i meet a lot of ppl in a week but i definitely dont see the same guy as much in a week other than him (besides my family). i noticed him a while back. i mean besides the point everyone in gym looks sweaty and not that great, it is hard not to notice a man with such great stature and nice shirts strolling around. yes i eavesdrop and really like his confident voice when he projects his voice.
i do a lot of cycling in the gym. how my machine is positioned, it is surely not very difficult for both our eyes to meet. i cannot deny i made the first move. i took a good look at him, long enough to make an impression. from that day on, i never did make much effort but im sure he noticed me. every now and then he will steal a look to check if im staring. if i notice that from the corner of my eyes, i will make sure i look up to make his day. it is an extremely fun thing to do in between my exercise. for me my interest for him doesnt strain me because i dont exactly feel anything for him more than a crush. i wont get disappointed if he doesnt like me. neither do i think of him throughout the week since i barely know him. having said that he has my boyfriend type of look so i had observe him for a while but i didnt exactly like what i saw. im not bias when i say the girls have their hands all over him, only on him and not any other dude in that gym.
since then, i dont give him as much attention as i did. instead i had been trying to push myself on my workout by doing more kilometres. he had not stop intentionally buzzing a lot around me though. it is totally so out of the blue that day when he changed from his formal working attire to shorts and t-shirt. didnt had much time to think about it before he plopped into a sit next to me. i swear there is still another sit after that which he didnt take. i dare to look from him from afar but seriously i was quite shy when he sat next to me. i dont really dare to look up. my heart was beating so fast, i wasnt sure it was him or the cycling. he didnt manage to stay long coz some smart ass GIRL decide to come and max his level. i told u the girls never leave him alone. he struggled for a while then left.
is that progress or what? i got so ons that night i couldnt stop. after cycling i did sit ups and i think i hurt my back again. hehe... i think i will give my body a break for a week and let him miss me a little. if you know him, pls dont tell me he is taken. dont tell him i wrote this and spare me the shame. dont burst my bubbles im enjoying this little entertainment in my gym :)
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
my top 100 list of books i want to read
i was looking for a list as a guide. but either i find a whole list of novels or a whole list of philosophers' books list. his list looks like there is a mix but it still seems a little chim (deep) for me. the best selling list looks kinda interesting, though i dont mind reading mao zedong or the quran. im not sure i want to read book of mormon and lord of the rings.
so i finally combine the list to form my own 100:
1.Bible
2.The Message interpreted by Eugune Peterson
3.Confessions by Augustine of Hippo
4.Mister God, This is Anna
5.The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey
6.Church: why bother? by Philip Yancey
7.Reaching for the Invisible God by Philip Yancey
8.Daring to Live on the Edge by Loren Cunningham
9.Is that really you God by Loren Cunningham
10.The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason
11.The Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God by Brent Curtis
12.Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul by John Eldredge
13.The Screwtape Letters by C.S.Lewis
14.This Present Darkness by Frank E. Peretti
15.Piercing the Darkness by Frank E. Peretti
16.The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning
17.Roaring Lambs by Bob Briner
18.Run with the Horses by Eugene Peterson
19.Bono: In Conversation with Michka Assayas
20.Living History by Hillary Rodham Clinton
21.The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream by Barack Obama
22.The 100: A Ranking of the 100 Most Influential Persons in History by Michael H. Hart
23.Murder in Mind by Kirk Wilson
24.Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
25.Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
26. Fallen Leaves by Adeline Yen Mah
27.The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell
28.Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell
29.The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
30.The Man Who Ate the 747 by Ben Sherwood
31.A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
32.The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
33.God's Chaser by Tommy Tenney
34.Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti by Bill & Pam Farrel
35.The Series of The Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton
36.Eat This Book by Eugene Peterson
37.The Shack by WM. Paul Young
38.Falling In Love With Jesus: Abandoning Yourself to the Greatest Romance of Your Life by Dee Brestin and Kathy Troccoli
39.Jane Austen by Malcolm Day
40.The Five People I Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
41.Where Rainbows End by Cecelia Ahern
42.Wish You Are Here by Phillipa Ashley
43.The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch with Jeffrey Zaslow
44.Why Men Marry Bitches by Sherry Argov
45.My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult
46.For One More Day by Mitch Albom
47.Have A Little Faith by Mitch Albom
48.The Secret Lives of Men by Christopher Blazina
BOOKS WAITING FOR ME TO READ
49. The Black Swan by Nassim Nicholas Taleb
50. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
51. The Generals' War by Michael Gordon and Bernard Trainor
52. Life with God by Richard Foster
53. The Cases that Haunt Us by John Douglas and Mark Olshaker
54. Rereadings edited by Anne Fadiman
55. Addicted to Love Kate Moss Fred Vermorel
56. The Odyssey by Homer (attempting)
57. Martin Luther: Heart of Reformation by Edwin P. Booth
58. The Zookeeper's Wife by Diane Ackerman
59. A Memoirs of Wangari Maathai
60. The Republic by Plato
61 The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
62. The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
BOOKS IM INTERESTED TO READ
63. The Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr. by Martin Luther King Jr.
64. Nicomachean Ethics by Aristotle
65. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
66. Paradise Lost by John Milton
67. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
68. Lives of the Noble Greeks and Romans by Plutarch
69. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High
71. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert
72. The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides
73. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
74. Message in a Bottle by Nicholas Sparks
75. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
76. The Testament by John Grisham
77. Persuasion by Jane Austen
78. Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell
79. The Politics by Aristotle
80. Quotations From Chairman Mao Tse-tung by Mao Zedong
81. The Illiad by Homer
82. Ulysses by James Joyce
83. Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer
84. Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky
85. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
86. The Thin Red Line by James Jones
87. Beyond Good and Evil by Freidrich Nietzsche
88. Frankenstein by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelly
89. Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
90. Emma by Jane Austen
91. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
92. Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
93. Hamlet by Shakespeare
94. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
95. Gandhi An Autobiography: The Story of My Experiments With Truth by Mohandas Karamchand (Mahatma) Gandhi
96. The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
99. The Meaning of Hitler by Sebastian Haffner
100. Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt
---
EDITED on 3 january 2011. I have read more books than those being listed on the top but these are my favourite, meaning books i am willing to reread again. Books that i cannot forget the content till date -- that is why i cannot help but include The Series of the Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton, my childhood favourite "The Saucepan Man"--. These books are probably books that had shaped who i am today and how i think. Am looking forward to read the many other books listed here too, suppose to be good.
so i finally combine the list to form my own 100:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
26.
27.
28.
29.
30.
31.
32.
33.
34.
35.
36.
37.
38.
39.
40.
41.
42.
43.
44.
45.
46.
47.
48.
