how have you been

你, 好不好？周興哲
How Have You Been? by Eric Chou



是不是 還那麼愛遲到
Shi bu shi hai na me ai chi dao
Are you always late as usual?

熬夜工作又睡不好
Ao ye gong zuo you shui bu hao
Staying up late to work and not sleeping enough?

等你 完成你的目標 要戒掉逞強的嗜好

Deng ni wan cheng ni de mu biao, yao jie diao cheng qiang de shi hao

After you've achieved your dream, you have to quit the habit of overexerting yourself

都怪我 把自尊放太高

Dou guai wo bai zi zun fang tai gao
It's all my fault, for letting pride get in the way

沒有把你照顧好
Mei you ba ni zhao gu hao 
Not taking enough care of you

驕傲 是脆弱的外表最怕我的心你不要
Jiao ao shi cui ruo de wai biao Zui pa wo de xin ni bu yao
Pride was the exterior I use to cover up of my vulnerability, the thing I fear the most is that you don't want my heart


Chorus
能不能繼續 對我哭 對我笑 對我好
Neng bu neng ji xu dui wo ku dui wo xiao dui wo hao
Can you continue to cry to me, smile at me, be nice to me?

繼續讓我 為你想 為你瘋 陪你老
Ji xu rang wo wei ni xiang wei ni feng pei ni lao
Allow my to think for you, get crazy over you and grow old with you

你好不好 好想知道
Ni hao bu hao hao xiang zhi dao
How have you been? I wanna know badly

別急著把回憶都丟掉
Bei ji zhe ba hui yi du diu diao
Don’t be in haste to throw all the memories away 

-
我只需要你 在身邊 陪我吵 陪我鬧
Wo zhi xu yao ni zai shen bian pei wo chao pei wo naoI just need you by my side, even to fight with me or just make some noise

用好的我 把過去 壞的我 都換掉

Yong hao de wo ba guo qu huai de wo dou huan diao
Let the good in me replace the old, bad me. 

好想聽到 你堅決說愛我
Hao xiang ting dao ni jian jue shuo ai wo
How I wish to hear you say that you'd love me no matter what, 

可惜回不去那一秒
Ke xi hui bu qu na yi miao

Unfortunately, we can't go back to that moment


你好不好
Ni hao bu hao
How have you been?


Verse 2 
天知道 我快要受不了
Tian zhi dao wo kuai yao shou bu liao
God knows... I can't take it any anymore

後悔鑽進心裡燒
Hou hui zuan jin xin li shao
The regret is burning in my heart

擁抱 再多一次就好
Yong bao zai duo yi ci jiu hao
One more embrace would be enough

你要的我都做得到
Ni yao de wo dou zuo de dao
I would do anything you want

-
Chorus2
能不能繼續 對我哭 對我笑 對我好
Neng bu neng ji xu dui wo ku dui wo xiao dui wo hao
Can you continue to cry to me, smile at me, be nice to me?

繼續讓我 為你想 為你瘋 陪你老
Ji xu rang wo wei ni xiang wei ni feng pei ni lao
Allow me to think for you, get crazy over you and grow old with you

給你的好 還要不要
Gei ni de hao hai yao bu yao
Would you still accept it, the good I'd give to you now 

答案我卻不敢揭曉
Da an wo que bu gan jie xiao
Yet I dare not hear your answer.


我只需要你 在身邊 陪我吵 陪我鬧
Wo zhi xu yao ni zai shen bian pei wo chao pei wo nao
I just need you by my side, even to fight with me or just make some noise

別用離開教我 失去的人最重要
Bie yong li kai jiao wo shi qu de ren zui chong yao
Don't use leaving as a lesson to teach me 'you only realise the importance of someone when they are gone'

別說 你曾經愛過我
Bie shuo ni ceng jing ai guo wo
Don't tell me that you loved me

讓我們回到那一秒
Rang wo men hui dao na yi miao
Let us go back to the moment

你好不好
Ni hao bu hao
How have you been?

-
Last chorus 

能不能繼續 對我哭 對我笑 對我好
Neng bu neng ji xu dui wo ku dui wo xiao dui wo hao
Can you continue to cry to me, smile at me, be nice to me?

