Wednesday, February 28, 2007

movies and lyrics

a new liking to get the lyrics of songs i hear from class 95 and search for the video in youtube.

where do broken hearts go by whitney houston
I know it's been some time
But there's something on my mind
You see I haven't been the same
Since that cold November day
We said we needed space
But all we found was an empty place
And the only things I learned
Is that I need you desperately
So here I am
And can you please tell me (oh)

Where do broken hearts go
Can they find their way home
Back to the open arms
Of a love that's waiting there
And if somebody loves you
Won't they always love you
I look in your eyes
And I know that you still care for me

I've been around enough to know
That dreams don't turn to gold
And that there is no easy way
No you just can't run away
And what we had was so much more
Than we ever had before
And no matter how I try
You're always on my mind
So here I am
And can you please tell me (oh)

And now that I am here with you
I'll never let you go
I look into your eyes
And now I know, now I know

For me
You still care for me...

baby come back to me by vanessa anne hudgen has pretty good lyrics too but i don't like the music video. kind of like the young artist in music and lyrics. "i-so-want-to-dance music video" hahaha! non related music video. or how about hurt by christina aguleira. i am enjoying my new hobby. if i am in kl, the next step will be, go to limewire to download the song. ok i shall go back to work.

anyway above is the second music video from grey's anatomy that i really like. this is the first. i am so going to watch it... let me go try to find it now. any kind soul?

acting sophisticated

i have to say i feel rather sophisticated lately watching all these foreign movies:

japanese: letters from iwo jima
french: paris, je t'aime (bad! alert)
taiwanese: silence
korean: spring waltz (in which they have austria language inside too)

shik ke la kah tua ke. sorry i was just speaking in tongue. am sitting in coffee beans now having my cranberry salad. it is not on the menu, custom made specially for me. now that is what i call flexibility. yummy.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

find a way back into love

the movie music and lyrics was not that fantastic but this is the best part. if you don't watch the whole movie, this is good enough:

i've been living with a shadow overhead
i've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
i've been lonely for so long
trapped in the past i just can't seem to move on

i've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
just in case i ever need them again someday
i've been setting aside time
to clear a little space in the corner of my mind

all i wanna do is find a way back into love
i can't make it through without a way back into love

i've been watching the stars refuse to shine
i've been searching but i just don't see the signs
i know that its out there
there gotta be something for my soul somewhere

i've been looking for someone to shed some light
not someone to just get me through the night
i can use some direction
and i'm open to your suggestions

all i wanna do is find a way back into love
i can't make it through without a way back into love
and if i open my heart again
i guess i'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

there are moments where i don't know if it's real
or if anybody feels the way i feel
i need inspiration
not just another negotiation

all i wanna do is find a way back into love
i can't make it through without a way back into love
and if i open my heart to you
i'm hoping you'll show me what to do

and i you help me to start again
you know that i'll be there for you in the end

you can only write a song when you are deeply in love or deeply heartbroken.

Monday, February 26, 2007


am watching the oscars live now. it is quite a good feeling sitting here knowing half of all those i know are at work now.

i need to catch a few movies:
1. the departed
2. letters from iwo jima
3. babel
4. dreamgirls
(will add more soon)

Jennifer Hudson, one of the finalist of american idol won the supporting-actress Academy Award for "Dreamgirls." there came one of the most touching line: "Oh my God, I have to just take this moment in. I cannot believe this. Look what God can do." america never choose her but the oscars did. why i am touched, i am to know that the disappointment of today can still be something to celebrate tomorrow. *smile*

question does not always follow by answer

we often think that when we choose to be truthful it will do good for everyone. but i come to realise that besides myself not having the need to make up stories for my lies, i can see no other good. i mean it doesn't cause others to trust your good intention or open up to you or heal your broken heart. so why do we choose to be truthful again? must be i'm just lazy to make up stories.

am i a very idealistic person? i just wish that people can be very honest with each other about anything. being honest without being judge. especially people that really care for each other. what makes a person that raise up issues about their relationship the one at fault? aren't we suppose to raise up issues? are those couple that never raise up issues happier couple? similarly are christians that question less a believer? is struggling from insecurity a problem to be solved alone?