BOOKS WAITING FOR ME TO READ
49. The Black Swan by Nassim Nicholas Taleb
50. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
51. The Generals' War by Michael Gordon and Bernard Trainor
52. Life with God by Richard Foster
53. The Cases that Haunt Us by John Douglas and Mark Olshaker
54. Rereadings edited by Anne Fadiman
55. Addicted to Love Kate Moss Fred Vermorel
56. The Odyssey by Homer (attempting)
57. Martin Luther: Heart of Reformation by Edwin P. Booth
58. The Zookeeper's Wife by Diane Ackerman
59. A Memoirs of Wangari Maathai
60. The Republic by Plato
61 The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
62. The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
BOOKS IM INTERESTED TO READ
63. The Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr. by Martin Luther King Jr.
64. Nicomachean Ethics by Aristotle
65. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
66. Paradise Lost by John Milton
67. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
68. Lives of the Noble Greeks and Romans by Plutarch
69. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High
71. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert
72. The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides
73. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
74. Message in a Bottle by Nicholas Sparks
75. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
76. The Testament by John Grisham
77. Persuasion by Jane Austen
78. Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell
79. The Politics by Aristotle
80. Quotations From Chairman Mao Tse-tung by Mao Zedong
81. The Illiad by Homer
82. Ulysses by James Joyce
83. Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer
84. Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky
85. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
86. The Thin Red Line by James Jones
87. Beyond Good and Evil by Freidrich Nietzsche
88. Frankenstein by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelly
89. Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
90. Emma by Jane Austen
91. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
92. Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
93. Hamlet by Shakespeare
94. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
95. Gandhi An Autobiography: The Story of My Experiments With Truth by Mohandas Karamchand (Mahatma) Gandhi
96. The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
99. The Meaning of Hitler by Sebastian Haffner
100. Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt
---
EDITED on 3 january 2011. I have read more books than those being listed on the top but these are my favourite, meaning books i am willing to reread again. Books that i cannot forget the content till date -- that is why i cannot help but include The Series of the Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton, my childhood favourite "The Saucepan Man"--. These books are probably books that had shaped who i am today and how i think. Am looking forward to read the many other books listed here too, suppose to be good.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
the omniscient one
i was pondering how to keep up to my savings plan and do all the things i want to do. then there were hiccups in my income with one of my client. but before i can pray about it (or maybe i did but i obviously had not put much though into it), it resolved. i have new client calling me which will keep me going for one or two months. so that took the worry off my head since i have more time to look out for new client.
i was thinking a little maybe i should go find back some clients that do something more funky like my previous ishmag. so that got me quite excited but before i know it my earlier client arrange back another package for me which comes back to the same figure. so i kinda have some bonus financially in the end. that's not it what they repackaged for me includes some other work which allows me to have some fun. the last few nights, i was just working on those artworks and it brought back all those sweet memories -- flipping books for inspiration, trying out colours and being mess-ly creative.
one thing i cant help but think about the whole week is i dont feel like im working on my own. you know normally a person that work on their own have to find their own client, fight for their own time and keep a balance of what they like to do and finance. i consider myself lucky that i taste a little of that in my first year but thereafter had been smooth sailing.
i can understand how many boast about how God provides, i can identify with that. but seriously im overwhelmed when i see HIM moves around my clients' plans to fulfill this area call passion for me. yes, maybe after i tell HIM about it but remember i havent even start praying. i cannot get how HE can be so quick to change things when i just start to think about it. i havent even put much thought into it. it was as if the conception of that thoughts was also given by HIM.
that must be it, so that today i can just sit here in awe of HIM all over again. do you think God had been speaking to me a lot recently? i think so too. for the record, im not less sinful now compare to yesterday. have to be grace and mercy.
i was thinking a little maybe i should go find back some clients that do something more funky like my previous ishmag. so that got me quite excited but before i know it my earlier client arrange back another package for me which comes back to the same figure. so i kinda have some bonus financially in the end. that's not it what they repackaged for me includes some other work which allows me to have some fun. the last few nights, i was just working on those artworks and it brought back all those sweet memories -- flipping books for inspiration, trying out colours and being mess-ly creative.
one thing i cant help but think about the whole week is i dont feel like im working on my own. you know normally a person that work on their own have to find their own client, fight for their own time and keep a balance of what they like to do and finance. i consider myself lucky that i taste a little of that in my first year but thereafter had been smooth sailing.
i can understand how many boast about how God provides, i can identify with that. but seriously im overwhelmed when i see HIM moves around my clients' plans to fulfill this area call passion for me. yes, maybe after i tell HIM about it but remember i havent even start praying. i cannot get how HE can be so quick to change things when i just start to think about it. i havent even put much thought into it. it was as if the conception of that thoughts was also given by HIM.
that must be it, so that today i can just sit here in awe of HIM all over again. do you think God had been speaking to me a lot recently? i think so too. for the record, im not less sinful now compare to yesterday. have to be grace and mercy.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
im an optimist
i remembered it was raining that day. i didnt bring my umbrella, it was raining cats and dogs so i stood at the corridor of the school for a while. i actually think that my school bus driver will bother to calculate and make sure all the students are in that bus before he drives of. unfortunately he doesnt care. to my despair, i saw the bus passed by me as i ran out from the gate. closed enough for some kids in the bus to wave goodbye to me. what are they thinking? im supposed to be in the bus. i was about 8 years old i think.
forgive me, but i do not know how to go home. i must be playing all the time on the journey to school, i forgotten to see which direction my bus take everyday. i was soaking wet though i was wearing two layers including my pinafore. im drenched to the socks. i believed the books in my bag were not spared too. at such moment what will one do? maybe not what everyone will do, but i did what i always will do. i walked to the bus stop opposite the road where my school bus pick me up everyday. why did i do that? i reasoned that when he found out that im missing and comes back to get me that might be the only place he will find me. the evening was giving in to the night, obviously he did not come back for me. i always blame those stupid boys who waved and not tell the bus driver im left behind.
after long wasted time, i did what most ppl would had done in the first place. i went and look for a public phone to call my parents. i went around the boys school which is where my bus stop and found none or none working, i cannot remember which. so i decided to walked to a mall nearby. which is scary for my age because there were loads of adults and strangers which i were always warned since young they might kidnapped me. i looked high and low for a phone but i could not find one. found one after much walking, just to prove a point to me that malaysia public phone doesnt work since 1988. i was lost, and i didnt know what to do. trust me i was making my way back to the bus stop if not because a kind samaritan saw me crying and drenched send me to a police station. my mum freaked out at first wondering what crime i committed that had me landed in a police station. she laughed it out later to think that im so silly to cry over that. few years later, she walked me to school everyday to make sure i know my way home.
im actually surprise i remember all these things so vividly. in fact, i can recount so many other occasions that i will do the same even after i grew up. when im lost i will always walk back to the place we first gathered. when i cant contact the person im suppose to meet. i will stand at the same place for hours if need be because i dont want to walk away just in case at that moment that person come and find me. steph can testify to that (read: drama of the day) during our japan trip. what she doesnt know is, i felt really lost and scared like i was. i dont remember it then, but i knew i had similar feelings before. i was walking around with loads of 'maybe' or 'what-should-i-do' all the way. the only different this time is i know the way back to the hotel.
i do not know why suddenly this two incidents come to mind tonight. but i was just thinking, i had not progress much in my life the last few years. maybe, i was waiting for someone or maybe i was just lost and i dont want to walk around. whichever it is, i just did what i always do, i waited refusing to go anywhere. no doubt with many questions in my mind and the whole time was agonising and aimless.
i sat long enough plus many years had proven that waiting at the same place doesnt help me find what i want. basically i think time is up, im going for a walk. do i know where? not necessary but im going for a walk.
