primary
- inner circle: mei chen, paik lian
sec 1: st mary
- inner circle: yi li*
sec 2: seafield
- inner circle: steph, jac, anna
- cliques: (mohd, leroy), (shawn, ryan)
sec 4: smsu
- inner circle: celia, shawn
- cliques: (selina, mei yee, kelley, chiau theng), (justin, jason) (chan hui, hon kit)
college: the one academy
- inner circle: joan**
- cliques: (yew wei, shawn, rodney, ryan t), (jon c, chris c, ryan f, lemuel)
singapore
- inner circle: shirley, yong howe, ps lawrence, elaine
- cliques: (grace, yan lin, kimmy), (kelley, sharne, jac, hui chuin)
back to kl
- inner circle: greg, keith
cliques: (chris w, sam w, jon n, chris c), (jon c, yuchun, sophia)
now
- inner circle: steph
- cliques in kl: (jac, anna, sien lee), (yi li*), (daniel t, paul), (justin), (yew wei), (jelly, huay phing, jon n)
- cliques in spore: (elaine, shups, steph, weiling, alvin), (yin huan, ying wai)
inner circle = i tell them most of my things and they do too. we meet and talk like any other day in the week.
cliques = friends i have interaction with more than once in a week. msn and blogs help maintain all the current friendships when i am away.
* yili and i had advanced from the ice breaker stage, how i used to feel a bit unwelcome. now i am pretty glad we both had not give up meeting.
**joan and i saw each other in the most improbable place yesterday. i had been looking for her ever since i came back to kl. we lost each other contacts. apparently she had been looking for me too. so we were hugging each other on the street last night, overjoyed and exchanged our numbers. now we must see if we progress from just being acquainted. as you can see from this list, i had found back all my inner circle friends, except her. so this is priceless.
---
only one more mia friend, am still looking for my player ex bf. that is the thing with us, we always assume ppl are there and not keep in touch but when you realised there are not there anymore we come out with some weird friendster thing to find them. once we find them again, we just add them in our friends' list as if that do the talking bit till we lose them all over again. i am a sucker at initiating contacts but i always try to meet if you call.
even though i understand that bit that friends change with the season of life we are in, that ppl do come and go i still always find it heartbreaking when i get out of touch with these ppl that i once was so close with. even though the chemistry and intensity of meeting each other might not be there anymore, a secret part of me just want to know at least they are well. i do sit down there once in a while and wonder what they are doing in that room we used to hangout, reminiscing the jokes and things we used to do together. when i hear them doing well, i do feel like writing a note for them and when they are not, i do feel like being there for them. but so often i feel that i no longer has the rights to do so. in moment like this, i do wish that i am an angel, having the liberty to just walk in to their life and watch them without being seen. be by their bed when they cry and pray or at their desk to give them that strength to carry on.
somehow when those friendships blossom again, it is with such gratefulness i cannot begin to explain. i had restore back a lot of friendships recently. they just appear out of no where, i am proud of myself and really thank God for it. still i believe i can do better. then again, how many friends can we cope with, as much as we want to. looking at the recent list, it is pretty obvious my gfs list are getting longer than my bfs list. that is not a norm and i thought that is worthy of a title.
like i had once said, i enjoy making new friends but it is nothing like meeting an old friend, especially those i had journey with.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
time
when i used to work like a dog, i was desperate for time.
when i was serving in church like no body business, meetings after meetings i thought all i needed was a bit more time.
i thought maybe my devotional will be better if i have more time.
maybe i will be more happy and organise if i have more time.
but now that i have all the time in the world.
i have all the sleep i needed
i met all the friends i needed
i watched all the series i wanted
i don't know what else to do.
my devotional didn't get better
my life is not more organise.
i forgotten why i was fighting for time again.
meaningless, meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
---
finished my work last night and sent it all to the client so that she can read it this morning.
wait for her in the office till 12 noon, still no sign of her call.
can't get her. call again. can't get her. call again.
wait for her to till 3pm, changes need to be made.
can't get her. call again. can't get her. call again.
wait for her till 5pm, she will come back to me to comfirm.
printed all the pages that i can print first.
can't get her. call again. can't get her. call again.
wait for her till 6pm, colleague said she left already.
can't get her. call again. can't get her. call again.
wait for her till 7pm, all work comfirmed.
i thought finally. press print. printer error.
didn't know i was sharing my colleague printer just now. he just left so there goes my next problem.
tried fixing my setup. doesn't work.
tried installing printer again. doesn't work.
tried searching all over the net. doesn't work.
tried reading the printer manual. doesn't work.
tried looking around the printer to see how else i can connect. doesn't work.
tried using usb. doesn't work.
tried praying. doesn't work.
tried sitting down and think what else i can do. doesn't work.
wait till 9pm, my boss is back from his meeting.
wait for the printer to print till 10.30pm, done.
meaningless, meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
when i was serving in church like no body business, meetings after meetings i thought all i needed was a bit more time.
i thought maybe my devotional will be better if i have more time.
maybe i will be more happy and organise if i have more time.
but now that i have all the time in the world.
i have all the sleep i needed
i met all the friends i needed
i watched all the series i wanted
i don't know what else to do.
my devotional didn't get better
my life is not more organise.
i forgotten why i was fighting for time again.
meaningless, meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
---
finished my work last night and sent it all to the client so that she can read it this morning.
wait for her in the office till 12 noon, still no sign of her call.
can't get her. call again. can't get her. call again.
wait for her to till 3pm, changes need to be made.
can't get her. call again. can't get her. call again.
wait for her till 5pm, she will come back to me to comfirm.
printed all the pages that i can print first.
can't get her. call again. can't get her. call again.
wait for her till 6pm, colleague said she left already.
can't get her. call again. can't get her. call again.
wait for her till 7pm, all work comfirmed.
i thought finally. press print. printer error.
didn't know i was sharing my colleague printer just now. he just left so there goes my next problem.
tried fixing my setup. doesn't work.
tried installing printer again. doesn't work.
tried searching all over the net. doesn't work.
tried reading the printer manual. doesn't work.
tried looking around the printer to see how else i can connect. doesn't work.
tried using usb. doesn't work.
tried praying. doesn't work.
tried sitting down and think what else i can do. doesn't work.
wait till 9pm, my boss is back from his meeting.
wait for the printer to print till 10.30pm, done.
meaningless, meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
how do you move from a crowd to a candidate
what catches girls attention to what they consider in order:
1. prominent guys
*whether you are famous for the good or bad, i guess that is why rebellious guys, top student, worship leader get the chics. you need to be outstanding to first get the girls attention.
2. good looks, good body or dresses up well
*it is an either or, better still all. so if you don't have the former pls make sure you make up with the latter.
3. knowledgable, street smart and decision maker
*you get extremely attractive when you seems to know everything but watch out, too much of it makes you a poser. just make sure you spill your wisdom accidentally. always have a list of where to go, standing on the street not knowing where to go is bad.
4. a man with a great heart, that talks and shares quality time with you
*girls like man that listens and talks. a great heart that is not necessary perfect but always trying, whether they change or not is a different story. it is too late when they know anyway.
5. rich: security of the future and i guess that it makes easier for you to be sweet
*if you have a car, a house, a great job or a rich dad. i have to say most girls will feel that her future is secure. follow up from the third point, if you are rich i guess it helps to impress her by introducing a lot of first into her life. but remember work out from the top because there are loads of old dying billionaire out there, you ought to have some of those qualities up there to beat them.
what catches guys attention to what they consider in order: (1-3 depends on the circumstances)
1. dresses up well and good posture
*i don't mean sexy but dress up everyday like you are going to meet the person you like. if you dresses up well, you will not go unnotice. often time, i feel that the girls that looks good most of the time can be easily mistaken as pretty. then they will look out for the way you stand, walk and talk.
2. good figure
*as far as i know this is the order: hour glass body shape (assets), firm body or skinny girls. even if you don't have all all that, just make sure you don't have a protruding tummy. that is a no-no (why do you think i am working so hard on my abs).
3. good looks
*we can't do much for this, i guess we can work on the first two if we are not. at least that is not the the only thing they look at.
4. interesting characters
*how you can stand out from all the other pretty girls is your USP. you need to like and hate some things. "anything" is boring. if you do things that most girls doesn't do, you are more interesting. eg: watches soccer, likes chocolates, loves chicken wings...
5. convenience
*end of the day in this lazy generation, you need to be seen and be close enough. if you are just one pretty girl, there are loads out there. you need to happen to be their friends then you will get a chance. so meet more ppl, make more friends.
---
the order are the sequence of things that run through the mind. for a guy eg: they will miss out pretty face but they never miss out short skirt girls (that is not what i mean by dresses well, the lack of better illustration). and if you don't look good, at least they will say you have boobs. of course it is subjective to individuals. we might drop one or two in between but this list are mainly about how you stand out from a big crowds to be a candidate at all.
"i show no pretense but if a girl wants to put me on a white horse that is up to her" the player from the movie someone like you.
the whole attraction thing is shallow and superficial, but at least you get their attention to exhibit your real qualities. i mean if you have any at all. if not you might just get lucky, that someone chooses to love you as you are. ok i had spilled my beans for your sake, now i need to work a little harder *grin*. don't give me the nonsense that i don't need to be like someone else or God has someone for me. i totally believe this but for goodness sake pls help that person spot you and do yourself a little good by having a few more choices so that you don't jump on the first person that approach you as a sign from God.
1. prominent guys
*whether you are famous for the good or bad, i guess that is why rebellious guys, top student, worship leader get the chics. you need to be outstanding to first get the girls attention.
2. good looks, good body or dresses up well
*it is an either or, better still all. so if you don't have the former pls make sure you make up with the latter.
3. knowledgable, street smart and decision maker
*you get extremely attractive when you seems to know everything but watch out, too much of it makes you a poser. just make sure you spill your wisdom accidentally. always have a list of where to go, standing on the street not knowing where to go is bad.
4. a man with a great heart, that talks and shares quality time with you
*girls like man that listens and talks. a great heart that is not necessary perfect but always trying, whether they change or not is a different story. it is too late when they know anyway.
5. rich: security of the future and i guess that it makes easier for you to be sweet
*if you have a car, a house, a great job or a rich dad. i have to say most girls will feel that her future is secure. follow up from the third point, if you are rich i guess it helps to impress her by introducing a lot of first into her life. but remember work out from the top because there are loads of old dying billionaire out there, you ought to have some of those qualities up there to beat them.
what catches guys attention to what they consider in order: (1-3 depends on the circumstances)
1. dresses up well and good posture
*i don't mean sexy but dress up everyday like you are going to meet the person you like. if you dresses up well, you will not go unnotice. often time, i feel that the girls that looks good most of the time can be easily mistaken as pretty. then they will look out for the way you stand, walk and talk.
2. good figure
*as far as i know this is the order: hour glass body shape (assets), firm body or skinny girls. even if you don't have all all that, just make sure you don't have a protruding tummy. that is a no-no (why do you think i am working so hard on my abs).
3. good looks
*we can't do much for this, i guess we can work on the first two if we are not. at least that is not the the only thing they look at.
4. interesting characters
*how you can stand out from all the other pretty girls is your USP. you need to like and hate some things. "anything" is boring. if you do things that most girls doesn't do, you are more interesting. eg: watches soccer, likes chocolates, loves chicken wings...
5. convenience
*end of the day in this lazy generation, you need to be seen and be close enough. if you are just one pretty girl, there are loads out there. you need to happen to be their friends then you will get a chance. so meet more ppl, make more friends.
---
the order are the sequence of things that run through the mind. for a guy eg: they will miss out pretty face but they never miss out short skirt girls (that is not what i mean by dresses well, the lack of better illustration). and if you don't look good, at least they will say you have boobs. of course it is subjective to individuals. we might drop one or two in between but this list are mainly about how you stand out from a big crowds to be a candidate at all.
"i show no pretense but if a girl wants to put me on a white horse that is up to her" the player from the movie someone like you.
the whole attraction thing is shallow and superficial, but at least you get their attention to exhibit your real qualities. i mean if you have any at all. if not you might just get lucky, that someone chooses to love you as you are. ok i had spilled my beans for your sake, now i need to work a little harder *grin*. don't give me the nonsense that i don't need to be like someone else or God has someone for me. i totally believe this but for goodness sake pls help that person spot you and do yourself a little good by having a few more choices so that you don't jump on the first person that approach you as a sign from God.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
i don't love you, say it right
"Okay, guy in need of a clue. Here's one. Women send signals. That was a brush off. Before you dip into your shallow pool of wit let me paint us a picture and save us both the trouble. Here's your evening. You are going to slink back off to your buddies, laugh this off, get wasted, go home, and make nice with yourself. But don't be thinking of me, because even your fantasy of me, isn't interested in you." brooke davis' opening speech to the guys on the first day before their final year party, OTH. (this is in a DO THIS list because it is general)
guys and girls sent sign. whether they like or not. guys need sign to give them the courage to ask. girls needs sign to give them the courage to love or even think about love. on the down side, guys and girls sent sign if they are not interested as well. some sign are clear and some are overlook. from my obvious list, these* are possible sign there are not interested. but if you seriously doesn't like her but doesn't want to hurt her, read on.
DON'T DO THIS
1. don't avoid her
- spare her the agony of thinking she had done something wrong.
2. don't overexaggerate that you are not interested
- taboo: "there are so many prettier girls in this world why will i even like you". you are suppose to let her know you are not interested to start a relationship with her not kill her with insecurity, they had enough of that on their plates. basically you don't need to be a jerk to remove that feelings from her.
3. don't sent her wrong sign
- i don't think it is a problem to go out with her alone on any other day of the year if you are good friends. but don't bring her out on vday and birthday alone.
DO THIS
1. sit her down
- if she haven't tell you she likes you, it will be great for you to voice it out first that you enjoy her friendship but doesn't think that both of you can develope anymore than that. but if she has already let it out. tells her how flattered you are but you doesn't feel the same.
2. tell her what you like about her
- eventhough you don't have a eros feeling for her, i am sure there are something good about her: "i enjoy sharing my heart with you, you are a very good friend but i have feelings for someone else." or make it sounds as if it is your fault that will be better for eg: "you are too pretty, and i am not very comfortable dating a girl like you."