繼續讓我 為你想 為你瘋 陪你老
Ji xu rang wo wei ni xiang wei ni feng pei ni lao
Allow me to think for you, get crazy for you and grow old with you,

你好不好 我好想知道
Ni hao bu hao hao xiang zhi dao
How have you been? I wanna know badly.


別急著把我的愛丟掉
Bie ji zhe ba wo de ai diu diao
Please don't be in haste to throw my love away.

我只需要你 在身邊 陪我吵 陪我鬧
Wo zhi xu yao ni zai shen bian pei wo chao pei wo nao
I just need you by my side, even to fight with me or just make some noise

別用離開教我 失去的人最重要
Bie yong li kai jiao wo shi qu de ren zui chong yao
Don't use leaving as a lesson to teach me 'you only realise the importance of someone when they are gone'

別說 你曾經愛過我
Bie shuo ni ceng jing ai guo wo
Don't tell me that you loved me

讓我們回到那一秒
Rang wo men hui dao na yi miao
Let us go back to that moment

你好不好
Ni hao bu hao
How have you been?

because im a girl

"BECAUSE I'M A GIRL" by Kiss
Version English
I just can't understand the ways
Of all the men and their mistakes
You give them all your heart
And then they rip it all away

You told me how much you loved me
And how our love was meant to be
And I believed in you
I thought that you would set me free

(REFRAIN):
You should've just told me the truth
That I wasn't the girl for you
Still, I didn't have a clue
So my heart depended on you, whoa

(CHORUS):
Although I'll say I hate you now
Though I'll shout and curse you out
I'll always have love for you
Because I am a girl

Been told a man will leave you cold
Get sick of you and bored
I know that it's no lie
I gave my all, still I just cry

Never again will I be fooled
To give my all when nothing's true
I won't be played again
But I will fall in love again

(REFRAIN)

(CHORUS)

I loved you so
Now you leave me in the cold
How could this be
I thought that you'd only love me

Into the night
I will pray that you're alright
You hurt me so
I just can't let you go

You took advantage of my willingness
To do anything for love
Now I'm the only one in pain
Will you please take it all away

Never thought being born a girl
How I can love you and be burned
And now I will build a wall
To never get torn again

strangers again

the thing is we all know the pattern but we just can help but let it happen all the same again.

we're all afraid of pain by wilber pan

from the taiwan tv series endless love

Synopsis, Story and preview:
Song Rui En had always believed that she would marry his childhood sweetheart one day. But her belief changed after she met Liang Jing Hao, a wisecracking guy who turned her world upside down. She was a girl from a rich family without a care in the world. And he was a penniless man with a chip on his shoulder. They overcame many obstacles to be together. But when Liang walked out on her the day before their wedding, she was at a loss to understand his reason. He reappeared three years later to find out, she is still waiting. Maybe to say waiting is an understatement. But yah, girls do that. What's wrong with them, idiot. Oh, i mean the girls.

---
Something strike a chord here.

love the way you lie cover by stephenie gee

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because i like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because i love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Always thought you and i were perfect
I could tell you from the start
Thought you were gonna be my man
but then you left, tore me apart
And now you are gone
You ain't by my side
Got me askin' questions
Cause everything we were was all a lie
When were you gonna tell me
Oh how you feel
Why you gotta wait so long to tell me it was all unreal

Everyday i sat by just waiting
For you to come back home
But then i saw you with a girl
Broke my heart, and left me cold
Seems so unreal
Cant' grasp this thought
Couldn't sleep at all last night
Cause just realised it was all a lie
When were you going to tell me
Just how you feel
Left me for someone else and here I am caught up in tears

the best mistake i've ever made

by joanna wang

One step too far
All at once I'm falling
Just like a star
I'm burning for you
Thought I could keep myself from feeling this way
I guess that was my first mistake

Cause suddenly I'm walking
Down a dark street to your door
Wanting you is driving me insane
And now my feet are standing
Where they've never stood before
Guarded by a twist of fate

If I lose myself with you tonight
Fall apart or hold on tight
Wrong or right
I won't be afraid
Cause even if my heart should break
You'd be the best mistake I've ever made

I'm in your room
Now there's no denying
What's in your eyes
When I look at you
Two shadows talking but they don't make a sound

Words have lost their meaning now

And the air has turned electric
Now I know the time is right
To put myself into your hands
And suddenly I'm shaking
As your fingers touch my skin
I don't need to understand

And if tomorrow proves me wrong
I swear I don't belong
I know I'll carry on

So I will lose myself and bare my soul
Take this chance cause heaven knows
I'm so far gone, my choice is made
And even if my heart should break

When I lose myself with you tonight
Fall apart or hold on tight
Wrong or right
I'll always say
You're the best mistake I ever made

jar of hearts

by Christina Perri

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half a life
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live half a life
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

Who do you think you are
Who do you think you are
Who do you think you are

can i come closer?

