stop scolding, i can't take it

it is leng's graduation ceremony yesterday. i didn't blog about it because my heart was just too heavy by the end of the night. this is the other issue that i had been trying all my life but had not perfected yet, and i'm not sure if i ever will.

the night before
1st call
cy: where is pasarakyat bus terminal?
dad: i'll check, call you back later.

2nd call
cy: where is grand season hotel? we are not fetching him from the bus terminal already.
dad: the pasarakyat terminal i suspect is behind the....
cy: no i'm not going to the bus terminal already. i'm asking where is the grand season hotel.
dad: listen to me, blah blah.... the pasarakyat is at the... road near...
cy: no, i...
dad: listen to me....
so after chaileng and i put down the phone we didn't know where is the hotel but at least the landmarks he gave was helpful.

during the ceremony
dad: delete all your stupid photos, the card is full
(i checked and found out that there are only 15 photos inside)
cy: something is wrong because i took 128 photos when i was in bangkok... and i had already emptied the card.
dad: don't you talked nonsense... you all are always irresponsible... don't know how to use this thing.
later i caught him saying to joe (leng's bf), "something is wrong with this camera, normally can take 128 photos." why can't he agree with me when i say it?

we had dinner with my cousin, i asked him to come along. then he asked me where are we going after that. so i told them i'm bringing them to bangkok jazz. he said he don't mind coming to have a drink. i didn't want to say no to him, even though it is a bit stressful to bring him along but i thought maybe we can try having a bit of fun time together.

at bangkok jazz
dad: tell them (my cousin who is sitting in front of him) we can bring them to one utama tomorrow where there is a grand piano there for ppl to play.
cy: oh really, where is it?
dad: one utama
cy: yah i know which restaurant? or floor or what?
dad: one utama new wing, one utama new wing, one utama new wing. stupid.
cy: i'm asking which restaurant!!... nvm i don't want to know already.

after bangkok jazz
dad: my face is a bit red because of the beer. you drive.
in my heart, i really don't want to do it. but i had to take the key and i prayed to God "pls don't allow me to make any mistake"
"look out! cars behind"
"don't drive at 100km/h... why are you speeding" (it is federal highway btw and i am trying to cut a car, from then onwards i drove at 60-80km/h)
"drive so many years already also never improve, so lousy."

the worst part of the night
dad: i just wish i don't go out with you so often so that we don't need to talk so much.
cy: yah i agree.

if you had watched i not stupid too, you will understand how i feel. i know he loves me, and he had his point. i know it is just how he talks but sometimes i just can't help but answer back. sorry i needed an outlet to let go. i mean it is not all bad, now this is the better part.




the chinese idiom goes "mo kum tai ke tau, mo tai kum tai teng mou" (direct translation= don't have such a big head don't wear such a big hat, which means don't have such capability don't take the task. just joking but the hat was literally too big for her.




joe and leng, specially for qw and those who don't know how leng's bf look like.


greg and i. btw our parents met and talked to each other for the first time while i was busy at the dessert counter. it was pretty interesting i thought. our parents are so cool.

my wedding photographer without the groom

i don't know who is the man i am going to spent the rest of my life with but i think he is the wedding photographer i would want. the best i had seen so far from malaysia.

but then my cousin bro, weimin shooting is so good so why i am looking for a photographer :)






he is coming to kl tonight. i will have the pleasure to bring him to murni to drink mango special and cheese naan. man! i love to do that.

why do you keep me at a distance?

i know they are a lot more ppl that read this blog than those few that always leave their comments. why is that so you are not leaving a word? why do you just want to watch me from afar? is it because you run out of things to read? or is it because you want nothing to do with my life anymore?

so what when you know that i cried last night?
so what when you know that i'm down with fever?
so what when you know that i had got a big client?

so what when you know that i got hurt by ppl?
so what when you know that i'm lost?
so what when you know that something is bothering me?

i want ppl to cry with me and sayang me.
i want ppl to laugh with me and laugh again.
i want ppl to praise me and celebrate with me.

i want ppl to disagree and reason with me.
i want ppl to think with me and enlighten me.
i want ppl to miss me and leave me notes.

i want you to know your presence are special to me, and i long to commune with you. pls don't leave me talking to myself.

