Sunday, October 29, 2006

i am learning korean song

Kurulri eubdako anilkkurako midujyo um-
Naeka gudael sarang-handan ilmaldo andwejyo um-
Gwaenhan jiltu-ilkkurako naeka wiro-oonka-bodako
Jashinul sokyeo-bwajiman ijeh deunun nan kamchul-suka eubnun-gulyo-

I Think I Love You geurun-kabwayo-
Cause I Miss You gudaeman eubsumyun
Nan amukeuto mohhako jakku-saenggak-nako
Irun-geul bomyun amuraedo-

I'm Falling For You nan mollah-jiman-
Now I Need You eonusaenka nae mam kipun-koseh aju
Kugeh jarijapun gudaeui mosubeul ijen bowayo~ um-
Oorin aneuh oorrindako chin ku gukeh ddak jeotako um
Hana-beutuh yeulkae dodaecheh moh hankaerado manunkeh eubnundeh
Uddeo kesagol suinyako maldo andwaenun yaekirago
Malhamyeo doolruh daejiman ijehdeunun nan guruki kasirun kulyo

I Think I Love You keurungabwayo
Cause I Miss You gudaeman eubsumyun
Nan ameuguto mohhako jakku-saenggak-nako
Irun-gul bomyun amuraedo-

here is the only english translation i can find:
There's no way that I could love you~ um
It's just jealousy, I must be lonely
I tried fooling myself, but I can't hide it any longer

I Think I Love You~
It must be true
Cause I Miss You~
Whenever you're not here
I can't do anything
I keep thinking of you
Seeing what's happening

I'm Falling For You~
I didn't know, Now I Need You~
Sometime, in the depths of my heart
I can see that you've taken root in my soul~

They say we're not good together, that we should just be friends, um~
One to ten, we can't agree on anything,
How can we be together? It's not an option
I kept telling myself, but I don't want to do it anymore~

I Think I Love You~
It must be true
Cause I Miss You

theory of the one

myth no 1
many ppl will say that there is no the one. the one is the the one you chooses to love.

it is not a choice. if you have meet the one you will say:
i love him, i do not know how not to.
myth no 2
the one is my Mr Perfect or Mr Right.

he is not even close to perfect but somehow you can accept every weakness of his. if you have meet the one you will say:
i have new grace to love you every morning.
myth no 3
how will i know he is the one?

you will never be asking this question because the one is not a qualification. if you have meet the one you will say:
i just know he is the one.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

did i tell you i am an impulse buyer?

my new baby.

nokia 5300

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

young and dangerous


i am back.

18th oct (wed)
- we went out for yam cha at tanjung mamak. kelvin dropped by to join us

19th oct (thu)
- we went for dinner at laundry

20th oct (fri)
- we went out for lunch, she managed to pursuade me to join her for manicure
- we met up with anna for dinner, she introduced some guy friends to us. look who is more worried

21st oct (sat)
- we were too bored when we woke up in the morning. so we packed our bags and left for the south at 2pm.
- we headed for malacca for 'satay babi'
- we received an sms from a friend "feel like poppy tonight?". argghhh he smsed... reluctantly we replied "we'll join you when we get back"
- we crossed the singapore custom at 7pm
- we went to toast box for peanut butter toast... yummy!
- we make our way to st james power house. 'the crowd is not cool at all but the place is really nice', we should have gone to MOS (Ministry of Sound)
- we went to her aunt's place to stay over. i stayed up to watched my korean series goong

22nd oct (sun)
- we made our return to vivocity (such a nice building) even the food court looks cool. got our make up sets, enjoyed the big open space and the beautiful view of sentosa
- we both went our separate ways, i headed back to bukit batok and finished my korean series

23rd oct (mon)
- we made our way to takashimaya foodcourt for my tako pachi. yummy!
- we quickly moved to fareast for more shopping
- we needed to be at IMM for our 2 dollar shop. we really enjoyed our dinner at pepper lunch.

24th oct (tue)
- we went straight to jb for 'kuay tiaw kia'. another yummy!
- we stopped by at justin's place for his bbq birthday party. great fun to be playing poker in a wide open area, eating overburned chicken wing and seeing jason's baby sleep comfortably in my arm

*we = steph and i.
she is my best friend since secondary school. always grow up having a sister and a best friend prettier than me, but it is good because i will always know that the guy that likes me did not choose me because of my look. anyway i found out from this trip, we have extreme opposite choice of taste... so yahh we will never fall for the same guy.

we had been spending too much time together. we had talked about everything under the sun.
1. guys - what they are thinking, the one, the past and future
2. God - churches, salvation, end times
3. dreams and purpose, movies, songs, babies

a guy made this statement "so both of you are trying les now?" no! no way... we will always like guys :)

i really enjoyed having her around again, to share our deepest secrets and our hearts that no one wants to hear anymore. we know what a long way we both had walked. really glad i have her to share this season of my life. i guess this is a happy blog entry. if that is what you are looking for, you should stop reading here.
"talk, just talk. talk about anything. doesn't matter if it doesn't interest me." He cannot bear being alone with his thought. it was too painful.
truman capote from the movie capote

sorry, i cannot stand not being honest with how i feel.

