if i were a boy

im hooked to this song and this music video tells the songs very well.

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the mornin
And throw on what I wanted and go
drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick with who I wanted
And I'd never get confonted for it
Cause they stick up for me.

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they think that I was sleeping alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waitin’ for me to come home

[Chorus]

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand (Yeah you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you’re just a boy

---
it is funny that i have christmas party on the 24th and 26th. while i spent almost the whole christmas day at home. maybe that is a good reminder that christmas is not about parties but HIM. meantime... im a bit overdosed with holidays and this festive season is really not helping. work is piling up and i aint doing anything... you get my point.

attention!

19 - 23 DECEMBER: BANGKOK

24 - 26 DECEMBER: KL
-----------------------------
24 dec: dinner at Paige's place, party at Sherelyn's place
25 dec: church service in the morning...
26 dec: Kevin's place

27 DECEMBER - 2 JANUARY: SINGAPORE
--------------------------------------------------
27 dec:
28 dec: youth service (i cant remember what time)
29 dec:
30 dec:
1 jan: cousin's wedding dinner
2 jan: driving back from singapore

A NOTE TO THE SINGAPOREANS
meant to meet this group of ppl, if u all make it one of those dates up there. let me know.
1. elaine (PIC), shups and girls - we can have a girly night out
2. alvin (PIC), ps and the whole gang, i would like to join if there is any new year's eve gathering or dinner.
3. bong n howe

*ppl above, pls let me know soon when ur free so i can block those dates. if ur not in this list, i just am not sure who is free to meet me with such short notice. give me a buzz.

jealousy

it really depends how much i like you. or maybe how much i think i have you. unless of course im super certain that you are all mine, the insecurity part of me always struggle with this little thing called jealousy. i might not do anything about it, i might not even tell you i feel that because seriously i dont really like that part of me. still this is something i have been trying to work through all these years but mostly fall flat on. of course there are a ransom one or two relationships that i dont feel like that, but on most of those occasions that guy normally took over that role. meaning that he would be rather possessive and jealousy would be his middle name. selfishly, i prefer that. at least i feel that the poison is not in me.

recently, as most of you know im not in a relationship. and so why should this issue bother me at all? it disturbs me, because i kinda get jealous over guys that doesnt even belong to me in the first place. of course it didnt affect me a lot because i dont even know who i like exactly. but the the next thing troubles me even more when i start to realise that i get busy even about what other girlfriends think about me. i really believe that these girls are a lot cooler than that, but some part of me think that their glare says something, that them intercepting into those conversations mean something more than just coincidence, that their girls after all and every girl gets jealous somewhat. not wanting any girl to even start feeling uncomfortable with me. most of the time i just try not to talk to much to those guys.

i seriously think that there is this little voice that always put crazy thoughts like this into me. so nowadays, i try not to entertain those thoughts. i start reminding myself not to think so much, and that favourite phrase works pretty well "if it is mine, it will be mine". probably i dun even want to start any relationship until i totally overcome this sickening trade, but will i ever? i hope so. i hope one day love will help me break free. this probably sums up how i look at potential candidate for now though. refusing to think or excite myself too much... if it is mine, it is mine. so i chant.

selfish indulgence

my jacket went europe without me. yes, she took the flight *jealous*. well at least she brought this back for me. :)



---
just found out yesterday that some ppl actually consider traveling as a selfish indulgence. i have to say, i havent learn about traveling until i went to singapore. most young adult singaporean go for at least one holiday a year. never thought that i will use my hard earn money on any of these trips. but seriously it is getting a bit addictive; after every country you go, you feel like you can conquer a far greater one next round. it keeps you excited and gives you a reason to work. i dont shop a lot so i guess i deserve some pampering for my hard work. incidentally, im one darn singaporean... so maybe it just runs in the blood.

a romantic affair

the MIFA runway, lights and dresses left me somewhat dreamy. in the midst of very sophisticated faces which i so often see only in magazine, plus free flow of sparkling shiraz and wisky coke probably contributed to that feeling. it is about 1.30am and i make my way back, the sound of raindrops keep me company. after a hot shower, probably the next best thing to do is tuck myself in bed.