3. be friends, be normal.
- she had took up the courage to tell you the truth and that is not how you respond to the truth. she will be glad to know that she can still be your friends than to lose a lover and a friend on the same day.
her/she=him/he
---
you have no right to stop someone from loving you, as much as you have no right to force someone to love you. therefore be flattered to know someone in this world actually thinks you are great. don't break her poor heart for letting you know that.
guys and girls sent sign. whether they like or not. guys need sign to give them the courage to ask. girls needs sign to give them the courage to love or even think about love. on the down side, guys and girls sent sign if they are not interested as well. some sign are clear and some are overlook. from my obvious list, these* are possible sign there are not interested. but if you seriously doesn't like her but doesn't want to hurt her, read on.
DON'T DO THIS
1. don't avoid her
- spare her the agony of thinking she had done something wrong.
2. don't overexaggerate that you are not interested
- taboo: "there are so many prettier girls in this world why will i even like you". you are suppose to let her know you are not interested to start a relationship with her not kill her with insecurity, they had enough of that on their plates. basically you don't need to be a jerk to remove that feelings from her.
3. don't sent her wrong sign
- i don't think it is a problem to go out with her alone on any other day of the year if you are good friends. but don't bring her out on vday and birthday alone.
DO THIS
1. sit her down
- if she haven't tell you she likes you, it will be great for you to voice it out first that you enjoy her friendship but doesn't think that both of you can develope anymore than that. but if she has already let it out. tells her how flattered you are but you doesn't feel the same.
2. tell her what you like about her
- eventhough you don't have a eros feeling for her, i am sure there are something good about her: "i enjoy sharing my heart with you, you are a very good friend but i have feelings for someone else." or make it sounds as if it is your fault that will be better for eg: "you are too pretty, and i am not very comfortable dating a girl like you."
3. be friends, be normal.
- she had took up the courage to tell you the truth and that is not how you respond to the truth. she will be glad to know that she can still be your friends than to lose a lover and a friend on the same day.
her/she=him/he
---
you have no right to stop someone from loving you, as much as you have no right to force someone to love you. therefore be flattered to know someone in this world actually thinks you are great. don't break her poor heart for letting you know that.
Monday, April 16, 2007
starbucks experience
sitting down there surrrounded by a bunch of guys 5-10 years younger than me. brain washing them that starbucks is better than coffeee bean, recommending java chip that replaces one of my favourite, rhumba frappucino... and taking orders whipped cream or without? grande or venti? as if i work there :)
then indulge in my favourite topic excitedly since i have new brains and a new experiment group. fun fun...
what are the kind of girls you like: fair? tanned?
to me fair girls look very fragile but i guess guys like that probably because they feel more man because a girl need their protection. i like tanned girls, they look more outgoing and independent."
so will you tell your leader if you like any girl?
"(not that i am saying you have to) but if you tell your leader when you like a girl that is because you are accountable to him. but if you tell him only after you know she likes you, you are just informing him."
so why will you not tell a girl you like her until you know she feels the same?
"do you know most of the church girls nowadays have this mentality "i am not going to think about it" until you tell me you like me. so you won't get a hint and she will never know. isn't it? maybe that explains why there are not much relationship happening in churches today."
don't you think a girl notices you more after she lets you know she likes you? so why wouldn't you do the same?
"ok i understand that some friendship might be spoilt if it is not fully developed, but then telling her you like her is probably not even true then. assuming you are really friends, i think a mature person ought to respond nicely ("i like you, but i am not ready yet", "i don't like you, but i enjoy your friendship". if she is not mature enough to answer that, she is not ready for a relationship. unless it is you who doesn't want a friendship, i mean if it is true "i don't want to be just friends". i mean if it is that shallow to guys, there is no such things as "friends" between guys and girls... that is too bad.)"
they opened up and it was fun. like i said i always like talking to boys. they spilled quite a bit of things, claimed i hit the bull's-eye and concluded yinhuan, their cell leader brief me before this and hired me to dig out their worms. shhh... individual reports on the way huan.
---
end the night on the 70th floor of swisshotel, new asia bar. surrounded by big wide glasses, standing on top of a lighted up singapore reminded me of the feeling of standing in casa suite. it is beautiful. yup it is beautiful though my baileys were diluted and service was horrible. i am not an alcoholic* but the night was still young so we went for second round at chijmes.
reminiscing the good old days. somehow my heart is very soft in this beloved land of mine. memories will somehow mushroom up. not that all the experiences are here, but i guess this is why it is call home.
*my answer is no to all the questions except that i do drink alone now when i watch dvds at night. give me a break, i need some company when i watch One Tree Hill.
then indulge in my favourite topic excitedly since i have new brains and a new experiment group. fun fun...
what are the kind of girls you like: fair? tanned?
to me fair girls look very fragile but i guess guys like that probably because they feel more man because a girl need their protection. i like tanned girls, they look more outgoing and independent."
so will you tell your leader if you like any girl?
"(not that i am saying you have to) but if you tell your leader when you like a girl that is because you are accountable to him. but if you tell him only after you know she likes you, you are just informing him."
so why will you not tell a girl you like her until you know she feels the same?
"do you know most of the church girls nowadays have this mentality "i am not going to think about it" until you tell me you like me. so you won't get a hint and she will never know. isn't it? maybe that explains why there are not much relationship happening in churches today."
don't you think a girl notices you more after she lets you know she likes you? so why wouldn't you do the same?
"ok i understand that some friendship might be spoilt if it is not fully developed, but then telling her you like her is probably not even true then. assuming you are really friends, i think a mature person ought to respond nicely ("i like you, but i am not ready yet", "i don't like you, but i enjoy your friendship". if she is not mature enough to answer that, she is not ready for a relationship. unless it is you who doesn't want a friendship, i mean if it is true "i don't want to be just friends". i mean if it is that shallow to guys, there is no such things as "friends" between guys and girls... that is too bad.)"
they opened up and it was fun. like i said i always like talking to boys. they spilled quite a bit of things, claimed i hit the bull's-eye and concluded yinhuan, their cell leader brief me before this and hired me to dig out their worms. shhh... individual reports on the way huan.
---
end the night on the 70th floor of swisshotel, new asia bar. surrounded by big wide glasses, standing on top of a lighted up singapore reminded me of the feeling of standing in casa suite. it is beautiful. yup it is beautiful though my baileys were diluted and service was horrible. i am not an alcoholic* but the night was still young so we went for second round at chijmes.
reminiscing the good old days. somehow my heart is very soft in this beloved land of mine. memories will somehow mushroom up. not that all the experiences are here, but i guess this is why it is call home.
*my answer is no to all the questions except that i do drink alone now when i watch dvds at night. give me a break, i need some company when i watch One Tree Hill.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
the not so obvious list
de·ni·al [di-nahy-uhl] –noun
Psychology. an unconscious defense mechanism used to reduce anxiety by denying thoughts, feelings, or facts that are consciously intolerable.
for whatever reason you find yourself not wanting to accept this fact. you try to deny it. your actions betray you and the thoughts keep coming back. an additional to this list.
the not so obvious list you are in love
1. the only phone number you remember from the back of your mind is hers. but you try to think of other alternative so that you don't need to let her know.
*how you remember someone phone numbers in this generation when all you do is press click on the name to call is when you had been looking at these numbers for too long but don't have the courage to call. or simply that, you call her too often so those numbers keep appearing on your screen.
2. you check her blog first thing in the morning after you wake up, when you reach the office, before you go for lunch, after you come back from lunch, during tea break, before you leave your office, first thing when you get home and one more time before you go to sleep.
*you check someone blog once a day if you are a reader. you check someone blog 3 times a day if you like to read what they write. but when you check that many times, you are dying to know about this person.
3. you blog more often or not for her to read. but you don't want it obvious, so you use all the he, she and women to keep it general.
*you want the person you care to know how you are doing.
4. when you care, you try not to show you care. so instead of asking her, you wait anxiously for her to tell you.
*you will just call if it just another friend. there is nothing much to hide or think about.
5. when your friends told you something is going on between the two of you. you shun it away and say "never". then you try to avoid her. but you know every night you are thinking about it.
*you only avoid a person #1 when she likes you and you don't feel that at all or #2 you like a person but you don't want to feel that at all. if it is #1 you will have no part from no.1-4 above.
her=him
my question "why not?". if you can answer this question and make sense out of it then so be it but if you can't stop denying, drop that ego and face it. maybe, you are in love.
Sometimes people play hard to get to know that the other person's feelings are real.Brooke Davis to Haley from OTH
or sometimes they don't want to believe it is that person because you find no reason to love this person. but hey that is love. you don't need a reason to love.
Psychology. an unconscious defense mechanism used to reduce anxiety by denying thoughts, feelings, or facts that are consciously intolerable.
for whatever reason you find yourself not wanting to accept this fact. you try to deny it. your actions betray you and the thoughts keep coming back. an additional to this list.
the not so obvious list you are in love
1. the only phone number you remember from the back of your mind is hers. but you try to think of other alternative so that you don't need to let her know.
*how you remember someone phone numbers in this generation when all you do is press click on the name to call is when you had been looking at these numbers for too long but don't have the courage to call. or simply that, you call her too often so those numbers keep appearing on your screen.
2. you check her blog first thing in the morning after you wake up, when you reach the office, before you go for lunch, after you come back from lunch, during tea break, before you leave your office, first thing when you get home and one more time before you go to sleep.
*you check someone blog once a day if you are a reader. you check someone blog 3 times a day if you like to read what they write. but when you check that many times, you are dying to know about this person.
3. you blog more often or not for her to read. but you don't want it obvious, so you use all the he, she and women to keep it general.
*you want the person you care to know how you are doing.
4. when you care, you try not to show you care. so instead of asking her, you wait anxiously for her to tell you.
*you will just call if it just another friend. there is nothing much to hide or think about.
5. when your friends told you something is going on between the two of you. you shun it away and say "never". then you try to avoid her. but you know every night you are thinking about it.
*you only avoid a person #1 when she likes you and you don't feel that at all or #2 you like a person but you don't want to feel that at all. if it is #1 you will have no part from no.1-4 above.
her=him
my question "why not?". if you can answer this question and make sense out of it then so be it but if you can't stop denying, drop that ego and face it. maybe, you are in love.
Sometimes people play hard to get to know that the other person's feelings are real.Brooke Davis to Haley from OTH
or sometimes they don't want to believe it is that person because you find no reason to love this person. but hey that is love. you don't need a reason to love.
Friday, April 13, 2007
who will be your groom?
with the movie, the wedding planner as the background story. who would you marry?
A. someone that loves you and promise to love you the rest of your life.
"Mary, I know I never done the right thing, say the right thing. I know I act like a fool. I know say we'd be buddy-buddy friends, but that would not be true to my heart so I'll ask this one question, and if you answer "no" I'll leave you alone once and for all. Be my wife, Mary Fiore. If you answer yes I'll take care of you, be true to you, and like this house I built for your dolls, I'll make sure you have a strong roof over your head. If you answer yes than no one will love you as much as I love you. If you answer yes than you will make me the happiest man on earth." massimo to mary
B. someone that you grow up with.
steve: do you want to marry me?
fran: no! you are not going to walk out on me on my wedding day. we dated since high school. what do you mean if i want to marry you now?
steve: do you still love me? do you want to spent the rest of your life with me?
C. someone that you are arranged to married.
"your mother and i had an arranged wedding. first we couldn't look into each other eyes. once i got very sick and she took care of me. that day i really appreciate her. and that appreciation grew to respect and respect to love." dad to mary
D. someone that you have this fuzzy feelings about that you can't even begin to justify. bear in mind he is not exactly the most honest guy in this world.
"I barely know you. I don't know your dad's first name, I don't know if you ever wore braces, or contacts, or glasses and I have no idea how you came to be a wedding planner, Mary. But I do know the curves of your face. And I know every fleck of gold in your eyes. I know that the night at the park was the best time I've ever had." steve to mary
---
knowing me that can't live with pretence, i will not be able to say "i do" to B. i used to prefer A but had grew to want D*. rather tired recently with this whole motion about getting attach again so maybe C will be the best choice :)
*look at how much damage movies can do to you, they make you believe that somewhere in this whole wide world you just might find someone that has a heart that beats for you the way you feel for him.
A. someone that loves you and promise to love you the rest of your life.
"Mary, I know I never done the right thing, say the right thing. I know I act like a fool. I know say we'd be buddy-buddy friends, but that would not be true to my heart so I'll ask this one question, and if you answer "no" I'll leave you alone once and for all. Be my wife, Mary Fiore. If you answer yes I'll take care of you, be true to you, and like this house I built for your dolls, I'll make sure you have a strong roof over your head. If you answer yes than no one will love you as much as I love you. If you answer yes than you will make me the happiest man on earth." massimo to mary
B. someone that you grow up with.
steve: do you want to marry me?
fran: no! you are not going to walk out on me on my wedding day. we dated since high school. what do you mean if i want to marry you now?
steve: do you still love me? do you want to spent the rest of your life with me?
C. someone that you are arranged to married.
"your mother and i had an arranged wedding. first we couldn't look into each other eyes. once i got very sick and she took care of me. that day i really appreciate her. and that appreciation grew to respect and respect to love." dad to mary
D. someone that you have this fuzzy feelings about that you can't even begin to justify. bear in mind he is not exactly the most honest guy in this world.
"I barely know you. I don't know your dad's first name, I don't know if you ever wore braces, or contacts, or glasses and I have no idea how you came to be a wedding planner, Mary. But I do know the curves of your face. And I know every fleck of gold in your eyes. I know that the night at the park was the best time I've ever had." steve to mary
---
knowing me that can't live with pretence, i will not be able to say "i do" to B. i used to prefer A but had grew to want D*. rather tired recently with this whole motion about getting attach again so maybe C will be the best choice :)
*look at how much damage movies can do to you, they make you believe that somewhere in this whole wide world you just might find someone that has a heart that beats for you the way you feel for him.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
insecurity
he: you are smart and beautiful, how can you be so insecure about yourself?
she: next time when your daughter grow up, you can ask her that question.
from the movie laws of attraction
---
is it true that insecurity flow in the blood of every woman? it doesn't matter if they have the best figures in the world, soaring in their career, having the most loyal husband or all the money in the world. yes, i remembered.
maybe it is not a weakness, maybe we will never grow out of it. maybe we are born to be pursued and protected. always in the arms of someone that reminds us "you are beautiful" and "i'm here, you are safe". call it the abracadabra or the potion to keep your beauty alive for just another day.
she: next time when your daughter grow up, you can ask her that question.
from the movie laws of attraction
---
is it true that insecurity flow in the blood of every woman? it doesn't matter if they have the best figures in the world, soaring in their career, having the most loyal husband or all the money in the world. yes, i remembered.
maybe it is not a weakness, maybe we will never grow out of it. maybe we are born to be pursued and protected. always in the arms of someone that reminds us "you are beautiful" and "i'm here, you are safe". call it the abracadabra or the potion to keep your beauty alive for just another day.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
why i want a son instead of daughter?