ask and it (answer) shall be given to you. maybe it doesn't apply to human.

little girl: mummy, how do you and daddy make babies?
mum: *blushing* you will know when you grow up.

girl: can we talk?
guy: no!

cy: can i know who you like?
q: no!

i am feeling a bit emotional now, i really feel like writing or talking. there are great loads of things inside me i need to sound off. a lot of which i do not have the permission to write about or i just do not have the liberty to sit down and talk to the right person. do you think, one day i will just give up talking all together? hahaha maybe not, i am so talkactive.

FAST FACT: the water in singapore is so clean, i can use it as my saline for contact lenses. i am running low of solution. need to go get them :)

FAST FACT: in japan, the family of the deceased get fine if he jumps into the train station to commit suicide. so if you want to die, choose singapore.

Friday, February 23, 2007

your shame will not last forever

Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange teachings. It is good for our hearts to be strengthened by grace, not by ceremonical foods, which are of no value to those who eat them. We have an altar from which those who minister at the tabernacle have no right to eat.
The high priest carries the blood of animals into the Most Holy Place as a sin offering, but the bodies are burned outside the camp. And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood. Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore. For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come.
(hebrews 13.9-14)

our only ceremonical food now is probably communion. partaking the bread and wine does not draw us closer to God, nor does it make us supernatural. it is outside the gate where we confess our sins. as i tear my mask and share the shame that is when i get closer to God. you get closer to someone only when you share what he goes through, isn't it? many of us fear to show our real self, fearing that we need to live with the shame forever. a king might fear his shameful record be recorded in history. but what about us, the nobody, who are we afraid of actually? even for the king, this is the good news - we do not have an enduring city. meaning what you are shameful of will not last forever. so fear not. live as if there is no tomorrow.

thank you mummy for taking care fo me
thank you daddy for looking out for me
thank you all you out there for the good times and the nice meals
i know i should had say it more, i love you and i cherish you

i share what's in my heart
sorry, i really don't mean to hurt
if i know that it hurts, i'll rather the pain was on me
i hope the day will come you will see what's in me

don't be embarrassed to be yourself
don't be embarrassed to say you care
don't be embarrassed to say you are sorry
live as if there is no tomorrow

yes, tell the girl you like her. your shame will not be forever if she rejects you. but if she loves you the same way, you can share a lifetime with her :)

to complete the season

autumn in my heart

winter sonata

summer scent

and finally the long awaited, spring waltz

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

a sinful weekend

i didn't go for church service over the weekend instead:

envy: i sit down there and take my time off to envy the the beautiful endings of the few movies i catch.

greed: i had been gambling - blackjack, mahjong and tai di. i attempted to win.

gluttony: i had been eating great loads of fattening, oily food.

sloth: i had been sleeping a lot and my waking hours are left laughing my heads off in too many meaningless conversations.

anger: i refused to go to bed at night. i was extremely upset with the stupid president in 24, another of my dvd series.

lust: i had been taking beer, red wine and brandy on the rock at home. a new lust for alchohol.

pride: i had not forget to surf on my freetime. am very proud to be the owner of my new macbook.

it had been a very fun weekend just doing absolutely nothing. considering others drag their feets to go visit their relatives that they cannot connect with. i am thankful i have a big big family that i enjoy being with. we grow up in the same house, we used to play barbie dolls, lego and hide-and-seek in the whole flat. as if the way we talk is not loud enough, we have two additionals to our circle this year. cuteness.

meaningless talk turn out to be quality time. sometimes purposeful talk can turn out to be meaningless time.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

the holiday

i like this movies very much. ok, more than like.

and he is charming. most importantly, he cries.

imagine a very cool voice saying this

i had never stop loving you, not even for a second.

after disappearing for 1 year, these words are killer*. i also want to cry, sob sob. spend 8 hours with jack bauer. am stuck on another tv series.

