Thursday, November 29, 2007

need to get back a life

i shouldnt complain really, at least i slept from 1-5am right? with loads of deadline all clashed together is not bad. on top of that to commit to cell, lunches, friends art gallery, weddings, bridal shower, pick-up-the-bride ceremony, going in to all 3-4 offices to please all my clients is quite a thing. i promise you i wasnt even watching grey's. so glad this is my last astro issue. i like the design part of it because i do have a bit of freedom to design there, i also like the part of spending time with my friend again but i think i should just stick with HELLO! and FHM. stop taking BluInc jobs cause all their good well planned senior designers are gone. stop trashing new grounds with planning weddings and law firm rebranding. enough. i shall focus on sleeping, keeping myself young, go pak toh-ing... if not really i will be left up the shelf, though it sounds like a trend not to be in a relationship now. it seems like all my friend has given up hope on it.

bottom line, i just need to get back to the time i enjoy my work. now i dont have the time to do so. holiday... can't wait.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

i confess im finally feeling stress

1. one of my client which i believe doesnt exactly know what she wants just made me redo all her 14 pages. on top of that i have new pages for her.
2. my other client do not have images attach to all his text. the worst bit is he claimed he finished giving me all his text. i guessed he passed the buck to me.
3. one of the pages just disappeared and i have to redo the 3 pages, i suspect i accidentally trash it. and you hate yourself for making stupif mistake like this. then in everyway you wish that you have this.
4. my external harddisk fell and it stopped functioning immediately. i have stuff inside which i need to finish tonight. but at least i tranferred the bulk of it to my laptop yesterday.
5. im not going to have sleep tonight i suppose. i mean, if i can finish all my work even without sleep that would be a consolation.

it is a terrible way to start off the week. and i feel like standing on top of the mountain to screammm... but a lesson i learn yesterday when i went to purelife home with some of my church friends. i just need to walk one step at time, like this kids who doesnt even know which college is open to them.

i went with fullness of self, to see them made me realised how empty i am. they were a whole bunch of kids with emptiness but to have some ppl visit them brought them fullness of joy.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

everyone is hurt, so let's not do more damage

so we went for our first friendly date. one thing about publishing ppl we get free movies tickets like all the time. and you think that is great enough till he told me the car i was sitting on was his test drive car for the week. the perks for designing a car magazine.

i went to movie with him as i would with many other friends. it gets a bit freaky after the movie, his friend stopped by and said "bye, chaiyen we have to go first". i stared at my friend and ask him plainly "you bitch about me, your friend actually know my name?" and so to prove my point i know he is attached, i asked about his relationship. and of course the kepoh me checked his track records. 2 hands full including mine i meant. and so how come he can have 8 years relationship in between. you do the maths. it didn't take him long to tell me about his first love. she is dead. you think stories like this only happen in korean movies. all these high school gang fights thing. he was supposed to die instead of her. i quickly concluded "so you are looking for a girl to replace her?" "kind off, but i had never met one like her". 14 years have passed and some wound just doesnt close without a scar.

we all get hurt by someone, somewhere, somewhat. we get hurt by ppl that got hurt. and this has to stop somewhere. i mean it cant keep spreading like this. so sorry if i ever stand on the side of those victim mentality ppl. yes, they might have a long track records and i might not totally agree with moving from one relationship to another as a way out but i emphathised with them. some of them just go from one relationship to another looking for true love but in vain because they are not looking at the right place and right ppl. while some of them move from one relationship to another because they dont want to get serious and hurt anymore but they want company because loneliness reminds them of their old wound. and so the question how do you ever make a relationship works with ppl like this? well it takes someone that really love. it was love that started it and it will be love that will heal this kind of pain. but who would start it? no one want to take that risk. as usual the stubborn me am just trying to keep my stand. because we know in every relationship we are not only hurting others even though we think we can pretend we don't care, we know we do.

Brooke: How could you cheat on me with my best friend?
Lucas: Brooke, I never meant to hurt you.
Brooke: That doesn't really matter, Lucas. 'Cause in the end it all hurts just the same.


im not coming from someone very much on top of it all. i have my moments, while mine is a little mild compare to changing one relationship to another. i confessed i had been flirting. as much as we want to stay out of falling in love, we like the feeling of being in love. it puts a smile on your face. flirting is a quick fix for that though you know none of them really meant what they say. though you dont feel for them, you still feel special having someone calls you 'sweetie'. some days you just reminisce the feelings of being in love and you miss having someone there, so at those day you just go out with your fella victim and kill each other loneliness. but i had been going out with quite a few ppl so that i dont get emotionally attach to one and i have been keeping my hands to myself so that i don't get burn. in days when im more sober, i remind them that they are great friends. remind them that they dont need to jump from one relationship to another. im a substitute. i keep ppl company till their right man or woman come along. till then i remind you, you are not alone and you are special. this bit i mean it.