but it is friday night, and i dont want to just do the next best thing. im in a mood for a slow, catchy romance. and i got that spot on from my blueberry nights. check that web link, let those soundtracks play for a bit and you will understand what i mean. some ppl think wong kar wai's movies are pretty slow, remember im somewhat tipsy so the pace was just nice for me. couldnt resist jude law, he is not that great looking but always find him charming. a player real life (or so i heard), i know why he can be one. the way he stares at another girl, the way he runs his finger through the hair, such a killer. he can sweeps any girls' feet of the ground. i believe all that comes in natural, he wasnt just acting. love the music, angles, story line and babes. hypnotise by that kiss right there. now really wish i can do a movie journal.

movies like this can make us fall in love with love all over again. somehow recent affairs seem to be nurturing my heart back to love... do you think he is around the corner?

year end reflection

has it got to do with end of the year. the pressure of trying to do everything before the year come to an end or what. im jam packed with house warming, parties, gatherings, assignments, work deadlines. so many things happening that i dont have time to finish reading my books, clearing all my downloaded movies, or even sit down to gather my thoughts.

there i am planning for my bangkok shopping trip and the condition is getting worst than before. with the international airport close down and my recce team (my friend's whole family) squandered there the situation just got more worrying than it should.

i sit there and ponder for a while, here i am im trying to make a holiday plan amid the world trying to make changes in their country. it seems like every country is trying to fight for their country freedom and hope, a new government away from corruption. some knows what their doing, some dont; nevertheless the world is groaning from within for a change.

no wonder my friend mentioned he doesnt mind migrating to the States now to be part of that change, sometimes we wish that we are part of a hope that is greater than ourselves. but so often, not many of us lift a finger to do anything but our own things. we only wish that someone will do the job, while we taste the result of that change. meantime we continue to party and do our shopping. i seriously do not know where to begin, a country? of which i do not know where i belong sometimes. staying in a country that i am not a citizen to, or holding a passport of a country that the national anthem i do not know how to sing. a church? of which the many things i do not know where to focus in, and the question is more like what kind of change really matters. a corporate world? standing in the midst of the multitudes and i wonder what significant i can be, though we hear of many stories of life that made a change, then i look at faces around me and i thought of the many untold stories of life that had not make it.

do you think it is random that some ppl are just choosen to be vessel of change? or do you think these ppl have far greater tolerance than others. that failure is not ultimatum for them and change was all they hope to see. or most of us just lack of that umm in our life. no children to fight for, no country we love more than ourselves and yet to know the heart of God we claim we love.

the great adventure

last weekend, we headed north to this place.


our room, or should i say our barn is pretty small but it is enough for the night.


this is me...


and my team.

part1: white water rafting





though you can barely see us except for our helmet, we are all still in the boat. this is what i found out after this trip, that white water rafting is not as scary as it looks like. but maybe because we only went for level3. it is really fun, and we really want to do this again.

part2: night tracking
we were busy grabbing branches and holding our torchlight. so no photos heheh...

part3: paintball

we almost name ourself camp-whore (since they were cam-whoring the whole trip) but we went with the company name team hot


my damage:


i pull through the whole thing with just one o-chia (blue black) and minor bruises. oh yahh... one lesser pair of shoes.

---
all photos courtesy of yeow mei ann.

sometimes when we touch

after cell, raymond picked up the guitar and started singing some oldies. i dimmed the light, we laid down there refusing to go home. it went on and on past midnight. he might not be a perfect singer but it didnt matter, the acoustic version of all those songs, the yellow light, pillows and the sound of drizzle outside made the night almost perfect. not only his wife, it got all the girls mesmerised. these are the results of it all.

david: i need to pick up guitar.
cy: im certain now i need to find a man that can play the guitar. my goodness, imagine him putting me to sleep every night like this. (for a while right there, i forgotten everything else in life)

we oftentimes try to move on from the childish romantic love, we try to remind ourselves that hollywood love is not true love. i understand that is not all love is about but we slowly shun ourselves from surprises, gifts and sweet words. after a while we forgot how to love... we refuse to awaken anything inside. the fear of getting too close yet again.

let us all let go of the past and put back on that childlike faith to love boldly once again. i am finding my way back to my first love, that is if i still remember the way. hopefully halfway, i will find someone that can lead me back there.