---
yes, im an optimist to think that ppl will realise im missing. will speak the same language as me and go back to where we first meet. im an optimist to think that ppl will find their way to me. i know i waste loads of time and many think that im fool. i could not agree more. but im not sure if i will ever change, i only hope that one day i will have a different ending :)
forgive me, but i do not know how to go home. i must be playing all the time on the journey to school, i forgotten to see which direction my bus take everyday. i was soaking wet though i was wearing two layers including my pinafore. im drenched to the socks. i believed the books in my bag were not spared too. at such moment what will one do? maybe not what everyone will do, but i did what i always will do. i walked to the bus stop opposite the road where my school bus pick me up everyday. why did i do that? i reasoned that when he found out that im missing and comes back to get me that might be the only place he will find me. the evening was giving in to the night, obviously he did not come back for me. i always blame those stupid boys who waved and not tell the bus driver im left behind.
after long wasted time, i did what most ppl would had done in the first place. i went and look for a public phone to call my parents. i went around the boys school which is where my bus stop and found none or none working, i cannot remember which. so i decided to walked to a mall nearby. which is scary for my age because there were loads of adults and strangers which i were always warned since young they might kidnapped me. i looked high and low for a phone but i could not find one. found one after much walking, just to prove a point to me that malaysia public phone doesnt work since 1988. i was lost, and i didnt know what to do. trust me i was making my way back to the bus stop if not because a kind samaritan saw me crying and drenched send me to a police station. my mum freaked out at first wondering what crime i committed that had me landed in a police station. she laughed it out later to think that im so silly to cry over that. few years later, she walked me to school everyday to make sure i know my way home.
im actually surprise i remember all these things so vividly. in fact, i can recount so many other occasions that i will do the same even after i grew up. when im lost i will always walk back to the place we first gathered. when i cant contact the person im suppose to meet. i will stand at the same place for hours if need be because i dont want to walk away just in case at that moment that person come and find me. steph can testify to that (read: drama of the day) during our japan trip. what she doesnt know is, i felt really lost and scared like i was. i dont remember it then, but i knew i had similar feelings before. i was walking around with loads of 'maybe' or 'what-should-i-do' all the way. the only different this time is i know the way back to the hotel.
i do not know why suddenly this two incidents come to mind tonight. but i was just thinking, i had not progress much in my life the last few years. maybe, i was waiting for someone or maybe i was just lost and i dont want to walk around. whichever it is, i just did what i always do, i waited refusing to go anywhere. no doubt with many questions in my mind and the whole time was agonising and aimless.
i sat long enough plus many years had proven that waiting at the same place doesnt help me find what i want. basically i think time is up, im going for a walk. do i know where? not necessary but im going for a walk.
---
yes, im an optimist to think that ppl will realise im missing. will speak the same language as me and go back to where we first meet. im an optimist to think that ppl will find their way to me. i know i waste loads of time and many think that im fool. i could not agree more. but im not sure if i will ever change, i only hope that one day i will have a different ending :)
Friday, July 11, 2008
snapshot
after comparing, from anna's blog the same photo that we uploaded did i realised that there must be a way to fix the problem of those jagged photos. i look up the bloggers forum and found out how to do so. quite a bit of work since i need to change all the link manually but i am happy to see my holiday photos nicer. just to do me justice. i shoot better photos than what this blog used to preview previously :)
happy.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
redang
TUE
0515 check in and breakfast at LCCT
0800 rereading Confessions by Augustine through the journey. arrive at kt new airport
0930 nap while my ferry cross over to redang island playing music from favourite playlist
1030 reading by the beach
1130 check in and short nap
1300 lunch
1400 sunbathing session with my book
1700 photo session
1900 dinner
2100 sleep
WED
0645 morning devotion and journaling by the beach
0730 breakfast
0800 journaling - mid year review - by the beach
1030 snorkeling at marine park
1300 lunch
1400 sunbathing from my favourite playlist
1600 tea break
1630 sunbathing with my book
1730 reading and journaling alone at the rock (my secret, quiet place)
1900 dinner
2000 a bottle of 'long island' by the beach
2130 sleep
THUR
0615 catch the sunrise
0730 breakfast
0800 morning devotion and journaling by the beach
0900 check out and reading by the beach
1100 ferry out back to kt with my favourite playlist
1200 lunch in town
1400 writing cards at kt airport
1630 on the plane back home
i was supposed to go for this trip alone. as crazy as it may sounds like because i just needed the quiet time all by myself. anna decided to crash into my solitary space. in fact i need to thank her because i may take forever to make this trip happen if not for her. it turns up great because we both wanted to do just exactly the same thing - read, be quiet and sun bath. and the best bit of it, i have a new sets of pretty photos. more here.
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why is this place so great for me?
1. we thought they photoshop the blue sky and sea when we saw the photos on the webpage. we were really impress when we see it with our own eyes.
2. the sun is hot enough to get you tanned but the cool windy beach makes you forget you are under the sun. extremely perfect for sunbathing. the 6 hours though got us burned because it gets too comfortable that we fail to keep ourselves awake.
3. somehow the voices from my heart seem so clear, my mind so refresh with thoughts and i wrote as much as my fingers can follow.
4. my secret place by the rock is such a great place to read. sitting on those big beautiful rocks with sound of waves hitting them under the big blue sky. this seriously remind me of how much i want a glass house by the beach.
5. we sleep not later than 10 every night. we wake amazingly early every morning. we feel extremely healthy. sitting at the pier, with my feet dipping into the sea watching the full glory of the sunrise. simply serene.
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we need to thank God for the perfect weather, it was drizzling on our arrival and departure but sunny for the two full days when we needed it. in fact the sun was faithful enough to rise for me on the last day before it started getting cloudy. this is seriously good. we are already planning our next beach destination :)
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all the photos on this page are taken by anna-rina. anna's photo was taken by me, touched up by her.