Friday, February 16, 2007


i know what she means. i had been checking a few blogs as well. wanting to get into their inner life but i guess as much as they doesn't want me to be part of their life, i am not getting it.

i had not been blogging as much because i am entering into this phase that i am super super down.

fantastic: i write and i talk non stop

very good: i talk non stop

good: i talk

ok: i talk and i stone

down: i write and i stone

super down: i write non stop

super super down: i keep quiet

how i know it? that night i was quite moody. a very kind soul asked me this. "want to go out? we can talk." my own answer took me by surprise "no, i want to drink. i don't feel like talking." know what you are asking for when you ask me not to blog.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

hate making a fool of myself yet i do it

i know i shouldn't like you because i will make a fool of myself. yet i cannot control my feelings each time. i really hate you for making me look like a fool.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

kena aeroplane face

my cousin bro ffk me. whatever, so i am open for booking again tonight :)

who is the first person you are thinking?

i woke up in the morning. i kind of figure out it was late but i was reluctant to wake up because i didn't really want to face the day. feeling a little emotional and down at the same time. took my handphone to check the time, '1 missed call'. who is that? "am i seeing things? it cannot be him". followed by a sms, "i am here, can i see you tonight?"

this is not even a dream, just pure wish. looks like i had gone beyond being transparent, sharing even my fantasy life. sorry, maybe i had too much beer. just came back from balaclava.

i hate valentine's day, my birthday and new year
don't like the feeling that he is not near

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

torn between two lovers

woke up in the morning and saw this very interesting Q and A in yahoo. i had never really like two people at the same time before so i can't really say much. but i like what it says.

The "soul" part of soul mate is the depth of the connection. It goes beyond reason and control and seems to be ordained by fate.

so i think it is not about choosing who is better, you should just know who you want. i said it. in case you have not read my side bar

the one is called the one not because there is only one but because there are rare.

Monday, February 12, 2007

word study 4: pimpin

according to the urban dictionary

1. when somone is wearing nice clothes
2. to have the right clothes, in the right place, with the right hoes.
3. when someone is getting all the girls (guys)
4. a boy (girl) with alot of Girlfriends (boyfriends) that KNOW about each other and don't mind
5. thinkin outside the box. not havin so many gurls on hand thats not pimpin. so pimpin is just bein you and dont care wat other people think 'bout you!

am very curious what are you refering me to?

other recent nick names:
hot stuff
miss popular
Dr Love
the expert
guys magnet

ok the secret is out.

i am amused by:
1. the amount of ppl that came up to ask me
2. most amused by x asking me is it y and y that is probably thinking i am going out with x
3. being me who hate to be misunderstood, found the joy of writing. writing on purpose to mislead and to cause the reader to want to know more :)

single emphasis' day plans
1.30pm: lunch with my ex editor, kelley
6.00pm: interview with josh's boss. that is why i am nervous.
7.00pm: i finally agreed going out with my cousin since he doesn't have a date. but i was kind enough to tell him, if you find a date last minute just tell me. i do have other girls to spent the night with.

somehow everyone is pushing their appointments to wednesday. either they are lonely they need to make themselves busy on that day or life just goes on as usual for them that day. i choose to think it is the latter.

one more joke
cy: is your boss single?
josh: yah
cy: oh... what if he ask me "on that night, actually let us do your interview over dinner?". is he like trying to look for a date on that day hahaha... ok just joking.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

don't try to explain, it might just get worst


i had been going to his house so often to finish our OTH season 3 and 4. so much so that his parents ask chris "anything going on between them". so on his farewell in his house, i was supposed to do a toast to him so i prepared a speech which i thought was brilliant to explain myself.

sam, he is the kind of guy that every girls want. (wowwww... parents eyes nearly popped out)
he notices the new shoes or new top you wear and your new hair do
he makes sure you get to your car safely
he asks you "how are you?" and "what do you think?"
he is calm enough to handle any situation, that is why i like to work with him
he is there with the happening people yet he will see you that is not feeling too good at the side of the room
not to mention the part he won the asian young entreprenuer award and that his future is secured
he seems to win the hearts of everyone--the youth, the young adults and aunties
he is everything...