Sometimes When We Touch
You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

i heart traveling

one weird night, ignoring the workload that is piling up, i indulged in cyber holiday-ing. i sat there and started googling places i can go if i do go korea. i found out that it can be quite fun even though it doesnt cost me a penny. this is the list of places i would like to go if im there.


1. Lotte world and take photo on the carrousel, scenes from stairways to heaven and many other korean series.


2. definitely drop by this one million USD house, made especially for the series full house. would be really nice if i can have a morning jog by the beach behind this house.

3. for food, i will probably visit the list of restaurants from my lovely sam-soon. the many sumptuous meals seem appetising. this list had been quite consistent in a few web links. so i guess if im feeling rich, i should drop by especially Top Cloud Bar & Grill. having dinner with a view overlooking seoul looks enticing.

4. korean bbq is a must.


5. the nanta show, was mentioned as one of the funniest eating experience.


6. would probably shop at apgujeong, itaewon, myongdong and namdaemun. imagine loads and loads of shops like this.

7. hot bath in one of those authentic traditional spa. since i had seen naked women in tokyo, i mind as well check out those in korea too.

8. skiing if im in a mood for new things.


9. find this little room in Muju Resort where Hye-Won (hye yuan) filled the whole ceiling with yellow roses, scenes from summer scent. by night i will walk to this field and probably dance on his feet. so it does mean i will go to this resort only if im bringing my next bf. if not i might skip this place, nothing much to do there except that.


10. dont think i will make my way to this island either but thought i should mention this. isnt this love-shape island quite a view? from the series spring waltz

---
one thing i just found out about seoul, the whole state doesnt have a proper address system. all web links will either insert map of their place or lengthy description of which exit to take from the train station and so on. very interesting. except for summer, every season sounds like a good time to visit korea. but i seriously love the white snowy look, not sure if i can stand that weather. cant wait to really step foot in this country.

how to fix those feelings?

we had a bgr session in cell this week. this is one thought which i think might be useful.
to kill another party feelings for you
to kill a girl feelings: tell her you will rather marry your best friend than her.
to kill a guy feelings: tell him he is such a good brother/friend.

other thoughts that spring up after that...
to kill feelings that you no longer want there
if you need to forget him: try developing feelings for another guy.
if you need to forget her: just hangout with your friends.

to avoid falling in love...
to him: dont focus on one guy, buzz different guys randomly when you know you start thinking of someone way too much.
to her: call her only when you run out of things to do, dont pick up her calls all the time and try not returning her calls.

---
as much as i thought i dont mind falling in love, i think i am too cautious to allow myself to do so.

'The truth is painful. Deep down, nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home. Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to hear it for ourselves. And sometimes we tell the truth because we just can't help ourselves. Sometimes, we tell them because we owe them at least that much' grey's

3 reasons to shed my tears

in the last week alone, 3 things made me shed some tears:
1. God's love, during communion in church
2. the unheard voices of the world, while watching blood diamond
3. a voice of hope, listening to obama's victory speech

faith, love and hope.
---
He wept

is it fame?

when i was younger, we always pass this little-autograph-book around. our friends will write forget-me-not poems, wishes and biodata. there is this one particular detail under biodata called best friends which i never dare put. ppl will list down their best friends, regardless it is not mutual. they dont even mind offending you by not putting your name while signing your book. i always wonder, how do ppl decide who-to-put-in or who-not-to-put-in.

