share your hurts, your expectation and yet in those tears, you choose to be strong in the Lord. You know at that time, my heart hurts for you and yet i see so much of that "real" chaiyen wanting to please God. know what i'm saying? think i will miss having someone like you to remind me of being real for God. so much memories... i thank God for bringing you into my life to see His blessings for me. we may be physically apart but spiritually close because in Him we are one big family. shirley

You are greatly appreciated! You are indeed an asset to every ministry you serve in! This year's youth camp would never had been what it was if not for you. You potray a beautiful balance between truth and grace; persistence and flexibility; conviction and submission. SIB KL is blessed to have you back. Love, Kay


most impressive design: by chai qiao

most touching words:
you are really the woman! how can find another like you. even in this camp, God worked through you by putting inspiration of an activity based camp. even the details of the camp, the message of the camp, was inspired by God through you. thanks chaiyen for being that of what you are, that vessel God has filled and you have pour out to many. glad to be in this journey with you. in a journey, we will cross a few that will help us, will be an inspiration to us, be a nudge to get us going. hey you are one of them in my journey. jelly


most impressive design: by greg and machamps

most touching words:
a leader, a friend, a mentor, a person i feel is special. you are someone that has truly struck my heart greatly for your love and dedication for us and our generation. i thank you for your time in growing us. yumeng

there are too many to mention but trust me i still keep every single cards and gifts you gave me. let me prove to you. please locate your own item.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

i love being a freelancer

i am back to enjoying my life as a freelancer:
1. wake up at 10am
2. go to the office at non peak (jam) hours
3. leave the office at 3pm to watch "superman returns"
4. go for 2 hours lunch
5. leave the office once i am done with stuff there

i am so happy, i just know that those around me are dead jealous.

if my clients call me at 9.30am or 5pm, they will ask "ru sleeping?" (cause i sound like one, i guess)
i will exclaim "no! of course not! no!..." (cause i will sound a bit unprofessional if i am right? haha)

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


In LA we walk behind steels and glass. we miss the touch so much we crash into people just to feel that touch.
opening of the movie CRASH

one once told me that we need a certain amount of touch each day for healthy living. i am so out of touch with people i suddenly become very sensitive when a person touches me. it happens twice last week, two very different guy and it was just a little push at the back - kind of directing me to go first. both times i had to calm myself not to overreact. i think it is because that hand rubs on my skin.

i guess eventhough that is not my first love language i need them.
I need Your love
Like the desert needs the rain
I need Your touch
Like the fire needs the flame

One moment without You near
Is heartache i cannot bear
A lifetime with You O Lord
Is heaven i long to know

Come cover me
Like the ocean meets the shore
Shine on my life
Like the morning
Steals the night

Heaven by Reuben Morgan/Hillsong

Sunday, July 16, 2006

case study

did i not said that was a common theme? even superman returns puts her in this dilemma, richard (James Marsden) or superman (Brandon Routh)? as usual both are equally good looking. this guy had always been here for you, life would be happily ever after if he doesn't comes back. ok is it time to sing "boy i miss your kisses, boy i'm sorry you are 25 minutes (okie maybe 5 years) too late". but then again if she really loves him maybe she should had waited. or she should not? and why did superman not think, if i take too long she will not know i still love her.

okie i leave this to the guys what do you think?

superman can see through the wall but not through her heart. i mean don't you think that her expression had already betrayed her. too bad for superman for not believing she still likes him, i mean the husband knows it - if not he will not ask her to go to the hospital (and i told you about MR Perfect, didn't i? he knows your heart). even that blur friend Jimmy (Sam Huntington) knows it - "ya she is married but she still likes him, you know who?" this is for those who wants to know it for themself but can't judge like superman, then i think you should stay with hearing from friends hahaha. anyway so what if superman knows that she loves him more, he will not go so low as to covet another man's wife for love. so this is to wrap up the first story, that's it. that's the end. superman made his choice. she did what was left for her.

this is the final question. so in life do you choose the person you love to married or the person you can live with? didn't a lot of wedding speeches quote this "don't married one you can live with, married one you can't live without". it is already not easy to find one that you can't live without, till you thought you had found him he might not feel the same. and maybe he finds one he can't live without and she doesn't feel the same. so at the end of the day who should be the one that compromise? or what should be the deciding factor?

i want to work for a company that does research for this area of life, i can commit my lifetime doing this. but for now, we can start small. pls sent in your letters to dear chaiyen... from anonymous/confused :) we will do an analysis of your case.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

forwarded junk mail that captured my attention

This guy, a Shanghai university student, wanted to express his unfathomable love to his sweetheart. So, what did he do?