*i wrote this with tears. i don't know why. maybe i am the only few ppl in this world that wants ppl to talk to me and not just hear me. once again, forgive me for talking so much... i am beginning to learn that ppl are not like me.

pre-relationship syndrome

she doesn't answer his phone nor reply his sms.
he gets impatient, confused and frustrated.
he asked me, why do she behaves this way:
A. "is it because she doesn't like me anymore?"
B. "or she is angry with me? could it be she is just busy."

hahaha. he asked the right person, i am of the same species. this situation is very different from the previous post. that was a post-relationship syndrome, this is a pre-relationship syndrome :)

i told him because she is tired of liking him. she had done everything she can to hint to him she likes him but he is still not doing anything. she is a girl you see, so she cannot be the one that drop the big question. now, she is doing what is in her power to do. her last trick, cutting it all off and "see how it is without my presence" hahaha.

anyway he cannot stand the silent treatment so he is going to pop the big question (there you go he gives in, anyway this doesn't always work. it only happens when he wants her enough). well, i might not be right. maybe it is "A" but i mean if he really loves her, no harm asking right? the greatest loser is the man that has every power to kau a girl but not do it because of pride. and that poor little girl who cannot do anything can just sit down there and wait. if both remain to do so, down the drain goes another beautiful love story. why let this happen if you know both of you love each other? why not give it a try.

in every area of lives... this is how you conquer the world. fear not rejection or failure, fear what you miss out if you do not act.

ego boost

i lost contact with this friend of mine, she was one of my best friend when we were in primary school. her kl number had changed to 8 digits and i don't know what is the magic number to add. i asked a few ppl around and they told me they don't know where she is.

suddenly i received a call from her. she is currently residing in canada. how did she find me? she actually typed in "wong chai yen" in yahoo search and found me. wow. i didn't know i am second in the list.

one of my ex collegue once said "if you want to see if you are famous or not, just key in your name on the yahoo/google search." let me see page one of yahoo and google search i have two entries. not bad, not bad at all.

3 things that still amaze me

1. how did i end up in a presidential suite. i paid S$80 for 4 days, 3 nights.

hotel manager: i am sorry, we run out of rooms. but because you had booked, is it ok we give you the presidential suite. you do not have to pay more.
cy: erm, okie we take a look at the room first then we will consider. (actually i am trying to control my excitement)


our big living room, this is the place we watched japan-brazil, played cranium and grabble


personal tv in every room, even with a bath tub but i didn't have the time to enjoy it


and how about this, man! i want to get this thing. from my bed i can switch off the lights from every corner of the room, even the tv

2. the sports car wannabe on the street

they are not sports car even though they qualify to be. the way they drive i think they rarely use their brake. i personally prefer to stop the pink cab :)

3. the school girls

i just can't get my eyes off these school girls, they wear heels and handbags to school, that is so cool

---
i took many photos but only found myself in a few, here you go:

i keep forgetting to take photo, so i took one from my room


must use this tanning lotion: Golden Tanning Blend, Banana Boat


suan lum, this place is pretty cool and the food here are really yummy


this ice thingin is really nice, oh yah i am eating things from the street again!

more photos

GOD is bigger than a box

after communion today, they played a video of the cruxification of Christ as they sang the final song. honestly it is quite helpful usually because it helps to remind us of God's suffering and goodness. there is really nothing wrong with it i know. my only guess, God is teaching me something new, when i heard this:

"Do not allow the image to tell you what happen at the cross, because no image is enough to potray what i went through. i ask not for your sympathy or compassion but that you know that i am God. Not because i died for you on the cross but that i am God before that. i did not die for you to be God but only because i am God, i can die for you."

that moment i immediately uttered "surely, You are God"

---
on thursday i was late for dinner with the girls. so when i arrived a thought came to me: should i pray for a parking?

then a voice:
"stop praying just for blessings"

then another:
"do i still believe God can answer such prayer?"

immediately i know which is God's voice, i prayed "i still believe". before i could finish, i saw a car reversing :), then i realised she was just reparking her car. my faith was shaken but i found strength to believe so i shut that doubt away "i still believe". the next thing i saw was a parking. it is impossible to find a parking there if you understand what i mean but it happened.

