Saturday, October 02, 2010

it is a beautiful day

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what do you do on your 30th birthday? i sit at starbucks by the glass window sipping my iced latte, seeing cars pass me by. Il dolce far niente, the italian phrase of "the joy of doing nothing" (from the movie eat pray love). i flip to the message psalm 30 that totally summed out my sentiments today. i read through those lines and let those words sink into me.

A David Psalm
I give you all the credit, God—
you got me out of that mess,
you didn't let my foes gloat.

God, my God, I yelled for help
and you put me together.
God, you pulled me out of the grave,
gave me another chance at life
when I was down-and-out.

All you saints! Sing your hearts out to God!
Thank him to his face!
He gets angry once in a while, but across
a lifetime there is only love.
The nights of crying your eyes out
give way to days of laughter.

When things were going great
I crowed, "I've got it made.
I'm God's favorite.
He made me king of the mountain."
Then you looked the other way
and I fell to pieces.

I called out to you, God;
I laid my case before you:
"Can you sell me for a profit when I'm dead?
auction me off at a cemetery yard sale?
When I'm 'dust to dust' my songs
and stories of you won't sell.
So listen! and be kind!
Help me out of this!"

You did it: you changed wild lament
into whirling dance;
You ripped off my black mourning band
and decked me with wildflowers.
I'm about to burst with song;
I can't keep quiet about you.
God, my God,
I can't thank you enough.

then i begin to scribble my heart conditions and a prayer in my little journal.

"Because of You, O God i have the courage to face tomorrow and the years ahead. to learn on the hindsight that there are always light in the end of my tunnel. that heartbreaks, disappointments, betrayals, regrets, and those days that i do not want to wake up to this lousy world though inevitable will pass away; but only the refined me and sweet memories will remain. so i ask only of this O God, a constant assurance of your presence. a heart that will continuously beats with passion. faith big enough to dive in with you in the crazy, great adventure ahead. and finally wisdom to seize the day, manage the resources and opportunities that present themselves to me. cheers to a good year."

put down my pencil, close my journal… look up to the reflection of me on the mirror. *smile*

it's a beautiful day.


Anonymous said...

so beautifully written. :)

happy birthday again!

chaiyen said...

thanks girl. i just saw your blog. very nice photos u have there :)