He gave chocolates to all the girls living in the University student apartments and asked them to turn their lights on or off at 8pm that night. See the pic for the effect

Truly Breathtaking! You don't need to guess his sweetheart's reaction. Hundreds of students came over later to witness this great piece of Art driven by the Greatest Emotion known to Man - 'Love'.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

one THREE hill drama

there are a few titles i need to tackle. do invite all you out there to answer. frequently asked question or questions that i frequently ask others.

1. would you choose someone you love more* or be with someone that loves you more?
my answer: i would choose someone that loves me more because i believe it is not difficult for me to give my whole heart to someone and commit myself. therefore when someone loves me more than i do, i will not find myself feeling insecure. that had always been my option but then i wonder why all the korean series girls always choose to be hurt loving the one that doesn't really care about them, letting go the Mr Perfect. well i guess when you found that one, it is really not about your mind telling you who is perfect anymore. because at that time one thing Mr Cool does makes you weak compare to 100 things Mr Perfect does.
*it does mean that someone you love more might make you cry/ gives you more heartache but maybe it is better than not being with another.

eg: superman returns [richard or superman], full house (korean series), autumn in my heart (korean series), stairway to heaven (korean series), mvp valentines (taiwan series)

2. can best friends become couple?
my answer: yes my bf must be my best friend but not all my best friends can be my bf. sometimes dont have that feel. but i guess the challenge is can we become best friends again if the relationship doesn't work out. so it make sense why many didn't dare to enter into such relationship but then again who told you that best friends last forever anyway?

eg: friends (sitcom), my best friend's wedding

3. will you continue to go after a girl if you thinks that she doesn't like you? will you find out for yourself rather than allow all the rumours and signs make you doubt?
my answer: i always think a guy should check out for himself. do not guess "maybe she likes the other guy", "her signs show that she is not interested", "my friends think that we are not ngam". i can't recall any movies but there are way to many that has this kind of miscommunication that cause them to end up with another partner before getting together or not even together.

honestly what if she tells you she doesn't like you, will you still keep going after her. does this only happen in movies :)

eg: notting hill, summer scent (korean series), one tree hill [brooke and lucas] (english series)

yes, i am a korean series freak. could it be these movies give me unreal fantasy of relationship. or could it be these movies are there to bring to past desires and endings that we wished but are not fulfilled. to let us have a glimpse of things that we want to see, to hear words we long to hear, to give us hope for a better ending.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

what i listen to

click on image to view

what do i hear when i was working? didn't know i was a fan of chinese song. but i guess my conclusion is... you won't really get bored with chinese songs* even though you run it a 100 times :)

sorry for the lack of songs choice, i am not a pro in this. therefore if i have my alternatives i normally play the radio.

*btw i didn't download any of this. it is download by others or pass to me in a thumbdrive.

Monday, July 10, 2006


have you ever prayed a "please-take-me-home-to-heaven-to-be-with-you" prayer? what were the circumstances when you did?
question from the john bevere's book

to be honest i did, but it is not so much i desire to be with the Lord like what the author said but more like i suddenly lost touch of the meaning and reason to life.

i just no longer know what i'm working for.
i just no longer have a cause that i can die for.
i just no longer know where to channel my love to.

in another word i no longer know why i'm taking my next breath. i'm no longer impacting anyone, nor is anyone affecting me. but then again i know that i will still wake up tomorrow morning. so i'm just sustaining this physical being praying in desperation that God will shed some light.

reason number two would be i rather die while i still want God in my life then the time comes when i do not know Him anymore.

all i can say now, is what i had said 3 years ago at muar.
"stay with God! take heart. don't quit. i'll say it again: stay with God.'
(Psalm 27.13-14, The Message)

*this is not suicidal, this is the tired of life pleading for mercy kind of prayer. not sure if any of you feel this way before but this is the first time i ever feel like this. this journal entry was taken from my diary written a week ago.

here i stand
forever in Your mighty hands
living with Your promise
written on my heart

i am Yours
surrendered wholly to You
You set me in Your family
calling me Your own

now i
i belong to You
all i need
Your spirit, Your word, Your truth
hear my cry
my deep desire
to know you more

in Your name
i will lift my hands
to the King
this anthem of praise i bring
heaven knows
i long to love You
with all my heart
i belong to You!