Monday, July 07, 2008
order
this year, i try to bring order back into every area of my life. i started keying in all my daily expenses here. it has surely helped me save my targeted amount by using within the budget i set. i went holiday last week and it did interrupt my saving plan quite a bit. nevertheless im still determine to save the amount i had set.
lately i started keeping a time chart to calculate my value per hour which looks like this.
i do not have sufficient data to calculate that yet so that's not the point of this entry. im sure it will not surprise anyone that im a nocturnal person. yes, that explains the non shaded columns in the day (middle). the two colours represent my two clients. i was taken aback that not only i dont work on most weekends. i actually dont work for more than 8 hours on most days. seriously i do know i have more free time this year, i just didnt know that much. had also cut down on my napping hours, replacing them with reading and work out. since the trip im trying to go to bed early too. it definitely feels good to put order back into my life.
life is bliss for now.
---
after putting those two areas of my life in order, im surely ready to take in more challenges in my life. im doing my prep, decision time seems to be coming closer to an end.
lately i started keeping a time chart to calculate my value per hour which looks like this.
i do not have sufficient data to calculate that yet so that's not the point of this entry. im sure it will not surprise anyone that im a nocturnal person. yes, that explains the non shaded columns in the day (middle). the two colours represent my two clients. i was taken aback that not only i dont work on most weekends. i actually dont work for more than 8 hours on most days. seriously i do know i have more free time this year, i just didnt know that much. had also cut down on my napping hours, replacing them with reading and work out. since the trip im trying to go to bed early too. it definitely feels good to put order back into my life.
life is bliss for now.
---
after putting those two areas of my life in order, im surely ready to take in more challenges in my life. im doing my prep, decision time seems to be coming closer to an end.
Friday, July 04, 2008
under the sea escapade
i love holidays, my favourites have to be cities and beaches. for the record i had not been to the few renown beaches in malaysia so the last 3 days i packed my bag and hit redang beach with my gf cum photographer, anna. i will leave the entry about above-the-sea when i get hold of those photos.
basically i cant wait to share about my marine park experience. this is the first time i ever go snorkeling. it is really funny, i found out i was actually afraid of fishes regardless of their sizes. to be honest i threw their bread away from me because i was kinda horrified by the whole school of fish rushing towards the bread. that took us a while but we quickly got bored since we dont see any other fishes except for that few species. then suddenly the two instructors came over to our rescue and took us for a reckless adventure. THIS, we remind ourselves are benefits of single ladies ;p
we went to the edge of the boundaries where the real big fishes were. they did quite a bit to impress us. they caught poor little fish and went underwater to lure giant grouper and giant moray eel out from corals for us to see. not only did they dive to the bottom of the sea to bring us shells, sea cucumbers and fishes to touch. they took the trouble to tell us the names of all the marine life we saw. i was never good with names but to their credit i remember a few - trigger fish (which will bite if disturbed, IMPORTANT enough to remember i supposed), cushion starfish (which looks really thick and big like a pumpkin) and christmas tree (how can i forget that, i touched it. picture below).
what we did was quite an experience in itself. we were suppose to take a deep breath; he pushed us under because we were with life jackets and not suppose to go down under; and we touched those colourful little christmas trees. there were so cute because it will shy away when our fingers touches them. i touched as many as long as i can held my breath. by then, i had gotten a bit more fearless. actually maybe not, these are not exactly fishes.
one guy even went down under to blow ring bubbles for us to see.
we were very entertained i had to say. i gave him a thumb up. anna must have mistaken she was in a circus when she asked him to do it again. surprisingly he did not refuse. mind you he doesnt have a scuba tank.
not to mention we went out of the boundaries line to stand on a shipwreck lying in about 8-10 metres of the water. the colourful coral encrusted structures have to be one of our highlights. i wouldnt had swim there on my own, just for one simple fact if he is not holding on to my arm the strong currents would had took this 42kg away.
it was really really fun, but we didnt go for the next session because we wanted to do other things plus they had almost showed us everything wahahahah... kidding. anyway, we really appreciate the special treatment.
basically i cant wait to share about my marine park experience. this is the first time i ever go snorkeling. it is really funny, i found out i was actually afraid of fishes regardless of their sizes. to be honest i threw their bread away from me because i was kinda horrified by the whole school of fish rushing towards the bread. that took us a while but we quickly got bored since we dont see any other fishes except for that few species. then suddenly the two instructors came over to our rescue and took us for a reckless adventure. THIS, we remind ourselves are benefits of single ladies ;p
we went to the edge of the boundaries where the real big fishes were. they did quite a bit to impress us. they caught poor little fish and went underwater to lure giant grouper and giant moray eel out from corals for us to see. not only did they dive to the bottom of the sea to bring us shells, sea cucumbers and fishes to touch. they took the trouble to tell us the names of all the marine life we saw. i was never good with names but to their credit i remember a few - trigger fish (which will bite if disturbed, IMPORTANT enough to remember i supposed), cushion starfish (which looks really thick and big like a pumpkin) and christmas tree (how can i forget that, i touched it. picture below).
what we did was quite an experience in itself. we were suppose to take a deep breath; he pushed us under because we were with life jackets and not suppose to go down under; and we touched those colourful little christmas trees. there were so cute because it will shy away when our fingers touches them. i touched as many as long as i can held my breath. by then, i had gotten a bit more fearless. actually maybe not, these are not exactly fishes.
one guy even went down under to blow ring bubbles for us to see.
we were very entertained i had to say. i gave him a thumb up. anna must have mistaken she was in a circus when she asked him to do it again. surprisingly he did not refuse. mind you he doesnt have a scuba tank.
not to mention we went out of the boundaries line to stand on a shipwreck lying in about 8-10 metres of the water. the colourful coral encrusted structures have to be one of our highlights. i wouldnt had swim there on my own, just for one simple fact if he is not holding on to my arm the strong currents would had took this 42kg away.
it was really really fun, but we didnt go for the next session because we wanted to do other things plus they had almost showed us everything wahahahah... kidding. anyway, we really appreciate the special treatment.
Monday, June 30, 2008
crash
this happened a few days ago, i cant forget the incident i mind as well blog it. i think it is God when cute guys keep banging into my car. yah i still remember my christmas eve incident and the text message that followed after. but somehow i was a bit angry this time as i marched out of the car, i started screaming before i even see the driver. i have to admit, the anger left as soon as he came out from his car. ohhh tall, dark, handsome. as cliche as it sounds like, he looks familiar i think i saw him somewhere before. but i tried to put back on my fierce look and make sure i get his ic number and contacts. im not going to let him off just for his hot look, im going to look totally shallow if i do. so i need to pretend im not coz that's not attractive.
he told me something along the line that he forgotten his IC today. i cant remember exactly what happened, somehow he managed to make me follow him home. as soon as we reached his place. i make sure i looked annoyed having to follow him around. i marched after him into his house. he didnt say anything and walk straight into his room. i wasnt sure if im suppose to follow right in but i stopped at his door which he left opened. he was sitting by his keyboard next to his bed, he invited me to sit next to him and he started playing and i was totally swept off my feet. then i remembered, he is philip wang. see i told you i know this guy. but the terrible part is that is also the same moment i realised it is just a dream. i knew it, cute guys dont just 'happen' to appear in your life like that.
