Wednesday, January 02, 2008

day 1

when the clock strike 12 last night i was glad i had ppl to countdown with me. though it was a last minute thing and he was a bit disappointed when he found out i called and joined him only because my next session were delayed (the two 'chris'-es were still at their respective parties... partly my fault hahaha). yah still it was nice to have someone there. no doubt i was trying to sent myself a message that i have 3 places to go "im not alone, im not".

slept at 4plus and was woken up at 8.30 for breakfast. wasn't how i imagine i would start my new year. still doing breakfast is a good start i believe then just going right for brunch all the time.

so 2008 has come but i still have some things i wished i had cleared up the day before. so i wasn't feeling good the whole day.
1. my last year client. he smsed me to have lunch outside office tomorrow which i sense that he is giving me some really really bad scary news. though justin was saying maybe he is just up to no good. i dont know which is worst. because of this i think i exploded on my designer cause i didn't really want to think about it, today is a public holiday.
2. unsaid words. clear some air... which i believe we had been making really good progress. but i went to bed last night wishing i had cleared all of it. how do you tell someone you really care and love them without letting him think you are into him? many ppl i know believe in this theory, if you dont care you dont need to explain. just let him think whatever he thinks. but i cant, i cant have someone scream at me and walk away just like that. gosh if i can climb back out from my coffin and say my last word... i will do so. the scary part about me... i might climb out of the coffin a few times because i really have a lot of last words. i cannot be misunderstood for my intentions. i think i have an obsession of getting words out of my chest which i really need wisdom to accompany that. we used to be really good friends. i think we got very suspicious of each other intention and we get very reactive to each other words. im going for good fix not quick fix.
"As doctors, patients are always telling us how they'd do our jobs. Just stitch me up, slap a band-aid on it and send me home. It’s easy to suggest a quick solution, when you don’t know much about the problem or you don’t understand the underlying cause or just how deep the wound is. The first step toward a real cure is to know exactly what the disease is to begin with. But that’s not what people want to hear... We're supposed to forget the past that led us here, ignore the future complications that might arise and go for the quick fix." grey's

"So what makes anger different from the six other deadly sins? It's pretty simple really. You give in to a sin like envy or pride, and you only hurt yourself. Try lust or coveting and you'll only hurt yourself and one or two others. But anger is the worst... the mother of all sins... Not only can anger drive you over the edge, when it does, you can take an awful lot of people with you." grey's

this is really going to be an exciting year. since i already feel so tense day1. still im trying not to work. watching grey's. or maybe im releasing tension.

2 new year's resolutions:
1. save money -- i started off by jotting down how much i spent today
2. start counting sheeps (dont snap... mix fm says... start counting sheeps) –– which i added to my resolution list today, after a series of shouting at my designer and my dad the whole day. really a good way to kick off. but who cares ppl say resolution is not how long you can sustain it through the year but if you are keeping to it on 31st dec. so i still have a lot of chances to try.


deJelly said...

yes... save money.. i wanna!
keep telling my self "don't buy when under pressure", "when in doubt, WALK AWAY!"

= P

chaiyen said...

yes... we save. and we dont save to travel. travelling should be another set of savings. this starts after my chinese new year's trip. haha

Sam said...

Hehe, we will see Jelly saving heaps.


chaiyen said...

why do you say that??? what is he going to do???

deJelly said...

after i save...
i might just spend it on camera gear...