i have this same feeling nowadays as i see ppl put links of their friends on their blog. who do you list out? all your friends? all your readers to pls them? ppl that actually blogs? my guess is that they will link blog that they follow closely for convenient sake. but as i surveyed a few blogs, i realised that is not necessary the case. then i see a trait. some ppl tend to add the so-called-famous into their link. it doesnt matter they only know each other over a party yesterday and it doesnt even matter they never get the blog address from that person itself. why would one put someone they barely know? is it to let that person know they have an intention to be closer? or it serves as a shoutbox to tell the world they are in some kind of clique with this so-called-famous? or is a hopeful wish that this so-called-famous will be nice and put your link in their blog... then you will be on-the-way-to-be-almost-famous? do you think we all have hidden motives? do you think little things like this define us? like at work and all... do we befriend ppl that are in some sort of status to make ourselves look good? am i trying to make a statement holding a cup of starbucks everyday? or using a mac or joining a gym?

sorry for the loads of questions. but i really find it ironic because we dont normally like ppl to judge-us-by-the-cover. yet we go great lengths to make that cover looks good. im in no position to judge because in facebook under this application top friends, i unconsciously committed the same offense -- i randomly added some and not the other. they are not really best friends per se, just maybe friends i hangout more closely with then, which is not even the case now. i vaguely remember i have to add the whole gang of friends while adding one because i do not want to offend anyone. maybe i think too much... as i normally do.

having said that, i am very honoured when ppl link me in their blog. whether it is because you are proud of me as your friend or just for convenient sake. but to date i still do not have the courage do so, maybe more than the fear of offending others the fear of judging my own motives.

true love

1. makes you learn things you dont normally care about
2. can cause a sudden submission in you to your partner, part of respecting and protecting him
3. doesnt mind he is imperfect, you dont normally know why you love him
4. goes through the worst time of his life with him, and hold faith with him that the best is yet to come
5. drives you to attain what you never thought you can do
6. compel you to give more than you normally do
7. seems to change you not by your choice
8. tend to make you believe it will never end, it seems like yesterday you start the relationship
9. can be difficult to forget and let go
10. is a pain in the ass

when i say true love, think christina in grey's saying this: "I was right. I swear I really believe what I did was right. I don't want you to forgive me. Frankly, I'd find it patronizing if you did. Because... while I know I was right, you think I'm wrong. Which doesn't matter... because... I'm in this. I'm in this for the long haul. And I'm in this to finish the race. So if that means I don't win this one, then fine. I don't win. You win. I'm talking. See? I'm talking first. You win." or dorothy in jerry maguire: "Maybe I am taking advantage. Am I a bad person? All I know is that I found someone who was charming and popular and not-so-nice to me -- and he died. Okay? So why should I let this guy go, when everything in my body says this one is the one... And oh, I don't know if you're interested in this detail, but I was just about to tell you that I love him. I love him, and I don't care what you think. I love him for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man he almost is. I love him."

true love might not happen to two parties at the same time. in my context it means you-truly-love-a-person. i just found out that eventhough a person had numerous relationships, it doesnt mean that he/she has encounter true love yet. meeting such love makes you a better person. it doesnt matter if the relationship last or not. it is like an encounter with God. after you see the real thing, you will always believe that love is real because you have experience it. i think i have said i do not want to go through this heartache again, in hindsight im actually glad that i ever stumble into it. some ppl say, you are lucky if you ever encounter true love once in your lifetime. i can now say i had, at least i do not need to put this in my list of last 10 things to do before i die.

people

i just came back from my church young adults camp.

the fact that i am there is a miracle in itself. i had not been to camp for ages, especially one that needs to leave the compound of my church. over the years, i somehow get a bit fearful of this idea of going for one. i didnt feel like packing my bag and heart to go to a foreign place and be drown with a speaker i barely know and make conversation with a bunch of ppl that i probably wont talk to after that. i didnt want to go gambling again that i may or may not encounter God. i didnt want to weary myself with all the above and very often chose not to go at all.

but i dunno is it because a whole bunch of the committee are my friends and i want to be supportive, or was it a nudge from God. i signed myself up, i made arrangements to make sure my sis sleep with me, actually to even make sure she will be in my games group but i failed to arrange the latter. i went with preparation that it might be difficult. i confess that the logos word has not awaken much within me. i only scarcely feel the tangible presence of God, much probably due to my lack of sleep and expectations. but somehow or not, i enjoyed the camp.