At some point, you came into my heart
Afraid my heart would be found out
I tried to turn away from you
I didn't know I would feel this way
My heart keeps wavering

What am i to do now?
I can't stop my trembling heart
Even if i close my eyes, you appear before me
With my heart likes this, what can i do
Because of you, i cry and laugh

Now, if there is no you, there would be no me
Can i be with you, together with you?

I feel you eyes on me, it makes my heart thrill
Everyday i have moments of doubt
I didnt know i would feel this way
My heart keeps wavering

What am i to do now?
Can i just come closer like this?
Im missing you
Im only looking at you

What can i do with my heart like this?
Looking only at you, i waver
Now, if there is no you, there would be no me
Can i be together with you?

the days without you by jill xu

The road home seems far, it's a pity words are few
In a single-person dinner, the flavor is only loneliness
At my side, I see the movie repeating, a frame of us
Why do these eyes that choose to avoid it all still cry tears?

Loving you everyday, you are my world
At that time, I still thought I would only love this once
The days without you, happiness seems so far away from me
My heart has already left with you, so I can't feel much right now?

I can't bear to open my eyes, afraid that you're not by my side
Perhaps in dreams, the distance between us is the closest
I miss your warm palms, I'm embraced by a cold wind
When winter comes again, how will this temperature continue?

(Spoken)
Hey it's me
You know it's rainin' outside right now
Remember back in the days, when we use to run around in the rain
and just get wet like that, that was back in the days
You know, leaving you was the toughest thing I had to do
It's not what I want, I know we'll meet again
I miss you, goodbye

Thank you for having loved me, giving me a most beautiful memories*
But life loves to be deprived, how should I walk this road ahead alone?

the man behind THE GAME

Dont ask me why i picked up the book:
The rules of the GAME by Neil Strauss.

It is the follow-up to the No1. Bestseller The Game

---
I think i need to know how they sweep me off my feet every time, despite me being so cautious each time. im wondering if it is all a lie and magic power that cause them to be able to detach their feelings from it all. i enjoyed reading the The Style Diaries which i get to read inside his thought life. one interesting thought i picked up from his "30 Day Experiment" story is he can actually sincerely or lustfully feel, miss, and want all 3 girls at the same time. contrary to what i think, he actually fall in love (lets use this word loosely here) faster than average ppl. yahh, he is actually capable of missing a girl he never even meet before while having sex with another. he actually have the thought of marrying a girl he meets after a few hour though they never even have sex at all. so in a way he is not some sort of superhero that can detach his feelings.

it is interesting he didnt compile all his success stories in this book, but his very humbling and i would say more human side... dare i say these are the more memorable stories of his. but i think the most unexpected thing about this book is the postface. i dont understand why he wants to end the book this way but maybe he is not such a terrible guy after all. [there i go, i think of them better than they are]

---
"So why did your last relationships fail"
"I guess they failed because the women developed certain behaviors that made me doubt the success of a forever-type of relationship with them." [Neil]
"And i suppose you didnt have anything to do with the development of these behaviors?
"Of course i did. it always takes two."
"And now you've decided to be alone and miserable forever?"
"i just tried so hard to make these relationships work."
"How exactly did you try?"
"i was honest. i was faithful. i cut off all the other women i was seeing. i didnt tell lies or carry on secret flirtations or sneak around behind their backs." [sounds familiar, to their credit i believe every player has tried this at least once or twice though that actually should be the prerequisite for every relationship]
"And that's how you make a relationship succeed? By not having an affairs with other women? That's like saying you learn to swim by getting in the water. It's a given... Did you ever stop to consider that you never really tried?... You worked really hard to learn the game. You read every book there was, traveled around the world, met all the experts, and spent years making countless approaches to perfect the craft."
"I think i see what you're getting at... That maybe i need to learn how to have a relationship in the same way i learned the game."
"Ultimately, you're going to have to make a choice at some point in your life. And that choice to decide: Do you want to find a woman to spend your life with and make a family together? Or do you want to keep giving in to your impulses and continuing to have sex adventures and relationships of varying length until you can't anymore?"