1. i always feel more for my boys than girls in the cells i used to lead. somehow or not their progress in life excites me a little. up to date yumeng still talks to me on msn and ivan still calls me out. not the girls, maybe that explains why.
2. not to mention the list of things i need to be fearful of when it comes to a girl, but if it is a boy i won't mind he falls, makes mistake and fail.
3. i like toddlers in general but i can imagine how much more fun it will be to dress up a cool cute looking boy. i definitely like to see that image of my hubby playing cars, ball and gun with the boy. a boy that sees his dad as a hero. that to me is an image of a happy family.
i mean that is if i am given a choice because i only want one kid. but i am sure any child of my own is just superb.
that having said, i love sara too
finger sticking in, sara's trademark
tongue sticking out, samuel's trademark
this photo is priceless, i told you it is hard to get both of them to smile at the same time
he got 5 teeth now, he makes noise when you are slow to feed him the next spoon. he crawls extremely fast if the object of his target is food
but just a confession, i like samuel a bit more :)
---
if you know how much i nap a day. you will be startled by the amount of time i sleep a day. with so many of such uneventful day, i myself find it rather amusing as well that i had still not run out of things to blog. i really have quite a train of thoughts or it is true a woman really need to verbalise a certain quota of words a day. blogging hd shown me i had quite recover from the fear of speaking and being mistaken, also i had probably rise above the fear of writing though im still not not that great in it.
maybe i am just bored but i am pretty sure as well i am entertaining quite a bit of ppl that click on my blog 3-7 times a day. i definitely never fail you because i've tried to make sure there is something new everytime you click. sometimes i do wonder who is more bored, you or me haha.
2. not to mention the list of things i need to be fearful of when it comes to a girl, but if it is a boy i won't mind he falls, makes mistake and fail.
3. i like toddlers in general but i can imagine how much more fun it will be to dress up a cool cute looking boy. i definitely like to see that image of my hubby playing cars, ball and gun with the boy. a boy that sees his dad as a hero. that to me is an image of a happy family.
i mean that is if i am given a choice because i only want one kid. but i am sure any child of my own is just superb.
that having said, i love sara too
finger sticking in, sara's trademark
tongue sticking out, samuel's trademark
this photo is priceless, i told you it is hard to get both of them to smile at the same time
he got 5 teeth now, he makes noise when you are slow to feed him the next spoon. he crawls extremely fast if the object of his target is food
but just a confession, i like samuel a bit more :)
---
if you know how much i nap a day. you will be startled by the amount of time i sleep a day. with so many of such uneventful day, i myself find it rather amusing as well that i had still not run out of things to blog. i really have quite a train of thoughts or it is true a woman really need to verbalise a certain quota of words a day. blogging hd shown me i had quite recover from the fear of speaking and being mistaken, also i had probably rise above the fear of writing though im still not not that great in it.
maybe i am just bored but i am pretty sure as well i am entertaining quite a bit of ppl that click on my blog 3-7 times a day. i definitely never fail you because i've tried to make sure there is something new everytime you click. sometimes i do wonder who is more bored, you or me haha.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
bad boys vs good boys
PLAN A: 3 things i thought i can do to make him stay
1.commit suicide or at least pretend to do so
- then i remembered how he said "it is one of the most stupid thing i'd ever done, the cleaning up process in the hospital was painful."
2. get drunk and throw myself at him. make out to make up (girls hate this line btw, but sadly guys think that it works).
- then i thought if he gets up next morning sober and tell me that was a mistake, i'll be so dead. "i lost my virginity and my gf on the same day, that's sucks" mouth from OTH.
3. let other guys take advantage of me, hopefully he will be the hero that pull me aside. then i can use the famous line "since you don't care about me, why bother?" and have him answer "i care"... happy ending
- then i thought if he doesn't come thru, i will look like another slut out there
don't ask me how i even consider this a solution. you think of loads of things when you are desperate. furthermore the 1-3 up there works for many of my friends. WARNING: plan A only works in the first week of the break up when he still feels for you. even though i did a whole loads of foolish things. i think the 3 things up there hit the top ranking stupidity. i didn't want to force him to stay even though there is a theory that sympathy can be develope to love again. anyway, since i didn't take this route i ought to be taking plan B.
PLAN B: 3 things i can do to make him regret
1. don't talk to him ever to prove to him i don't need him at all
2. up my social life and tell him i'm so much happier without him
3. find a good looking guy and prove i'm better off without him and he is the one losing out.
i never took plan B either. i called, i cried, i drove guys away. i don't know what i was thinking. i guess i didn't take that route either because i don't need to prove a point, to me that is pure ego. i just wanted to say all i want to and not live with the regret i had things unsaid. all right, i have great imaginations. bear with me for a while, most of us took one of this route: plan A or plan B subconsciously everytime we broke off. i am writing it down for you in case you need a plan when you break up.
---
that covers the 3 type of ppl in this world:
1. the good boys
- they rarely hang out and are waiting for that one girl to come along
2. the wannabe bad boys
- they just want to look cool. they mix with the players, but they are actually looking for long term relationship
3. the bad boys
- they are looking for short term relationship, not wanting to commit. any girls will do
so most of the plan B ppl end up to be in category 2-3 on top. most of us that had a whole sets of values rarely end up at 3, unless too deeply hurt. i consider myself as category 2, the wannabe. it is good for a guy to be in this category because girls like bad boys and when she finds out that you want a long term relationship, she loves you all the more. but it is a horrid for a girl to be in this category because the good boys think that i'm not good enough for them and the bad boys think that i'm not pretty enough for them. sigh.
why do bad boys get the girls?
1. they go for the girls
2. this is the worst they can get, so at least they are real and we think we already know the full them
3. it is about the sample size. eg: they go for 10 girls. chances of getting hook is definitely higher than the guy going for 1 (evangelism theory)
this is the maths yin huan and i came out with
christian girls = a
non christians girls = b
bad boys go for a and b : good boys go for a
10 : 1
100% : 10%
bad boys go for x amount of girls at one go : good boys go for y amount of girls at one go
50 : 1
100% : 2%
bad boys' chances : good christian boys' chances
100% of 100% : 10% of 2%
100/100 x 100/100 : 10/100 X 2/100
1000/1000 : 2/1000
1000 : 0.002
so what are your chances good boys? no wonder the good boys can say "God brought us together when they get attach", it is indeed quite a miracle.
1.commit suicide or at least pretend to do so
- then i remembered how he said "it is one of the most stupid thing i'd ever done, the cleaning up process in the hospital was painful."
2. get drunk and throw myself at him. make out to make up (girls hate this line btw, but sadly guys think that it works).
- then i thought if he gets up next morning sober and tell me that was a mistake, i'll be so dead. "i lost my virginity and my gf on the same day, that's sucks" mouth from OTH.
3. let other guys take advantage of me, hopefully he will be the hero that pull me aside. then i can use the famous line "since you don't care about me, why bother?" and have him answer "i care"... happy ending
- then i thought if he doesn't come thru, i will look like another slut out there
don't ask me how i even consider this a solution. you think of loads of things when you are desperate. furthermore the 1-3 up there works for many of my friends. WARNING: plan A only works in the first week of the break up when he still feels for you. even though i did a whole loads of foolish things. i think the 3 things up there hit the top ranking stupidity. i didn't want to force him to stay even though there is a theory that sympathy can be develope to love again. anyway, since i didn't take this route i ought to be taking plan B.
PLAN B: 3 things i can do to make him regret
1. don't talk to him ever to prove to him i don't need him at all
2. up my social life and tell him i'm so much happier without him
3. find a good looking guy and prove i'm better off without him and he is the one losing out.
i never took plan B either. i called, i cried, i drove guys away. i don't know what i was thinking. i guess i didn't take that route either because i don't need to prove a point, to me that is pure ego. i just wanted to say all i want to and not live with the regret i had things unsaid. all right, i have great imaginations. bear with me for a while, most of us took one of this route: plan A or plan B subconsciously everytime we broke off. i am writing it down for you in case you need a plan when you break up.
---
that covers the 3 type of ppl in this world:
1. the good boys
- they rarely hang out and are waiting for that one girl to come along
2. the wannabe bad boys
- they just want to look cool. they mix with the players, but they are actually looking for long term relationship
3. the bad boys
- they are looking for short term relationship, not wanting to commit. any girls will do
so most of the plan B ppl end up to be in category 2-3 on top. most of us that had a whole sets of values rarely end up at 3, unless too deeply hurt. i consider myself as category 2, the wannabe. it is good for a guy to be in this category because girls like bad boys and when she finds out that you want a long term relationship, she loves you all the more. but it is a horrid for a girl to be in this category because the good boys think that i'm not good enough for them and the bad boys think that i'm not pretty enough for them. sigh.
why do bad boys get the girls?
1. they go for the girls
2. this is the worst they can get, so at least they are real and we think we already know the full them
3. it is about the sample size. eg: they go for 10 girls. chances of getting hook is definitely higher than the guy going for 1 (evangelism theory)
this is the maths yin huan and i came out with
christian girls = a
non christians girls = b
bad boys go for a and b : good boys go for a
10 : 1
100% : 10%
bad boys go for x amount of girls at one go : good boys go for y amount of girls at one go
50 : 1
100% : 2%
bad boys' chances : good christian boys' chances
100% of 100% : 10% of 2%
100/100 x 100/100 : 10/100 X 2/100
1000/1000 : 2/1000
1000 : 0.002
so what are your chances good boys? no wonder the good boys can say "God brought us together when they get attach", it is indeed quite a miracle.
Monday, April 09, 2007
new hair cut
i had no money to perm my hair so i went to cut off my fringe instead. good money for a new look. i don't need to look good, just hopefully not bad.
hopefully my poses help a little
with some cute effects, does it helps
with some fan effects, does it helps
with some sister effects, does it helps
i get very extreme opinions.
A. "gosh, you think you don't look ugly enough is it?" my bro
B. "you look like someone new" my mum (even my mum cannot recognise me, so cute)
do let me know where you stand A or B? nevermind, hair grows. but at least i know never to do it again.
ohh also i got a whole group of ppl that didn't notice at all. btw i never had fringe since 12 years old or was it 8. so this is one of the must courageous thing i did to my hair. seeing half of singapore girls cut that, i thought i can act a bit singaporean. bottom line, i am ok with it.
hopefully my poses help a little
with some cute effects, does it helps
with some fan effects, does it helps
with some sister effects, does it helps
i get very extreme opinions.
A. "gosh, you think you don't look ugly enough is it?" my bro
B. "you look like someone new" my mum (even my mum cannot recognise me, so cute)
do let me know where you stand A or B? nevermind, hair grows. but at least i know never to do it again.
ohh also i got a whole group of ppl that didn't notice at all. btw i never had fringe since 12 years old or was it 8. so this is one of the must courageous thing i did to my hair. seeing half of singapore girls cut that, i thought i can act a bit singaporean. bottom line, i am ok with it.
Friday, April 06, 2007
how could i live without you
had a deep conversation recently with another fellow ragamuffin like me. as much as i enjoyed the courage we had, i was at the same time so disgusted by our atrocious, monstrousness behavior. i was just picturing if we are all celebrities, knowing that there is nothing the paparazzi cannot dig out. i am not sure if all of us can still lift up our heads to face the world with all our hideousness flashing all over the headlines daily. but then again, we are so fallen we might be blinded by the glamour of sins. we are really a bunch of wasted ppl. if i being sinful felt turned off, i can so imagine the one who knows no sin.
From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabackthani?" –- which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" matthew 27.46
if there is anything i ought to remember this great morning, this will be it. this is not a guilt trip to amplify our sins to remember the greatness of this day. but a deep undeserving cry of gratitude He took my place. as if that is not good enough in exchange i am given this promise "i will never leave you nor forsake you". suddenly the weight of this verse becomes so much more meaningful.
surely nothing, i mean nothing... not even sin "nothing else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord". now i remember why we partake of the bread and wine.
i love both of these songs a lot. to me, these two songs have very similar tune. maybe it is just me. i always think of one whenever i hear the other and vise versa. while one remind me of how my world fall apart without him, the other remind me of how my world hold together again because of Him.
how do i live by LeAnn Rimes
How do i
Get through one night without you
If i had to live without you
What kind of life would that be?
Oh i, i need you in my arms
Need you to hold
You're my world my heart my soul
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything good in my life
And tell me now
How do i live without you
I want to know
How do i breathe without you
If you ever go
How do i ever, ever survive?
How do i, how do i
Oh how do i live?...
Without you
There'd be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There would be no world left for me
And i, baby i don't know what i would do
I'd be lost if i lost you
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything real in my life
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything
Need you with me
Baby cuz you know you're everything good in my life
how could i live without You from the Unspeakable Joy album
How could i live without You
How would i survive
Without Your love
Without Your touch
You're the one that heals me
That cleanses my heart
And sets me free
Now i come right before You
With my hands lifted up
And my heart humbly bowed
At Your work on the cross
As You hung there and died
You were paying the price
For my life, for my life
For Your love
Is higher than the heavens
Deeper than the sea
All i want is You in my life
No one else can satisfy my soul
Can make me feel this way
Only You Lord, only You
---
today we celebrate that world that holds together. the reason to live, the strength to carry on.
