has it got to do with end of the year. the pressure of trying to do everything before the year come to an end or what. im jam packed with house warming, parties, gatherings, assignments, work deadlines. so many things happening that i dont have time to finish reading my books, clearing all my downloaded movies, or even sit down to gather my thoughts.
there i am planning for my bangkok shopping trip and the condition is getting worst than before. with the international airport close down and my recce team (my friend's whole family) squandered there the situation just got more worrying than it should.
i sit there and ponder for a while, here i am im trying to make a holiday plan amid the world trying to make changes in their country. it seems like every country is trying to fight for their country freedom and hope, a new government away from corruption. some knows what their doing, some dont; nevertheless the world is groaning from within for a change.
no wonder my friend mentioned he doesnt mind migrating to the States now to be part of that change, sometimes we wish that we are part of a hope that is greater than ourselves. but so often, not many of us lift a finger to do anything but our own things. we only wish that someone will do the job, while we taste the result of that change. meantime we continue to party and do our shopping. i seriously do not know where to begin, a country? of which i do not know where i belong sometimes. staying in a country that i am not a citizen to, or holding a passport of a country that the national anthem i do not know how to sing. a church? of which the many things i do not know where to focus in, and the question is more like what kind of change really matters. a corporate world? standing in the midst of the multitudes and i wonder what significant i can be, though we hear of many stories of life that made a change, then i look at faces around me and i thought of the many untold stories of life that had not make it.
do you think it is random that some ppl are just choosen to be vessel of change? or do you think these ppl have far greater tolerance than others. that failure is not ultimatum for them and change was all they hope to see. or most of us just lack of that umm in our life. no children to fight for, no country we love more than ourselves and yet to know the heart of God we claim we love.
Showing posts with label ?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ?. Show all posts
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
is it fame?
when i was younger, we always pass this little-autograph-book around. our friends will write forget-me-not poems, wishes and biodata. there is this one particular detail under biodata called best friends which i never dare put. ppl will list down their best friends, regardless it is not mutual. they dont even mind offending you by not putting your name while signing your book. i always wonder, how do ppl decide who-to-put-in or who-not-to-put-in.
i have this same feeling nowadays as i see ppl put links of their friends on their blog. who do you list out? all your friends? all your readers to pls them? ppl that actually blogs? my guess is that they will link blog that they follow closely for convenient sake. but as i surveyed a few blogs, i realised that is not necessary the case. then i see a trait. some ppl tend to add the so-called-famous into their link. it doesnt matter they only know each other over a party yesterday and it doesnt even matter they never get the blog address from that person itself. why would one put someone they barely know? is it to let that person know they have an intention to be closer? or it serves as a shoutbox to tell the world they are in some kind of clique with this so-called-famous? or is a hopeful wish that this so-called-famous will be nice and put your link in their blog... then you will be on-the-way-to-be-almost-famous? do you think we all have hidden motives? do you think little things like this define us? like at work and all... do we befriend ppl that are in some sort of status to make ourselves look good? am i trying to make a statement holding a cup of starbucks everyday? or using a mac or joining a gym?
sorry for the loads of questions. but i really find it ironic because we dont normally like ppl to judge-us-by-the-cover. yet we go great lengths to make that cover looks good. im in no position to judge because in facebook under this application top friends, i unconsciously committed the same offense -- i randomly added some and not the other. they are not really best friends per se, just maybe friends i hangout more closely with then, which is not even the case now. i vaguely remember i have to add the whole gang of friends while adding one because i do not want to offend anyone. maybe i think too much... as i normally do.
having said that, i am very honoured when ppl link me in their blog. whether it is because you are proud of me as your friend or just for convenient sake. but to date i still do not have the courage do so, maybe more than the fear of offending others the fear of judging my own motives.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
the omniscient one
i was pondering how to keep up to my savings plan and do all the things i want to do. then there were hiccups in my income with one of my client. but before i can pray about it (or maybe i did but i obviously had not put much though into it), it resolved. i have new client calling me which will keep me going for one or two months. so that took the worry off my head since i have more time to look out for new client.