Something he left the readers with. interesting isnt it.

you cant break a broken heart

"eventually we define happiness in our own terms in spite of the pain that ppl has cause us." haley, OTH

i miss you

"Why do we miss a person? It’s either because we realize that we never treasured the moments when they were always there and it left us wishing we could turn back time again. Or we were too happy with them, we enjoyed every single moment, that we became so used to the idea of having them around."

retweeted by staticwander
(via raindropsonredroses)

if it is the formal, it is normal to feel like that. let's stop sulking, do better if we have a chance; otherwise, do better for the next person. if it is the latter, you might be in love and you might not even realise that yet. most importantly is, dont be so busy sulking over the first lost that we miss out on the second. for that, we will be the greatest idiot of all.

because...

it doesn't matter how much I think of you
or how much I want you by my side
how much I want to lie next to you
or how much I want to be in your embrace

it doesn't matter how much I give to you
or how much I'm there for you
how much I care for you
or how much I do for you

it doesn't matter I see you
or how much I understand you
how much I fight for you
or how much I stood by you

it doesn't matter how much I love you
or how much I want you
how much I need you
or how much I cherish you

it all doesn't matter because...
(finish your sentence, what is your story)

---
because... I'm just not it
because... we are not meant to be
because... I'm just not her

because there is always a because.

how to fix those feelings?

we had a bgr session in cell this week. this is one thought which i think might be useful.
to kill another party feelings for you
to kill a girl feelings: tell her you will rather marry your best friend than her.
to kill a guy feelings: tell him he is such a good brother/friend.

other thoughts that spring up after that...
to kill feelings that you no longer want there
if you need to forget him: try developing feelings for another guy.
if you need to forget her: just hangout with your friends.

to avoid falling in love...
to him: dont focus on one guy, buzz different guys randomly when you know you start thinking of someone way too much.
to her: call her only when you run out of things to do, dont pick up her calls all the time and try not returning her calls.

---
as much as i thought i dont mind falling in love, i think i am too cautious to allow myself to do so.

'The truth is painful. Deep down, nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home. Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to hear it for ourselves. And sometimes we tell the truth because we just can't help ourselves. Sometimes, we tell them because we owe them at least that much' grey's

is it fame?

when i was younger, we always pass this little-autograph-book around. our friends will write forget-me-not poems, wishes and biodata. there is this one particular detail under biodata called best friends which i never dare put. ppl will list down their best friends, regardless it is not mutual. they dont even mind offending you by not putting your name while signing your book. i always wonder, how do ppl decide who-to-put-in or who-not-to-put-in.

i have this same feeling nowadays as i see ppl put links of their friends on their blog. who do you list out? all your friends? all your readers to pls them? ppl that actually blogs? my guess is that they will link blog that they follow closely for convenient sake. but as i surveyed a few blogs, i realised that is not necessary the case. then i see a trait. some ppl tend to add the so-called-famous into their link. it doesnt matter they only know each other over a party yesterday and it doesnt even matter they never get the blog address from that person itself. why would one put someone they barely know? is it to let that person know they have an intention to be closer? or it serves as a shoutbox to tell the world they are in some kind of clique with this so-called-famous? or is a hopeful wish that this so-called-famous will be nice and put your link in their blog... then you will be on-the-way-to-be-almost-famous? do you think we all have hidden motives? do you think little things like this define us? like at work and all... do we befriend ppl that are in some sort of status to make ourselves look good? am i trying to make a statement holding a cup of starbucks everyday? or using a mac or joining a gym?

sorry for the loads of questions. but i really find it ironic because we dont normally like ppl to judge-us-by-the-cover. yet we go great lengths to make that cover looks good. im in no position to judge because in facebook under this application top friends, i unconsciously committed the same offense -- i randomly added some and not the other. they are not really best friends per se, just maybe friends i hangout more closely with then, which is not even the case now. i vaguely remember i have to add the whole gang of friends while adding one because i do not want to offend anyone. maybe i think too much... as i normally do.