Sunday, July 09, 2006

stop scolding, i can't take it

it is leng's graduation ceremony yesterday. i didn't blog about it because my heart was just too heavy by the end of the night. this is the other issue that i had been trying all my life but had not perfected yet, and i'm not sure if i ever will.

the night before
1st call
cy: where is pasarakyat bus terminal?
dad: i'll check, call you back later.

2nd call
cy: where is grand season hotel? we are not fetching him from the bus terminal already.
dad: the pasarakyat terminal i suspect is behind the....
cy: no i'm not going to the bus terminal already. i'm asking where is the grand season hotel.
dad: listen to me, blah blah.... the pasarakyat is at the... road near...
cy: no, i...
dad: listen to me....
so after chaileng and i put down the phone we didn't know where is the hotel but at least the landmarks he gave was helpful.

during the ceremony
dad: delete all your stupid photos, the card is full
(i checked and found out that there are only 15 photos inside)
cy: something is wrong because i took 128 photos when i was in bangkok... and i had already emptied the card.
dad: don't you talked nonsense... you all are always irresponsible... don't know how to use this thing.
later i caught him saying to joe (leng's bf), "something is wrong with this camera, normally can take 128 photos." why can't he agree with me when i say it?

we had dinner with my cousin, i asked him to come along. then he asked me where are we going after that. so i told them i'm bringing them to bangkok jazz. he said he don't mind coming to have a drink. i didn't want to say no to him, even though it is a bit stressful to bring him along but i thought maybe we can try having a bit of fun time together.

at bangkok jazz
dad: tell them (my cousin who is sitting in front of him) we can bring them to one utama tomorrow where there is a grand piano there for ppl to play.
cy: oh really, where is it?
dad: one utama
cy: yah i know which restaurant? or floor or what?
dad: one utama new wing, one utama new wing, one utama new wing. stupid.
cy: i'm asking which restaurant!!... nvm i don't want to know already.

after bangkok jazz
dad: my face is a bit red because of the beer. you drive.
in my heart, i really don't want to do it. but i had to take the key and i prayed to God "pls don't allow me to make any mistake"
"look out! cars behind"
"don't drive at 100km/h... why are you speeding" (it is federal highway btw and i am trying to cut a car, from then onwards i drove at 60-80km/h)
"drive so many years already also never improve, so lousy."

the worst part of the night
dad: i just wish i don't go out with you so often so that we don't need to talk so much.
cy: yah i agree.

if you had watched i not stupid too, you will understand how i feel. i know he loves me, and he had his point. i know it is just how he talks but sometimes i just can't help but answer back. sorry i needed an outlet to let go. i mean it is not all bad, now this is the better part.

the chinese idiom goes "mo kum tai ke tau, mo tai kum tai teng mou" (direct translation= don't have such a big head don't wear such a big hat, which means don't have such capability don't take the task. just joking but the hat was literally too big for her.

joe and leng, specially for qw and those who don't know how leng's bf look like.

greg and i. btw our parents met and talked to each other for the first time while i was busy at the dessert counter. it was pretty interesting i thought. our parents are so cool.

Friday, July 07, 2006

my wedding photographer without the groom

i don't know who is the man i am going to spent the rest of my life with but i think he is the wedding photographer i would want. the best i had seen so far from malaysia.

but then my cousin bro, weimin shooting is so good so why i am looking for a photographer :)

he is coming to kl tonight. i will have the pleasure to bring him to murni to drink mango special and cheese naan. man! i love to do that.

why do you keep me at a distance?

i know they are a lot more ppl that read this blog than those few that always leave their comments. why is that so you are not leaving a word? why do you just want to watch me from afar? is it because you run out of things to read? or is it because you want nothing to do with my life anymore?

so what when you know that i cried last night?
so what when you know that i'm down with fever?
so what when you know that i had got a big client?

so what when you know that i got hurt by ppl?
so what when you know that i'm lost?
so what when you know that something is bothering me?

i want ppl to cry with me and sayang me.
i want ppl to laugh with me and laugh again.
i want ppl to praise me and celebrate with me.

i want ppl to disagree and reason with me.
i want ppl to think with me and enlighten me.
i want ppl to miss me and leave me notes.

i want you to know your presence are special to me, and i long to commune with you. pls don't leave me talking to myself.

