Monday, October 09, 2006

doing things from your heart

real life
there is this man that said this recently
"i think i do not have feelings for you anymore. i don't think i can marry you in this stage."

as much as i hate to agree with that considering that is my girl friend, i know he is right. at the end of the day it is love that causes us to keep a covenant.

i don't remember seeing the word commitment in our relationship with God. even the covenant calls israel to
'love the Lord your God with all thine heart, and all thy soul, and with all thy might.' (deut 6.5)

the book 'the mystery of marriage'
'for marriage is a trap. it is a trap of pure love. the love is so pure, so intense, that it can be like a big iron gate that clangs shut behind us. and there we are. imprisoned, of our own free will, in the dungeon of marriage... when the prison door clangs shut, the only thing to do is to become more in love than ever. there is just no other way to get out of it.'

frequently asked question when the relationship is at stake:
1. do you still love me?
2. do you still love me like you used to?
3. can you write me a love letter?

'But by and large a word of love is a most remarkable little thing, a confession which perhaps more than any other sentence one can utter (including even "i believe") contrains the speaker to mean it. for it has the nature of a personal confession, and to say it without sincerity is a self accusation, a heatrending conviction, every time. and yet not to say it at all is a worse conviction. reflecting on this for a moment, it should be evident that the life of faith is full of such words, words which demand to be spoken and meant, words which on the outside may appear hallow, but the very speaking of which hallows them, fills them with life and depth.'

it is no sixth sense at all...

when she asks you this, she is just checking how much is left. meaning for the last few months she felt that you are not loving her from your heart. it is just a hint, she is seeking for your heart. as much as every woman loves to have a romantic husband. i had never mixed it up with love. that has nothing to do with being romantic, just from the tone of your voice on the phone or during meals she knows that she is not your interest anymore. what good is it to have your body and not your heart? that is surely one thing a woman cannot live with.

i might be wrong. but tell me how can marriage work on commitment and not love. even if it is commitment, it is a commitment to fall in love again. yes, i prefer to hear you are committed to love me than you are committed to the relationship.

someone told me this today:
after much thought and deliberation. after consulting a few ppl around me. i've come to a conclusion that you are right. that i should choose the one i like and not the one that likes me.

it feels really good to hear that, for once i am right. i used to be a believer that i will choose tai zhi (the person that loves me more) rather than chen fong (the person that i love more), it is foolish for me to say that then, i guessed it was because i had not meet someone i really love yet. when you find someone you love, nothing can undo that - no friends, misunderstanding or weakness.

i won't be pursuing any guy so don't worry, to love doesn't mean you must have him. at the core of my heart, i still believe a guy must pursue what he wants because only then he will see it through. i can only wish i find someone that loves me as much as i do for him.

may you find that someone too.

1 comment:

Felix :O) said...

chai yen..

may you find the man who loves you as much you love him. :)