having said that, i am very honoured when ppl link me in their blog. whether it is because you are proud of me as your friend or just for convenient sake. but to date i still do not have the courage do so, maybe more than the fear of offending others the fear of judging my own motives.

im an optimist

i remembered it was raining that day. i didnt bring my umbrella, it was raining cats and dogs so i stood at the corridor of the school for a while. i actually think that my school bus driver will bother to calculate and make sure all the students are in that bus before he drives of. unfortunately he doesnt care. to my despair, i saw the bus passed by me as i ran out from the gate. closed enough for some kids in the bus to wave goodbye to me. what are they thinking? im supposed to be in the bus. i was about 8 years old i think.

forgive me, but i do not know how to go home. i must be playing all the time on the journey to school, i forgotten to see which direction my bus take everyday. i was soaking wet though i was wearing two layers including my pinafore. im drenched to the socks. i believed the books in my bag were not spared too. at such moment what will one do? maybe not what everyone will do, but i did what i always will do. i walked to the bus stop opposite the road where my school bus pick me up everyday. why did i do that? i reasoned that when he found out that im missing and comes back to get me that might be the only place he will find me. the evening was giving in to the night, obviously he did not come back for me. i always blame those stupid boys who waved and not tell the bus driver im left behind.

after long wasted time, i did what most ppl would had done in the first place. i went and look for a public phone to call my parents. i went around the boys school which is where my bus stop and found none or none working, i cannot remember which. so i decided to walked to a mall nearby. which is scary for my age because there were loads of adults and strangers which i were always warned since young they might kidnapped me. i looked high and low for a phone but i could not find one. found one after much walking, just to prove a point to me that malaysia public phone doesnt work since 1988. i was lost, and i didnt know what to do. trust me i was making my way back to the bus stop if not because a kind samaritan saw me crying and drenched send me to a police station. my mum freaked out at first wondering what crime i committed that had me landed in a police station. she laughed it out later to think that im so silly to cry over that. few years later, she walked me to school everyday to make sure i know my way home.

im actually surprise i remember all these things so vividly. in fact, i can recount so many other occasions that i will do the same even after i grew up. when im lost i will always walk back to the place we first gathered. when i cant contact the person im suppose to meet. i will stand at the same place for hours if need be because i dont want to walk away just in case at that moment that person come and find me. steph can testify to that (read: drama of the day) during our japan trip. what she doesnt know is, i felt really lost and scared like i was. i dont remember it then, but i knew i had similar feelings before. i was walking around with loads of 'maybe' or 'what-should-i-do' all the way. the only different this time is i know the way back to the hotel.

i do not know why suddenly this two incidents come to mind tonight. but i was just thinking, i had not progress much in my life the last few years. maybe, i was waiting for someone or maybe i was just lost and i dont want to walk around. whichever it is, i just did what i always do, i waited refusing to go anywhere. no doubt with many questions in my mind and the whole time was agonising and aimless.

i sat long enough plus many years had proven that waiting at the same place doesnt help me find what i want. basically i think time is up, im going for a walk. do i know where? not necessary but im going for a walk.

---
yes, im an optimist to think that ppl will realise im missing. will speak the same language as me and go back to where we first meet. im an optimist to think that ppl will find their way to me. i know i waste loads of time and many think that im fool. i could not agree more. but im not sure if i will ever change, i only hope that one day i will have a different ending :)

rise above our reasoning and facing them later

"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."
Meredith Grey, grey's anatomy

girls love details and guys don't really like to provide them. the favourite phrase to counter our doubt is "just trust me". you'll never understand how much it takes out of us to rise above our reasoning and how terrible it feels when it falls apart.


for a moment i was excited she had the courage to pursue love but like a love sensation, it doesn't last that long. do they? sigh... i didn't even have a chance to express how sweet he is yet. ok... give me his story, i will tell you if i still like him. now don't you ever tell me again that girls are not reasonable and they refuse give you a chance to speak.

the sad fact of life

it is painful in life we are always remember for our bad. it doesn't matter jack bauer saves the world. to his daughter, he didn't tell her he is still alive despite the reason it is for her protection. not to mention the many times he puts america in danger to protect her. as long as she lives, she will remember him for not being there when her mum died. how ironic.

kids don't remember you for bringing them into the world, how you painfully pay their bills and the dinner you cook for them but they remember you for breaking your holiday promises, missing their graduation and driving dad out of the house.