i was thinking a little maybe i should go find back some clients that do something more funky like my previous ishmag. so that got me quite excited but before i know it my earlier client arrange back another package for me which comes back to the same figure. so i kinda have some bonus financially in the end. that's not it what they repackaged for me includes some other work which allows me to have some fun. the last few nights, i was just working on those artworks and it brought back all those sweet memories -- flipping books for inspiration, trying out colours and being mess-ly creative.
one thing i cant help but think about the whole week is i dont feel like im working on my own. you know normally a person that work on their own have to find their own client, fight for their own time and keep a balance of what they like to do and finance. i consider myself lucky that i taste a little of that in my first year but thereafter had been smooth sailing.
i can understand how many boast about how God provides, i can identify with that. but seriously im overwhelmed when i see HIM moves around my clients' plans to fulfill this area call passion for me. yes, maybe after i tell HIM about it but remember i havent even start praying. i cannot get how HE can be so quick to change things when i just start to think about it. i havent even put much thought into it. it was as if the conception of that thoughts was also given by HIM.
that must be it, so that today i can just sit here in awe of HIM all over again. do you think God had been speaking to me a lot recently? i think so too. for the record, im not less sinful now compare to yesterday. have to be grace and mercy.
i was thinking a little maybe i should go find back some clients that do something more funky like my previous ishmag. so that got me quite excited but before i know it my earlier client arrange back another package for me which comes back to the same figure. so i kinda have some bonus financially in the end. that's not it what they repackaged for me includes some other work which allows me to have some fun. the last few nights, i was just working on those artworks and it brought back all those sweet memories -- flipping books for inspiration, trying out colours and being mess-ly creative.
one thing i cant help but think about the whole week is i dont feel like im working on my own. you know normally a person that work on their own have to find their own client, fight for their own time and keep a balance of what they like to do and finance. i consider myself lucky that i taste a little of that in my first year but thereafter had been smooth sailing.
i can understand how many boast about how God provides, i can identify with that. but seriously im overwhelmed when i see HIM moves around my clients' plans to fulfill this area call passion for me. yes, maybe after i tell HIM about it but remember i havent even start praying. i cannot get how HE can be so quick to change things when i just start to think about it. i havent even put much thought into it. it was as if the conception of that thoughts was also given by HIM.
that must be it, so that today i can just sit here in awe of HIM all over again. do you think God had been speaking to me a lot recently? i think so too. for the record, im not less sinful now compare to yesterday. have to be grace and mercy.
Friday, June 27, 2008
mind game
i think it is weird but i actually like this feeling. the mind game
"i think he likes me", "nah maybe not, i think he likes the other girl", "but i think he likes me, if not why did he do that?", "actually, i think he likes my sister", "see, that is sign of interest", "maybe he doesnt know he is interested yet but those are signs of possibility", "maybe not, he is just treating me as a friend".
yah i like the weirdest thing in the world.
---
"My point is this... Whoever said what you don't know can't hurt you was a complete and total moron. Because for most people I know, not knowing is the WORST feeling in the world... As surgeons we have to be in the know, but as human beings sometimes it's better to stay in the dark. Because in the dark there may be fear, but there is also hope."
meredith grey, grey's
"i think he likes me", "nah maybe not, i think he likes the other girl", "but i think he likes me, if not why did he do that?", "actually, i think he likes my sister", "see, that is sign of interest", "maybe he doesnt know he is interested yet but those are signs of possibility", "maybe not, he is just treating me as a friend".
yah i like the weirdest thing in the world.
---
"My point is this... Whoever said what you don't know can't hurt you was a complete and total moron. Because for most people I know, not knowing is the WORST feeling in the world... As surgeons we have to be in the know, but as human beings sometimes it's better to stay in the dark. Because in the dark there may be fear, but there is also hope."
meredith grey, grey's
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
challenge
chal·lenge –noun
a call or summons to engage in any contest, as of skill, strength, etc.
before the year end, i will do either one of these:
1. i will go for piano lessons so that i will not be forever tone deaf.