* BUT he is just not the kind of guy for me.

a toast to the man and the man you are going to be. am proud of you.

that punch line* of mine was supposed to come out nicely to ease the parents. things doesn't take place like how we always plan it. cause right at that moment i wanted to go into it* one very smart person need to say this "he is so good, you marry him le". so my sentence* seems to just be a line i come up with to cover up. i didn't dare to look at the parents to see if they fainted. i felt so horrible after that speech. but who cares he is leaving and we both know very much the kind of people we like. hope this new entry find you safe and sound in that new land. so now... i am left with only one bald guy.


Friday, February 09, 2007

faithful friends

by Twila Paris and Steven Curtis Chapman

Everyone knows you as a man of honour
I am glad i know you simply as a friend
You've always taken time to be my brother
And I'll be standing by you in the end

But I will never put you on a pedestal
I thank the Lord for everything you do
I'll be there to pray for you and for the ones you love
I believe that He will finish all He started in you

I will be an open door that you can count on
Anywhere you, anywhere you've been
I will be an honest heart you can depend on
I will be a faithful friend

I am one of many whose path you made clearer
By the light you've carried faithfully as a warrior and a child
God has used you greatly to encourage and inspire
And you've remained a true friend all the while
So I will never put you on a pedestal
Cause we both know all the glory is the Lord's
And I'll be there to pray
that He will keep you by His grace
And I will remind you to be seeking His face

Should it ever come your time to mourn
I will weep with you
And every single time you win
I'm celebrating too
I will celebrate with you

found this cd on the shelf. i guess the words are more true today.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

valentine's day

i meant to write a new blog for you everytime you click on it. but i had been so tired the last few days. doing photo shoot from 8am-5pm. i shall not go to what time i slept and had to wake up. anyway i was so tired, i can sleep at the train, when i stand at the bus and even when i am talking to someone. i feel this dizziness in my head. i just got my work approved and i am starting another marathon of work but here you go.

ps law: so chaiyen, why ru here? did you come here to celebrate valentine's with anyone?
cy: no ps, i came to escape valentine's day. i don't want to feel lonely because no one call in kl, so i came. i won't be going out with anyone, i will make sure i off my phone that day ok.

i just got a call yesterday, i got an appointment on the 14th at 6pm. i am a little nervous.

btw try not to blog about your valentine's day. yes, don't show me how happy you are with your date. i might cry.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

word study 3: fear

being sure of what we hoped for and certain of what we do not see (hebrews 11.1)

putting too much time thinking of what we do not hope for and what we do not want to see

ps melyvn brought this to light for me. after 14 years of labour with uncle laban, why did jacob not leave and go home? reason being he was more afraid to go home to see his brother than to be cheated. he stayed 6 more years. that is what fear does, it eats your time. he just need to stand up one day and say i am going to face my fear head on. like she says "tell me it is not what i think it is". and yes esau wasn't mad at him.

quite a number of ppl say i had change. if there is one thing i can put a finger on is this word 'faith'. i had not lose faith in GOD. in fact i felt that my faith in God had been refined. i had learn to have faith in other ppl more than i know how. not from a positive thinking speech because i sympathise what you are going through but for the so-much-more i know God has for you. i think probably i had exhange all that with the faith i have for myself.

what cause faith to be replaced by fear and vise versa:
1. broken dreams and disappointments in life that you no longer believe that what you hope for is true.
but ps kong hee once preached "it is when God break this small dreams of mine then He can together with me built a bigger greater dream." like how shups puts it, we begin to look at life with perspective once we are able to coin out why we are going through what we go through.
2. allowing myself to be questioned "is christian just a group of happy-clappy-positive thinking ppl? ppl that keep all their struggles and only thank God for their good things in life." i do not want to be categorise with hypocrisy. but without me realising it, i had stop to proclaim with faith my hope.
i had to admit that in fear that our struggles will stumble others or disgrace God's name, many of us fall into this category. come to think about it, that is because we do not have enough faith that God will turn things around that is why we are not sharing our disappointments. also we do not want to be weak like other non believers. how shallow is that? when ppl ask, "you call yourself christians?". we should actually answer... "oh i am not good enough that is why i need to be a believer." recent months i had told myself i will show you my real self. if i struggle i will share with you, that you might know in the day i overcome it is not me but God in me. i will not be ashamed to hope as well trusting that you know it is genuine since i am not afraid of admitting what i'm not.