From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabackthani?" –- which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" matthew 27.46
if there is anything i ought to remember this great morning, this will be it. this is not a guilt trip to amplify our sins to remember the greatness of this day. but a deep undeserving cry of gratitude He took my place. as if that is not good enough in exchange i am given this promise "i will never leave you nor forsake you". suddenly the weight of this verse becomes so much more meaningful.
surely nothing, i mean nothing... not even sin "nothing else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord". now i remember why we partake of the bread and wine.
i love both of these songs a lot. to me, these two songs have very similar tune. maybe it is just me. i always think of one whenever i hear the other and vise versa. while one remind me of how my world fall apart without him, the other remind me of how my world hold together again because of Him.
how do i live by LeAnn Rimes
How do i
Get through one night without you
If i had to live without you
What kind of life would that be?
Oh i, i need you in my arms
Need you to hold
You're my world my heart my soul
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything good in my life
And tell me now
How do i live without you
I want to know
How do i breathe without you
If you ever go
How do i ever, ever survive?
How do i, how do i
Oh how do i live?...
Without you
There'd be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There would be no world left for me
And i, baby i don't know what i would do
I'd be lost if i lost you
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything real in my life
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything
Need you with me
Baby cuz you know you're everything good in my life
how could i live without You from the Unspeakable Joy album
How could i live without You
How would i survive
Without Your love
Without Your touch
You're the one that heals me
That cleanses my heart
And sets me free
Now i come right before You
With my hands lifted up
And my heart humbly bowed
At Your work on the cross
As You hung there and died
You were paying the price
For my life, for my life
For Your love
Is higher than the heavens
Deeper than the sea
All i want is You in my life
No one else can satisfy my soul
Can make me feel this way
Only You Lord, only You
---
today we celebrate that world that holds together. the reason to live, the strength to carry on.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
click
maybe i will be more excited if tomorrow:
1. i can be holding the hand of the one that gives me that fuzzy feeling again
2. i can be preparing my small ideal wedding
3. i can walk down the aisle and say i do
4. i can have my very first ahem...
5. i can wake up and rub my skin against this special one
6. i can colour the paint of my new house, moving the furniture around in a place i call my own
7. i can carry a little boy of my own flesh and blood
8. i can be in a cold little cottage up the hill in the arms of the love my life in front of the fireplace
9. i can be at the funeral of my own and see the faces of all those i love and reminiscing the moments we shared
10. i can see the Lord face to face
"Happiness comes in many forms -- in the company of good friends, in the feeling you get when you make someone else's dream come true, or in the promise of hope renewed. It's okay to let yourself be happy because you never know how fleeting that happiness might be." lucas scott from OTH
1. i can be holding the hand of the one that gives me that fuzzy feeling again
2. i can be preparing my small ideal wedding
3. i can walk down the aisle and say i do
4. i can have my very first ahem...
5. i can wake up and rub my skin against this special one
6. i can colour the paint of my new house, moving the furniture around in a place i call my own
7. i can carry a little boy of my own flesh and blood
8. i can be in a cold little cottage up the hill in the arms of the love my life in front of the fireplace
9. i can be at the funeral of my own and see the faces of all those i love and reminiscing the moments we shared
10. i can see the Lord face to face
"Happiness comes in many forms -- in the company of good friends, in the feeling you get when you make someone else's dream come true, or in the promise of hope renewed. It's okay to let yourself be happy because you never know how fleeting that happiness might be." lucas scott from OTH
a song in my head
if i wake up in the middle of the night to put up this post, what does that tell you?
nothing.
all saints, never ever (lyrics)
"Katherine Anne Porter once said: There seems to be a kind of order in the universe... in the movement of the stars and the turning of the Earth and the changing of the seasons. But human life is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own right and feelings, mistaking the motives of others, and his own." lucas scott from OTH.
nothing.
all saints, never ever (lyrics)
"Katherine Anne Porter once said: There seems to be a kind of order in the universe... in the movement of the stars and the turning of the Earth and the changing of the seasons. But human life is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own right and feelings, mistaking the motives of others, and his own." lucas scott from OTH.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
i knew it, they will not stay for long
“At this moment there are six billion, six hundred seventy million, eight hundred eighteen thousand, six hundred seventy one people in the world. Some are running, some are coming home, some tell lies to make it through the day, others are just now facing the thruth, some are evil at war with good, and some are good strunggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls, and sometimes, all you need is one.” peyton sawyer
i know writing – blog, letters, emails, smses, msn - are not good mediums to use especially trying convey feelings or explanations. it always comes out wrong. more so for people that read into every word and hold it against you in the arguement later more than using that as a guide of helping them understand how you feel. not that i am not one of those ppl therefore i am also now trying to be more graceful with other people writings.
there are many new friendship that had come and go in this season of my life:
1. some were giving me the company i needed (fear i feel too lonely – call that sympathy)
2. some came to 'help' and see if their one or two words turn up to be words from heaven and lift me up from this season (call that heroic mentality)
3. and finally some were just friends, they like my company and they do share their thoughts as it goes along
it is weird every time i ask someone this: why are you not the same like when i first know you? the two faced him became like my problem, an expectation of what i want him to be as if i imagine or visualise the another him which was never him at all. the very fact i asked was because i noticed. the very fact i clarified was because i wanted to know which is the real him. eventhough if you truly ask me which i prefer i will be very please to give you my opinion but that by no means who you need to be.
similarly i know there are great potentials you see in me and i know what i am capable to do. if God is willing and if i wanted to just give me 3 months and i can climb back the rat race in church, serve a dozen ppl and do 1001 things. but this is not what i am compelled to do now. i just want to be friends and love those around me, let's not even talk about those i do not know their names. i admit i am being difficult now especially to church leaders that i do not have relationship with. "join this, join that; do this, do that". i dare say i demand nothing from my friends. i never expect someone to fetch me, pay for my bills, or owe me a present in that sense. in fact i had been so independent fearing i become a burden to someone i need to unlearn it to be a bit more dependent on my bf - then again it doesn't work out very well so maybe it is still best to not. i dare not say i got no expectations from bf though. he ought to treat me more than just a friend, right? but i never believe that anyone owe it to me to serve me. i just need friends that are comfortable with me and consider me fun to be with.
if some of you are still sympthasizing me... no worries i am not sorry about my life. maybe there is nothing to fight for now but at least i have the courage to live each day with sparks that some of my friends offer, crushes, new jobs and new places. all i need is to make myself want to live for one more day and if i have the extra joy hopefully it will overflow to make someone day as well.
i had grown to understand that all relationships cannot be forced. i mean there are loads of ppl i wish i can be as close to them as i used to. but if it seems like meeting me is a chore and burden then pls don't. i am sincere when i say this... i hate to be a burden. i have a lot on my plates now to make myself happy, i do not have so much to care about your feelings and i am sorry for that. if you do not contact me anymore, it is ok... i really do not expect that. like i say many had come and go. (hey, isn't that peyton's line)
this entry is going to sound like another threatening entry. just remember for one i am not those ppl that blog because i want to scold someone indirectly because i know he reads... never. everytime i write i just want to be known and understood. that you will not have a shadow of doubt over my intention. i learned even though in our eyes we believe great potentials in those we love, know that it is not in our hands to do anything about it. all we do is like faith and hope... we wait patiently with this person. believe it or not it can be felt.
© All rights reserved. photograph by anna.
the pursuit of happiness
---
actually my title is for this.
3 total turn off for a guy:
1. move around a lot so that they do not know whether you are in spore or msia. you just need to break the momentum.
2. tell them about other guys you go out with. better still, bring them out on a double date -- bring two of your dates out at the same time. "Here’s my philosophy on dating. It’s important to have somebody that can make you laugh. Somebody you can trust. Somebody that, you know, turns you on. And it’s really, really important that these three people don’t know each other." brooke davis from OTH.
3. tell them a lot about your ex.
this is the different between crush and love. crushes, they don't stay for long. matter of fact i know these rules, so i am not sure if i did that all on purpose or what. i am not looking for crushes, i am looking for a guy that stays :)
i know writing – blog, letters, emails, smses, msn - are not good mediums to use especially trying convey feelings or explanations. it always comes out wrong. more so for people that read into every word and hold it against you in the arguement later more than using that as a guide of helping them understand how you feel. not that i am not one of those ppl therefore i am also now trying to be more graceful with other people writings.
there are many new friendship that had come and go in this season of my life:
1. some were giving me the company i needed (fear i feel too lonely – call that sympathy)
2. some came to 'help' and see if their one or two words turn up to be words from heaven and lift me up from this season (call that heroic mentality)
3. and finally some were just friends, they like my company and they do share their thoughts as it goes along
it is weird every time i ask someone this: why are you not the same like when i first know you? the two faced him became like my problem, an expectation of what i want him to be as if i imagine or visualise the another him which was never him at all. the very fact i asked was because i noticed. the very fact i clarified was because i wanted to know which is the real him. eventhough if you truly ask me which i prefer i will be very please to give you my opinion but that by no means who you need to be.
similarly i know there are great potentials you see in me and i know what i am capable to do. if God is willing and if i wanted to just give me 3 months and i can climb back the rat race in church, serve a dozen ppl and do 1001 things. but this is not what i am compelled to do now. i just want to be friends and love those around me, let's not even talk about those i do not know their names. i admit i am being difficult now especially to church leaders that i do not have relationship with. "join this, join that; do this, do that". i dare say i demand nothing from my friends. i never expect someone to fetch me, pay for my bills, or owe me a present in that sense. in fact i had been so independent fearing i become a burden to someone i need to unlearn it to be a bit more dependent on my bf - then again it doesn't work out very well so maybe it is still best to not. i dare not say i got no expectations from bf though. he ought to treat me more than just a friend, right? but i never believe that anyone owe it to me to serve me. i just need friends that are comfortable with me and consider me fun to be with.
if some of you are still sympthasizing me... no worries i am not sorry about my life. maybe there is nothing to fight for now but at least i have the courage to live each day with sparks that some of my friends offer, crushes, new jobs and new places. all i need is to make myself want to live for one more day and if i have the extra joy hopefully it will overflow to make someone day as well.
i had grown to understand that all relationships cannot be forced. i mean there are loads of ppl i wish i can be as close to them as i used to. but if it seems like meeting me is a chore and burden then pls don't. i am sincere when i say this... i hate to be a burden. i have a lot on my plates now to make myself happy, i do not have so much to care about your feelings and i am sorry for that. if you do not contact me anymore, it is ok... i really do not expect that. like i say many had come and go. (hey, isn't that peyton's line)
this entry is going to sound like another threatening entry. just remember for one i am not those ppl that blog because i want to scold someone indirectly because i know he reads... never. everytime i write i just want to be known and understood. that you will not have a shadow of doubt over my intention. i learned even though in our eyes we believe great potentials in those we love, know that it is not in our hands to do anything about it. all we do is like faith and hope... we wait patiently with this person. believe it or not it can be felt.
© All rights reserved. photograph by anna.
the pursuit of happiness
---
actually my title is for this.
3 total turn off for a guy:
1. move around a lot so that they do not know whether you are in spore or msia. you just need to break the momentum.
2. tell them about other guys you go out with. better still, bring them out on a double date -- bring two of your dates out at the same time. "Here’s my philosophy on dating. It’s important to have somebody that can make you laugh. Somebody you can trust. Somebody that, you know, turns you on. And it’s really, really important that these three people don’t know each other." brooke davis from OTH.
3. tell them a lot about your ex.
this is the different between crush and love. crushes, they don't stay for long. matter of fact i know these rules, so i am not sure if i did that all on purpose or what. i am not looking for crushes, i am looking for a guy that stays :)
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
i want to know 'me'
i like to ask ppl what do you like and not like about me? more interested with the later because i want to know how other ppl view me. but of course i prefer it when it comes from ppl that i trust and i feel care enough to correct me. i don't take it very well when it comes from stranger pointing a finger on me when they only see half the picture. anyway i am so bored i actually visit this site after reading shups and steph results.
Archetype Test Results
The Catapult (ISTP)
Handy in the real world manipulation of objects and events, this personality type is easily enthused by practical projects. Once gaining the interest of the Catapult, a project will be quickly and sometimes maniacally dealt with. That energy however will be invisible to those not witness to it. Abrupt is a watchword of this personality. (you mean the abrupt departure?)
Spontaneity is important to the Catapult because it never quite knows when inspiration will hit. Because of this, it often ignores or conveniently forgets rules and boundaries that limit its freedom. This need for freedom extends even to the personal sphere and though this personality is kind and gentle, it will often be hard to pin down to a monogamous lifestyle. When discussing their need for freedom, the Catapult will most often resort to non-verbal means to express itself.
Because they tend to verbalize so seldom, Catapult personalities can be seen as phlegmatic or impassive. In moments of high tension they can often surprise those around them with a lighthearted or humorous remark. Many engineers are found among this personality type, as well as mechanics and paramedics.
Because of their facility with the physical world, this personality is often found among sports that require dexterity, such as motorcycling or hang gliding. Inveterate realists, Catapults will rarely have time for flights of fancy or unproductive discussion.
Constraints on the freedom of a Catapult personality will be regarded as a personal attack, since the use of their problem solving abilities during the thrill of the moment is of prime importance to them. They are problem solvers in their personal and public lives.
Because they are constantly re-evaluating their surroundings, this personality type will rarely accept any one rule of thumb or explanation for a given situation. Every belief is provisional, depending on the nature of the world around them.
Strong emotional situations can be confusing to the Catapult personality and this is the one moment when they will tend to take a pause to understand and ruminate. Feeling strong emotions can be confusing and will tend to throw this personality out of alignment. In a romantic relationship, this personality will try to solve problems as a way to show caring. This is usually not the best way to show caring. (i am so dead, yes relationship is not something to be solved chaiyen... stop bringing up issues. then you will realised there are not much of a problem. sigh)
Although they can be intense in their desire for freedom the Catapult can often find solace in the routine of living with another person. This is the one area of life in which they can find comfort in the familiar. Talking about feelings is not a high priority and can initiate the 'trapped' feeling that will result in a major relationship disturbance.
