Saturday, August 25, 2007

i found the key out of the dungeon of love

why you can still love someone when he is not present but you can't love someone when hope is not present. when i know that is just what he was trying to do all along...

love is something so powerful, it causes you to be able to love despite. i saw this title on my 14 years old sister's msn and i thought it is pretty cool. she claimed that she copied that from friendster template.

"to meet you is fate. to be your friend is a choice. to love you was beyond my control"

it is funny and weird at the same time. not sure if it does happen to other ppl but as for me, i am capable to like someone that is not there for years. in fact it is easier to love someone that is not there than that is there. because when he is there he irritates me, he showed me the side of him that i realised i don't like. he triggers questions and make me ask myself if i can live with that for the rest of my life. but when he is not there i held on to the good memories and only think fondly of him.

so come the point of this blog. that the person you love very much has to be the same person that makes you not love him because to him is given the power to make you lose that feelings. why so many in this world are going through the agony of love? loving someone that do not feel the same for them. because us being man are selfish. we want to be love and though we would not want the relationship, we don't mind having someone that constantly love and wait on us. it feels good to know that there is someone in this whole wide world that loves us despite and inregardless how we feel for them. i mean if not that we can really feel the other person sufferings and you won't mind that kind of attention for your own security.

having said that, im not trying to justify my own cruelity. a moment of truth: honestly i still cared then. i called his friend to make sure he is ok in the hospital, just that i didn't want him to know i care a bit, so i didn't let him know. i put up the strong front and i know it works. i know he hates me for that but i figured it is not fair for me to have my life back while he pays for it. i need to undo the image of this nice person that he was so-in-love-with. by that i meant make myself not so lovable.

and so i want to say, im not at all mad at him. to me it takes a totally unselfish person to do that. thankful because i think it still works. i think i can officially say im a free person now. free from this issue of love. it is weird at some moment that this tormenting feelings that i had been living with is suddenly no longer there. but im more than grateful if God spares me from this till the right person comes along. my heart is not really young anymore play this type of emotional game.

yes im saying, dont sent the wind and sparks of love to me.

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