i pray that the faith in the Father who had been faithful to me all these years, the great hope that the Spirit has install for me and that love that Jesus Christ demostrated when He comes down to earth be with each and everyone of us.

i have to tell you, i fear meeting up with josh's boss though. i fear he likes my work and give me a good offer. if i don't get an offer i do not need to think and conclude it as 'that is not God's plan for me'. if i do i need to make a decision that is going to change the route of my life forever. probably even who i am going to marry. i hate to make decisions like that. just when i thought i had already decided when the opportunity comes. the real test comes when the decision is in front of you. for now, i will spare myself from the fear since it is not here yet.

is true love enough for you?

she asked herself: why don't you explain yourself, at least you can tell me it is not like how i think it is.

he resolved in his heart: i don't want to explain myself anymore. my love for her is real but not that true love is enough to change anything.

whose lines are that? lines of many, many individuals. one of the many are the main actor and actress of my recent korean series, to marry a millionaire.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

word study 2: suitability

The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." genesis 2:18

suit·a·ble [soo-tuh-buhl] adjective
such as to suit; appropriate; fitting; becoming

com·pat·i·ble [kuhm-pat-uh-buhl] noun
capable of existing or living together in harmony. something, as a machine or piece of electronic equipment, that is designed to perform the same tasks as another, often in the same way and using virtually identical parts, programmed instructions

chaiyen's dictionary
compatibility = two very similar people for eg VW or NM, be it family background, education, experience in life, interest and almost everything. their thoughts and choices are mostly alike making them feel that they can live with each other forever. to many they are like perfect couple because they see one in the other. they work together as a peaceful partner. they love each other like that phrase "i find it so easy to love you."
movies eg: my best friend's wedding

suitability = two very different people for eg AV or Pd that falls nicely together with each other. they always have a different views of things, this helps two of them learn to see a bigger picture. in long term, they will begin to be more and more like each other but for the better. i believe they bring out the best of each other. they work together as a wholesome partner. they love each other like that phrase "i don't know why i love you, but i do."
movies eg: jerry macquire, nathan and haley in one tree hill

this second series of word study is discussed on the same day as the first. i blog it separately so that you can have time to ponder on it. i believe you can fall in love with either one. there is no right and wrong. it does take quite a bit to work out the latter though because the differences make it looks almost impossible. but i guess that is when the phrase comes in so aptly "you complete me".

Sunday, February 04, 2007

word study 1: romantic

ro·man·tic [roh-man-tik] adjective

to her:
doing something out of a norm to express your love for her. can be small little things like an sms in the middle of the day.

to him:
going to the extreme length to do something that may seems impractical to a guy just to fulfill the childhood fantasy of a girl. just by doing that, to a guy it doesn't make him feel that he cares any more for a girl.

why do guys never bother to be that romantic guy
myth 1: because they think that small little things are not in the bracket of romantic. so they drop it. they think that girls don't notice and won't appreciate small things like that.
myth 2: because to them to plan something romantic takes effort and extreme is difficult. so it takes them quite a while to plan them. and a while took too long and they forgetten about it.
myth 3: they don't think that it is necessary to be continuously romantic. after one year of relationship, you ought to know he loves you.

the truth is girls
1. just want to know that someone care for them.
2. just want to see some action to the 'i love you'.
3. just want to know that someone think of them.

i never understand why guys hate that word romantic and girls love it. now i know... they have a different understanding of it. today i care to find out from a guy, actually i pleaded him to tell me. sometimes i wonder why they never want to help us understand them. i hope this entry help you girls understand why they always think it is too much to ask for. i mean it makes sense. but i hope it clarifies to guys what we girls mean as well, we weren't asking for the moon probably just the moonlight. it is only outside my house.