i swear i had not been watching his videos the last few days :)
---
had been looping since i visited biling's blog: always be my baby, david cook
he told me something along the line that he forgotten his IC today. i cant remember exactly what happened, somehow he managed to make me follow him home. as soon as we reached his place. i make sure i looked annoyed having to follow him around. i marched after him into his house. he didnt say anything and walk straight into his room. i wasnt sure if im suppose to follow right in but i stopped at his door which he left opened. he was sitting by his keyboard next to his bed, he invited me to sit next to him and he started playing and i was totally swept off my feet. then i remembered, he is philip wang. see i told you i know this guy. but the terrible part is that is also the same moment i realised it is just a dream. i knew it, cute guys dont just 'happen' to appear in your life like that.
i swear i had not been watching his videos the last few days :)
---
had been looping since i visited biling's blog: always be my baby, david cook
Saturday, June 28, 2008
passion
i went for dinner with ps lee choo. one planned since last year. but i have no complain, who am i to even have her time. so this act itself makes me feel really, really special. we went for dinner at la bodega, bsc. as we reached there, she told me she needed to get some milk. i was a bit curious why cant she get it after dinner. she insisted to get it immediately, "i need to get it now, i will surely forget later." we quickly get the milk and find a table in the restaurant. she carefully placed the milk on the seat next to her. she continued, "i cant put it on the floor, i will forget."
overall it was a really good time, because we know so many ppl in common we kinda talk about many, many ppl including mine. time quickly passed by and we made our way back to church. she did asked me if i want to join her, ps gary rucci from adelaide was here. i had heard him speak before and i really like him but somehow i said "maybe not". maybe it was a little pride hoping she didnt arrange the dinner before this just to make me join her. she didnt insist which i was actually hoping she does to prove me right. but she left. disclaimer: it is not really me to do this, but i actually kinda like ps gary rucci. just that this season of my life, i wonder if what he says will be significant to me at all.
i drove away a little empty, it is friday. i left my options open to go for that so i didnt make any other plans. so i started calling ppl. first, my oth kaki denied me. friend after friend i called to watch the green thing with me but they all seem to already made movie plans. so i drove away. then, i saw the main character of this episode of mine, THE milk. gosh what is it doing here. so i make my u-turn right at the junction and called ps lee choo. she didnt answer her phone as i predicted. so there is no other way except to park my car and go up there. i smiled at the whole process because it seems so funny to me because this whole paragraph does not need to be written if i would had just gone up in the first place.
so i went up with my excuse - the milk - and i prayed "God if you insist i come you must have quite a message for me, let it be done." behold this man spoke about passion.
what makes you cry, hotel rwanda? blood diamond? what provokes you? what is it that annoy you? what makes you figure for solutions? what makes you keep awake at night? what ignites your energy? what is your passion? you see after being a christian for so long it no longer about a war of doing good or bad. but a war of the good and the best. we can do a few good things in life but that will only built church-nity. christianity is about passion. jesus is a very passionate man. and it no coincidence his last week is called the passion week."
after the message, i sober up and walked over to ps lee choo with her milk. "you purposely left this in my car right? *with a smile on my face* but im glad i came up". she couldnt stop laughing and mumble something in the line of she was thinking where she left her milk while she was giving the altar call. funny what goes through the mind of a pastor. but the main point is more than something planned by ps lee choo, i couldnt help thinking how this whole thing is orchestrated by God.
---
all these things come in aptly so that i can add it to my list of things to ponder about. 3 more days.
overall it was a really good time, because we know so many ppl in common we kinda talk about many, many ppl including mine. time quickly passed by and we made our way back to church. she did asked me if i want to join her, ps gary rucci from adelaide was here. i had heard him speak before and i really like him but somehow i said "maybe not". maybe it was a little pride hoping she didnt arrange the dinner before this just to make me join her. she didnt insist which i was actually hoping she does to prove me right. but she left. disclaimer: it is not really me to do this, but i actually kinda like ps gary rucci. just that this season of my life, i wonder if what he says will be significant to me at all.
i drove away a little empty, it is friday. i left my options open to go for that so i didnt make any other plans. so i started calling ppl. first, my oth kaki denied me. friend after friend i called to watch the green thing with me but they all seem to already made movie plans. so i drove away. then, i saw the main character of this episode of mine, THE milk. gosh what is it doing here. so i make my u-turn right at the junction and called ps lee choo. she didnt answer her phone as i predicted. so there is no other way except to park my car and go up there. i smiled at the whole process because it seems so funny to me because this whole paragraph does not need to be written if i would had just gone up in the first place.
so i went up with my excuse - the milk - and i prayed "God if you insist i come you must have quite a message for me, let it be done." behold this man spoke about passion.
what makes you cry, hotel rwanda? blood diamond? what provokes you? what is it that annoy you? what makes you figure for solutions? what makes you keep awake at night? what ignites your energy? what is your passion? you see after being a christian for so long it no longer about a war of doing good or bad. but a war of the good and the best. we can do a few good things in life but that will only built church-nity. christianity is about passion. jesus is a very passionate man. and it no coincidence his last week is called the passion week."
after the message, i sober up and walked over to ps lee choo with her milk. "you purposely left this in my car right? *with a smile on my face* but im glad i came up". she couldnt stop laughing and mumble something in the line of she was thinking where she left her milk while she was giving the altar call. funny what goes through the mind of a pastor. but the main point is more than something planned by ps lee choo, i couldnt help thinking how this whole thing is orchestrated by God.
---
all these things come in aptly so that i can add it to my list of things to ponder about. 3 more days.
Friday, June 27, 2008
mind game
i think it is weird but i actually like this feeling. the mind game
"i think he likes me", "nah maybe not, i think he likes the other girl", "but i think he likes me, if not why did he do that?", "actually, i think he likes my sister", "see, that is sign of interest", "maybe he doesnt know he is interested yet but those are signs of possibility", "maybe not, he is just treating me as a friend".
yah i like the weirdest thing in the world.
---
"My point is this... Whoever said what you don't know can't hurt you was a complete and total moron. Because for most people I know, not knowing is the WORST feeling in the world... As surgeons we have to be in the know, but as human beings sometimes it's better to stay in the dark. Because in the dark there may be fear, but there is also hope."
meredith grey, grey's
"i think he likes me", "nah maybe not, i think he likes the other girl", "but i think he likes me, if not why did he do that?", "actually, i think he likes my sister", "see, that is sign of interest", "maybe he doesnt know he is interested yet but those are signs of possibility", "maybe not, he is just treating me as a friend".
yah i like the weirdest thing in the world.