friends don't remember you for the time you are there for them, little sms you sent them and meals you buy them. they remember you for the time you ffk them, the time you screamed at them or that day you two time them.

bf don't remember you for the good times they have with you, how you pamper them with surprises and accept them when the world doesn't. they remember you for the stupid words you said, how things ended and what a pain in the ass you had been throughout the relationship.

yes this is a sad fact of life. every mistakes of your life overwrite the thousands good you did. it doesn't matter the millions good words you had said, your one sentence that hurts them will be remember as your last words or at least they will make sure those will be your last words because they no longer want to hear from you. there are no chance to explain, to redo things or even apologise.

it is sad that only one day in your life that ppl sit down and forget about the horrible side of you. that is during your funeral, too bad you are no longer there. but as long as you live, bite your tongue and bear with it. ppl need a-reason-you-are-no-longer-there, a-reason-why-you-should-not and a-reason-why-you-should-not-be. ppl need an answer for the pain they went through and you are just perfect for the time being. count it lucky someone hates you, someone hold grudges against you, someone is thinking of you. for the record, you remain longer in the memories of someone life when they hate you more than when they love you.

---
itunes: you'll think of me by keith urban

the end

a test posted to two very ordinary life that used to stand on common ground
to one is given all the splendour like solomon
to one is taken away everything like job
that gap between the two is too great to be reconciled

two men that thought they know their own heart
will solomon forget the God of his youth?
will job curse God and move on?
to both a test of the soul

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the in between
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then i see another vision
the two men stumbled into each other in the house of God
a smile on both of the faces without a word spoken
it doesn't matter what had happened over the years
most important the both had past the test of life

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this will be my last blog entry. 218 letters. i will go back to my origin. pencil and diary, all by myself. hopefully there i will find everything as it is, the two souls safe and sound.

"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. Afraid. Confused. Without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us would rather turn around and go back.

But once in awhile people push on to something better-something found just beyond the pain of doing it alone and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream.

Because it's only when you're tested that you discover who you truly are. And it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work, faith and belief, and beyond heartache and fear of what lies ahead." lucas scott from OTH

p/s: in need of inspiring reading materials? watch OTH, inspired most of my writings. for now you can read these quotes. words of life. WARNING: spoiler.

the not so obvious list

de·ni·al [di-nahy-uhl] –noun
Psychology. an unconscious defense mechanism used to reduce anxiety by denying thoughts, feelings, or facts that are consciously intolerable.

for whatever reason you find yourself not wanting to accept this fact. you try to deny it. your actions betray you and the thoughts keep coming back. an additional to this list.

the not so obvious list you are in love
1. the only phone number you remember from the back of your mind is hers. but you try to think of other alternative so that you don't need to let her know.
*how you remember someone phone numbers in this generation when all you do is press click on the name to call is when you had been looking at these numbers for too long but don't have the courage to call. or simply that, you call her too often so those numbers keep appearing on your screen.
2. you check her blog first thing in the morning after you wake up, when you reach the office, before you go for lunch, after you come back from lunch, during tea break, before you leave your office, first thing when you get home and one more time before you go to sleep.
*you check someone blog once a day if you are a reader. you check someone blog 3 times a day if you like to read what they write. but when you check that many times, you are dying to know about this person.
3. you blog more often or not for her to read. but you don't want it obvious, so you use all the he, she and women to keep it general.
*you want the person you care to know how you are doing.
4. when you care, you try not to show you care. so instead of asking her, you wait anxiously for her to tell you.
*you will just call if it just another friend. there is nothing much to hide or think about.
5. when your friends told you something is going on between the two of you. you shun it away and say "never". then you try to avoid her. but you know every night you are thinking about it.
*you only avoid a person #1 when she likes you and you don't feel that at all or #2 you like a person but you don't want to feel that at all. if it is #1 you will have no part from no.1-4 above.

her=him

my question "why not?". if you can answer this question and make sense out of it then so be it but if you can't stop denying, drop that ego and face it. maybe, you are in love.

Sometimes people play hard to get to know that the other person's feelings are real.Brooke Davis to Haley from OTH

or sometimes they don't want to believe it is that person because you find no reason to love this person. but hey that is love. you don't need a reason to love.