Saturday, June 09, 2007

another story

another story that hopefully doesn't happen but so often happen.

she called out of the blue. he met his ex gf, the only love he has before he gets married to his now lovely wife. it is just a catch up moment so nothing much to worry about. despite the fact that she is already in her 40's doesn't one bit change the feeling, she looks as good as she was 25 years ago. you never thought that feelings last that long, do you? the time together was good to dig back up old times. but he thinks that one time is enough besides he has a busy schedule. so they said their goodbyes. she gave him a smack on the cheek. that was simple but after that night he starts thinking of the "what if". we so often do this, don't we? we doesn't resolve those things when it is fresh and after like dinasour years those same questions still come to haunt us.

anyway he got busy and carried away by work till she calls again. the conversation got pretty interesting and they started flirting. she said "i wish you are here, i need a hug" and he admitted the stupid him answered "yah, if i'm there i would". i know how often we can get carried away by this: it's-just-a-joke-so-i-don't-need-to-be-responsible-yet-i-don't-mind- being-honest-and-flirt-with-you-kind-of-feeling'. the adrenaline rush totally made him felt like high school again.

days went by, he was busy but they managed to slot in another appointment. this time it wouldn't go wrong because it is in macdonald's. i mean it is an unromantic, filled with ppl place... nothing can go wrong in such a place so he reasoned that should not do him any harm. so there they picked up from where they last ended the conversations. she remembered, "can you hug me now." he said "sure", he put one of his hand around her and let her rest on him. it is not a big deal honestly but i forgotten to say that he is a very reputable married man in his town. i mean it is like mahathir saw hugging another woman. (i mean besides the point that a muslim man can have 4 wives, and our prime minister badawi is getting himself another wife) i mean it will quite affect his image. he knew what he was doing and that day he did what he thought was most dangerous now to reflect back. he decided that night "i don't care". maybe that day he decides to echo bublé irresponsible. he didn't care who is watching, what is at stake, he just wants to enjoy the moment. he sent her back and get the same goodbye kiss on the cheek.

the story didn't progress further, she left town to go back oversea. it didn't end there for him though. it keeps him thinking. he saw what his heart was capable to do. he went into a depression and confusion, it was as if it was yesterday he broke off and he was mourning. he couldn't believe how weak he can get. he immediately lose his appetite for the word of God and prayer. it was so disturbing, he confessed it to his wife. he asked her this question "can a man love two women at the same time?" he didn't mention what his wife answer though i have my stand -- my answer is yes. anyway his honesty and his trust didn't disappoint, she stood by his side till they move on from that stage.

i think he had not really get into big trouble compare to many, merely playing around with temptation. i do not have the right to comment him anyway but this whole thing highlighted to me how i always want to push my own limit. how i so often want to stand near the edge to proof a point that i can resist sin when it comes despite knowing what i am weak in.

i respect him for his transparency to share his private life and envy that both of them has such a soulmate relationship. it is really ideal to have a man that will trust and share with you everything isn't it? and my ideal to be that woman that will take everything that comes. even though i believe these two is a process. the man to learn to trust the wife, and the woman to learn to handle the truth. most of the time the man stops at she-won't-understand,-i-better-not-let-her-know. or a woman that freaks out over the whole matter not wanting an explanation. at the end of the day, i believe two person who is willing to talk can overcome everything. just like when you put two men that hate each other in a room together, they will come out reconciled. provided of course they don't kill each other before that i mean.

i love to ask questions like these. take the quiz.

to him:
1. will you allow yourself to have an affair with another person?
2. will you tell your wife?
3. will you want both? or will you actually let go of the person you married?

to her:
1. would you forgive your husband if he commits adultery?
2. would you rather he has an affair with another woman or another man?
3. so if it is a man, will you keep that marriage, assuming your first answer is yes.

to him:
1. if yes is your answer. you are doomed to fall. because even when your answer is no, you just might fail.
2. if you have the courage to make that mistake, have the courage to tell your wife.
3. also decide first who you love more before the day you say 'i do'. and since you have the liberty to pursue whom you love, grab hold of it now. marry the person you love the most than this issue has a lesser chance to surface. because if you want both, it just shows how selfish you are because both of them will never end up happy. because though man is capable to love more than one, most woman only wants to be the one.

to her:
1. if yes is your answer, you might still not be able to handle it when it comes. i know what i'm saying. when you think you can totally trust him and he turns around with a bite is not easy to handle. how insecurity can continue to haunt you with you-are-not-good-enough. if no is your answer, you might totally surprise yourself when you realised that you love someone so much you can actually forgive the person. as you can see i'm not telling you my answer. just in case my husband-to-be read this. never let your man knows you will forgive him for this, it is a license to sin. but never tell him you will leave him too, he will never tell you the truth. it is difficult being a woman, yah i know.
2. i rather it is a man because i might die comparing myself with her. though my friend once make a reasonable point. "if not then you'll feel insecure when he goes out with girls or even guys." probably true.
3. this is good isn't it? i'm not telling you my answer hahaha...

"When life comes rushing at you out of the darkness who will you choose to face it with? Will it be someone you trust? Will they be wise? And will their love for you help them to guide you to the light, or will they lose their way in the darkness? Will they make noble choices? Or will that person be untested, someone new?

Life comes rushing at you from out of the darkness. When it does, is there someone in your life you can count on -- someone who will watch over you when you stumble and fall, and in that moment, give you the strength to face your fears?"
lucas scott from OTH


deJelly said...

ironic!! I was just having a mamak session with my team just now..
and it was this exact topic!

Talking about would it best to tell or not...

my friends bf actually told her,
if you ever do cheat... if it's possible that i do not know and life can still move on...
Do not tell me!
To him, ignorance is bliss.

and.. yeap.. our conversation didn't side that only men have flirts or side tracks.. hehe..

Anyways.. for me,
Ideally, coming clean would be best.
Tough tho...that period of hurt, distrust and healing would be a long dry one.

I must admit, my jealous nerves are extremely sensitive. If she gives more attention to other guys I get messed up in the head..= P

Then we came to this theory that,
when we get paranoid about what our partner might do... it might actually mean that we are the one is having the tendency to do that act.. or rather, we are worried that we do it ourselves, so we place paranoid on our partners too.

Sam said...

Id ask both sexes the questions you did. Felt that it was abit biased.

Looks like someone else is getting hooked on TED. Amazing stuff isnt it?


Questions that only can be answered by actions. Our statements of the moment only reflect who we want to be. But at least thats a start.

Cheers to the being that is able to come clean.


chaiyen said...

i'm sorry to be bias. but in most case if the girls do two time they are simply a player. the girl was never serious in both the relationship, fool for that two guys that chose to love her. but in my scenarios, these guys are not playing a fool, they sincerely fell in love with two. and it is just too common. so it is just for discussion sake.

but as helen fisher said," if we say guys always commit adultery who do you think they commit them with?" therefore i agree women are involved. but since i will not do this, i wont bother to find out what man will feel muaahahahah... but comment is welcomed if you have some experience.

Sam said...

Im on sides with Fisher. And as our PM might say, we have the capacity to love more than one person at a time. Perhaps, men holds the ability of greater love?

Okay, that went abit off scale.

We can all say and try, but at the end of the day, we are accountable only for our actions.


Jelly's leaving on a jet plane really soon!