day39: just a note

each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day38: escapism is not breakthrough

maybe we need to stop running away from temptation, but towards it and overcome it.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day37: not-the-in-between

summer autumn winter spring, i do not want. it is pretty obvious which is my favourite story from the movie new york, i love you isnt it?


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day36: a week

these days, you are lucky if you get 500 days.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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day35: sugar high

each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day34: undo

be careful of what you ask for.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day33: detention camp

each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day32: crack

this is what tanning did to my phone cover. imagine our skin.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day31: eat with style

each day is a piece of art on its own.


photos by dejelly.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day30: randomness part3

complete random ppl coming together for a food trip. it turned out really great.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day29: randomness part2

maybe klcc is the place to meet random stranger.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day28: randomness

complete randomness at klcc parking: a stranger make his bodyguard run up to get small change for me. *embarrass*


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day27: list to do

my technique is always to clear as much in the list first. then work on the rest.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day26: snooze button

each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day25: secrets

how do we live in a world with so many secrets. hiding underneath my blanket. hiding away from this crazy world.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day24: outlet

i. need. to. talk.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day23: opportunity

donate and pray.


maybe the cracks had been there longer than world knows it. now is just time we were made aware and given the opportunity to do something about it. malaysians click here to donate


this entry is inspired by designInformer.com.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day22: the great adventure

this book the last lecture is like the-adventure-book-of-randy-pausch. i smiled, i was moved, i was inspired. this man did loads of crazy things. he was so spontaneous and unpredictable. i can imagine not many girls like this type of guy. but i just found out, i can so married such a man.

"If being crazy means living life as if it matters, then I don't mind being completely insane" April Wheeler, Revolutionary Road.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day21: a gift

a surprise gift warms your heart. it is always not about the gift but the fact that someone thought of you. sweetness. on the same note do your part in spreading the love too, maybe it is not a coincidence... starbucks love project


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day20: nothingness

the lack of being. to be able to accept that and want to do better tomorrow morning.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day19: stop thinking

i dont smoke. what i mean is, we need to stop smoking in those thoughts. we need to stop entertaining them.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day18: out of the box

we all need to jump out-of-the-box.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day17: the reason

the reason behind what we do is so much more important then the doing itself.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day16: into your Hands

i believe in palm reading too. but mine just happen to be on someone else's palm.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day15: episodes of love

each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day14: work

work is like a virus.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day13: teaching

teaching english is probably one of the last thing i imagine myself doing. but what they are really seeking is probably love and acceptance. that i thank God doesn't require a Phd.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day12: impossible

impossible simply means a new realm of opportunities hitherto unknown and unconquered.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

revolutionary road

why would people bother wasting so much time and money in making movie people can forget? movies that catch enough of our attention to sit there for 2 hours. and hollywood think that if they can keep you there for 3 hours without making you feel bored that is really good. but seriously, are they using the sesame streets' technique (as mentioned in tipping point) on us. do they think that we are like kids. i mean seriously even if they think we are, entertain us with that focus in mind... educate us, add value to us and enlighten our life.

stop making movies for movies sake.

not this movie, revolutionary road is a good watch. sometimes i know why award winning movies are award winning. seriously they deserve it. this trailer is enough to speak to us. dont watch this if you intend to watch the movie.

day11: life is a maze

life is a maze. not a maze of finding a way out, but finding our way back.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day10: eye view

we all see things differently.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day9: coming soon

each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day8: faith

each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

response

amid this chaos, i was sitting here trying to think how to respond to:
- forwarded news and photos of the burned premises
- prayer alert emails
- sms and emails rumours asking to remove religious articles fearing attack. (let's stop spreading rumours)

i started in the morning by praying. but i do not know exactly what to pray, so i just prayed in the spirit. then i stopped feeding my flesh to think. by night, i still do not know and was about to let it go; hoping when i open my eyes tomorrow all these will be gone.

i wasnt satisfied, i took out my journal and started penning down some thoughts. why is it when they said keep-your-christianity-low-profie-for-now i feel like answering them "im not afraid to call myself Christian". is it because of ego as if im not afraid to die? seriously if someone holds a knife at my throat to deny Christ, will i still say the same thing? why do so many people in this world die of martyrdom anyway? i mean God should understand that i was just trying to survive, it will be stupid to die for such a small thing. i mean they could for all you know bluff the persecutor, "yah im not a believer" and live. then spent the rest of his life serving God and saving more ppl. besides, this is always about me and God right? no... because it is never about how much i can do for God, it is about how much i really believe in this God. and that persecutor needs to hear seriously how true is this God to you.