1. the first night, when i cry and cry without knowing why. i wasnt even responding to the speaker. it might be the fact that i am finally making baby steps to be part of this bigger community, or the thought that God has gracefully pull me through till today, or maybe even the simple gratitude that i am still a believer after all this. didnt really care which of the above is the reason, but i reckon some process of healing must be taking place.
2. the good mix of old friends, new crazy friends and weirdo to blame for those many continuous tearful laughters and increase of wrinkles. to say hi, smile, make conversations and putting names to faces that i have seen many times in that big auditorium of my church unknowingly gives me great satisfaction.
3. the 2 nights sleeping with my sister, is believed to be more than the total up conversations we made in the beginning of this year. definitely loads of bonding including sharing bathrooms, yes we have not grew out of that. the many gossips ended up to be probably most valuable lessons i get -- observing how love changes one girl who is deeply in love, witnessing a marriage proposal (the beauty in the words and commitment of the one who ask for the hand), how a girl handle herself around her ex with his new girlfriend, and so on. hearing the many drama of lives open my eyes to why ppl behave they way they do
4. seeing God works in a camp not like the way He used to do so create a bitter sweet feeling. that God might has change the pattern of how He does things make me even more fearful to tread on ministry ground again.
5. overcoming the fear of attending a camp (or not), actually from i-dunno-anyone to liking my games group was way beyond what i expect, touching/transferring a whole box worms during my games time must be one of the most fear-factor-ish thing i had ever done.

---
i seriously forgotten what crippled me, when all this fear creep into me but the last few days i seem to be making discovery. may i find the cause and find freedom to them.

be part of my work

ta-dah.... character design. trust me, i have never drawn a character before in my life. this would be my first of many to come and i am proud of myself. but here, i am not asking for praises. user testing are normally done to survey viewer opinions. let me know your behaviour toward my interfaces by filling the polls here and leave comments how to improve them in the comment box. thank you thank you.

dreaming part2

'it is a different room, a queen size bed this time. i am sleeping once again next to a guy, a different guy. not someone unfamiliar. my room door is left open, does mean i have nothing to hide but when i heard my dad's voice outside... i seem to mind my dad misunderstanding us since we are lying together. he didnt mind a bit, he actually wraps himself closer me. he said, "you really dont have even a little bit of feelings for me anymore?". i didnt answer him, i think that is bad.'

---

i dream a  lot about relationship recently, i swear i had not been thinking about this matter for a while and i definitely had not been watching grey's or any love drama lately. in both dreams, i was sleeping maybe means that im tired and i was too lazy to move around even in my dream hahaha. two with guys, i can recognise... shit, i hope it doesnt mean he is just around the corner and someone i know. 

oh God, i love fridays

i cant tell you how much i love fridays nowadays. the rest of the days in the week are just like a warzone, fighting with deadlines ahead both work and class submission. miraculously i am pulling through beyond average in class, in fact close to doing well. im happy.  

amid all that, i had been partying, picking up tennis with my friend's nintendo wii (hehe) and even made time for dvds. i am totally glad it is friday today, because for one evening in a week at least, i can sit down and do all those things above and not worry about tomorrow. clients are off for the weekend - they will not call or email me. no increase of job bags, only what i already have. i feel as if time freeze for a while to give me back the freedom to do anything i like. 

since im in that topic i will share a dream that bugs me. a very short, nevertheless enough to make me sweat and jump off my bed despite the fact i only slept 5 hours prior to that. i dont remember ever having such experience before. 