---
both of these situations i think are trying to teach me the same thing. all the things that we learn are good, for example don't only come to God for blessings but if we allow all these teachings to shape out who God really is or what He can really do. i think then we had reduce God. basically God's lesson for us at different time can be just really different, and i believe truly a lifetime is not enough to learn and that is the beauty of it.

if you are still wondering why am i not serving in any ministry now, it is simple, i am just learning how to live life with God daily. i no longer dream of moving mountains or conquering lands. i just want to make sure that He is in my heart. the joy of talking to my youth not because i need to, reading my bible not because i must, giving to the poor not because i want to be an example. simply for the joy of my master.


And this is the real and eternal life: that they know You, the one and only true God. John 17

i need the power

i am very tired... i feel like the adrenaline rushing inside me from my body to my head. the national library, singapore project deadline is tonight. i can't count how much time i have left, my brain is not functioning. i need starbucks, rub rub and sayang.

oh God, tonight give me the power to do the impossible again.

trust

How long more O Lord?
Will you forget me forever?
... But i have trusted in your mercy;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because He had dealt with bountifully with me.

Psalm 13.5-6

From 'how long more?' to 'singing in joy' is all about the word TRUST. trust in His faithfulness and your heart will leap with joy. the funny thing with this word TRUST is, it is not tangible nor visible. so how do we show it. the good thing is God knows. the question is: how do you let another person know you trust him? you can't. he just has to trust that you do. so remember guys, don't use this frequently used phrase "you don't trust me". think first, because if you say that you have first show distrust.

thanks be to God who always love and trust us so much more, even more than ourself at many times. because of that, we all can slowly learn to trust again.

hahahahaah

laugh till i can't hold my camera properly


a compilation of quanwei's jokes/ best of best

day 1

qw: when the locals say to us 'sawade ka'. this is how you respond, look at my hand...


SAWADE KA!


day 2

cy: hey where do you get the eggs?
qw: oh you knock on the head of the chicken 3 times, the egg will come out.


btw this is my daily yummy breakfast


day 3

qw: wow the jap buffet last night was really feeling... if i eat more i will be like the merlion.




day 4

cy: eh why are you not eating egg this morning
qw: arghh, i ate the chicken last night


he ordered fried chicken expecting 2 pieces but he was served a whole chicken. and so there goes the chicken that provide eggs for our daily breakfast :)

---
more
1. value air air stewardess: the total age for our crew on this flight is 232
the woman sitting next to me: what was that for? for us to buy 3D is it?

2. brazil vs japan game, after the first goal
cy: yeahhhh, japan put in a goal before brazil hahhhha
jerrine (brazilian fans): who is that kamade (translation: your mother!)


we found this big board on the street reminding us of the time of the upcoming game. isn't that cool?

3. cy: so what do my travel insurance cover? what if i lost my laptop? how much will they pay me back? can i lose it pls, i want to buy the new macbook.
alvin (who is also our insurance agent): i have a bad feeling selling the insurance to you

an agent feel intimidated for the first time :)

---
what's new
1. cy: i want to go watch tiger show
i shall not mention who: eeeeeee..... why chaiyen do you know what they do? they open the can with their vagina... yuks.
cy: huh serious how do they do that?

2. steph: what are we playing? "asshole tai di" (cards game)?
cy: huh what is the different between asshole tai di and cho tai di? got such game?