Friday, October 13, 2006

one last cry

the most cruel things i had ever done to one of my ex
1. when i was angry, i did not answer his phone.
2. when he showed up at my door, i refused to go out.
3. when he attempted suicide "i told him a person who wants to die won't tell anyone".
4. when he was hospitalised i didn't visit.
5. when he ran off the hospital to see me, his hand was bleeding non-stop. i called his dad and sent him home.

He asked "why were you so cold to me? you didn't treat your other ex boyfriend like that."

It's true. maybe because i was too confident of his love for me. it will come a time he will realise i am not worth his love.

if you are once a victim, these might be the route you take next.
one who is hurt, guards himself from getting too serious in a relationship so that he will never be hurt so deeply.
one who is hurt, can rise up in the next relationship to be the one that hurt so that he will not be the victim again.
one who is hurt, might never want to be in a relationship again so that he will never even come near to pain.
one who is hurt, can choose not to do the same thing to another because he understand how painful that is.

that is why relationship is so complicated because there is no one way of doing things.
ppl said that my blog entries are pretty depressing. well that is really the condition of my life now. everything in life - the past, the recent, the now are teaching us something and that is what i had been blogging all these while. but i think i have enough of it. i won't be blogging till i have something good to talk about.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

it is your day, guys!

throughout this time, i was hoping that some guys will drop some comments to explain themselves. the part of them that i never understand. but i guess they will never, just like in an arguement... their silence is the one that kills us. yet maybe it is this beauty that allows man and woman to live together.

to you man that is so humble not to voice out the better side of yours.

hope this releases the burden you had been carrying for so many years.

not sure if all you girls agree with the contents but maybe we shall learn not to speak for once.

Monday, October 09, 2006

doing things from your heart

real life
there is this man that said this recently
"i think i do not have feelings for you anymore. i don't think i can marry you in this stage."

as much as i hate to agree with that considering that is my girl friend, i know he is right. at the end of the day it is love that causes us to keep a covenant.

i don't remember seeing the word commitment in our relationship with God. even the covenant calls israel to
'love the Lord your God with all thine heart, and all thy soul, and with all thy might.' (deut 6.5)

the book 'the mystery of marriage'
'for marriage is a trap. it is a trap of pure love. the love is so pure, so intense, that it can be like a big iron gate that clangs shut behind us. and there we are. imprisoned, of our own free will, in the dungeon of marriage... when the prison door clangs shut, the only thing to do is to become more in love than ever. there is just no other way to get out of it.'

frequently asked question when the relationship is at stake:
1. do you still love me?
2. do you still love me like you used to?
3. can you write me a love letter?

'But by and large a word of love is a most remarkable little thing, a confession which perhaps more than any other sentence one can utter (including even "i believe") contrains the speaker to mean it. for it has the nature of a personal confession, and to say it without sincerity is a self accusation, a heatrending conviction, every time. and yet not to say it at all is a worse conviction. reflecting on this for a moment, it should be evident that the life of faith is full of such words, words which demand to be spoken and meant, words which on the outside may appear hallow, but the very speaking of which hallows them, fills them with life and depth.'

it is no sixth sense at all...

when she asks you this, she is just checking how much is left. meaning for the last few months she felt that you are not loving her from your heart. it is just a hint, she is seeking for your heart. as much as every woman loves to have a romantic husband. i had never mixed it up with love. that has nothing to do with being romantic, just from the tone of your voice on the phone or during meals she knows that she is not your interest anymore. what good is it to have your body and not your heart? that is surely one thing a woman cannot live with.

i might be wrong. but tell me how can marriage work on commitment and not love. even if it is commitment, it is a commitment to fall in love again. yes, i prefer to hear you are committed to love me than you are committed to the relationship.

someone told me this today:
after much thought and deliberation. after consulting a few ppl around me. i've come to a conclusion that you are right. that i should choose the one i like and not the one that likes me.