'woken up from my sleep because i saw a shadow of someone on my right. he is reclining on my pillow. i can see his face, and i dont seem surprise to see him next to me at all. in my tired voice, i whisper "something keeping you awake?". he couldnt hear clearly i guess, his face leans closer to me. at that very moment my heart starts beating. i freak out... yes his lips touches mine...' 

i freak out that so badly, i woke up immediately. it is almost like, i need to end the dream right away kinda feeling. nope, not because of the kiss - i had done worst in my dreams - but it is because it is him. scary and freaky.

---

wokie, im going try to pick up my books where i last left off and have an early night tonight. buai. oh yah one more, murni's boss, jackie is pregnant. super random but i took great measure to find out so i need to spread the news now. 

intimidated by the young

ppl say if u hang around with younger ppl you will feel younger. im not sure about that, but i dont have much of a choice. now in college and party, im almost surrounded with friends that are younger than me. but what the heck, i try to enjoy myself and put that aside. i reminded myself not to think too much because it just so often screw up my day and eventually my life. and you know what, they are really kinda fun. somehow life is so simple for them, unhurt, undamaged.

im kinda stress in class. students and lecturers have expectations from me. i repeatedly tell myself, "i just need to finish my work. i dont need to prove to anyone anything, im not here to be a top scorer." up to date i still refuse to use my money to bind any of my project submission, unashamedly i stapled them. using more money instead to buy my latte haha. i choose to believe that good work has nothing to do with all this outlook. yet i found myself staying awake to finish my assignments till wee hours of the morning. one night, i even found myself reprinting my work all over again and redoing the whole mock up. in the middle of that, i felt so stupid. "what a waste of time and ink". i hate it when the perfectionist part of me take over. the second mock up look worst than the first, but i wasnt ready to give more attention to that piece of work. so i just went to bed.

i used to believe whatever we do, do our best as to glorify God. i am not denying that but beginning to question if my motivation was that all this while. i realised that so often i want to do the best because i am just another insecure bitch. especially now in college, im not even there to score... the cert no longer matters to me. i need to keep my focus right, push myself to learn the most not work the hardest. except for that bit im enjoying class, learning a lot of new things, falling in love with design all over again. 

dont click

see how long you can resist clicking here. i always love brilliant project like this. hopefully before i die, i will come out with one brilliant project like this.

make the logo bigger

im not sure if this video is a mockery to clients or designers. but i cannot stop laughing. the actual website video is here. but i think the youtube version loads better.

those designers out there must be darn stress to even come out with a song for it. hysterical.

maybe i should start playing the video at the background, when irritating client call. and make that song my call waiting music. wahahahahha....

---
* insiders joke for designers and ppl who liase with ridiculous (no-design-sense) clients. had been doing loads of research for college work. what i didnt know is it can be so fun.

100 mess up years

the fine prints retype for your amusement
SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS
If you are gay: this one could take a while. By all means have fun trying, but you may also want to consider adopting.
If you are underage: please check beforehand with parents or the person(s) who will be paying for the child's upbringing.
If you are single: have one night stand with pre-punctured condom, then seduce the individual into marrying you before the pregnancy is apparent. A gamble, but worth it.

---
always love this guy works. not that i will do any of it but he is really brilliant in his copywriting to come out with 365 crazy ideas each year. now you can participate too. find a way to screw up your life every year heheheeh....

baby sitting made simplified

i was trying my luck when i first play this. now it is one of their favourite, even trumps barney. it is his 3rd time watching this. truthfully we cant help but sit there and watch along with him each time. and it is not because we need to keep an eye on him, seriously he barely moves throughout the whole show. im impressed, simply amazed and entertained all at the same time by him and that dog.



two of them look mesmerised

not just another birthday

a cold dip
a hot cup of coffee
a handmade sandwich

so i blew my last candle next to a waterfall.

that short note i left on my facebook had triggered some responses, like this one: "Sounds like u had a romantic ooh la la". it must be one of the most dramatic venue i ever had a birthday. and yes indeed, quite romantic. not only do i have one guy but a whole bunch of them :).