Monday, November 19, 2007


seriously this is really well done.

"remember me not as a hero or a king. remember me as a man with error, flawed" beowulf

gosh im a sucker to lines like this. not that i like regretful cry baby. i love fighter that recognises his weakness. the fighter brings out his manliness, his weakness makes his real. that is besides the point, im a sucker for good body too. *faint*

seriously, i remembered what i was looking for in a man. seriously? seriously.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

much too much

"How do you know how much is too much? Too much too soon. Too much information. Too much fun. Too much love, or too much to ask of someone? When is it all just too much for us to bear?" grey's

there is a whole long list of things due next week. so much so i don't know which to start first. i have 6 projects in hand; 3 to close this coming week and the rest under urgent category. i really don't know which to focus on and start closing. but i shall. i need another miracle God :)

"When you're a kid, it's Halloween candy. You hide it from your parents and you eat it until you get sick. In college, it's the heavy combo of youth, tequila and well... you know... good things aren't always what they seem. Too much of anything, even love, is not always a good thing." grey's

as you notice, despite my busy schedule im not giving up on my leisure time. movies at 9.30pm tonight, ok better start with some work. signing off.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

getting pass today

CRISTINA: "Get out of bed, we're gonna be late."
MEREDITH: "I have a feeling."
CRISTINA: "You have a feeling?"
CRISTINA: "What kind of feeling?"
MEREDITH: "Like I might die."
CRISTINA: "Today? Tomorrow? In 50 years? We're all going to die eventually. Now we're late! Let's go!"
MEREDITH: "Oh Cristina, c'mon!"
CRISTINA: "What? I'm being supportive."
MEREDITH: "Really?"
CRISTINA: "Yeah, this is me being totally supportive. Go on."
MEREDITH: "Okay. The man I love has a wife and then he chooses her over me. Then the wife takes my dog. Well, she didn't actually take my dog. I gave it to her. But I didn't mean to give it to her, I meant to give it to him, and that doesn't change the fact that she's got Derek. And my McDog. She's got my McLife! What have I got? I can't even remember the last time we kissed. Because you never think the last time is the last time. You think you have forever, but you don't. Plus my conditioner decided to stop working and I think I have brittle bones. I need something to happen. I just need a sign. I need a reason to go on. I need some hope, and in the absence of hope, I need to stay in bed and feel like I might die today."
CRISTINA: [pauses, then drags Meredith out of bed] "Whatever. Everybody has problems. Get your ass out of bed and get to work. NOW! Move, move, move!"

i realised that we can really think ourselves happy.
1. dressed up and look good as if you are going to meet your McDreamy later.
2. give your best and do so well at work as if you are the staff of the month.
3. after work party so hard as if there is no work tomolo.

im not saying we can deny that we have problem and pretend it is not there. just that in the midst of that sadness dont stop living. do all the above... because with purpose each day, the day passes by faster. and sometimes all we need is to get pass today. because tomolo will bring in a whole new set of problems. the bad new is you have more problems, the good new is sometimes the problem is so great it overshadow your existing problem.

throw you another one. this is two ex couple conversing. now how cool is that and they are friends, yes they can actually be friends.

MEREDITH: "I have this feeling."
DEREK: "I get that feeling also. If you wait long enough it will pass."
MEREDITH: "Do you promise?"
DEREK: "I promise."

Thursday, November 15, 2007

more awake than most ppl

incident no1: starbucks
cy: iced venti latte to go.
cashier: sure iced venti latte. what size would you want your drink to be?
cy: *giggle*
cashier: sorry, iced venti latte right. sorry... sorry.

incident no2: over lunch
justin: where did you come from?
cy: went to hello office in damansara, then to amcorp mall to get something for my wedding client, here and later to bluinc to collect some stuff. argghhh it is another rainy day, super sleepy.
justin: yahh rainy day... where did you come from?
cy: *giggle* do you have alzheimer? hahaha...

incident no3: gym
cy: i lost my card, i want to renew it.
staff: sure, you need to pay rm15 for it. can have your membership card pls.
cy: *giggle* i lost my card.
staff: oh yahh, sorry i get you the form.

am i tired or them? im very much awake even without sleep ok.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

i love you, i love you not

MEREDITH: [pauses] "I have a dog."

DEREK: "You have a dog."

MEREDITH: "My point is, I have a dog."

DEREK: [smiles] "You have a dog. Oh, and you know what? I love dogs."

MEREDITH: "I've moved on, so don't give me that look."

DEREK: "What look?"

