happy alone

"There is a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasnt because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever"

meredith, grey's anatomy

august rush

strangers again

the thing is we all know the pattern but we just can help but let it happen all the same again.

dear john

Paperweight by Joshua Radi & Schuyler Fisk


Been up all night staring at you
Wondering what's on your mind
I've been this way with so many before
But this feels like the first time
You want the sunrise to go back to bed
I want to make you laugh

Mess up my bed with me
Kick off the covers i'm waiting
Every word you say i think
I should write down
Don't want to forget come daylight

Happy to lay here
Just happy to be here
I'm happy to know you
Play me a song
Your newest one
Please leave your taste on my tongue
Paperweight on my back
Cover me like a blanket

Mess up my bed with me
Kick off the covers i'm waiting
Every word you say i think
I should write down
Don't want to forget come daylight

And no need to worry
That's wastin time
And no need to wonder
What's been on my mind
It's you
It's you
It's you

Every word you say i think
I should write down
Don't want to forget come daylight

And i give up
I let you win
You win cause i'm not counting
You made it back
To sleep again
Wonder what you're dreaming

can i come closer?

At some point, you came into my heart
Afraid my heart would be found out
I tried to turn away from you
I didn't know I would feel this way
My heart keeps wavering

What am i to do now?
I can't stop my trembling heart
Even if i close my eyes, you appear before me
With my heart likes this, what can i do
Because of you, i cry and laugh

Now, if there is no you, there would be no me
Can i be with you, together with you?

I feel you eyes on me, it makes my heart thrill
Everyday i have moments of doubt
I didnt know i would feel this way
My heart keeps wavering

What am i to do now?
Can i just come closer like this?
Im missing you
Im only looking at you

What can i do with my heart like this?
Looking only at you, i waver
Now, if there is no you, there would be no me
Can i be together with you?

one cannot do nothing

love what FRONTLINE videos are doing, because they leave ppl like us no more excuse to not know the what is happening in Haiti.
- if you cannot view, go here click top right "watch the program"

one: "THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END"


two: RELIEF EFFORTS – THE STAGGERING OBSTACLES


three: THE STORY OF A DREAM DENIED


four: HOW TO REBUILD REMAKE HAITI



---
these videos make me cry, i mean seriously... almost unstoppable. my shirt is wet.
what makes you cry, hotel rwanda? blood diamond? what provokes you? what is it that annoy you? what makes you figure for solutions? what makes you keep awake at night? what ignites your energy? what is your passion? you see after being a christian for so long it no longer about a war of doing good or bad. but a war of the good and the best. we can do a few good things in life but that will only built church-nity. christianity is about passion. jesus is a very passionate man. and it no coincidence his last week is called the passion week."
rethinking what i wrote.

day90: classic

so who do men normally choose? the one who stood by them or the kind hearted princess?


each day is a piece of art on its own.

001
---
disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day49: charmed

"i realised that i fall in love a lot easier and faster if the guy has good looks and bod." anonymous.

i cannot agree more. now soaking myself with this new korean drama. he has all the above, plus killer smiles and a coffee cafe. man, how can i resist him. no wonder there were such a buzz about him in korea.

p.s: guys like these had been crossing my path lately *yum yum*


each day is a piece of art on its own.

001
---
disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

day37: not-the-in-between

summer autumn winter spring, i do not want. it is pretty obvious which is my favourite story from the movie new york, i love you isnt it?


each day is a piece of art on its own.

001
---
disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

revolutionary road

why would people bother wasting so much time and money in making movie people can forget? movies that catch enough of our attention to sit there for 2 hours. and hollywood think that if they can keep you there for 3 hours without making you feel bored that is really good. but seriously, are they using the sesame streets' technique (as mentioned in tipping point) on us. do they think that we are like kids. i mean seriously even if they think we are, entertain us with that focus in mind... educate us, add value to us and enlighten our life.

stop making movies for movies sake.

not this movie, revolutionary road is a good watch. sometimes i know why award winning movies are award winning. seriously they deserve it. this trailer is enough to speak to us. dont watch this if you intend to watch the movie.

day11: life is a maze

life is a maze. not a maze of finding a way out, but finding our way back.


each day is a piece of art on its own.

001
---
disclaimer: the images i use might not be photos of my own.

happy ending

just finished OTH season 6. i like the ending. in fact, i love it. everyone holding the person they love and want in their arms; miracle birth despite major hiccups in pregnancy; mother affirming her daughter; from nobody to your dream job. maybe this phrase sums it all very well "dream comes true everyday" or at least it seems like that to everyone in tree hill.

and so i am one of those that like the happily ever after. but my problem is i need that, i just realised that. i have this phobia whenever i see a happy ending. the fear to start watching the next season creeps in because i fear that something bad might happen. i mean it is already the best it could be. it is not the first time, i have the exact same feeling while watching the finale of Grey's season 4. imagine the background of an empty open field up the hill overlooking the city. meredith standing right there in the middle of a floorplan of her dream house drawn out by candles, pouring her heart out to derek and they kissed. that's sweet, that is nice. that is a good enough ending for me. view the moment here.

im not sure you feel me, i waited for 4 season for them to get together. that is like what 3-4 years of my time. i waited with them through all their guilt, dealing with their past, confusion, misunderstandings and all. i waited for that moment to happen. unlike most of our epic fail life, it happens and it was beautiful. and when it happens, i dont want to go anywhere. yah, im guarding their happy ending so jealously that i want to freeze that moment. maybe because i know life is not going to be so kind, that it always have a way to screw it up. im afraid someone else will come in between them again, another major misunderstanding will separate them forever, or one of them might just die. just goes to show what a pessimist i have become.