thanks to the raya holiday, my cell and some of their friends decided to conquer the waterfall at ulu yam. there were 19 of us. about 30 minutes walk, crossing 5 rivers (one about waist level), and 15 minutes of 70degrees climb. since i quit my gym, this has to be one of the best workout i ever had, beats cycling indoor anytime. my instructors used to say 'no pain, no gain'. forgetting all the muscle cramps, i am already fantasizing about the tight nice calves i will get tomorrow :)

i can safely say im actually happy this year. after some stormy years, it feels great to be able to see things in perspective again. i guess steve jobs best describe the voice from my heart.
'Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.'

facebook has its share of contribution too. the many wishes on my wall, calls and smses reminded me the many friends and families i had all around the world, you know who you are. thanks for making my day, more like my life, so much more meaningful. love you all. muaks.

pixel man

actual work

in class, im thinking of sunbathing. i need another tan :)



every dot of effort to actually form that

latte

no latte in china. poor thing, i, on the other hand had been having overdose of latte. thanks to the whole stacks of buy 1 free 1 starbucks voucher from HOT office. you wont believe i actually finished it, right? i did.

things they show us in class

excuse the F*** words, but this is really cool isnt it. i used to love typography, also because im not good in illustration thus my design depends a lot in typo. it is time to polish that skill.

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i think im balancing my time quite well for the first week. meeting all my deadlines with a record of only ONE late night up to 4am. even managed to rest almost the whole day the following day. deserve a clap, not too bad. show u some of my assignments next week. quite interesting.

the song in my head

in this hectic week, this song is my company.

back to college

introduction:
hi im chaiyen, a graduate of THE ONE, i miss the suffering here that is why i am back for more.

and seriously my college did not disappoint, the 3 hours class left me with:
1. a new blog which i have to set up to blog what i learn from my weekly lesson
2. a minor project brief which i need to submit sketches/concept
3. a major project brief which i need to submit some research

overwhelm is an understatement. after that one class i seriously am thinking of bailing out. it didnt take me too long to remind me how crazy life was as a student at THE ONE.

what tv series do to you

even though, the idea did not birth out from the series. it must have have contributed a little to me actually choosing option 3. im not exactly sure where this leads me but we shall find out soon. now what do i wear tomolo?



XOXO

not forgotten subject

q: how do you know someone loves you?
my answer: i guess you will never know.

we tend to say things like this:
"i have given so much into the relationship, i was patient with you, supportive and caring. i love you so much..."

one might have love much, not until they verbalise the next sentence though.

"...how come you cant do the same for me."

i know action speaks louder than words. but once we begin to compare our actions on a scoreboard, it is no longer call love. must be the reason why i love to see new relationships. no matter how short that is, to see one forgets about themselves and their needs. if only all of us can keep that purity of love. hence my answer we-will-never-know, because it is time we stop asking ourselves that question. it is time we stop judging how much another love and just get busy loving, maybe that can help heal a lot of relationships.

still hoping to love without trying. still learning to love without asking for something in return. still waiting for one that will feel the same for me.

"Love is not love which alters when it alterations finds, it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempts and is never shaken. Love alters not with time's brief hours and weeks, but bears it out." William Shakespeare

the capability-to-eat is a blessing

BREAKFAST 10am
2 half boiled eggs with roti bakar (bread), iced milo

BRUNCH 11.45am
seremban beef noodle, chinese iced tea
dessert: sea coconut




LUNCH 1.30am
malacca laksa, assam laksa, chicken curry
dessert: baba durian cendol






TEABREAK 3pm
beers and oreo cheese cake
dessert: ice cream




instead of burping, we put our air to make this new creation


JOURNEY BACK TO SEREMBAN
jco donuts, seaweeds

DINNER 5pm
pack seremban siew pau
dessert: apple pie and ice cream

SUPPER 10pm
tomyam maggi mee
dessert: more baskin robbins ice cream

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my partners in crime:


our tagline:

che de shi fu (the capability-to-eat is a blessing)

RESULTS = +0.5kg