2. i will be a part time lecturer in my former college.
3. if not, i will enroll myself as a student again in that college. this time majoring in multimedia.
seriously the third is more like what i want to do because there is a sudden desire for something more in my career. whichever options im taking, i intend to continue my freelance work. which brings me to the point of doubt if i can cope with the expenses and if i have the luxury of time to do that. age is not at all a problem to me, im kinda excited to hit back to lecture hall, squeeze out my creative juices and be surrounded by cutie boys. what im not prepared for is to give up my sleep and finishing up my assignments.
---
without vision the people perish. without goals we walk aimlessly. i once had many dreams, dreams i was so sure of fulfilling. i climbed up the shelf to check if any of them are still alive. it seems like when we are awaken from dreams, we can hardly lay hold of it once again. i could not resonate with any of it anymore. but i can no longer stand living in this body that is running out of passion, i need to try some new things. just in case there are untouched ground where my talents and destiny lie. just maybe, i might stumble upon something that will cause my heart to beat again. a dream that i will die pursuing. Martin Luther King said "If you haven't found something to die for, you're not fit to live". doesnt matter i die not changing anything, so long as i die trying to do something. i need to find something to dream about again to justify my existence.
ironically there is another quote that goes "You never really live until you find someone worth dying for." i think twice about it, then i concluded i might just die looking for that someone, so i mind as well stick back to luther's quote. it seems to me it is easier to look for a thing.
a call or summons to engage in any contest, as of skill, strength, etc.
before the year end, i will do either one of these:
1. i will go for piano lessons so that i will not be forever tone deaf.
2. i will be a part time lecturer in my former college.
3. if not, i will enroll myself as a student again in that college. this time majoring in multimedia.
seriously the third is more like what i want to do because there is a sudden desire for something more in my career. whichever options im taking, i intend to continue my freelance work. which brings me to the point of doubt if i can cope with the expenses and if i have the luxury of time to do that. age is not at all a problem to me, im kinda excited to hit back to lecture hall, squeeze out my creative juices and be surrounded by cutie boys. what im not prepared for is to give up my sleep and finishing up my assignments.
---
without vision the people perish. without goals we walk aimlessly. i once had many dreams, dreams i was so sure of fulfilling. i climbed up the shelf to check if any of them are still alive. it seems like when we are awaken from dreams, we can hardly lay hold of it once again. i could not resonate with any of it anymore. but i can no longer stand living in this body that is running out of passion, i need to try some new things. just in case there are untouched ground where my talents and destiny lie. just maybe, i might stumble upon something that will cause my heart to beat again. a dream that i will die pursuing. Martin Luther King said "If you haven't found something to die for, you're not fit to live". doesnt matter i die not changing anything, so long as i die trying to do something. i need to find something to dream about again to justify my existence.
ironically there is another quote that goes "You never really live until you find someone worth dying for." i think twice about it, then i concluded i might just die looking for that someone, so i mind as well stick back to luther's quote. it seems to me it is easier to look for a thing.
Friday, June 13, 2008
the present
if life is pre-destined then how does what we do matter? we will end up where we are anyway, right?
but the thing is even if life is predestined. we totally have no idea about what was predestined for us. so by not doing anything, we might be doing what was predestined, by fighting what we are destined to be we might be just fulfilling what was meant to be. we spoke as if we know what was destined for us and by intentionally doing against what we are destined to be we will change our destiny. but what if that intention was exactly part of what was destined to be? we know not what we ask sometimes. how so often we need to ask ourselves again the very question we ask.
our failure to fight today results to our regret tomorrow. what we fought for leads to our reward in time to come. that we may know that decisions we make today is part of that predestination that we do not know. so why do we call that predestined. for it is predestined for him who lives beyond time but for us who lives in time, we can never say our life is predestined. for us who are in the now even though the destination was already written down, we still am part of it because we are what is being written.
it is almost like a twist in the movie. a scene of a girl who walks into a big library filled with books. she saw one with her name written on it. she quickly run through page by page. it is exactly what she did the last 5 years. she wondered who had been stalking her, stoled her diary and penned down those words. she flipped to the front of the page to check who the author is? but she saw something more astounding. the book was published 6 years ago. so did her-very-action write the book or the book write about her?