If you are a Catapult personality you might want to spend some time looking at the big picture. Try to think about the long-term goals of your life and not the excitement of the moment. (opps!) You also should make an effort to see other points of view, even if you think they are unproductive. You need to understand that there are many ways to accomplish the same goal, and while your methods are best for you they may not be best for everyone. (i heard the last line before and i was so hurt by it. I NEVER SAY MY WAY IS THE ONLY WAY, JUST THAT YOU NEVER RAISE UP YOUR VIEWS... sob sob always get screwed for this. ok i need to learn to say "what do you think? *smile and wait patiently*")
Often Catapult personalities can forget to give praise where it is due. You might try to remember to compliment your friends and neighbors from time to time. Relationships should never take a back seat to your hobbies or short-term goals. And remember to voice your feelings, even if you think that others should be aware of them. Often other people place a very high value on the spoken word, and a few kind words from you will make all the difference.
---
i was so bored yesterday but i couldn't sleep. i toss and turn on bed for so long, there are so many blog entries i came out with on my mind. very interesting indeed. look out for:
1. how could i live without you
2. click - i want a fast forward to:
3. surprisingly more gfs than bfs now
4. i knew it, they will not stay for long
5. why i want a son instead of daughter?
---
one more. i just got a job from FHM. meaning i will be seeing chun girls hahaha. this is gonna be so fun. and when i told one of my girlfriend, she asked "are you serious you are not into girls?" i am... hahaha i am so into them.
Archetype Test Results
The Catapult (ISTP)
Handy in the real world manipulation of objects and events, this personality type is easily enthused by practical projects. Once gaining the interest of the Catapult, a project will be quickly and sometimes maniacally dealt with. That energy however will be invisible to those not witness to it. Abrupt is a watchword of this personality. (you mean the abrupt departure?)
Spontaneity is important to the Catapult because it never quite knows when inspiration will hit. Because of this, it often ignores or conveniently forgets rules and boundaries that limit its freedom. This need for freedom extends even to the personal sphere and though this personality is kind and gentle, it will often be hard to pin down to a monogamous lifestyle. When discussing their need for freedom, the Catapult will most often resort to non-verbal means to express itself.
Because they tend to verbalize so seldom, Catapult personalities can be seen as phlegmatic or impassive. In moments of high tension they can often surprise those around them with a lighthearted or humorous remark. Many engineers are found among this personality type, as well as mechanics and paramedics.
Because of their facility with the physical world, this personality is often found among sports that require dexterity, such as motorcycling or hang gliding. Inveterate realists, Catapults will rarely have time for flights of fancy or unproductive discussion.
Constraints on the freedom of a Catapult personality will be regarded as a personal attack, since the use of their problem solving abilities during the thrill of the moment is of prime importance to them. They are problem solvers in their personal and public lives.
Because they are constantly re-evaluating their surroundings, this personality type will rarely accept any one rule of thumb or explanation for a given situation. Every belief is provisional, depending on the nature of the world around them.
Strong emotional situations can be confusing to the Catapult personality and this is the one moment when they will tend to take a pause to understand and ruminate. Feeling strong emotions can be confusing and will tend to throw this personality out of alignment. In a romantic relationship, this personality will try to solve problems as a way to show caring. This is usually not the best way to show caring. (i am so dead, yes relationship is not something to be solved chaiyen... stop bringing up issues. then you will realised there are not much of a problem. sigh)
Although they can be intense in their desire for freedom the Catapult can often find solace in the routine of living with another person. This is the one area of life in which they can find comfort in the familiar. Talking about feelings is not a high priority and can initiate the 'trapped' feeling that will result in a major relationship disturbance.
If you are a Catapult personality you might want to spend some time looking at the big picture. Try to think about the long-term goals of your life and not the excitement of the moment. (opps!) You also should make an effort to see other points of view, even if you think they are unproductive. You need to understand that there are many ways to accomplish the same goal, and while your methods are best for you they may not be best for everyone. (i heard the last line before and i was so hurt by it. I NEVER SAY MY WAY IS THE ONLY WAY, JUST THAT YOU NEVER RAISE UP YOUR VIEWS... sob sob always get screwed for this. ok i need to learn to say "what do you think? *smile and wait patiently*")
Often Catapult personalities can forget to give praise where it is due. You might try to remember to compliment your friends and neighbors from time to time. Relationships should never take a back seat to your hobbies or short-term goals. And remember to voice your feelings, even if you think that others should be aware of them. Often other people place a very high value on the spoken word, and a few kind words from you will make all the difference.
---
i was so bored yesterday but i couldn't sleep. i toss and turn on bed for so long, there are so many blog entries i came out with on my mind. very interesting indeed. look out for:
1. how could i live without you
2. click - i want a fast forward to:
3. surprisingly more gfs than bfs now
4. i knew it, they will not stay for long
5. why i want a son instead of daughter?
---
one more. i just got a job from FHM. meaning i will be seeing chun girls hahaha. this is gonna be so fun. and when i told one of my girlfriend, she asked "are you serious you are not into girls?" i am... hahaha i am so into them.
sorry is not about who is wrong
i used to hate guys that say sorry unsincerely. i mean to say sorry just for the sake of making the night easier to get by. i was talking on msn with someone.
he: hey do you think i am egoistic
cy: not really, why do you say that?
he: cause she said i always start a problem and blame it on her
cy: oh that is not really call egoistic. i have to say i think you are a bit cold though. a bit explosive
he: yeah... suddenly just explode and not talk to me
cy: i mean you... try to be a bit more gentle while talking to girls. don't always shut them off when they are talking halfway. so what are you going to do?
he: i dunno. maybe i'll just let it be. we both need some time to cool down. anyway she said she doesn't want to talk to me anymore
cy: if you still want that friendship, just apologise. fact that you are asking me, you do know you are not really right. girls don't like a sorry that comes after 3 days
he: if i say sorry, she will think that she is right and she is going to do it again
cy: up to you. if being right is so important to you
---
when i said the last line. i suddenly realised how profound i am. i do like to talk to ppl a lot, because at many times i really feel like i am telling myself things i need to hear. quickly i went to dictionary.com and typed out the word sorry.
sor·ry [sor-ee, sawr-ee] –adjective
1. feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.: to be sorry to leave one's friends; to be sorry for a remark; to be sorry for someone in trouble.
2. regrettable or deplorable; unfortunate; tragic: a sorry situation; to come to a sorry end.
3. sorrowful, grieved, or sad: Was she sorry when her brother died?
4. associated with sorrow; suggestive of grief or suffering; melancholy; dismal.
5. wretched, poor, useless, or pitiful: a sorry horse.
6. (used interjectionally as a conventional apology or expression of regret): Sorry, you're misinformed. Did I bump you? Sorry.
i just realised then that when you say sorry it doesn't really mean you are wrong. it means that you are the one that is more sad and sorrowful the friendship/relationship is in such a stage. i guess it only tells who treasure the relationship more. therefore i always question those guys who wait a few days to say sorry. what are they thinking?
he: hey do you think i am egoistic
cy: not really, why do you say that?
he: cause she said i always start a problem and blame it on her
cy: oh that is not really call egoistic. i have to say i think you are a bit cold though. a bit explosive
he: yeah... suddenly just explode and not talk to me
cy: i mean you... try to be a bit more gentle while talking to girls. don't always shut them off when they are talking halfway. so what are you going to do?
he: i dunno. maybe i'll just let it be. we both need some time to cool down. anyway she said she doesn't want to talk to me anymore
cy: if you still want that friendship, just apologise. fact that you are asking me, you do know you are not really right. girls don't like a sorry that comes after 3 days
he: if i say sorry, she will think that she is right and she is going to do it again
cy: up to you. if being right is so important to you
---
when i said the last line. i suddenly realised how profound i am. i do like to talk to ppl a lot, because at many times i really feel like i am telling myself things i need to hear. quickly i went to dictionary.com and typed out the word sorry.
sor·ry [sor-ee, sawr-ee] –adjective
1. feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.: to be sorry to leave one's friends; to be sorry for a remark; to be sorry for someone in trouble.
2. regrettable or deplorable; unfortunate; tragic: a sorry situation; to come to a sorry end.
3. sorrowful, grieved, or sad: Was she sorry when her brother died?
4. associated with sorrow; suggestive of grief or suffering; melancholy; dismal.
5. wretched, poor, useless, or pitiful: a sorry horse.
6. (used interjectionally as a conventional apology or expression of regret): Sorry, you're misinformed. Did I bump you? Sorry.
i just realised then that when you say sorry it doesn't really mean you are wrong. it means that you are the one that is more sad and sorrowful the friendship/relationship is in such a stage. i guess it only tells who treasure the relationship more. therefore i always question those guys who wait a few days to say sorry. what are they thinking?
Monday, April 02, 2007
capturing beauty from a lense
a list of places i feel like going:
tokyo
prague
korea
austria
melbourne
---
the photographer said "chaiyen likes beauty, she takes photos of everything she sees". indeed, i think i am easily fascinated. i want to see the world. well what will i be doing if i have loads of money. "not work" and roam around this world. sigh let me go back to work now. work hard, work hard chaiyen.
prague
austria
melbourne
---
the photographer said "chaiyen likes beauty, she takes photos of everything she sees". indeed, i think i am easily fascinated. i want to see the world. well what will i be doing if i have loads of money. "not work" and roam around this world. sigh let me go back to work now. work hard, work hard chaiyen.
i am sorry if you allow me to say that
i like to blame ppl when things don't turn up right and i hate that about myself a lot. if there is one eg from the bible it will be the adam and eve story.
"have you eaten from the tree of which i commanded you that you should not eat?" then the man said, "the woman whom you gave me to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and i ate." and the Lord said to the woman, "what is this you have done?" the woman said, "the serpent deceived me, and i ate." (genesis 3)
everyone has someone to blame, i somehow like to find a way to point out that i am not part of the problem. it doesn't even take effort. somehow it is like an automatic respond to defend myself. i think it takes effort and humility instead to add 'this-is-what-happen' and i am not blaming the person because they didn't know. to put myself in the shoe of others and remember that other ppl have no intention to harm me. from this recent neck injuiry i realised something about me, i began to take responsibility of the mistakes i made. i wan't ashamed to admit my mistakes, i only hope this will continue. i mean really hope. i understand when i give excuse for someone i love because i want to protect him but these incidents involved some ppl that were mere strangers to me. therefore i am really proud of myself.
the series of events as eg:
i admit that my injuiry was caused by my wrong posture though my instructor repeatedly remind the class not to use the neck. it just slipped my mind that day.
someone also told me that i need to sleep on a proper pillow and i did without questioning further what is "proper". i admit it was my fault when it got worst and painful the next day because my pillow was too thick. what was common sense to him was not so common to blur ppl like me.
then another told me i need to go to see the doctor if i want to recover. of course she didn't warned me that that it will get worst before it gets better causing a terrible pain over the few days of work. there is really no one to blame, that pain is a process of healing.
it was miraculously healed after my shanghai trip, lo and behold i went for facial on friday. the girl did a bit of massage on my shoulder which was common but suddenly she caught me offguard when she reached for my neck. and yes i think i injuired myself again. not her fault, i never tell her not to touch my neck.
---
i had made a lot of mistakes in my life, some which i hope i have a chance to apologise and be forgiven. forgiven means really forgiven not forgotten as a person in their life. most importantly i just wish ppl will understand as well i had never had intention to harm, i just made my share of mistakes. but this i guess takes ppl that know and trust me to recognise.
sometimes you wish all you have of the past are only good memories
and all you will have of the future are sweeter times
then you will have the courage to be yourself and love freely now
in need of a world that will not be too hard on you and themselves
"have you eaten from the tree of which i commanded you that you should not eat?" then the man said, "the woman whom you gave me to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and i ate." and the Lord said to the woman, "what is this you have done?" the woman said, "the serpent deceived me, and i ate." (genesis 3)
everyone has someone to blame, i somehow like to find a way to point out that i am not part of the problem. it doesn't even take effort. somehow it is like an automatic respond to defend myself. i think it takes effort and humility instead to add 'this-is-what-happen' and i am not blaming the person because they didn't know. to put myself in the shoe of others and remember that other ppl have no intention to harm me. from this recent neck injuiry i realised something about me, i began to take responsibility of the mistakes i made. i wan't ashamed to admit my mistakes, i only hope this will continue. i mean really hope. i understand when i give excuse for someone i love because i want to protect him but these incidents involved some ppl that were mere strangers to me. therefore i am really proud of myself.
the series of events as eg:
i admit that my injuiry was caused by my wrong posture though my instructor repeatedly remind the class not to use the neck. it just slipped my mind that day.
someone also told me that i need to sleep on a proper pillow and i did without questioning further what is "proper". i admit it was my fault when it got worst and painful the next day because my pillow was too thick. what was common sense to him was not so common to blur ppl like me.
then another told me i need to go to see the doctor if i want to recover. of course she didn't warned me that that it will get worst before it gets better causing a terrible pain over the few days of work. there is really no one to blame, that pain is a process of healing.
it was miraculously healed after my shanghai trip, lo and behold i went for facial on friday. the girl did a bit of massage on my shoulder which was common but suddenly she caught me offguard when she reached for my neck. and yes i think i injuired myself again. not her fault, i never tell her not to touch my neck.