---
"My point is this... Whoever said what you don't know can't hurt you was a complete and total moron. Because for most people I know, not knowing is the WORST feeling in the world... As surgeons we have to be in the know, but as human beings sometimes it's better to stay in the dark. Because in the dark there may be fear, but there is also hope."
meredith grey, grey's
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
challenge
chal·lenge –noun
a call or summons to engage in any contest, as of skill, strength, etc.
before the year end, i will do either one of these:
1. i will go for piano lessons so that i will not be forever tone deaf.
2. i will be a part time lecturer in my former college.
3. if not, i will enroll myself as a student again in that college. this time majoring in multimedia.
seriously the third is more like what i want to do because there is a sudden desire for something more in my career. whichever options im taking, i intend to continue my freelance work. which brings me to the point of doubt if i can cope with the expenses and if i have the luxury of time to do that. age is not at all a problem to me, im kinda excited to hit back to lecture hall, squeeze out my creative juices and be surrounded by cutie boys. what im not prepared for is to give up my sleep and finishing up my assignments.
---
without vision the people perish. without goals we walk aimlessly. i once had many dreams, dreams i was so sure of fulfilling. i climbed up the shelf to check if any of them are still alive. it seems like when we are awaken from dreams, we can hardly lay hold of it once again. i could not resonate with any of it anymore. but i can no longer stand living in this body that is running out of passion, i need to try some new things. just in case there are untouched ground where my talents and destiny lie. just maybe, i might stumble upon something that will cause my heart to beat again. a dream that i will die pursuing. Martin Luther King said "If you haven't found something to die for, you're not fit to live". doesnt matter i die not changing anything, so long as i die trying to do something. i need to find something to dream about again to justify my existence.
ironically there is another quote that goes "You never really live until you find someone worth dying for." i think twice about it, then i concluded i might just die looking for that someone, so i mind as well stick back to luther's quote. it seems to me it is easier to look for a thing.
a call or summons to engage in any contest, as of skill, strength, etc.
before the year end, i will do either one of these:
1. i will go for piano lessons so that i will not be forever tone deaf.
2. i will be a part time lecturer in my former college.
3. if not, i will enroll myself as a student again in that college. this time majoring in multimedia.
seriously the third is more like what i want to do because there is a sudden desire for something more in my career. whichever options im taking, i intend to continue my freelance work. which brings me to the point of doubt if i can cope with the expenses and if i have the luxury of time to do that. age is not at all a problem to me, im kinda excited to hit back to lecture hall, squeeze out my creative juices and be surrounded by cutie boys. what im not prepared for is to give up my sleep and finishing up my assignments.
---
without vision the people perish. without goals we walk aimlessly. i once had many dreams, dreams i was so sure of fulfilling. i climbed up the shelf to check if any of them are still alive. it seems like when we are awaken from dreams, we can hardly lay hold of it once again. i could not resonate with any of it anymore. but i can no longer stand living in this body that is running out of passion, i need to try some new things. just in case there are untouched ground where my talents and destiny lie. just maybe, i might stumble upon something that will cause my heart to beat again. a dream that i will die pursuing. Martin Luther King said "If you haven't found something to die for, you're not fit to live". doesnt matter i die not changing anything, so long as i die trying to do something. i need to find something to dream about again to justify my existence.
ironically there is another quote that goes "You never really live until you find someone worth dying for." i think twice about it, then i concluded i might just die looking for that someone, so i mind as well stick back to luther's quote. it seems to me it is easier to look for a thing.
Friday, June 20, 2008
think. family
"mum, from now on we will only speak to you in english so that you can improve your english"
i can only remember the days when she sat us down and teach us our ABC and 123. they do not have the privilege and luxury to further their education like us. they were determine to make sure we get the education that is necessary and now we are so good that we feel embarrassed that our parents cannot communicate properly in english. shame on us.
"all my parents do is give us money, they do not know how to love us without money"
those were the days i dont even see my dad at home and it is not because he is working, he was just missing in action. but here he is giving his time to bring us for holiday and sumptuous dinner. buying car, hp, clothes, laptop and that is what we say. if we are that great, dont use a penny of theirs. if we want to talk about love and not money, prove to them all we want is love and not money. shame on us.
"why are you always comparing us to other kids, why must we get first in class? why dont u praise us for things we did well in. like other parents, they search for college for their kids and be there for them."
to hear even that lie is already funny. there we are comparing our parents with other parents and we are telling them not to compare us with other children. those were the days we want to do well to impress our parents and maybe just a self satisfaction that we can do well. but kids nowadays, they take it as if it is a they are doing their parents a favour to do well. reward from their parents doesnt sounds like an motivation, to them it is a pressure. seriously i dont know how to be parents too. shame on us.
---
seriously im very happy with my parents. no im not saying they are perfect, they are a lot of better ideal parents around. but im very proud of them. through the years, i had seen them become better parents, but it seems to me expectations of kids nowadays are growing in great measure. so forgive me if i get a little upset seeing kids lecturing how their parents to be parents. it is just disturbing. let them be them, give them a break if they just want to watch chinese series. for goodness sake dont force them to read newspaper.
inspired by this entry.
i can only remember the days when she sat us down and teach us our ABC and 123. they do not have the privilege and luxury to further their education like us. they were determine to make sure we get the education that is necessary and now we are so good that we feel embarrassed that our parents cannot communicate properly in english. shame on us.
"all my parents do is give us money, they do not know how to love us without money"
those were the days i dont even see my dad at home and it is not because he is working, he was just missing in action. but here he is giving his time to bring us for holiday and sumptuous dinner. buying car, hp, clothes, laptop and that is what we say. if we are that great, dont use a penny of theirs. if we want to talk about love and not money, prove to them all we want is love and not money. shame on us.
"why are you always comparing us to other kids, why must we get first in class? why dont u praise us for things we did well in. like other parents, they search for college for their kids and be there for them."
to hear even that lie is already funny. there we are comparing our parents with other parents and we are telling them not to compare us with other children. those were the days we want to do well to impress our parents and maybe just a self satisfaction that we can do well. but kids nowadays, they take it as if it is a they are doing their parents a favour to do well. reward from their parents doesnt sounds like an motivation, to them it is a pressure. seriously i dont know how to be parents too. shame on us.
---
seriously im very happy with my parents. no im not saying they are perfect, they are a lot of better ideal parents around. but im very proud of them. through the years, i had seen them become better parents, but it seems to me expectations of kids nowadays are growing in great measure. so forgive me if i get a little upset seeing kids lecturing how their parents to be parents. it is just disturbing. let them be them, give them a break if they just want to watch chinese series. for goodness sake dont force them to read newspaper.
inspired by this entry.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
counterattack monday blues
they do have quite a few good short movie. i found myself sitting there the whole night playing one after another. not sure if im bias because he is super cute. this wedding presentation clip is really interesting too.