Try as they may to savour the taste of eternity, their thoughts still twist the ebb and flow of things in past and future time. but if only their minds could be seized and held steady, they would be still for a while and, for that short moment, they would glimpse the splendour of eternity which is forever still. they would contrast it with time, which is never still, and see that it is not comparable. they would see that time derives its length only from a great number of movements constantly following one another into the past, because they cannot all continue at once. but in eternity nothing moves into the past: all is present. time, on other hand, is never all present at once. the past is always driven on by the future, the future always follows on the heels of the past, and both the past and the future have their beginning and their end in the eternal present. if only men's minds could be seized and held still! they would see how eternity, in which there is neither past nor future, determines both past and future time. excerpts st augustine confessions
---
a thought like this showed how foolish i was yesterday. i do feel a little wiser today though i cant even pen down properly what i think i understand. still i am wiser today, better off in compare to yesterday. but when the next light dawn, i will think how foolish i am today to have said what i said. and now you see how empty our words are, how we think that we cannot change today after it passes but tomorrow just proves to have changed my today. but i take heart, that each thinking process leads me to higher truth. i have no intention to complicate life, but life is complicated and i will be a fool to live as if it is not. i will be careless to take for granted that tomorrow is not too late to fix things for i do not have a clue what is installed for tomorrow. i will be so wrong to think that i can undo what i did yesterday for what i did had been done and forever will be there. what we think, is not yet; but what we do, is.
so what the past already written, the future already penned down? somehow the now is still out for us to seize. do not leave life unquestioned, life is meant to be a quest.
but the thing is even if life is predestined. we totally have no idea about what was predestined for us. so by not doing anything, we might be doing what was predestined, by fighting what we are destined to be we might be just fulfilling what was meant to be. we spoke as if we know what was destined for us and by intentionally doing against what we are destined to be we will change our destiny. but what if that intention was exactly part of what was destined to be? we know not what we ask sometimes. how so often we need to ask ourselves again the very question we ask.
our failure to fight today results to our regret tomorrow. what we fought for leads to our reward in time to come. that we may know that decisions we make today is part of that predestination that we do not know. so why do we call that predestined. for it is predestined for him who lives beyond time but for us who lives in time, we can never say our life is predestined. for us who are in the now even though the destination was already written down, we still am part of it because we are what is being written.
it is almost like a twist in the movie. a scene of a girl who walks into a big library filled with books. she saw one with her name written on it. she quickly run through page by page. it is exactly what she did the last 5 years. she wondered who had been stalking her, stoled her diary and penned down those words. she flipped to the front of the page to check who the author is? but she saw something more astounding. the book was published 6 years ago. so did her-very-action write the book or the book write about her?
Try as they may to savour the taste of eternity, their thoughts still twist the ebb and flow of things in past and future time. but if only their minds could be seized and held steady, they would be still for a while and, for that short moment, they would glimpse the splendour of eternity which is forever still. they would contrast it with time, which is never still, and see that it is not comparable. they would see that time derives its length only from a great number of movements constantly following one another into the past, because they cannot all continue at once. but in eternity nothing moves into the past: all is present. time, on other hand, is never all present at once. the past is always driven on by the future, the future always follows on the heels of the past, and both the past and the future have their beginning and their end in the eternal present. if only men's minds could be seized and held still! they would see how eternity, in which there is neither past nor future, determines both past and future time. excerpts st augustine confessions
---
a thought like this showed how foolish i was yesterday. i do feel a little wiser today though i cant even pen down properly what i think i understand. still i am wiser today, better off in compare to yesterday. but when the next light dawn, i will think how foolish i am today to have said what i said. and now you see how empty our words are, how we think that we cannot change today after it passes but tomorrow just proves to have changed my today. but i take heart, that each thinking process leads me to higher truth. i have no intention to complicate life, but life is complicated and i will be a fool to live as if it is not. i will be careless to take for granted that tomorrow is not too late to fix things for i do not have a clue what is installed for tomorrow. i will be so wrong to think that i can undo what i did yesterday for what i did had been done and forever will be there. what we think, is not yet; but what we do, is.