---
i had made a lot of mistakes in my life, some which i hope i have a chance to apologise and be forgiven. forgiven means really forgiven not forgotten as a person in their life. most importantly i just wish ppl will understand as well i had never had intention to harm, i just made my share of mistakes. but this i guess takes ppl that know and trust me to recognise.
sometimes you wish all you have of the past are only good memories
and all you will have of the future are sweeter times
then you will have the courage to be yourself and love freely now
in need of a world that will not be too hard on you and themselves
Thursday, March 29, 2007
shanghai
this is my favourite photo
show you a little bit more
aren't you amazed you can find ads everywhere?
i had kfc for most of my lunch. looks like kfc are more successful here. do you know what? they do not serve potato here - no french fries nor whipped potato. so sad
for dinner, we have very good food all the time. sorry i only have a few photos. i was busy eating at other time. one thing i learned. if you order white rice, it will come only after all the dishes are served. i reason, it is because they want to taste all the dishes first. man, they surely have passion in preparing and eating their food.
none of us thought that we will have time to go anywhere. but we were too good. henry said i am quick in making decisions and that speed up a lot of the work. so we had 2 hours left to have a quick dinner. he knows shanghai upside down, too many good places to go for such a short time. finally he decided to bring us to the most happening place in shanghai. according to him xin tian di is where the young people hangout for posh dinner and drinks.
the road name at xin tian di. better take a photo of it, in case i don't know how to get there next time
a simple restaurant in xin tian di. henry said it is a must try
this to settle my craving for meat
i hate my camera. i can't get any good shots at night
there are loads of this nice back lane around
henry said this is the wall where all the models come to take their fashion shoots
that is why i quickly take one too
sorry this is all you get. my camera is bad
even the pro can't handle my camera
i mean, i really need to get a new camera
nope i had not change my allegiant. coffee bean is just a nice place to take photo. look at this picture, i definitely had take the clearest night shot here, in front of starbucks. buckie should be proud of me
this photo is a proof, the pot was horribly packaged. hahaha
---
he was rude but i was not that mad at him. he just need to apologise but i guess he went quite a distance when i find a bouquet of flowers with a note "hope you are feeling better :)" when i reached home. my question to him "feeling better? the neck or towards you?" anyway apology accepted and i guess since i complained about him, i'll do him justice by crediting him now.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
the story continues
just when you thought this should be over by now. i mean didn't ppl say if the guy doesn't come back to you after 3 months, they don't.
he said he is not in love with the girl he is now with.
why was he with her in the first place then?
he said he had not move anything in their new house waiting for her to come back.
was it really waiting for her or he just doesn't have the time to fix anything?
he said she is the one and he will definitely not leave her again.
maybe it is true you can only figure that out when you lose a person.
---
well i guess it is better to have him do you an obvious wrong, apologise and tell you he wants you. then one that once claimed he really loves you but now you don't even see a sign of his existence anymore. i always wonder how can it be such extreme? how can you love one so much in a season of your life and not at all in another? anyway, not that there is an equation for love or an explanation to that. but i guess in this situation, the formal one show that he really had love. i guess that is why we can rejoice in the return of the prodigal son story. then again not that we must love someone that loves us, i guess that is the very same choice given to us by God as well. fact is, too bad he is not Jesus.
he said he is not in love with the girl he is now with.
why was he with her in the first place then?
he said he had not move anything in their new house waiting for her to come back.
was it really waiting for her or he just doesn't have the time to fix anything?
he said she is the one and he will definitely not leave her again.
maybe it is true you can only figure that out when you lose a person.
---
well i guess it is better to have him do you an obvious wrong, apologise and tell you he wants you. then one that once claimed he really loves you but now you don't even see a sign of his existence anymore. i always wonder how can it be such extreme? how can you love one so much in a season of your life and not at all in another? anyway, not that there is an equation for love or an explanation to that. but i guess in this situation, the formal one show that he really had love. i guess that is why we can rejoice in the return of the prodigal son story. then again not that we must love someone that loves us, i guess that is the very same choice given to us by God as well. fact is, too bad he is not Jesus.
Monday, March 26, 2007
a new experience
with my injured neck i went to shanghai. not expecting much because i already know the place i am about to shoot doesn't look very good. am not very excited as well because i also know i do not have any time left.
i arrived at the airport 5.50am, a bit anxious to meet the two people i am suppose to work with. hi hi... off we go. once we reached there, we went for a quick meal in kfc and to our first destination. the plant in shanghai. then for our dinner and to our next plant 5 hours from shanghai. huai an, a small town part of jiangsu. first day, so i tried to behave and not bring my mickey mouse camera out too much. but as usual i always travel with photographers. so here are a few just for the record.
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry.
this is part of work. testing the light :)
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.
it wasn't as bored as i thought. i actually got a chance to play pool in an open freezing area. look at the contrast. a pool table in the middle of nowhere. RMB0.50/game. how cool is that?
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.
my competitor. also my driver for this whole trip, xiao zhu.
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.
look behind. everyone is staring... i am pretty stress
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.
all the little kids there are so cute
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.
my photographer's favourite
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.
this too
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.
my famous red shoe
© All rights reserved. photograph by finn.
keep wanting to be in a photo :)
© All rights reserved. photograph by chaiyen.
one of the many nice restaurants
© All rights reserved. photograph by chaiyen.
the photographers actually think i shoot pretty good photos
© All rights reserved. photograph by chaiyen.
the charming photographer, henry
he said:
1. "finn, i am glad you came instead of james (his other assistant). if not i don't think he will be working, got such a pretty lady here."
2. "i like your art direction. i have to say you did a pretty good job considering you are so young. if i have job next time that requires an art director i will get you ok."
3. "i have this guy name X, i think he is very nice. but maybe Y is better, he got more character."
© All rights reserved. photograph by chaiyen.
assistant photographer, finn. cuteness is the word to describe her
she said:
1. "i have a bro same age with you, he wants to be a pastor. he attends city harvest. interested?"
2. "you are a libra? no wonder. scorpio and libra can be good friends i am one."
3. "i really like your photo angle."
© All rights reserved. photograph by chaiyen.
the local favourite
© All rights reserved. photograph by finn.
'kan' means bottoms up
---
just for laugh:
1. he was checking into one room in shanghai because he extended his stay. the two of us followed him because we need to do some more product shoots. but we did wonder what other ppl will be thinking. one guy, two girls. then finn said "i know, i know. both of you are the main casts, i am the videographer and these are my equipments."
2. "i need to shower, you guys go ahead. i don't even need dinner" finn. i continued "what is this? you rather shower than to see shanghai. is that all you want to tell ppl. i bath in shanghai."
3. the client from china wanted us to bring a some stuff back for his niece. it was heavy and sealed very horribly in a ugly plastic bag. so i was teasing her. "hey, don't you want to check? what if there are drugs inside? you know those movies have it all the time." then walking pass the scanning machine. i quickly ran over first so that i can see from the tv what it is. she was already very embarrass with the bag till the immigration lady shouted loudly "zhe ke woh se sui de" (whose pot is this). everyone stared at her. and i just stand there laughing my heads off. the lady asked us what is inside and if she can open it. i said "go ahead, we also want to know what is inside". she opened it layers by layers. we were so amazed by the amount of things pack in there. later she taped it all back for us.
ok besides this. my conclusion, china ppl are just loud but they are extrodinary nice and hospitable ppl. even though we were suppose to be working for them, they were serving us like kings. you just need to know them and not walk on the street of shanghai to judge them. i didn't spent a single RMB or cents in this trip.
my neck on the other hand, it just got better and better. i have to say i am pretty surprised to feel so much better. from not being able to turn my head, to now just a slight pain at one particular weird angle. i believe it is really a miracle. it must be the prayer. thanks guys.
shanghai photos are on the way, haven't download them. after this trip, these two new friends of mine made me feel very good about myself. i have to say it is nice to have other ppl that see the beauty and strength in you once again.
i arrived at the airport 5.50am, a bit anxious to meet the two people i am suppose to work with. hi hi... off we go. once we reached there, we went for a quick meal in kfc and to our first destination. the plant in shanghai. then for our dinner and to our next plant 5 hours from shanghai. huai an, a small town part of jiangsu. first day, so i tried to behave and not bring my mickey mouse camera out too much. but as usual i always travel with photographers. so here are a few just for the record.
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry.this is part of work. testing the light :)
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.it wasn't as bored as i thought. i actually got a chance to play pool in an open freezing area. look at the contrast. a pool table in the middle of nowhere. RMB0.50/game. how cool is that?
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.my competitor. also my driver for this whole trip, xiao zhu.
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.look behind. everyone is staring... i am pretty stress
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.all the little kids there are so cute
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.my photographer's favourite
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.this too
© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.my famous red shoe
© All rights reserved. photograph by finn.keep wanting to be in a photo :)
© All rights reserved. photograph by chaiyen.one of the many nice restaurants
© All rights reserved. photograph by chaiyen.the photographers actually think i shoot pretty good photos
© All rights reserved. photograph by chaiyen.the charming photographer, henry
he said:
1. "finn, i am glad you came instead of james (his other assistant). if not i don't think he will be working, got such a pretty lady here."
2. "i like your art direction. i have to say you did a pretty good job considering you are so young. if i have job next time that requires an art director i will get you ok."
3. "i have this guy name X, i think he is very nice. but maybe Y is better, he got more character."
© All rights reserved. photograph by chaiyen.assistant photographer, finn. cuteness is the word to describe her
she said:
1. "i have a bro same age with you, he wants to be a pastor. he attends city harvest. interested?"
2. "you are a libra? no wonder. scorpio and libra can be good friends i am one."
3. "i really like your photo angle."
© All rights reserved. photograph by chaiyen.the local favourite
© All rights reserved. photograph by finn.'kan' means bottoms up
---
just for laugh:
1. he was checking into one room in shanghai because he extended his stay. the two of us followed him because we need to do some more product shoots. but we did wonder what other ppl will be thinking. one guy, two girls. then finn said "i know, i know. both of you are the main casts, i am the videographer and these are my equipments."
2. "i need to shower, you guys go ahead. i don't even need dinner" finn. i continued "what is this? you rather shower than to see shanghai. is that all you want to tell ppl. i bath in shanghai."
3. the client from china wanted us to bring a some stuff back for his niece. it was heavy and sealed very horribly in a ugly plastic bag. so i was teasing her. "hey, don't you want to check? what if there are drugs inside? you know those movies have it all the time." then walking pass the scanning machine. i quickly ran over first so that i can see from the tv what it is. she was already very embarrass with the bag till the immigration lady shouted loudly "zhe ke woh se sui de" (whose pot is this). everyone stared at her. and i just stand there laughing my heads off. the lady asked us what is inside and if she can open it. i said "go ahead, we also want to know what is inside". she opened it layers by layers. we were so amazed by the amount of things pack in there. later she taped it all back for us.
ok besides this. my conclusion, china ppl are just loud but they are extrodinary nice and hospitable ppl. even though we were suppose to be working for them, they were serving us like kings. you just need to know them and not walk on the street of shanghai to judge them. i didn't spent a single RMB or cents in this trip.
my neck on the other hand, it just got better and better. i have to say i am pretty surprised to feel so much better. from not being able to turn my head, to now just a slight pain at one particular weird angle. i believe it is really a miracle. it must be the prayer. thanks guys.
shanghai photos are on the way, haven't download them. after this trip, these two new friends of mine made me feel very good about myself. i have to say it is nice to have other ppl that see the beauty and strength in you once again.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
till i break down and cry
i hurt my neck due to using the wrong posture during exercise.
to make it worst, i slept on a pillow too thick for an injured neck.
i consulted some friends. some were very nice and some were not so nice, "is this what you want to know, happy?". i was so hurt. fine, i am pretty vulnerable now so i just make no more conversation.
i went to the chinese doctor that did the "click clack". i was at the verge of tears. i stopped her and was in a few moment of speechlessness. i know how bad it was when it hurts even when i try to pop some pills in. meaning i need to drink with a straw. for food i need to lift my spoon to my mouth.
in pain, i drove to do all my errands. but i know i need to press on because i need to drive to singapore later. i could hardly turn my neck to see the car. i started crying in the car, my mum asked me if we need to call someone to come and fetch us.
i really cannot take it. i was desperate, i was helpless. i cried and called my boss. he said he will fly me down. it is moment like this i ask myself "why can't i take MC like any other ppl."
i went back home, i really cannot think of how. i just lied down and rest for half an hour.
i woke up and started packing. then i pleaded but no one wants to fetch me to the airport. later my sis felt bad so she took me there. even helped me with the luggage cause i am not suppose to carry anything heavy.
i got the last flight. my boss insisted to fetch me from the airport. he quickly took all my luggage, welcomed me with thank you, thank you and sorry, sorry. i didn't blame him for having me to come. he was feeling bad for me but we both know how important it is to deliver the work tomorrow.
i am prepare to drop the shanghai job if they think that i am not fit for the job, but i will do it because i don't want to cause any trouble last minute because i already promise to do it. so see how it goes tomorrow.
am feeling a bit of headache now probably because i ran around working the whole day. not to mention the heavy laptop. that i tried to hold in the best way i could. or was it because i didn't take the pills. again, i only take one main meal today so i couldn't be taking any pills without them.
i am not a workaholic. i don't love my work. i am just responsible to those i work.
---
not suppose to eat spicy, sour and salty food. no cold drinks for "extra ice girl" :(
the reason i write this blog is because i want you guys to pray for me and also pls remember to be extra nice to me if you do see me. am very vulnerable already, pls add no more pain. pls show some sympathy.
to make it worst, i slept on a pillow too thick for an injured neck.
i consulted some friends. some were very nice and some were not so nice, "is this what you want to know, happy?". i was so hurt. fine, i am pretty vulnerable now so i just make no more conversation.
i went to the chinese doctor that did the "click clack". i was at the verge of tears. i stopped her and was in a few moment of speechlessness. i know how bad it was when it hurts even when i try to pop some pills in. meaning i need to drink with a straw. for food i need to lift my spoon to my mouth.
in pain, i drove to do all my errands. but i know i need to press on because i need to drive to singapore later. i could hardly turn my neck to see the car. i started crying in the car, my mum asked me if we need to call someone to come and fetch us.
i really cannot take it. i was desperate, i was helpless. i cried and called my boss. he said he will fly me down. it is moment like this i ask myself "why can't i take MC like any other ppl."
i went back home, i really cannot think of how. i just lied down and rest for half an hour.
i woke up and started packing. then i pleaded but no one wants to fetch me to the airport. later my sis felt bad so she took me there. even helped me with the luggage cause i am not suppose to carry anything heavy.
i got the last flight. my boss insisted to fetch me from the airport. he quickly took all my luggage, welcomed me with thank you, thank you and sorry, sorry. i didn't blame him for having me to come. he was feeling bad for me but we both know how important it is to deliver the work tomorrow.
i am prepare to drop the shanghai job if they think that i am not fit for the job, but i will do it because i don't want to cause any trouble last minute because i already promise to do it. so see how it goes tomorrow.
am feeling a bit of headache now probably because i ran around working the whole day. not to mention the heavy laptop. that i tried to hold in the best way i could. or was it because i didn't take the pills. again, i only take one main meal today so i couldn't be taking any pills without them.
i am not a workaholic. i don't love my work. i am just responsible to those i work.