Friday, June 13, 2008
the present
if life is pre-destined then how does what we do matter? we will end up where we are anyway, right?
but the thing is even if life is predestined. we totally have no idea about what was predestined for us. so by not doing anything, we might be doing what was predestined, by fighting what we are destined to be we might be just fulfilling what was meant to be. we spoke as if we know what was destined for us and by intentionally doing against what we are destined to be we will change our destiny. but what if that intention was exactly part of what was destined to be? we know not what we ask sometimes. how so often we need to ask ourselves again the very question we ask.
our failure to fight today results to our regret tomorrow. what we fought for leads to our reward in time to come. that we may know that decisions we make today is part of that predestination that we do not know. so why do we call that predestined. for it is predestined for him who lives beyond time but for us who lives in time, we can never say our life is predestined. for us who are in the now even though the destination was already written down, we still am part of it because we are what is being written.
it is almost like a twist in the movie. a scene of a girl who walks into a big library filled with books. she saw one with her name written on it. she quickly run through page by page. it is exactly what she did the last 5 years. she wondered who had been stalking her, stoled her diary and penned down those words. she flipped to the front of the page to check who the author is? but she saw something more astounding. the book was published 6 years ago. so did her-very-action write the book or the book write about her?
Try as they may to savour the taste of eternity, their thoughts still twist the ebb and flow of things in past and future time. but if only their minds could be seized and held steady, they would be still for a while and, for that short moment, they would glimpse the splendour of eternity which is forever still. they would contrast it with time, which is never still, and see that it is not comparable. they would see that time derives its length only from a great number of movements constantly following one another into the past, because they cannot all continue at once. but in eternity nothing moves into the past: all is present. time, on other hand, is never all present at once. the past is always driven on by the future, the future always follows on the heels of the past, and both the past and the future have their beginning and their end in the eternal present. if only men's minds could be seized and held still! they would see how eternity, in which there is neither past nor future, determines both past and future time. excerpts st augustine confessions
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a thought like this showed how foolish i was yesterday. i do feel a little wiser today though i cant even pen down properly what i think i understand. still i am wiser today, better off in compare to yesterday. but when the next light dawn, i will think how foolish i am today to have said what i said. and now you see how empty our words are, how we think that we cannot change today after it passes but tomorrow just proves to have changed my today. but i take heart, that each thinking process leads me to higher truth. i have no intention to complicate life, but life is complicated and i will be a fool to live as if it is not. i will be careless to take for granted that tomorrow is not too late to fix things for i do not have a clue what is installed for tomorrow. i will be so wrong to think that i can undo what i did yesterday for what i did had been done and forever will be there. what we think, is not yet; but what we do, is.
so what the past already written, the future already penned down? somehow the now is still out for us to seize. do not leave life unquestioned, life is meant to be a quest.
but the thing is even if life is predestined. we totally have no idea about what was predestined for us. so by not doing anything, we might be doing what was predestined, by fighting what we are destined to be we might be just fulfilling what was meant to be. we spoke as if we know what was destined for us and by intentionally doing against what we are destined to be we will change our destiny. but what if that intention was exactly part of what was destined to be? we know not what we ask sometimes. how so often we need to ask ourselves again the very question we ask.
our failure to fight today results to our regret tomorrow. what we fought for leads to our reward in time to come. that we may know that decisions we make today is part of that predestination that we do not know. so why do we call that predestined. for it is predestined for him who lives beyond time but for us who lives in time, we can never say our life is predestined. for us who are in the now even though the destination was already written down, we still am part of it because we are what is being written.
it is almost like a twist in the movie. a scene of a girl who walks into a big library filled with books. she saw one with her name written on it. she quickly run through page by page. it is exactly what she did the last 5 years. she wondered who had been stalking her, stoled her diary and penned down those words. she flipped to the front of the page to check who the author is? but she saw something more astounding. the book was published 6 years ago. so did her-very-action write the book or the book write about her?
Try as they may to savour the taste of eternity, their thoughts still twist the ebb and flow of things in past and future time. but if only their minds could be seized and held steady, they would be still for a while and, for that short moment, they would glimpse the splendour of eternity which is forever still. they would contrast it with time, which is never still, and see that it is not comparable. they would see that time derives its length only from a great number of movements constantly following one another into the past, because they cannot all continue at once. but in eternity nothing moves into the past: all is present. time, on other hand, is never all present at once. the past is always driven on by the future, the future always follows on the heels of the past, and both the past and the future have their beginning and their end in the eternal present. if only men's minds could be seized and held still! they would see how eternity, in which there is neither past nor future, determines both past and future time. excerpts st augustine confessions
---
a thought like this showed how foolish i was yesterday. i do feel a little wiser today though i cant even pen down properly what i think i understand. still i am wiser today, better off in compare to yesterday. but when the next light dawn, i will think how foolish i am today to have said what i said. and now you see how empty our words are, how we think that we cannot change today after it passes but tomorrow just proves to have changed my today. but i take heart, that each thinking process leads me to higher truth. i have no intention to complicate life, but life is complicated and i will be a fool to live as if it is not. i will be careless to take for granted that tomorrow is not too late to fix things for i do not have a clue what is installed for tomorrow. i will be so wrong to think that i can undo what i did yesterday for what i did had been done and forever will be there. what we think, is not yet; but what we do, is.
so what the past already written, the future already penned down? somehow the now is still out for us to seize. do not leave life unquestioned, life is meant to be a quest.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
new game on the board
the last few days i got hooked with a new family board game, blokus. it is so fun, that i played the online version while everyone is fast asleep. ok, im doing my last game before i hit the bed. i have a very important task tomorrow morning, to be my cute little twins babysitter. it seems to me, babysitter can change the world. yes carrie from oth makes me think so. hopefully this hot babysitter will not do anything to harm my perfect family because i really like her, for now :)
so tomorrow will be a day to test if i will be a hot mama in the near future... juggling between work, babies and preparing for hot magazine party.
Monday, June 09, 2008
answer to a meaningless life
Dr. Wyatt: What happened last year when you fell in the water?
Meredith: I almost drowned. Do you think I did that for kicks?
Dr. Wyatt: You put your hand in a body cavity that contained unexploded ammunition.
Meredith: I was trying to save a patient!
Dr. Wyatt: Why is it that every other person in that room had the sense to hit the deck? You know people run away from this line between life and death. You seem to stand on it and wait for a strong wind to sway you one way or the other. You’re careless with your life. You’re not slitting your wrists but you’re careless. Probably because your mother told you you were a waste of space on this planet. The problem is you believed her. And if you don’t want out one of these days you’re going to die because of it. grey's
---
i totally understand what happened up there. at one point, not that i want to kill myself but i didnt mind if i die either.
"it is not life that is meaningless, it is the lack of a reason to live that makes it meaningless." edmund chan
Meredith: I almost drowned. Do you think I did that for kicks?
Dr. Wyatt: You put your hand in a body cavity that contained unexploded ammunition.