so it is not about going around acting stupid saying "im a Christian, SO WHAT, kill me". i can tell you, you can surely die without the persecutor not feeling an inch of guilt. it is not ego or stubbornness. it is not about dying for the nametag Christian. it is about dying for a truth that i cannot deny my faith. martyr is always about these two things: One who chooses to suffer death rather than renounce religious principles and One who makes great sacrifices or suffers much in order to further a belief, cause, or principle.

response:
1. today more than anything, is a wake up call for me to think that things like this -- churches set on fire -- will never happen in klang valley. it is a time to check my faith: am i afraid to go to church this sunday and deny all that i ever believe in? am i going to stop worshiping God? or am i going to keep doing what i have been doing for the last 12 over years?
2. should the church rise up to fight for our rights and damage? seriously no believer in the bible has ever done that. and it is not because we are weak or trying not to heat up the issue. it is because blessed are the meek, for they know better. show love.
3. it is easy at this time to stop looking at your Muslims friends so not to trigger any awkwardness. seriously that is exactly the plan of the evil one. to cause discomfort among races and religions. instead, at this very moment... i sit here and thank God that i can so freely call out one of my most passionate, best-est friend Anna Rina Rahim or call her b*tch for-all-i-want and she wont kill me for it. i can so crazily laugh with my most inspiring all rounded creative director of all time Sham Jallaludin or spell his damn long name wrongly for-all-i-know not fearing i upset him. how can i forget those crazy laughters i had with azni over lunch last week, one of the most capable nicest designer i ever know. so we just continue doing that, held on to the friendships we already have and stop thinking of the minority. soon the extremist will die down when the rest of the Muslims dont join them and the Christian are not responding to them. for what is not of God, will not last.

now my heart is at peace to sleep :)

day7: brewing

identify where you are and take heart, maybe this year is the end of the process--the brewing process. that aside, something--ideas/plans, i dunno, i cannot put in words--are brewing in my head. and that something is happening soon, i can feel it. *excited*


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day6: dreams

let us dust the jar and pick up our forgotten dreams.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day5: hungry.

hungry for more the whole day. spiritually hungry too.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day4: fastforward

each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day3: plans

each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

heaven

"The secret of Heaven: That each affects the other and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one" The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

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i know this might not be true but if heaven is a place where we connect all the dots, a place where we find all our missing pieces and find the peace--the answer to our many questions--that we had been searching for. That will be really nice. A sudden great anticipation, it got me thinking of heaven.

day2: drama

each day is a piece of art on its own.

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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day1: purpose

concept: i would like to make a collage to sum up my day for the next 365 days. hopefully by doing so it will remind me of how precious each and everyday actually is to me.

to view this ongoing project. [click]


each day is a piece of art on its own.

ps: a project inspired by them.
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disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

sacredness of a diary

i met up with my ex the other day.

he: is this your diary? (he snatches it from the table)
me: give it back to me! (i try to grab it back)
he: just let me read a little... (he fanatically go through the pages, barely read anything. thank God for my hideous and small handwriting)
me: (i finally successfully snatch it back)
he: so anyone read your diary before?
me: erm... yah my last ex bf (recalling the amount arguments we actually had just because i showed him my diary)
he: that is not fair... you never let me read
me: really? you never ask (actually i dont remember, it was like what 12 years ago)
he: i did, and you say it is your privacy. that is not fair, so not fair...

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i found that amusing, my ex bf is jealous of my ex bf. oh yah, and he is already married. so cute.

happy ending

just finished OTH season 6. i like the ending. in fact, i love it. everyone holding the person they love and want in their arms; miracle birth despite major hiccups in pregnancy; mother affirming her daughter; from nobody to your dream job. maybe this phrase sums it all very well "dream comes true everyday" or at least it seems like that to everyone in tree hill.

and so i am one of those that like the happily ever after. but my problem is i need that, i just realised that. i have this phobia whenever i see a happy ending. the fear to start watching the next season creeps in because i fear that something bad might happen. i mean it is already the best it could be. it is not the first time, i have the exact same feeling while watching the finale of Grey's season 4. imagine the background of an empty open field up the hill overlooking the city. meredith standing right there in the middle of a floorplan of her dream house drawn out by candles, pouring her heart out to derek and they kissed. that's sweet, that is nice. that is a good enough ending for me. view the moment here.

im not sure you feel me, i waited for 4 season for them to get together. that is like what 3-4 years of my time. i waited with them through all their guilt, dealing with their past, confusion, misunderstandings and all. i waited for that moment to happen. unlike most of our epic fail life, it happens and it was beautiful. and when it happens, i dont want to go anywhere. yah, im guarding their happy ending so jealously that i want to freeze that moment. maybe because i know life is not going to be so kind, that it always have a way to screw it up. im afraid someone else will come in between them again, another major misunderstanding will separate them forever, or one of them might just die. just goes to show what a pessimist i have become.