so what the past already written, the future already penned down? somehow the now is still out for us to seize. do not leave life unquestioned, life is meant to be a quest.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
sorry is not about who is wrong
i used to hate guys that say sorry unsincerely. i mean to say sorry just for the sake of making the night easier to get by. i was talking on msn with someone.
he: hey do you think i am egoistic
cy: not really, why do you say that?
he: cause she said i always start a problem and blame it on her
cy: oh that is not really call egoistic. i have to say i think you are a bit cold though. a bit explosive
he: yeah... suddenly just explode and not talk to me
cy: i mean you... try to be a bit more gentle while talking to girls. don't always shut them off when they are talking halfway. so what are you going to do?
he: i dunno. maybe i'll just let it be. we both need some time to cool down. anyway she said she doesn't want to talk to me anymore
cy: if you still want that friendship, just apologise. fact that you are asking me, you do know you are not really right. girls don't like a sorry that comes after 3 days
he: if i say sorry, she will think that she is right and she is going to do it again
cy: up to you. if being right is so important to you
---
when i said the last line. i suddenly realised how profound i am. i do like to talk to ppl a lot, because at many times i really feel like i am telling myself things i need to hear. quickly i went to dictionary.com and typed out the word sorry.
sor·ry [sor-ee, sawr-ee] –adjective
1. feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.: to be sorry to leave one's friends; to be sorry for a remark; to be sorry for someone in trouble.
2. regrettable or deplorable; unfortunate; tragic: a sorry situation; to come to a sorry end.
3. sorrowful, grieved, or sad: Was she sorry when her brother died?
4. associated with sorrow; suggestive of grief or suffering; melancholy; dismal.
5. wretched, poor, useless, or pitiful: a sorry horse.
6. (used interjectionally as a conventional apology or expression of regret): Sorry, you're misinformed. Did I bump you? Sorry.
i just realised then that when you say sorry it doesn't really mean you are wrong. it means that you are the one that is more sad and sorrowful the friendship/relationship is in such a stage. i guess it only tells who treasure the relationship more. therefore i always question those guys who wait a few days to say sorry. what are they thinking?
he: hey do you think i am egoistic
cy: not really, why do you say that?
he: cause she said i always start a problem and blame it on her
cy: oh that is not really call egoistic. i have to say i think you are a bit cold though. a bit explosive
he: yeah... suddenly just explode and not talk to me
cy: i mean you... try to be a bit more gentle while talking to girls. don't always shut them off when they are talking halfway. so what are you going to do?
he: i dunno. maybe i'll just let it be. we both need some time to cool down. anyway she said she doesn't want to talk to me anymore
cy: if you still want that friendship, just apologise. fact that you are asking me, you do know you are not really right. girls don't like a sorry that comes after 3 days
he: if i say sorry, she will think that she is right and she is going to do it again
cy: up to you. if being right is so important to you
---
when i said the last line. i suddenly realised how profound i am. i do like to talk to ppl a lot, because at many times i really feel like i am telling myself things i need to hear. quickly i went to dictionary.com and typed out the word sorry.
sor·ry [sor-ee, sawr-ee] –adjective
1. feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.: to be sorry to leave one's friends; to be sorry for a remark; to be sorry for someone in trouble.
2. regrettable or deplorable; unfortunate; tragic: a sorry situation; to come to a sorry end.