---
not suppose to eat spicy, sour and salty food. no cold drinks for "extra ice girl" :(
the reason i write this blog is because i want you guys to pray for me and also pls remember to be extra nice to me if you do see me. am very vulnerable already, pls add no more pain. pls show some sympathy.
Monday, March 19, 2007
life had been giving me surprises
1. i started prison break. if someone just let me know earlier the main guy is so good looking i would had started this series earlier. faint...
when i showed my mum this guy. she said "leng, quickly find your sis a guy, she had been looking at white now." (seems worried, haha)
2. i got a job to shanghai and huaian over the weekend. i was told, considered, agreed and comfirmed today. i was pretty excited until i look at the itinerary. i think the only thing i will see is the shanghai airport. but it is ok, i will take that as an experience. i will be art directing a shoot. meaning? doing nothing. i just make sure everyone looks good and step back so that i can see some good angles other ppl do not see.
3. i hurt my neck because i was doing sit up in a wrong posture, eventhough i reminded myself again and again to chin up and not use my neck.
if you see me now you will think that i am pretty holy because i am obeying this command.
"So be careful to do what the Lord your God has commanded you; do not turn aside to the right or to the left."
but you know what, i cannot look up as well.
---
btw see what i found out about my name, yen. i thought that is quite interesting.
when i showed my mum this guy. she said "leng, quickly find your sis a guy, she had been looking at white now." (seems worried, haha)
2. i got a job to shanghai and huaian over the weekend. i was told, considered, agreed and comfirmed today. i was pretty excited until i look at the itinerary. i think the only thing i will see is the shanghai airport. but it is ok, i will take that as an experience. i will be art directing a shoot. meaning? doing nothing. i just make sure everyone looks good and step back so that i can see some good angles other ppl do not see.
3. i hurt my neck because i was doing sit up in a wrong posture, eventhough i reminded myself again and again to chin up and not use my neck.
if you see me now you will think that i am pretty holy because i am obeying this command.
"So be careful to do what the Lord your God has commanded you; do not turn aside to the right or to the left."
but you know what, i cannot look up as well.
---
btw see what i found out about my name, yen. i thought that is quite interesting.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
test of time
he said "i will be back".
if you love someone, how long do you think you will wait?
a day.
a year.
10 years.
a lifetime.
your friends around you changed.
your interests changed.
your career direction changed.
your dreams and passion changed.
you yourself is changing everyday.
he must have quite a great confidence in me to believe i will wait for him. the greatest part is this, no matter how i will become he will still accept me.
---
some said so that you can share the gospel, some said it is so that God can see how you live your life, some said it is to make you become a better person. what if it is just that, a test of time.
many ppl blame God why put the tree there if adam and eve is not suppose to eat from it. without the tree there is nothing to obey. similarly, without the law there is no sin. without an expanse of time, how can i claim i love and want to be with Him. He has prove His point. he is actually giving me room long enough to be sure.
just the thought of the whole world is waiting for me to decide, or is it you that need to be sure today?
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. he is patient with you... (2 peter 3.9)
if you love someone, how long do you think you will wait?
a day.
a year.
10 years.
a lifetime.
your friends around you changed.
your interests changed.
your career direction changed.
your dreams and passion changed.
you yourself is changing everyday.
he must have quite a great confidence in me to believe i will wait for him. the greatest part is this, no matter how i will become he will still accept me.
---
some said so that you can share the gospel, some said it is so that God can see how you live your life, some said it is to make you become a better person. what if it is just that, a test of time.
many ppl blame God why put the tree there if adam and eve is not suppose to eat from it. without the tree there is nothing to obey. similarly, without the law there is no sin. without an expanse of time, how can i claim i love and want to be with Him. He has prove His point. he is actually giving me room long enough to be sure.
just the thought of the whole world is waiting for me to decide, or is it you that need to be sure today?
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. he is patient with you... (2 peter 3.9)
Friday, March 16, 2007
be flattered, that's all don't feel any more
what did i do recently? i am attracting strangers. btw i think this photo is doing wonders. i got this on my friendster message yesterday.
Allow me to add you if interested into friendship.
Hear from you soon.
Have a good day
James
p/s Do you chat? MSN, skype or yahoo
*no, i don't chat on msn with ppl i don't know. anyway he doesn't has an image. so i doubt he looks good. ok i am evil! y should believe me now that you are an exception because i considered you under safe zone. my mentors' cell member ought to be a good boy haha.
---
i didn't email this guy too. i mean if he is really sincere, he should had pass me his namecard. guys like that are big time player. they make sure you don't cling on to them and bother them at their office.
i learned that from a korean movie that exposed a life of a player. here are the rules to be a player:
1. never give them your contact no., only pager no. so that they can leave you message and not call you in future.
2. never let them know where you work or stay, to prevent their ex to cry and fuss at their doors
3. never date a girl more than 1 month, in case she gets too serious.
4. always tell them you love them, even at the point of break up. tell them you love them too much you need to let go for their sake. choose a good place to break up, because women will hope to leave their best impression to men on that day. for better memories apparently.
5. never answer their call or be friend again
from his last line to me, i reckon it is true. and you know what, i never hate him eventhough i see him with another girl the next day after we broke off. they sure do have their ways around girls.
Allow me to add you if interested into friendship.
Hear from you soon.
Have a good day
James
p/s Do you chat? MSN, skype or yahoo
*no, i don't chat on msn with ppl i don't know. anyway he doesn't has an image. so i doubt he looks good. ok i am evil! y should believe me now that you are an exception because i considered you under safe zone. my mentors' cell member ought to be a good boy haha.
---
i didn't email this guy too. i mean if he is really sincere, he should had pass me his namecard. guys like that are big time player. they make sure you don't cling on to them and bother them at their office.
i learned that from a korean movie that exposed a life of a player. here are the rules to be a player:
1. never give them your contact no., only pager no. so that they can leave you message and not call you in future.
2. never let them know where you work or stay, to prevent their ex to cry and fuss at their doors
3. never date a girl more than 1 month, in case she gets too serious.
4. always tell them you love them, even at the point of break up. tell them you love them too much you need to let go for their sake. choose a good place to break up, because women will hope to leave their best impression to men on that day. for better memories apparently.
5. never answer their call or be friend again
from his last line to me, i reckon it is true. and you know what, i never hate him eventhough i see him with another girl the next day after we broke off. they sure do have their ways around girls.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
finding a reason to live on
there will be no reason to be awake again if there is no one waiting outside the operation room.
there will be no reason to survive if there is no one waiting at home after a war.
there will be no reason to be around if there is no one to keep me company.
there will be no reason to survive if there is no one waiting at home after a war.
there will be no reason to be around if there is no one to keep me company.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
interesting
had been meeting one of my ex for a few days in a row cause i was working near him. we topped it up yesterday night over drink at laundry. among the more interesting lines.
from him:
"nope that girl is not pretty, you look better" (i call this smart)
"yahh meeting your ex again stirs emotions. even after so long, everytime i meet you i also will start thinking a little." "is it, i don't" cy. "you are senseless"
"so how is your relationship with Jesus?" "trying" cy. "i also felt that is the difference in you, not as good as before right?" (coming from a non believer)
as usual my very unique straight forward questions:
"so what do i score for my look now?"
"so when you broke off with me, i remember you still like me. so why didn't you go back after me?" (just curious)
"so does she still turn you on?... ok so it is not that bad."
---
from the same guy
Love is like a rumor, everyone talks about it, but no one truly knows
from him:
"nope that girl is not pretty, you look better" (i call this smart)
"yahh meeting your ex again stirs emotions. even after so long, everytime i meet you i also will start thinking a little." "is it, i don't" cy. "you are senseless"
"so how is your relationship with Jesus?" "trying" cy. "i also felt that is the difference in you, not as good as before right?" (coming from a non believer)
as usual my very unique straight forward questions:
"so what do i score for my look now?"
"so when you broke off with me, i remember you still like me. so why didn't you go back after me?" (just curious)
"so does she still turn you on?... ok so it is not that bad."
---
from the same guy
Love is like a rumor, everyone talks about it, but no one truly knows
Monday, March 12, 2007
51% single
is it my new tank top written '51% single'?
or ppl in centrepoint starbucks are extremely friendly?
---
1. this quite well dressed up indian guy came in, looked at me and ask "is this table next to you taken?". which i answered "i guessed not." *smile*
2. then this chinese guy who was sitting on the right hand of mine before this came back to sit while i am packing to leave "going off?" to which i answered "ya, going for lunch. see you around".
3. then clearing my table, seeing i stood up this white guy walked over as well and asked the exact same question. that was quite sudden but i politely answered the same. i went back to my table to keep my laptop. he looked back and gave me another look. after a long while, i saw him again at the parking ticket paying machine. after he paid, he came back to pick up where we last end our conversation "so where are you doing lunch?" i was quite reluctant to answer but i just kept it short "hartamas" he told me he is going for a meeting at mid valley. bye. he took out a piece of paper from his pocket:
Hi, it be nice to maybe chat next time, my email is **** @hotmail.com. cheers.
hmm. did he write that for me, but didn't have the courage to pass it to me just now inside starbucks? or do he just pass paper like that to any girls haha. anyway all these kept me awake while downloading that painfully long files.
or ppl in centrepoint starbucks are extremely friendly?
---
1. this quite well dressed up indian guy came in, looked at me and ask "is this table next to you taken?". which i answered "i guessed not." *smile*
2. then this chinese guy who was sitting on the right hand of mine before this came back to sit while i am packing to leave "going off?" to which i answered "ya, going for lunch. see you around".
3. then clearing my table, seeing i stood up this white guy walked over as well and asked the exact same question. that was quite sudden but i politely answered the same. i went back to my table to keep my laptop. he looked back and gave me another look. after a long while, i saw him again at the parking ticket paying machine. after he paid, he came back to pick up where we last end our conversation "so where are you doing lunch?" i was quite reluctant to answer but i just kept it short "hartamas" he told me he is going for a meeting at mid valley. bye. he took out a piece of paper from his pocket:
Hi, it be nice to maybe chat next time, my email is **** @hotmail.com. cheers.
hmm. did he write that for me, but didn't have the courage to pass it to me just now inside starbucks? or do he just pass paper like that to any girls haha. anyway all these kept me awake while downloading that painfully long files.
trying to live a life
© All rights reserved. photograph by jon ng.
my whole body aching from my first attempt back to the gym after a month off.
slept at 7.47am.
finally woke at 10am after i pressed snooze 3 times on my alarm.
need to find a place with internet connection because the one at home is down, now i know how handicap i am without two days of internet.
taking quite a while to leave the house. the two cuteness are here.
starbucks might help keep me awake. trying to download stuff from the ftp site. it is taking ages, very slow connection.
need to hurry for lunch with yili.
maybe i need to get another place later to finish up my work.
philosophy class tonight.
and if jelly is not tired we can start prison break tonight. what, another series? hopefully i don't get another hoh-hah from the parents now that i am doing it with the younger son :)
---
anyway did i say if jelly is tired? hmm maybe i'll be more tired than him.
Friday, March 09, 2007
childhood sweetheart
Song Title: 静静的 Jing Jing De (Silently) by Harlem Yu
Kong qi li duo zhe shen me
You dian lang man de xin dong
Wo tou tou kan ni
Ni ye tou tou kan wo
Shi jie shang duo le shen me
Hao xiang bian de hen bu tong
Zhan zai ni shen bian
Zhe yi qie dou hao kuan kuo
Wo hai zai deng zhe ni
Jing jing de ai wo
Zhi yao you ni pei wo
Jing jing de jiu zu gou
Ni ye zai deng zhe wo
Jing jing de wen rou
Jiu zhe yang shou qian shou
Jing jing de kan zhe tian kong
Xin li mian cang zhe shen me
Ni zhi xiang yao rang wo dong
Yuan lai wo de meng
Ye jiu shi ni de meng
Zhi tiao shang xie le shen me
Wo hao xiang yao ting ni shuo
Rang zi zi ju ju
Chong man wo men de xiao rong
Yong yuan yao ji de na tian bi ci xu xia de cheng nuo
Shun jian dian liang de huo hua
Shi wo men de yong you
Jing jing de shou qian shou
Shi zui jian dan de meng
translation:
What’s hidden in the air?
There’s a sign of romantic feeling
I’m secretly looking at you
You’re also secretly looking at me
Seems like the there is something new in this world
It doesn’t feel the same anymore
Standing by your side
All become so much bigger
I’m still waiting for you
To love me silently
So long as you’re by my side
Silently is good enough
You’re also waiting for
My silent tenderness
Holding hands like this
Silently gazing at the sky
What’s hidden inside this heart?
You should at least try to let me know
It turns out that my dream
Is also yours
What’s written on this piece of paper?
How I wish I could hear you say
Let every word, every sentence
Be filled with our smiles
Forever we shall remember of the promise we made to each other on that day
That sudden, bright spark
Belongs to us
Holding hands silently
Is the simplest dream
---
prefer the series silence more than spring waltz. although these two soundtracks are equally good. btw the trend now is childhood sweetheart.
Song Title: One love by Jisun
two things we cannot do alone
finished reading church: why bother? by philip yancey in one sitting. why am i reading this book, it doesn't take a genuis to see i'm actually questioning if cell works, if any of us actually change when pastor shares his heart out or if i can come to God at all through church.
but as much as i used to believe bringing a pre believer to church once might give that person a chance to know Christ, i'm giving myself an equal chance now. just maybe the next time will be it, i will experience God again.
'Saint John of the Cross wrote "The virtuous soul that is alone... is like the burning coal that is alone. It will only grow colder rather than hotter." I (yancey) believe he is right'
someone once asked me this "why do you come to church?" i answered "to worship God, i do not come for the people" to which i thought was the perfect text book answer. i am not influence by people. i just realised what i meant was "i always ignore the people". the same person also mentioned "when Christ comes back for the Bride. it does not refers to us as individuals, how we always laugh about the man becoming the bride are just nonsense. the Bride refers to the church." i couldn't understand how important that is until now. that you are either part of the church or not. i guess yancey quotes him well.
"there are two things we cannot do alone," said Paul Tournier: "one is to married and the other is to be a christian."