it feels really good to hear that, for once i am right. i used to be a believer that i will choose tai zhi (the person that loves me more) rather than chen fong (the person that i love more), it is foolish for me to say that then, i guessed it was because i had not meet someone i really love yet. when you find someone you love, nothing can undo that - no friends, misunderstanding or weakness.

i won't be pursuing any guy so don't worry, to love doesn't mean you must have him. at the core of my heart, i still believe a guy must pursue what he wants because only then he will see it through. i can only wish i find someone that loves me as much as i do for him.

may you find that someone too.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

in love with love

The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason

it feels even better reading it the second time. no regrets. i am in love with love again.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

i still love mac :)

for apple users only

makes me feel a little guilty to buy a new MacBook but it is okie i am not thrashing my old iBook, i am selling it away :)

taken from yinhuan's blog

Friday, October 06, 2006

men are hard to please

The problems with GUYS:

If you treat him nicely, he says you are IN LOVE with him;
If you don't, he says you are PROUD.

If you dress nicely, he says you are trying to LURE him;
If you don't, he says you are from KAMPUNG.

If you argue with him, he says you are STUBBORN;
If you keep quiet, he says you have no BRAINS.

If you are smarter than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's smarter than you, he is GREAT.

If you don't love him, he tries to POSSESS you;
If you love him, he will try to LEAVE you. (very true huh?)

If you don't make love with him., he says you don't LOVE him;
If you do!! he says you are CHEAP.

If you tell him your PROBLEM, he says you are TROUBLESOME;
If you don't, he says that you don't TRUST him.

If you scold him, you are like a NANNY to him;
If he scolds you, it is because he CARES for you.

If you break your PROMISE, you cannot be TRUSTED;
If he breaks his, he is FORCED to do so.

If you smoke, you are BAD girl;
If he smokes, he is GENTLEMENT.

If you do well in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does well, it's BRAINS.

If you hurt him, you are CRUEL;
If he hurts you, you are too SENSITIVE!! & sooo hard to please!!!!!

forwarded email from my brother. what a guy? yes a guy.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

i can call him anytime and he will answer

woke up early in the morning. i can barely open my eyes but these words flood my mind. managed to pen this down quickly and continue my sleep.

i can call Him when i am lonely
i can call Him when i am in trouble
i can call Him when i need a friend
He will always answer me when i call

i didn't answer His phone when i was busy
i didn't answer His phone when i don't feel like it
i didn't answer His phone when i have nothing to talk about
how selfish i can be but i couldn't care less

there are probably many times He said 'I had enough of you'
but everytime i call on Him, He gets weak and He gives in
never really understand how can One loves me that much
never knew how much pain He might had felt

He had demonstrated the greatest love 'i'll be there for you'. the very thing many guys promised but never fulfill. am happy this morning to be a recipient of this love.

I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow to attain to the resurrection from the dead. (philippians 3.10-11)

Sunday, October 01, 2006


love is said to be one pleasure and a thousand sufferings. i'll rather let go of all my sufferings than to have that one pleasure.from the movie my boyfriend is type B

22-23 sept (sat-sun)
venue: penang
main topic: guys
highlights: the wedding, the girls talk by the beach at night, dim sum
the down: i lost my handphone

24-29 sept (mon-fri)
venue: singapore
main topic: boy girl relationships
highlights: wine at chijmes, the night drive, korean movie "my boyfriend is type B" and series "my 19 year old sister in law"
the down: i don't have enough time to finish my korean series i have to fast forward the last few cds

30 sept (sat)
venue: port dickson
main topic: what do ppl do in port dickson
highlights: journaling by the beach, bbq and beers
the down: it was cloudy so i can't do my tanning

things that occured in these 3 places:
1. people giving me a list of names of guys that i can consider. from their very own brother, to church members, to friends and friends i don't even know. surprisingly they all have quite good critireas.
2. beaches. i come to realise i don't mind having a house by the beach. i really like it.
3. crazy fellowship/company. certainly something i really missed.

it is quite a good holiday, i didn't really plan this but i guess the holidays just decided to come and find me. met a lot of ppl, new and not so new. glad i enjoyed myself with the new friends. with the old friends even more glad, after so long we can just pick up for where we last met.

a word from the man to the woman:
" i know to a woman they need to know 'i'm the woman you like most in this whole wide world' but feeling is not that important. you may not be the woman i like most, but you are the woman i have chosen to love and the only one i will devote my whole life to." (updated)

a word from the woman to the man:
"i don't want you to love me because of responsibility or commitment. i want you to love me because you still love me and finds me very attractive. anyway you can try but if i know i'm not the only one you love, you will have to go through quite a hell to make me feel secure."