MEREDITH: "That look. Our look. I'm over you."

DEREK: "I'm over you, too."

MEREDITH: "You are?"

DEREK: "No."

MEREDITH: "Oh. Well, I am. Over you."

DEREK: "I'm over you too."

MEREDITH: "You just said... shut up." [smiles]


a friend was thinking if she is still in love with her ex or is it just the mind that got used to loving this person. somehow you just know it is over. and i can't recall when. somehow you feel the weight lifted from you. you live each day no longer for him but for yourself. you know you want that friendship and you know it is not for any other reason. being girls that are born with curiousity and kepoh-ness it is pretty hard to differentiate which bit is still-in-love and which bit was just wanting-to-know. this might help:

how you know you are no longer in love with someone:
1. you want to know which girl he hangs out with but you no longer feel the ache when he hangs out with other girls.
2. you compare yourself to who he is dating because that is just a typical girl thing but you dont wish that he comes back to your side.
3. you want to befriend him again but you are not in a hurry to do so.

if you can actually say this without pain: 'im-actually-happy-he-is-happy', you are officially no longer in love with this person. because we are all selfish fallen beings and will never be able to utter this. we will never be able to bear with seeing the one we love happy with another person. so spare me the nonsense if you love someone enough you will be happy to see him happy. so you figure that out girl.

Fresh starts thanks to the calendar they happen every year. Just set your watch to January, our reward for surviving the holiday season. Bringing on the great tradition of new years resolutions, put your past behind you and start over. It’s hard to resist the chance for a new beginning, a chance to put the problems of last year to bed.grey's


ok let me bring you to my house again in case you couldnt recognise it.

this is my living room. it is now double the space, the tv is so far away i really need to wear my glasses now to watch tv. i chose the tiles.

my dad had upgraded his tv but i am too lazy to take another photo. the dark wood behind is my creative idea.

finally i have a shoe shelf taller than me.

"ta-dah", i have more shoes space then everyone in the house.

my dad decided to close the hole with a glass in case samuel and sara, the twins fall off from there.

one of the nicest product my dad ever bought.

the ceiling details are one of the nicest design of my dad.

yup close up... it is nice.

this is now the view from my room, no more sunrise.

result: everyone is happy with it this time. unlike usual how we all complain my dad waste money to make the house uglier. this time he decided to involve us in the planning. of course the outcome will be good, im a designer you know :)

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

dejavu feeling cause unfair judgement

i met up with my college friends yesterday night. as usual they will go to this topic.

friend: are you still single?
cy: yup. erm... i was attached once after college if your still means since college days. hahaha
friend: surely got ppl going after you right since you are so hot? too caught up with work is it.
cy: nooo... i have social life ok. (yahh got ppl going after, but they are all of weird cases for eg...)

i remembered when i first saw him i felt that like he looks like my 3rd ex bf. i did wonder if it is because he stared at me like he used too. the kind that keep glaring at you even when you look at him.

i kind of know it when he makes small talk unlike how other guys without motive do so. offering to drive me back eventhough i drove was quite funny. offering to fetch me back to work the next day to get my car would be giving him too many opportunities. though i was totally tempted to do so since i was dead tired doing OT that period and driving was definitely the last thing i want to do.

i never put much thought to it after my freelance job with that company was over. till i bummed into this guy a few months later right outside my gym where he got my contact in the name of "pass me your contact, i can pass you some freelance job if my friend ask for a writer". i laughed and answered him "im not a writer, im a designer". so he turned the story around and said he can passed me design job then.

i did not of course receive any jobs from him except for many invites to join him for gym and lunch. which i did not purposely avoid but our timing wasn't good so we never actually once met.

i couldnt believe why i bum into him every time i step into that office. whether it is me reversing my car or walking up the stairs. he must be somewhere around and following that will trigger him to SMS me again.

mostly, i never understand why he knows that i know he is attached (because his colleague loudly warned him not to flirt), yet still he thinks that he can get around me.

i dont feel anything at all to him, but that was exactly how i felt for my ex too. he had proven he doesnt has the killer sweet lips which won my heart over like my ex since he is quite bad in even making a date happen, so i guess he will not do me any harm. because i was just wondering if i should be friends with him since im suspicious of his motive. but i shall give him the benefit of doubt maybe he was just being friendly. i definitely do not look like the kind of girl that can be your FWB (Friend With Benefit) despite knowing you has a gf, right? or i can just pretend to be busy the next time he calls since i have always been busy.

i hate dejavu feeling because it warns your heart to be cautious of ppl that has similar trade. and sometimes it is pretty unfair for eg they look alike. but sometimes you really can't help it.

experiences in your life does make you whether you like it or not.