yah, im dramatic. i took a while but i i did rise above it and watch the next two season of grey's. just when i thought it couldnt get better, the relationship mature, they proposed and they got married. if OTH and grey's hitherto can find a way to wrap up every season with this kind of so called happy ending for me, maybe i should have a little faith as well in the Author of my life. watching the next season of OTH might just be that leap of faith that i should take.

just a footnote

"it sucks being the footnote of someone else's love story" OTH

---
i knew it from the beginning. i recognise that girl from the start. way to familiar, way to real, way to scary.

love finds you

"i think i made the right choice"
"that is where it gets you, son. thinking you have a choice. love finds you. you dont find love." a stranger to lucas scott, OTH.

fate

"dont pretend i never fight for you"... “Oh, I fought for you Chuck! I fought finger and nail until I realised I was scratching at a door that turned out to be a wall.” Blair Waldorf, gossip girl

him: first the reluctance to commit, to let go of the freedom and women he can so easily get his hands on since young; then the struggle with his insecurities if he can live up to be that man for her; at moment he doubted that anyone can love and accept the dark side of his.

her: first her ego to admit she has fallen for him –– a womanizer; then the pride of not wanting to make the first move, wanting to be pursued; occasionally doubting he even loves her or just taking her for a ride.

this sums up GG season2. from separate frames we know that they love each other. but when one of the party fights like mad to make it happen, the other is most often not ready or unsure. every now and then a new girl and a new boyfriend will come be introduced thickening the wall between them. and this sums up a lot of our love stories as well.

my conclusion,
love without fate is not good enough. for that will only lead to pain and more pain.
fate alone is not enough either, for it will only bring us through strings of relationship that we do not need.
LOVE AND FATE is when a man and a woman that loves each other simultaneously fight for each other at the same time.

all these factors--love, time, action, space, feelings, emotions, other external stuff happening in each other lives, books we are reading, movies we are watching, songs we are hearing, the conversation with our friends and the whole wide world--are supposed to intertwined to make this happen. so tell me what are the chances. *sigh*

---
a writeup from the scene where the above quote is extracted. if you have time, you might want to read up the emotions involved. (WARNING! SPOILERS)

a true story

there is something so beautiful about each of our story, that no great writer can churn out except for the one true Author. that shouldnt surprise you why so many of my favourites are based on true stories.


(1999)


(2000)


(2002)


(2005)


(2008)


movies like these make something in my heart ticks. it is the when fact--that one person can really make a difference--and reality kiss. i believe it is a combination of the price of integrity, the perseverance of the rejected, the unswerving faith and hope. yes, it does mean i wet my whole shirt watching them.

do you believe we exist for so much more? do you actually believe each of us have a story the world is waiting to hear?

what do teens ask nowadays?

juno: I'm losing my faith in humanity.
dad: Think you can narrow it down for me?
juno: I guess I wonder sometimes if people ever stay together for good.
dad: You mean like couples?
juno: Yeah, like people in love.

same beginning, different ending

two boys born on the same day, met their girl under the same scenario and both relationship took a different path. have you ever wonder where your relationship will land at if you had done it differently? if you had shared more, if things had not been left like that, if things had been less complicated. the worst had hit on them again and again. which i dont see it as a tragedy, it only makes the ending so much more meaningful. a line in the lyrics struck me how often in relationship we beat around the bush and end up at the same place. there is something about perseverance in relationship, achievements and dreams that never fail to wet my eyes.

am never a fan of tvb series, they suck big time especially in the romance department. for that simple fact their relationship are normally so surface, i barely feel chemistry between the couple most of the time. i did the usual thing passing by my big living room to get to my room, but this time i stopped there. i didnt just stop there, i stayed up till 6am that day itself. probably because of the japan snowy white backdrop, maybe because of the two sweet couples too. i couldnt stop, it is like i want to know what happen after he makes the call, after he leaves that voice mail, after she drops that note. rumours has it that kevin and niki had been in a relationship, i hope that is not true since i dont like the "had been". i hope that the chemistry in that movie is actually real and not just mere acting. yah... hope... because it is just rare to see such sweetness. you just have to see the way they hold each other. it makes you go "awww..."

a romantic affair

the MIFA runway, lights and dresses left me somewhat dreamy. in the midst of very sophisticated faces which i so often see only in magazine, plus free flow of sparkling shiraz and wisky coke probably contributed to that feeling. it is about 1.30am and i make my way back, the sound of raindrops keep me company. after a hot shower, probably the next best thing to do is tuck myself in bed.

but it is friday night, and i dont want to just do the next best thing. im in a mood for a slow, catchy romance. and i got that spot on from my blueberry nights. check that web link, let those soundtracks play for a bit and you will understand what i mean. some ppl think wong kar wai's movies are pretty slow, remember im somewhat tipsy so the pace was just nice for me. couldnt resist jude law, he is not that great looking but always find him charming. a player real life (or so i heard), i know why he can be one. the way he stares at another girl, the way he runs his finger through the hair, such a killer. he can sweeps any girls' feet of the ground. i believe all that comes in natural, he wasnt just acting. love the music, angles, story line and babes. hypnotise by that kiss right there. now really wish i can do a movie journal.

movies like this can make us fall in love with love all over again. somehow recent affairs seem to be nurturing my heart back to love... do you think he is around the corner?

baby sitting made simplified

i was trying my luck when i first play this. now it is one of their favourite, even trumps barney. it is his 3rd time watching this. truthfully we cant help but sit there and watch along with him each time. and it is not because we need to keep an eye on him, seriously he barely moves throughout the whole show. im impressed, simply amazed and entertained all at the same time by him and that dog.



two of them look mesmerised