'I (yancey) once visited a 'church' that manages, with no denominational headquarters or paid staff, to attract millions of devoted members each week. it goes by the name Alcoholics Anonymous. I went at the invitation of a friend who had just confessed to me his problem with drinking. "come along," he said, "and i think you'll catch a glimpse of what the early church must have been like."... Mostly the members, seemed to enjoy being around people who could see their facades. There was no reason not to be honest; everyone was in the same boat.'
my desire of a church.
in my greeks philosophy class, there is this cave anology. after we walk out and see the light, do not be too proud and move away thinking we are too smart for the rest. enlightentment was never for that purpose. go back into the cave and tell others about how big the world is. they might not believe you or follow you. be gentle, remember you were once like them. thank God, He had showed you the light.
i had been visiting a few churches, with very different people, preachers and worship styles. they all have their own flaws but if i was told to lead a church, i am sure it will still fall short of what my ideal is. i know what i mean because i was the co founder of my college CF. things do not happen as we always plan it. i guess therefore i should give credit to all these pastors who had been faithful to try sustain what they had been called into. i cannot say i love my church anyway if it is not a pain in the ass. the fact is, i had not really love if it does not hurt.
for now i am trying my very best to walk as a believer. i am not apologetic about my absence in ministry. my greatest concern is my heart with God. if i cannot worship with you in church, all my act of service is just a mere show.
---
my first 24 hours back had been very fruitful. welcome by samuel and sara crawling to me. that's new, cuteness. a good night sleep. finish my errands in the morning. lunch with steph and jac. visit celia in her new house, my other secondary best friend. dinner with family. follow by this good read.
but as much as i used to believe bringing a pre believer to church once might give that person a chance to know Christ, i'm giving myself an equal chance now. just maybe the next time will be it, i will experience God again.
'Saint John of the Cross wrote "The virtuous soul that is alone... is like the burning coal that is alone. It will only grow colder rather than hotter." I (yancey) believe he is right'
someone once asked me this "why do you come to church?" i answered "to worship God, i do not come for the people" to which i thought was the perfect text book answer. i am not influence by people. i just realised what i meant was "i always ignore the people". the same person also mentioned "when Christ comes back for the Bride. it does not refers to us as individuals, how we always laugh about the man becoming the bride are just nonsense. the Bride refers to the church." i couldn't understand how important that is until now. that you are either part of the church or not. i guess yancey quotes him well.
"there are two things we cannot do alone," said Paul Tournier: "one is to married and the other is to be a christian."
'I (yancey) once visited a 'church' that manages, with no denominational headquarters or paid staff, to attract millions of devoted members each week. it goes by the name Alcoholics Anonymous. I went at the invitation of a friend who had just confessed to me his problem with drinking. "come along," he said, "and i think you'll catch a glimpse of what the early church must have been like."... Mostly the members, seemed to enjoy being around people who could see their facades. There was no reason not to be honest; everyone was in the same boat.'
my desire of a church.
in my greeks philosophy class, there is this cave anology. after we walk out and see the light, do not be too proud and move away thinking we are too smart for the rest. enlightentment was never for that purpose. go back into the cave and tell others about how big the world is. they might not believe you or follow you. be gentle, remember you were once like them. thank God, He had showed you the light.
i had been visiting a few churches, with very different people, preachers and worship styles. they all have their own flaws but if i was told to lead a church, i am sure it will still fall short of what my ideal is. i know what i mean because i was the co founder of my college CF. things do not happen as we always plan it. i guess therefore i should give credit to all these pastors who had been faithful to try sustain what they had been called into. i cannot say i love my church anyway if it is not a pain in the ass. the fact is, i had not really love if it does not hurt.
for now i am trying my very best to walk as a believer. i am not apologetic about my absence in ministry. my greatest concern is my heart with God. if i cannot worship with you in church, all my act of service is just a mere show.
---
my first 24 hours back had been very fruitful. welcome by samuel and sara crawling to me. that's new, cuteness. a good night sleep. finish my errands in the morning. lunch with steph and jac. visit celia in her new house, my other secondary best friend. dinner with family. follow by this good read.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
the pursuit of happyness
"Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness". maybe happiness is something we always pursue but never attain.
from the movie the pursuit of happyness
remember those times when you were just so desperate to pass your exams because you know you are not all that smart.
remember those times when you were just so desperate to get an interview because you need a job but you know there are thousand over applicants out there competiting for that one position.
remember those times when you were just so desperate to get hold of your next pay cheque because you need to clear the bills that are pilling up.
you felt that luck was never on your side. to make the matter worst, bad things came from every corner. you cringe your teeth wondering if things can get any worst. at the verge of tears, why it has to be you again. benny ho puts it well, "as much as if God is for you who can be against you is true, it is also true if God is against you who can be for you." with those hardship and anticipation, you can't help but have tears swell out when one day you suddenly finds out that you actually passed. or to realise you got chosen for the job. or that the cheque is finally ready.
---
what can i say except that i love this movie a lot. i am not sure if you believe me when i tell you this. i had actually thought through this once, what if the man i love doesn't look like he will make it in life? i decided then i will still be with him because i believe from the bottom of my heart that everyone will have his chance, i just need to believe with him. therefore if you had ever ask me this question "what are the critireas of the man i am looking for?", doing well financially was never one of them. so long as he is fighting.
most of us had gone through desperate moments like this. which to me are precious moments of life. not many of us remember how it feels like because most of us live with stable income rolling in every month. you probably won't remember why was it important to pass your exams or get that interview for that matter. my freelance job requires me to go through that again and again. being desperate when the bank is empty and living by every penny left in my pocket. later to receive a call that the cheque is ready. that is grace. precious.
a really good movie to catch. it reminds us the good days we are living in right now was not without a cost.
from the movie the pursuit of happyness
remember those times when you were just so desperate to pass your exams because you know you are not all that smart.
remember those times when you were just so desperate to get an interview because you need a job but you know there are thousand over applicants out there competiting for that one position.
remember those times when you were just so desperate to get hold of your next pay cheque because you need to clear the bills that are pilling up.
you felt that luck was never on your side. to make the matter worst, bad things came from every corner. you cringe your teeth wondering if things can get any worst. at the verge of tears, why it has to be you again. benny ho puts it well, "as much as if God is for you who can be against you is true, it is also true if God is against you who can be for you." with those hardship and anticipation, you can't help but have tears swell out when one day you suddenly finds out that you actually passed. or to realise you got chosen for the job. or that the cheque is finally ready.
---
what can i say except that i love this movie a lot. i am not sure if you believe me when i tell you this. i had actually thought through this once, what if the man i love doesn't look like he will make it in life? i decided then i will still be with him because i believe from the bottom of my heart that everyone will have his chance, i just need to believe with him. therefore if you had ever ask me this question "what are the critireas of the man i am looking for?", doing well financially was never one of them. so long as he is fighting.
most of us had gone through desperate moments like this. which to me are precious moments of life. not many of us remember how it feels like because most of us live with stable income rolling in every month. you probably won't remember why was it important to pass your exams or get that interview for that matter. my freelance job requires me to go through that again and again. being desperate when the bank is empty and living by every penny left in my pocket. later to receive a call that the cheque is ready. that is grace. precious.
a really good movie to catch. it reminds us the good days we are living in right now was not without a cost.
Monday, March 05, 2007
joke of the day
funniest msn title i had ever seen in my life.
"true love is like a ghost, how often do you see one in your life."
---
my goodness i am rotf.
"true love is like a ghost, how often do you see one in your life."
---
my goodness i am rotf.
let the king takes its throne
from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, and has made us to be a kingdom (king) and priests to serve his God and Father -- to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen. (genesis 1.5-6)
When he (the king) takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law, taken from that of the priests, who are Levites. It is to be with him, and he is to read it all the days of his life so that he may learn to revere the Lord his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees and not consider himself better than his brothers and turn from the law to the right or to the left. Then he and his descendants wil reign a long time over his kingdom in Israel. (deuteronomy 17.18-20)
many of us are kings that had not taken our rightful positions. yet there are many of us that is sitting on the throne, doing all our things without this preparations. but why would a king not summon someone to write? there must be a reason he needs to write it himself. that he may run through line by line the words. i am going to take my kingly position. i will start with the books of the law. let me see how far i can go and what will happen. since my handwriting is so ugly, i will type and keep it in my apple. for i fear i cannot read my own handwriting. haha. i am so excited :)
When he (the king) takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law, taken from that of the priests, who are Levites. It is to be with him, and he is to read it all the days of his life so that he may learn to revere the Lord his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees and not consider himself better than his brothers and turn from the law to the right or to the left. Then he and his descendants wil reign a long time over his kingdom in Israel. (deuteronomy 17.18-20)
many of us are kings that had not taken our rightful positions. yet there are many of us that is sitting on the throne, doing all our things without this preparations. but why would a king not summon someone to write? there must be a reason he needs to write it himself. that he may run through line by line the words. i am going to take my kingly position. i will start with the books of the law. let me see how far i can go and what will happen. since my handwriting is so ugly, i will type and keep it in my apple. for i fear i cannot read my own handwriting. haha. i am so excited :)
Sunday, March 04, 2007
love
r: what's the most romantic thing a guy has ever done for you?
chaiyen says: got a lot wohh hahah. bla blah. but i found out if i don't like the guy it will make it less romantic
r: what's the most romantic you've done to a guy then?
chaiyen says: also got a lot hahaha. but one i will always want to be there when he is sad. no matter how far he is.
r: god.. LOVE is so POWDERFUL!!! i know of this guy. he won't be around during christmas. so he bought 12 presents so that she can open one a day when she's not around. each present got number and represent something
chaiyen says: sweet...
r: like 1 - a plushie
2 - sims 2 game
3 - her fav book with 300 + pages
chaiyen says: aiyyooh so thoughtful. faint faint...
r: 9 - u2 dvd her fav band with 9 tracks and 9 additional dunno what. melt or not i ask u?
chaiyen says: melt... but like i say only if i like the person
r: so conclusion is it's all bout the feel and chemistry
chaiyen says: no, conclusion is not that i want a guy that is romantic. i want the guy i love to be sweet to me. you will realise small things the guy you love do for you makes you smile more than big things a guy you don't like do for you.
r: no matter how nice a guy is. it's still about the feel. a guy can be not so nice but if you have the feel. you'll like him too
chaiyen says: it is not i need a romantic guy. i just want to know i am loved. that he still bother to make an effort to tell me he loves me :)
r: ok so if someone doesn't make u feel loved. doesn't bother to say he loves you. but u have the feel for him.. you'll still like him rite?
chaiyen says: erm shouldn't be the case. will not start. but start already maybe cannot stop
r: haha.. u are insane la. so conclusion, it's still about the feel no matter how shitty that guy is
chaiyen says: but i normally like expressive guys. guys that can tell you they like you. are guys that can tell you about their things. if not don't expect to hear much of their life from them
r: and that's THE ONE you like most i guess
chaiyen says: i have a few ex bfs that are more expressive. and i like 2 out of 5 of them more
r: love is a weird thing i guess... but we just can't live without it. who can... then love again can be in many diff forms. not necessarily bf and gf
chaiyen says: i really have to say it is different. the rest of the ppl in the world you try to love. but the man you are going to married, you just love
r: ok you're getting a bit too deep
chaiyen says: you love your mum, don't you. what will you do for her?
r: anything i guess. except chores... heheheh
chaiyen says: well you will do chores for the guy you like.
---
i don't like romantic guys, i like the guy i love to be romantic
chaiyen says: got a lot wohh hahah. bla blah. but i found out if i don't like the guy it will make it less romantic
r: what's the most romantic you've done to a guy then?
chaiyen says: also got a lot hahaha. but one i will always want to be there when he is sad. no matter how far he is.
r: god.. LOVE is so POWDERFUL!!! i know of this guy. he won't be around during christmas. so he bought 12 presents so that she can open one a day when she's not around. each present got number and represent something
chaiyen says: sweet...
r: like 1 - a plushie
2 - sims 2 game
3 - her fav book with 300 + pages
chaiyen says: aiyyooh so thoughtful. faint faint...
r: 9 - u2 dvd her fav band with 9 tracks and 9 additional dunno what. melt or not i ask u?
chaiyen says: melt... but like i say only if i like the person
r: so conclusion is it's all bout the feel and chemistry
chaiyen says: no, conclusion is not that i want a guy that is romantic. i want the guy i love to be sweet to me. you will realise small things the guy you love do for you makes you smile more than big things a guy you don't like do for you.
r: no matter how nice a guy is. it's still about the feel. a guy can be not so nice but if you have the feel. you'll like him too
chaiyen says: it is not i need a romantic guy. i just want to know i am loved. that he still bother to make an effort to tell me he loves me :)
r: ok so if someone doesn't make u feel loved. doesn't bother to say he loves you. but u have the feel for him.. you'll still like him rite?
chaiyen says: erm shouldn't be the case. will not start. but start already maybe cannot stop
r: haha.. u are insane la. so conclusion, it's still about the feel no matter how shitty that guy is
chaiyen says: but i normally like expressive guys. guys that can tell you they like you. are guys that can tell you about their things. if not don't expect to hear much of their life from them
r: and that's THE ONE you like most i guess
chaiyen says: i have a few ex bfs that are more expressive. and i like 2 out of 5 of them more
r: love is a weird thing i guess... but we just can't live without it. who can... then love again can be in many diff forms. not necessarily bf and gf
chaiyen says: i really have to say it is different. the rest of the ppl in the world you try to love. but the man you are going to married, you just love
r: ok you're getting a bit too deep
chaiyen says: you love your mum, don't you. what will you do for her?
r: anything i guess. except chores... heheheh
chaiyen says: well you will do chores for the guy you like.
---
i don't like romantic guys, i like the guy i love to be romantic
Friday, March 02, 2007
feeling good
had not work so late for a while and having to wake up so early this morning. but thank God the sun is shining this morning. have i ever tell you that God loves me more. i mean it has to be, it was raining non stop the last few days. i remember waking up having these words at the back of my mind "i am so glad i do not need to go to work, how do ppl wake up in morning like this?" (dummm, back to sleep).
photograph by anna
yah, God has to love me a little more.
---
btw if i haven't tell you, sleeping late is very good for my soul.
photograph by anna
yah, God has to love me a little more.
---
btw if i haven't tell you, sleeping late is very good for my soul.
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