Friday, August 25, 2006

déjà vu

ppl used to tell me i am always very sure of what i want to do. i guess so too. but the decisions i made the last 2 years somehow made even myself doubt i am sure anymore. maybe because the choices i made are so different from what is common. definitely ppl has stop commenting me for that.

i am very busy this week, still got work to catch up with, so i am really not free to check anyone blog. for some reason i clicked the blog of this guy who doesn't even update his blog like for months. i would not have click his blog if he doesn't tell me he had updated it. just wanted to tell you how peculiar that is for me to visit his blog.

when i was reading the blog line upon line i felt a déjà vu feeling. it seems to be things that had cross through my mind before. in case i forget how i felt, i just repeated all those words today. i was in a conversation with this team member in the conference which i hardly know. it was not part of the topic but somehow i just told her my current stage. as i share with her as i had with many, i wonder if she understands what i mean. maybe ppl just don't understand why i need to stop everything to just love God. somehow i began to doubt everytime i see the strange facial expressions on ppl faces or just maybe the silence had been too long. but really i don't know what is the next step. even now i am not sure if i had fully grasp the revelation that had cause me to made those decisions. till i get that maybe things will never change but for now i am comforted that my decisions are not abnormal. someone far away at the other side of the world actually feels exactly what i am feeling. i guess God just need to stop me from thinking "what am i doing?" to "what is He doing?" again.

i surely feel something if not i would not had type this entry because i am really busy if you get what i mean.

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