christmas

this is just how wide my macbook camera booth can capture and it is already nicely pack in paper bags for distribution. also i had cleared my ex bfs and collegues. how scary it was? it carpeted every inch of my room while i was trying to pack.

what is christmas to me?
ok, im terrified by the amount of money i keep withdrawing from my atm, christmas shopping is quite crazy especially when you actually know that your bank account still have money (yes, i dont save) and your mind keeps reminding you of the things that these friends of yours want. and if you remember and you can afford, you can't just go get something else that they dont need right? so i just did that. again and again, i try not to total up how much i spend because i believe i might freak out.

leng, my sis asked me, "is it because God so freely give his one and only begotten son, we must learn to give? is that what christmas is all about (because she feels a hole in her pocket each time and that is painful *ouch*, plus the late nights of cutting, packing and hard work)". i answered "erm, i dun think so... it shouldn't be painful. it should be the joy of giving and blessing others. it should be the surprise on the ppl faces to receive what they dont expect from you. the joy of receiving something they ask for long, long ago, the smile on their face that someone in this world actually listens and knows them, a reminder to someone that you still have a place for them in your heart." all those smiles are my present, seriously i dont ask for anything more in return.

and remember im a sucker for birth dates. so christmas is the best i can do. but the downside is, they are too many ppl i need to buy for so my budget is limited.

what did i do on christmas eve?
seriously, no party? one, i dun want to be in a party of my friend's friends. i want to be with one i really care and love (to which i dun have, so i just choose to stay home). two, i dun need to party for the sake of party. also i need to go to church tomolo so i dont need a hangover to dim the real meaning of christmas. because seriously that is probably what i really want from Him this year. a reminder, the joy of my salvation.

i surprisingly cleared all my work. so the last two days i had been eating, sleeping and watching grey's. im really enjoying it, im really going to make sure i fight for this in the new year.

im perplexed leng is in laundry partying with her collegue and im at home. it's normally the opposite.

im amused by the evening incident. i have a cute boy reversed and bang my car. we exchanged number just in case and he sent me a christmas message at 12am. that is ironically funny isn't it? what do you think will happen if i reply that sms... he actually said "it is a present from santa we get to know each other". he actually believes in santa... haha so i guess that is a no-no.

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i pray that all of you will have a meaningful christmas this year. the joy of giving and knowing you have someone to love. in the midst of the christmas carols, presents, beers and hugs... may each and everyone of you find that very one that loves you. so that, that love give you the fullness and strength to start the new year. muaks, muaks. hug hug. know that you have a place in my heart.