Sunday, November 11, 2007


who are you God to me?

are you someone that i called on to for direction in life because i know you know?
are you someone i come to for financial breakthrough because i know you can?
are you someone i come to for when i get agitated with my sickness because i know you heal?
are you someone i talk to when i feel lonely because i know you are there?
are you someone i cry to when no one understands because i know you do?

how can i know so much of You yet constantly forget?

as crazy as this may sounds like. i dont want to be problem free. let me struggle with relationship, finance, work and health. trembling because i know You can do exactly that, as many ppl say "be careful of what you ask for from God"; i ask for the grace and faith to believe for Your breakthrough because i know You can bring me through.

so today i pray again, be part of my life. help me deal with my relationships, give me financial freedom, help me do well in my work and heal my itching throat.

Give me neither poverty nor riches––feed me with the food alloted to me; lest i be full and deny You, and say, "Who is the Lord?" Or lest I be poor and steal, and profane the name of my God.
proverbs 30.9

Saturday, November 10, 2007


i was super curious. why would they have roadblocks at 12pm. isnt that a bit a early for the drunkards to start heading home. and why would they block drivers who havent even head to town. bear with me. there are 2 roadblocks on federal highway to kl. closing 4 lanes to 1, it is not funny. my cousin sister added, even the chinese policemen are working. this is something big. murder? illegal immigrant? hmmm...

this explains the road block.

how great is your love?

how many times we are in malls, bars, subway and gym when all eyes are drawn to some cute hunks but do nothing about it and watch him walk away.

as crazy as this may sound like. it happened. i guess for such a dramatic introduction he deserves a date. definitely. on top of that he looks pretty cute. no wonder someone emailed him "I'm not the girl but you're so adorable, pick me instead", he told New York Post.

does this really work. let me try to recall my crushes over the last few weeks. there was a few in my gym. so what can i do, draw a picture of him, colour it with the exact skin tone and stick it at the spot where he smiled at me. forget it, i can't draw.

how much do you want what you want? or what will you do to pursue love?

a lot of things are not fated to be but if you believe it enough what you do out of it creates destiny.

Thursday, November 08, 2007


since the day i saw this on alan's blog. i had been telling ppl how cool that mtv is. little did i know it is a movie. so when steph told me that she has the dvd 'Secret' and i must watch it since im such a sucker in korean movies. it had been more agonising than ever since then, knowing that i have the dvd and not able to watch it. yes, let's not talk about me being half way thru grey's.

something about man playing piano... drool. i told you about eric at no black tie. one hand on the piano another his glass of liquor. coooooll. way to cool.
on another note, i was in velvet and some guys were fighting. in my ignorance i walked pass and got pushed to the wall leaving a 8cm cane look alike scratch on my back. i didn't know it was that bad till i lean on my chair today and it hurts. gosh... didn't mummy say it is dangerous to go clubbing? litterally.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

coffee: way to go

you know you drink too much coffee when:
1. you know the girl is from carrefour starbucks doing relieve shift for the ss15 branch
2. you can negotiate for 3 mins parking with the pyramid security when they usually dont even allow car to wait there.
3. the carrefour girl know your regular order.
4. and you know how to bluff your way thru the one way road at ss15 instead of making a big round. that of course comes with the magic of small car like mine.
5. you know how to make full use of your time while waiting for your drink for eg withdraw money from the atm machine right at the back of buckie at jaya shopping centre.
6. you payexact amount rm12.08 for your iced venti latte before they tell you the price.
7. you actually remember venti is large and tall is not.
8. you pack home latte with the cup half full because you want to put the ice in only when you drink it at night.
9. you know it is more worth it to buy grande instead venti because they have the same amount of double expresso shot.
10. you know that the line on the cup is for the portion of milk and not just design. now this is what we can functional design.

if i only need 10 stickers for the free organiser, i will surely have darn a lot of it. who want one? it looks pretty nice. i already got my 2008 organiser so you can have them if you give me your name.

Sunday, November 04, 2007


if only is when you are trap in the past.
what if is when you are trap by the future.

i guess all if kills.


Kelly Clarkson Lyrics

this morning i joined the FHM team for our december GND (girls next door) photoshoot. all 12 girls, of course only some were stunning. sometimes i think guys envied me. but maybe it is not that great. cause see what the writer told me

cy: so how is life treating you meeting pretty girls all the time.
w: not as great as i thought it would be.
cy: too many pretty girls make your expectations unreachable. or after talking to them you wished you had stick with just looking at them.
w: yahhh hahaha... should had stick to just looking at them.

super tired... and i dont care, once i got the money im going to thank that guy for bringing me into this shit. quick think about where to go dude? shang's buffet, starhill or jap? sorry, i just need something to look forward to.