3. alvin: when you go for bargain just say "pheng" (thai tanslation= so expensive, cantonese= so cheap)
cy: okie i get it, put a straight face and go "pheng" (thai) even though it is very "pheng" (cantonese) already

---

a total of 12 of us in the trip. 5 were down with diarrhoea, fever and were vomitting. 2 fell sick with sore throat and fever.

the last five standing: quanwei, laifong, steph, weiling and i. we had la ji thong (rubbish bin) tummy. and yah i am the only one buying all kinds of food from the street. i am well trained from malaysia mamak, we eat next to the drain.

---
and i am really sleepy now... staying awake to finish both my clients work till 6am this morning... zzz. see how long i can stand tonight.

my last 24 hours

yesterday was my last 24 hours to work till i start packing for my holiday. it is quite a bad timing, since my holiday dates are the most critical time actually because there is a presentation two days after i come back. besides, i have other jobs on top of that. that is why i am in the office till 11.30pm and yah i just finish my dinner, which is fairly good compare to my many OT. those who knows me will know what i mean.

but i don't care because i am looking forward to my first trip to bangkok and spending time with all my old friends which i believe will give me a good measure of lame jokes and laughters. why am i paying so much more to go from singapore? all for my beloved singapore friends, i paid for the company. with friend like me, who need more friends :)

will be back on sunday. don't miss me too much.

monday blues

if you are feeling monday blues this morning. this might help.

gosh my friend is so cute.

maybe someone can give some answers

someone ask me this:
do guys call you out only when they are interested in you? i am just curious why the abrupt change when they suddenly stop calling you out
she is refering to her ex and another guy who is no longer interested in courting her.

another ask me this:
why is he saying all these mean things to me? before this i am his world, then now can't be bothered

then another make this statement:
you know i used to think that he listens and we can talk. people say it is common but i refuse to accept it

it is amusing why they asked me this, is it because i just broke up and they want to find out if every guy is the same. or maybe they just want to find a girl to relate to.

i have to be fair, not every guy does that. even though it is rare. this might be some of the answers:
1. it is a waste of time taking you out since they are not interested in you. there are many more things to do, you know. btw phone bill is suddenly expensive.
2. if it helps to make you feel better, they love you so much that they must not talk to you so that they can go on and do other things.

i am not a guy so obviously i can't answer that. so here you go guys, you might want to give them some answers. but be gentle.

i not stupid too

many unspoken words from our heart, love that is not communicated well. if only the world learn better how to say the word "I Love You" and "I'm sorry". never hear both that phrases from my dad before but don't remember i say any of that either. as usual i cry in every movie. this is a simple touching movie.

old friends new friendship

1. had been going out with the girls more than our weekly dinner, for eg gym, mahjong, climbing
2. had been going out with edwin a lot just to play pool
3. had been chatting online a lot with edmund* and lemuel
4. had been going out with justin** a lot for drink, movies and dinners

i had been going lunch with some collegue. it had been fun but i have to confess i am much more excited for those in the category up there. yah i pray that i will have new friends but even more that many old friendships will be restored.

*this guy is in the State now. he send me an email out of a blue from an email i send him 6 years ago, yah can you imagine he still keep that email.
**he is my second ex bf, we had known each other for 10 years now. it is funny what we can talk about, literally anything for eg "which is you favourite girlfriend, is it me?" :)

3 movies in a row

1. on sunday went for cars with the two chris' and some others
2. on monday, i got free tickets for RV preview so i called justin along.
3. on tuesday, justin got free tickets for the omen.

now do we pay for tickets anymore, but i have to say all the 3 movies are so so only.

memories cannot be redo or undo

for those of you who are not in kl, for your information we had our very first service in our new church building today. i had not help in the moving nor the preparation for this day and therefore only walk into the hall for the very first time this morning.

many had different thoughts about it but most missed the old sanctuary where many memories and events had taken place. i understand what they all meant but strangely i do not feel anything at all. maybe i had come to learn that no memories can be redo. we can only ask for new one to come. so what can the new building do to us? it cannot take away our memories but on the brighter side it can bring about more memorable days. for me the season there is over, may we believe that the glory of the latter will be greater than the glory of the formal house.

