Wednesday, November 21, 2007

everyone is hurt, so let's not do more damage

so we went for our first friendly date. one thing about publishing ppl we get free movies tickets like all the time. and you think that is great enough till he told me the car i was sitting on was his test drive car for the week. the perks for designing a car magazine.

i went to movie with him as i would with many other friends. it gets a bit freaky after the movie, his friend stopped by and said "bye, chaiyen we have to go first". i stared at my friend and ask him plainly "you bitch about me, your friend actually know my name?" and so to prove my point i know he is attached, i asked about his relationship. and of course the kepoh me checked his track records. 2 hands full including mine i meant. and so how come he can have 8 years relationship in between. you do the maths. it didn't take him long to tell me about his first love. she is dead. you think stories like this only happen in korean movies. all these high school gang fights thing. he was supposed to die instead of her. i quickly concluded "so you are looking for a girl to replace her?" "kind off, but i had never met one like her". 14 years have passed and some wound just doesnt close without a scar.

we all get hurt by someone, somewhere, somewhat. we get hurt by ppl that got hurt. and this has to stop somewhere. i mean it cant keep spreading like this. so sorry if i ever stand on the side of those victim mentality ppl. yes, they might have a long track records and i might not totally agree with moving from one relationship to another as a way out but i emphathised with them. some of them just go from one relationship to another looking for true love but in vain because they are not looking at the right place and right ppl. while some of them move from one relationship to another because they dont want to get serious and hurt anymore but they want company because loneliness reminds them of their old wound. and so the question how do you ever make a relationship works with ppl like this? well it takes someone that really love. it was love that started it and it will be love that will heal this kind of pain. but who would start it? no one want to take that risk. as usual the stubborn me am just trying to keep my stand. because we know in every relationship we are not only hurting others even though we think we can pretend we don't care, we know we do.

Brooke: How could you cheat on me with my best friend?
Lucas: Brooke, I never meant to hurt you.
Brooke: That doesn't really matter, Lucas. 'Cause in the end it all hurts just the same.


im not coming from someone very much on top of it all. i have my moments, while mine is a little mild compare to changing one relationship to another. i confessed i had been flirting. as much as we want to stay out of falling in love, we like the feeling of being in love. it puts a smile on your face. flirting is a quick fix for that though you know none of them really meant what they say. though you dont feel for them, you still feel special having someone calls you 'sweetie'. some days you just reminisce the feelings of being in love and you miss having someone there, so at those day you just go out with your fella victim and kill each other loneliness. but i had been going out with quite a few ppl so that i dont get emotionally attach to one and i have been keeping my hands to myself so that i don't get burn. in days when im more sober, i remind them that they are great friends. remind them that they dont need to jump from one relationship to another. im a substitute. i keep ppl company till their right man or woman come along. till then i remind you, you are not alone and you are special. this bit i mean it.