the in between

i want to be that little baby again when i can just cry and mummy will bring me the milk bottle
i don't even need to ask for touch or hug hug and ppl will come for me
when crying is not a wrong, and no one will cane me for spilling the milk
all my worries then is just to smile a little more and everyone will love me

i want to be that little girl again when i can just sleep anywhere and mummy will carry me back to my bed
i don't even need to perform and all i do is play
when i built my dream lego town and fantasize about my prince charming in the barbie world
all my worries then is to make sure i put my toys back into right place

i want to be that school girl again when i just hangout and fall-in-love as many times i want
i don't even need to know how and i know daddy will pay for all my books and stationery
when breaking up is just the beginning of another better relationship and singlehood means 'more fans'
all my worries then is just to make sure i score enough to pass

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the in between is where i don't want to be
i don't want to pay for my car loans, bills, meals and expenses
when there seems to be no reason to working
all my worries now i can hardly bear –– doing spiritually well, maintaining the look, getting attach, surviving.

"The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won't be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember, it's only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home." whitney from OTH
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i want to be married and 'stop working', i can bring the milk to the baby, wash the dishes and do the laundry
built my dream home and make my prince charming happy
when i know my man will bring in the bread and worries about the future
all my worries then is just to make sure i am there to ease his day -- a cup of coffee or a massage will do

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searching and listening. trying to find the stars in the darkness. can't wait to pass this phase of life and know what i miss about it. oh God give me strength to live another day. sorry it is raining very heavily, past midnight and i am down and moody.

"I know you're searching for things, Lucas. And I hope with all my heart that you find the answers to your questions. But the answers that you're looking for are closer than you think. There are in your heart. And in the hearts of those who love you." karen to lucas OTH