yah, im dramatic. i took a while but i i did rise above it and watch the next two season of grey's. just when i thought it couldnt get better, the relationship mature, they proposed and they got married. if OTH and grey's hitherto can find a way to wrap up every season with this kind of so called happy ending for me, maybe i should have a little faith as well in the Author of my life. watching the next season of OTH might just be that leap of faith that i should take.

just a footnote

"it sucks being the footnote of someone else's love story" OTH

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i knew it from the beginning. i recognise that girl from the start. way to familiar, way to real, way to scary.

you cant break a broken heart

"eventually we define happiness in our own terms in spite of the pain that ppl has cause us." haley, OTH

i miss you

"Why do we miss a person? It’s either because we realize that we never treasured the moments when they were always there and it left us wishing we could turn back time again. Or we were too happy with them, we enjoyed every single moment, that we became so used to the idea of having them around."

retweeted by staticwander
(via raindropsonredroses)

if it is the formal, it is normal to feel like that. let's stop sulking, do better if we have a chance; otherwise, do better for the next person. if it is the latter, you might be in love and you might not even realise that yet. most importantly is, dont be so busy sulking over the first lost that we miss out on the second. for that, we will be the greatest idiot of all.

love finds you

"i think i made the right choice"
"that is where it gets you, son. thinking you have a choice. love finds you. you dont find love." a stranger to lucas scott, OTH.

genesis 1: God spoke

my iphone died 6am, i could not receive phone calls, neither can i call out. it must be this morning, of all morning, the very morning i act as a wedding planner. i panicked. i have to be at the hotel by 7am. all the vendors, the bridesmaids, the families are all going to be calling me. i try putting my simcard in another phone, it is not working either. shit, this is getting more horrid than i can bear. i have a faulty simcard. 6.15am in my towels and half changed, i call maxis and they told me i have to walk in to a maxis centre to get a new simcard. i know there is nothing much i can do. 6.50am, darn it... i just have to leave for the hotel NOW, i'll try figure out what to do later. so i grab everything and leave. juggling in between tying up the ribbon for my tube top, carrying my bag, my heels, my box of itinerary and what not, and yah not forgetting my latte in the fridge i packed in advance last night. this wasnt how i plan the day. not sleeping was not part of the plan too.

in my attempt to calm down, i pray: God why is this happening again? yes the exact same thing happened to my last iphone, the very morning i planned another wedding 2 years ago. i managed to slot my simcard into my old nokia phone then which refuse to even give me that consolation this morning. in my desperation i continue: God can you deal with me after this whole wedding is over. *beep beep* yes before i can say more, my phone is working again. and it continued to function till today.

so is God trying to talk to me? i believe so... and that line had not leave my head the last few days "God-deal-with-me-after-this". i believe that is him calling me to come back to His word. and so i did. may His grace carry me thru to do that very thing He calls me to do.

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my devotion

God spoke: "Light!" And light appeared.

at the first thought, i was thinking God you have an advantage. whatever you command just happen. if whatever i say will happen in an instance, my life will probably not be this mess up. then i let that thought continue. actually maybe not. it is grace that we require actions to make things happen. because our world will be double a hell if whatever we say will just happen. remember: we frequently say things we do not mean, and not say those we mean. we regret what we say and worst still sometimes dont even know what we say or want.

yet every now and then we are given authority to summon ppl to do as we say. for instance at the wedding, as a planner, every banquet manager, waitress, waiter, PA person, do as i say. but with that come a huge responsibility that i so often am not willing to carry. that whatever they do not do right, falls under my fault too. they are like my extra hands -- an extension of me, so i cannot say that my hand did not do as i say, or my leg is so stupid because she doesnt understand my instructions. with power comes responsibility, yes it surely does. the whole wedding turned up fairly well. i was so tired, i was on bed for almost two days thereafter. im actually glad to go back to the place of no authority, my comfort zone. never will i think that God is in advantage, instead im embracing that grace while i learn to speak wisely.

God, thank you for this training ground. thank you for not giving me the power im not ready to possess. teach me to think before i speak. at rightful time, teach me to speak with confidence and authority as a child of God should.

a weekend of pretty things

SAT: FUKUYA Authentic Japanese Cuisine –- very pretty lunch wedding









SAT: NANDO's –- super cute boy



SUN: OTAH-OTAH –- tea break at tropicana city

because...

it doesn't matter how much I think of you
or how much I want you by my side
how much I want to lie next to you
or how much I want to be in your embrace

it doesn't matter how much I give to you
or how much I'm there for you
how much I care for you
or how much I do for you

it doesn't matter I see you
or how much I understand you
how much I fight for you
or how much I stood by you

it doesn't matter how much I love you
or how much I want you
how much I need you
or how much I cherish you

it all doesn't matter because...
(finish your sentence, what is your story)

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because... I'm just not it
because... we are not meant to be
because... I'm just not her

because there is always a because.