*i wrote this with tears. i don't know why. maybe i am the only few ppl in this world that wants ppl to talk to me and not just hear me. once again, forgive me for talking so much... i am beginning to learn that ppl are not like me.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

pre-relationship syndrome

she doesn't answer his phone nor reply his sms.
he gets impatient, confused and frustrated.
he asked me, why do she behaves this way:
A. "is it because she doesn't like me anymore?"
B. "or she is angry with me? could it be she is just busy."

hahaha. he asked the right person, i am of the same species. this situation is very different from the previous post. that was a post-relationship syndrome, this is a pre-relationship syndrome :)

i told him because she is tired of liking him. she had done everything she can to hint to him she likes him but he is still not doing anything. she is a girl you see, so she cannot be the one that drop the big question. now, she is doing what is in her power to do. her last trick, cutting it all off and "see how it is without my presence" hahaha.

anyway he cannot stand the silent treatment so he is going to pop the big question (there you go he gives in, anyway this doesn't always work. it only happens when he wants her enough). well, i might not be right. maybe it is "A" but i mean if he really loves her, no harm asking right? the greatest loser is the man that has every power to kau a girl but not do it because of pride. and that poor little girl who cannot do anything can just sit down there and wait. if both remain to do so, down the drain goes another beautiful love story. why let this happen if you know both of you love each other? why not give it a try.

in every area of lives... this is how you conquer the world. fear not rejection or failure, fear what you miss out if you do not act.

ego boost

i lost contact with this friend of mine, she was one of my best friend when we were in primary school. her kl number had changed to 8 digits and i don't know what is the magic number to add. i asked a few ppl around and they told me they don't know where she is.

suddenly i received a call from her. she is currently residing in canada. how did she find me? she actually typed in "wong chai yen" in yahoo search and found me. wow. i didn't know i am second in the list.

one of my ex collegue once said "if you want to see if you are famous or not, just key in your name on the yahoo/google search." let me see page one of yahoo and google search i have two entries. not bad, not bad at all.

Monday, July 03, 2006

3 things that still amaze me

1. how did i end up in a presidential suite. i paid S$80 for 4 days, 3 nights.

hotel manager: i am sorry, we run out of rooms. but because you had booked, is it ok we give you the presidential suite. you do not have to pay more.
cy: erm, okie we take a look at the room first then we will consider. (actually i am trying to control my excitement)

our big living room, this is the place we watched japan-brazil, played cranium and grabble

personal tv in every room, even with a bath tub but i didn't have the time to enjoy it

and how about this, man! i want to get this thing. from my bed i can switch off the lights from every corner of the room, even the tv

2. the sports car wannabe on the street

they are not sports car even though they qualify to be. the way they drive i think they rarely use their brake. i personally prefer to stop the pink cab :)

3. the school girls

i just can't get my eyes off these school girls, they wear heels and handbags to school, that is so cool

i took many photos but only found myself in a few, here you go:

i keep forgetting to take photo, so i took one from my room

must use this tanning lotion: Golden Tanning Blend, Banana Boat

suan lum, this place is pretty cool and the food here are really yummy

this ice thingin is really nice, oh yah i am eating things from the street again!

more photos

Sunday, July 02, 2006

GOD is bigger than a box

after communion today, they played a video of the cruxification of Christ as they sang the final song. honestly it is quite helpful usually because it helps to remind us of God's suffering and goodness. there is really nothing wrong with it i know. my only guess, God is teaching me something new, when i heard this:

"Do not allow the image to tell you what happen at the cross, because no image is enough to potray what i went through. i ask not for your sympathy or compassion but that you know that i am God. Not because i died for you on the cross but that i am God before that. i did not die for you to be God but only because i am God, i can die for you."

that moment i immediately uttered "surely, You are God"

on thursday i was late for dinner with the girls. so when i arrived a thought came to me: should i pray for a parking?

then a voice:
"stop praying just for blessings"

then another:
"do i still believe God can answer such prayer?"

immediately i know which is God's voice, i prayed "i still believe". before i could finish, i saw a car reversing :), then i realised she was just reparking her car. my faith was shaken but i found strength to believe so i shut that doubt away "i still believe". the next thing i saw was a parking. it is impossible to find a parking there if you understand what i mean but it happened.

both of these situations i think are trying to teach me the same thing. all the things that we learn are good, for example don't only come to God for blessings but if we allow all these teachings to shape out who God really is or what He can really do. i think then we had reduce God. basically God's lesson for us at different time can be just really different, and i believe truly a lifetime is not enough to learn and that is the beauty of it.

if you are still wondering why am i not serving in any ministry now, it is simple, i am just learning how to live life with God daily. i no longer dream of moving mountains or conquering lands. i just want to make sure that He is in my heart. the joy of talking to my youth not because i need to, reading my bible not because i must, giving to the poor not because i want to be an example. simply for the joy of my master.

And this is the real and eternal life: that they know You, the one and only true God. John 17