Sunday, June 04, 2006

the ragamuffin gospel

ps victor asked us this 3 years ago in the E03 sexuality session. "how many of you struggle with masturbation?" then he quickly continued, "... i am not refering to the guys only, also the girls." he was too specific i cannot help it but raised up my hand. but i guess i dared to lift it up only because all eyes were close.

I experienced a significant breakthrough into the freedom of the children of God at my first AA (alcholic annonymous) meeting. In the past I would have set great store not only on looking good but on thinking too often about who is looking. My self-image as a man of God and a displined disciple had to be protected at all costs. My ravenous insecurities made my sense of self-worth rise and fall like a sailboat on the winds of another's approval and disapproval. It was supreme moment of liberation to stand up, kick the pedestal aside and simply state: "My name is Brennan, I am an alcoholic."
excerpts from book The Ragamuffin Gospel

ya i no longer believe in confessing a sin only after i have a breakthrough. yes i have struggle with that all my life since i know how, and this is my last try: to confess before men and GOD. it might be a bit late to confess now since i don't really find any satisfaction in it, in fact i felt i look rather stupid but as promise.

*don't ask me how i do it. i don't use vibrating machine, nor do i start touching myself. anyway stop imagining, masturbation starts there :)


Anonymous said...

CY, my respect and admiration for you as a person and your honesty knows no bounds. You have the strength to open up yourself while I hide behind meaningless random and protected postings on my blog. I really wish I could be as open as you so thank you for challenging my views and my personality. You are one heck of a child of God and an inspiration. :)

Anonymous said...

Wow....respect what you posted! Let's put it this way, if you ask 100 people whether they masturbate or not, 98 will reply 'yes' and the other 2 'no', do you really believe the two fella, actually have never masturbated in life? Should send them to hell. Haha.

Anonymous said...

Sense God working out something through you...cant quite put a finger upon still but it is indeed very powerful. May we all be as courageous, as desperate for revival that our pride would matter little in all these...I respect you loads.

chaiyen said...

wow jon don't say that, i believe they are ppl that don't. i mean a lot of girls are very innocent, don't corrupt their mind :) and i am saying one day i will get out of this fake satisfaction. i believe... that is why i am confessing it.

Anonymous said... could you have known about other ppl's private life? But well, I guess God is dealing in each one's lives...

Anonymous said...

Nice colors. Keep up the good work. thnx!