Meredith: I was trying to save a patient!
Dr. Wyatt: Why is it that every other person in that room had the sense to hit the deck? You know people run away from this line between life and death. You seem to stand on it and wait for a strong wind to sway you one way or the other. You’re careless with your life. You’re not slitting your wrists but you’re careless. Probably because your mother told you you were a waste of space on this planet. The problem is you believed her. And if you don’t want out one of these days you’re going to die because of it. grey's
---
i totally understand what happened up there. at one point, not that i want to kill myself but i didnt mind if i die either.
"it is not life that is meaningless, it is the lack of a reason to live that makes it meaningless." edmund chan
Sunday, June 08, 2008
p.s. i love you
gosh how do you know i will love this movie.
i love to the two of them... they are just so gorgeous.
or was it him, the familiar bit and the singing unashamedly bit that makes me want to cry and laugh all at the same time.
or was it her so vulnerable, so helpless, the trying and the breaking and the combination of all that.
or was it the homely apartment and beautiful ireland scenery.
or was it those beautiful lines and romantic sweet deed.
or was it the soundtracks and pretty dresses.
or maybe it is just all that and more.
just this first 5 minutes introduction from the movie already made me teared. that's it... girls have a whole loads of things running through their mind, boys never understand them, both never meant what they say most of the time. fight-kiss-make-up. that's it, that is married life :)
you bet i do love this movie. i love every bit of it. definitely, maybe was good, but this is better. by far my best love movie.
---
finished grey's and this movie over the weekend. the last few days life had been feeling so right, something happened and i wasnt suppose to feel this way but i did. i think im making good progress :)
i love to the two of them... they are just so gorgeous.
or was it him, the familiar bit and the singing unashamedly bit that makes me want to cry and laugh all at the same time.
or was it her so vulnerable, so helpless, the trying and the breaking and the combination of all that.
or was it the homely apartment and beautiful ireland scenery.
or was it those beautiful lines and romantic sweet deed.
or was it the soundtracks and pretty dresses.
or maybe it is just all that and more.
just this first 5 minutes introduction from the movie already made me teared. that's it... girls have a whole loads of things running through their mind, boys never understand them, both never meant what they say most of the time. fight-kiss-make-up. that's it, that is married life :)
you bet i do love this movie. i love every bit of it. definitely, maybe was good, but this is better. by far my best love movie.
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finished grey's and this movie over the weekend. the last few days life had been feeling so right, something happened and i wasnt suppose to feel this way but i did. i think im making good progress :)
Thursday, June 05, 2008
one of a kind
lying there with both my eyes close while the girl massage my face and shoulder. suddenly i realised she was plucking my eye brows. i had this bad feeling that she might just get my brows off balance.
but i thought she is already half way through so i didnt bother, plus hair will grow, so whatever. with my eyes close i let my mind go wild into the topic. if God make all of us? isnt it a bit weird why some of us have bigger right eyes or longer left leg. to be a bit more crude isnt it nicer to have a pair of boobs that are of the same size. what measuring system does he use? it doesnt make sense to me. i trust him to be a more meticulous craftman than this, plus im one designer myself and i know what im talking about. if i want to make another leg, i will just duplicate the left and flip it over. then it will look perfect isnt it?
i was startle by what came to my mind following that. God crafted our left leg and right leg one by one. my left and right eyes, ears, hands, fingers, every single hair... all one by one. he did not make one hair and duplicate a bunch. he did not take the old template of my hair and duplicate it for my sister and twitch the colour a little. to sum that up, im not machine made nor am i computer generated. wow...
as if that doesnt blow my mind already... no way, every leaves, flowers, petals, trees, mountains, clouds. seriously, every grain of the tree trunk, the leaves, the direction of the branches. he put so much time in fashioning each and everyone of them. at the end of it i was dumbstruck of how much time he had spent on us. why will he put so much effort to it. a movie animator will tell you easily create 10 trees (which i believe is a lot of work in itself already), duplicate it and it will be a forest. if he is hard working, he will do 20 or maybe 30 to make it look more realistic. but He has went way beyond that to make it all different, not that He will be caught by any of us who rarely step foot in the forest. coming from one that can exert such power, there is nothing to explain this besides the fact that He takes pleasure in doing that.
yes, i was always told im special but i had never come to that understanding till today. even though i might not be a eye candy to you. i know im not perfect but i was never intended to be. so today i do feel a little special knowing the fact that someone up there actually took some time just to mold me in the history of mankind.
i wasnt too happy to find out that my intuition was right about my brows when i look at the mirror. but it was a good lesson learned so i gave that girl a break and left without pursuing the matter.
---
forget about this dumb world that makes you feel less special than who you really are. remember, you are not perfect but you are more than that. YOU ARE GOOD, that is what He says the day he completed his creation.
but i thought she is already half way through so i didnt bother, plus hair will grow, so whatever. with my eyes close i let my mind go wild into the topic. if God make all of us? isnt it a bit weird why some of us have bigger right eyes or longer left leg. to be a bit more crude isnt it nicer to have a pair of boobs that are of the same size. what measuring system does he use? it doesnt make sense to me. i trust him to be a more meticulous craftman than this, plus im one designer myself and i know what im talking about. if i want to make another leg, i will just duplicate the left and flip it over. then it will look perfect isnt it?
i was startle by what came to my mind following that. God crafted our left leg and right leg one by one. my left and right eyes, ears, hands, fingers, every single hair... all one by one. he did not make one hair and duplicate a bunch. he did not take the old template of my hair and duplicate it for my sister and twitch the colour a little. to sum that up, im not machine made nor am i computer generated. wow...
as if that doesnt blow my mind already... no way, every leaves, flowers, petals, trees, mountains, clouds. seriously, every grain of the tree trunk, the leaves, the direction of the branches. he put so much time in fashioning each and everyone of them. at the end of it i was dumbstruck of how much time he had spent on us. why will he put so much effort to it. a movie animator will tell you easily create 10 trees (which i believe is a lot of work in itself already), duplicate it and it will be a forest. if he is hard working, he will do 20 or maybe 30 to make it look more realistic. but He has went way beyond that to make it all different, not that He will be caught by any of us who rarely step foot in the forest. coming from one that can exert such power, there is nothing to explain this besides the fact that He takes pleasure in doing that.
yes, i was always told im special but i had never come to that understanding till today. even though i might not be a eye candy to you. i know im not perfect but i was never intended to be. so today i do feel a little special knowing the fact that someone up there actually took some time just to mold me in the history of mankind.
i wasnt too happy to find out that my intuition was right about my brows when i look at the mirror. but it was a good lesson learned so i gave that girl a break and left without pursuing the matter.
---
forget about this dumb world that makes you feel less special than who you really are. remember, you are not perfect but you are more than that. YOU ARE GOOD, that is what He says the day he completed his creation.
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