to be very honest, today in the service i did not feel the extra presence of God. but with the church that big, i enjoyed the fact that i can be lost in the crowd and just worship freely. at the end of the day, it is still the preparation of my heart that matters. i will try again next week :)

the little that is left

why do i feel so comfortable eating alone at Starbucks and on the other hand i will never go for a meal alone in a kopi-thiam. i guess that is why Starbucks can charge me so much more, it allows me to be alone without feeling uneasy - just with the company of iced latte.

today, with the book Drawing Near and my little journal.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When shall i come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while they continually say to me,
'Where is your God?"
When I remember these things,
I pour out my soul within me.
Psalm 42.2-4

it is easier to desire to say these verses than to say that i pray these verses. why do so many of us struggle with what we want to do and what we do? this will be how my prayer sound like now:

why do i not feel the emptiness of my soul?
how do i cry out to the living God?
i know in my mind i am looking for You,
yet that very same mind ask me, "Where is your God?"
but i will not give up, oh i will not lose heart.

i will keep telling You about my days,
i will keep telling You how i feel.
though some may tell me You are not interested in my life,
though some may tell me You are busy with greater things,
though it might sounds like a one way conversation.
but i know You want to know me,
and i know You are listening to me.

this is how i keep my relationship with You,
i will keep talking to You,
i will hold on this little that is left,
and i know, oh yes i know, one day You will speak to me too.

i remember, You are my ever presence God.


from Your ever stubborn girl :)

---
One more short note:

Dr Paul,

did you remember the last time my knee swell? it happens again. and yah it cause a bit of numb feeling at the feet. one of this could be the reason:
1. driving in a very long traffic jam (which was my guess the cause the previous time as well), gosh i need a chauffeur!
2. gym (unlikely because i had not gone to gym for a week)
3. not enough sleep (but what has it got to do with the knee hahaha)

i remember you mentioned that it was okie, not such a big deal but what was it already? i went to the doctor the last time and i did felt better after taking the pills. so can you tell me if it is okie it happens again?

thanks.

in awe of myself

Few things that you need to know
1. 2 packs of 3 in 1 milo -must use 3 in 1- add a bit of hot water and stir it well, then put ice first before you fill in the remaining water will cause the milo to taste as superb as the milo van's milo :)

2. my 14 days trial with celebrity fitness had come to an end. i had done 3 body pump, 3 abt, 1 rpm and 1 yoga classes. i am so proud of myself. thanks to my super ONS friend. i might consider joining one soon, it is one good way to kill my time healthly and i enjoy doing things with my friend.

3. i slept at 5am this morning and woke up at 8am so that i can sit in the office now and do nothing.

the song of every woman

In life and death, Marilyn embodied a supremely surreal and ambiguous version of the all-American success story. Raised in orphanages and foster homes, she became the Queen of Hollywood, using her talent and her body in equal measure to ascend from one imagined tier to the next. By the end she had achieved everything any starry-eyed bit player could dream of, and along the way she had bedded a president, married a sports legend and literary giant, and captured the adulation of the world more completely than any actress of any time. She could be in turns a bitch and a baby, cunning and helpless, the goddess of sexual promise and the ghost of oblivion. She was a woman who could move, in the afternoon, from the trembling mess of insecurity and self-doubt into and absolute master of her art. No one before or since has put more electricity and magic onto a piece of film.
excerpts from the book Murder in Mind by Kirk Wilson


As i read more and more about her life, how she got famous and had every attention that she wanted. many men will fall for her, i mean of course she is dead gorgeous. who would think that inside this woman she cried the same song of every woman, a desire to be loved more than just for her body and sex. from one man to another, she was craving for that. records had it her few calls were rejected by her lover before she took her last breath. wow can't believe one will not take up her calls.

"If fifteen men were in the room with her," said one Hollywood publicist, "each would be convinced he was the one she'd be waiting for after the others left."

She had no problem attracting guys, she had problem finding one that loves her enough to stay. if the goddess of love who had men at the tip of her fingers struggled to be accepted and to find this thing call love. what makes it easier for us?