i have to say i was pretty hurt when i tried explaining once to a guy and all he said is "don't say it is just the small things you wanted, it is all the same things." it does make us girls a bit shallow. as if we are not mature enough to handle this thing call love, like we need the pills of romantic to fix us. to be fair, this blog entry has at least half of those small little things. let me count 3, 4, 6, 11, 12, 13, 16, 17, 19, 20. ok i even removed no. 8, considering probably making your way to my house require quite an effort. is that really too much to ask for? if all these mean a lot because you are just my fix for my insecurity. woe to me... i am such an insecure woman, that i need you to tell me i am beautiful. we are made this way. why don't you think, just like you want us to say "you are the man" "i believe in you", we just want to hear "i love you" says differently. when we see the romantic act, trust us we smile because it is from you not because it is from any other person.

i watched a very romantic movie, the notebook. it reminds me of 50 first dates. does such love exist? a man reminding a girl everyday that he still loves her. why would he bother since she can't remember it the next day? i guess it means a lot everytime for him to let her know he loves her.

thinking about you

1. i didn't know i need internet so much. the last few days, i kept thinking of what i want to blog. anyway, i run out of things to do at home and i started on a new series.

2. a girl came up to me after church on friday. "are you chaiyen?". "and ur... (because i don't think i know her)". "hi, my name is m... i read you blog". if someone is introduce to me and she recognises my name that is a wow. but someone saw me on the street and asked me if i am chaiyen, that is a double wow. i think i am famous now or i had just post too much of my photos recently. i think i need to stop. in case i get some stalker like peyton's drama and i won't be that lucky to have a lucas that is there for me all the time. opps did i leak something?

3. this guy i have to say is very, very nice. i need to credit him here even though he doesn't want his name to be mentioned. as usual in singapore i always have ppl sending me home. on friday, i am about to take my public transport back but it was too late to catch the last train. so i took a bus back to the the west with him. the last stop is in front of his place. you won't believe what he did, he companied me to take another bus that past by my area. we are still quite a distance and he walked me home. when he reached my place honestly i really dunno how he find his way home. i can only say, it was a really nice long talk. i wonder why we never take a cab but i'm glad we didn't. yes, if i had not told you this. it had been freaking cold in singapore, come to think about it... it was in bangkok too. what's wrong with kl huh? i really enjoy walking at night but of course it is a bit dangerous for a girl to do that alone, kind of glad he was there yesterday. and he said "why aren't there girls that like to walk with me like you here."

one remarkable on from him:
y: you need to sell your car so that you will have more chance with guys in kl. then they can sent you home.
cy: that is a brilliant idea.
y: oh no, don't sell the car. give me the car :)

Thursday, February 01, 2007

i'd rather

by Luther Vandross

I thought sometime alone
was what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see that
I thought it was the end
of a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone (alone)
and I tried to find
out if this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart


I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah

And then I met someone
and thought she could replace you
we got a long just fine
we wasted time because she was not you
we had a lot of fun
though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection they were all lies, all lies
so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you
I know better now
and I've had a change of heart

(Repeat Chorus)

I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you
I can only prove the things I say with time
please be mine,

I'd rather have bad times with (please be mine) you
than good times with someone else (I know)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (anytime)
than safe and warm by myself (so sure baby)
I'd rather have hard times together
than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart (my heart)

I'd rather have bad times with you (surely)
than good times with someone else (surely)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (oh yeah)
than safe and warm by myself (all by myself)
I'd rather have hard times together
than to have it easy apart (you know it)
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoooo... who holds my heart

argh i enjoy travelling alone on the mrt, listening to class 95. heard that song up there. thought there is something really deep in that song. playing it again and again on my itunes now and thinking why would someone sing something like that. am sitting in holland v taking coffee, surfing the net. btw i will be bringing home a new macbook and i just found out i will be earning what i did not last year. ok i am happy. but for now i am broke till i am done with the job.