3. sorrowful, grieved, or sad: Was she sorry when her brother died?
4. associated with sorrow; suggestive of grief or suffering; melancholy; dismal.
5. wretched, poor, useless, or pitiful: a sorry horse.
6. (used interjectionally as a conventional apology or expression of regret): Sorry, you're misinformed. Did I bump you? Sorry.
i just realised then that when you say sorry it doesn't really mean you are wrong. it means that you are the one that is more sad and sorrowful the friendship/relationship is in such a stage. i guess it only tells who treasure the relationship more. therefore i always question those guys who wait a few days to say sorry. what are they thinking?
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
the story continues
just when you thought this should be over by now. i mean didn't ppl say if the guy doesn't come back to you after 3 months, they don't.
he said he is not in love with the girl he is now with.
why was he with her in the first place then?
he said he had not move anything in their new house waiting for her to come back.
was it really waiting for her or he just doesn't have the time to fix anything?
he said she is the one and he will definitely not leave her again.
maybe it is true you can only figure that out when you lose a person.
---
well i guess it is better to have him do you an obvious wrong, apologise and tell you he wants you. then one that once claimed he really loves you but now you don't even see a sign of his existence anymore. i always wonder how can it be such extreme? how can you love one so much in a season of your life and not at all in another? anyway, not that there is an equation for love or an explanation to that. but i guess in this situation, the formal one show that he really had love. i guess that is why we can rejoice in the return of the prodigal son story. then again not that we must love someone that loves us, i guess that is the very same choice given to us by God as well. fact is, too bad he is not Jesus.
he said he is not in love with the girl he is now with.
why was he with her in the first place then?
he said he had not move anything in their new house waiting for her to come back.
was it really waiting for her or he just doesn't have the time to fix anything?
he said she is the one and he will definitely not leave her again.
maybe it is true you can only figure that out when you lose a person.
---
well i guess it is better to have him do you an obvious wrong, apologise and tell you he wants you. then one that once claimed he really loves you but now you don't even see a sign of his existence anymore. i always wonder how can it be such extreme? how can you love one so much in a season of your life and not at all in another? anyway, not that there is an equation for love or an explanation to that. but i guess in this situation, the formal one show that he really had love. i guess that is why we can rejoice in the return of the prodigal son story. then again not that we must love someone that loves us, i guess that is the very same choice given to us by God as well. fact is, too bad he is not Jesus.
Monday, February 26, 2007
question does not always follow by answer
we often think that when we choose to be truthful it will do good for everyone. but i come to realise that besides myself not having the need to make up stories for my lies, i can see no other good. i mean it doesn't cause others to trust your good intention or open up to you or heal your broken heart. so why do we choose to be truthful again? must be i'm just lazy to make up stories.
am i a very idealistic person? i just wish that people can be very honest with each other about anything. being honest without being judge. especially people that really care for each other. what makes a person that raise up issues about their relationship the one at fault? aren't we suppose to raise up issues? are those couple that never raise up issues happier couple? similarly are christians that question less a believer? is struggling from insecurity a problem to be solved alone?
ask and it (answer) shall be given to you. maybe it doesn't apply to human.
little girl: mummy, how do you and daddy make babies?
mum: *blushing* you will know when you grow up.
girl: can we talk?
guy: no!
cy: can i know who you like?
q: no!
---
i am feeling a bit emotional now, i really feel like writing or talking. there are great loads of things inside me i need to sound off. a lot of which i do not have the permission to write about or i just do not have the liberty to sit down and talk to the right person. do you think, one day i will just give up talking all together? hahaha maybe not, i am so talkactive.
---
FAST FACT: the water in singapore is so clean, i can use it as my saline for contact lenses. i am running low of solution. need to go get them :)
FAST FACT: in japan, the family of the deceased get fine if he jumps into the train station to commit suicide. so if you want to die, choose singapore.
am i a very idealistic person? i just wish that people can be very honest with each other about anything. being honest without being judge. especially people that really care for each other. what makes a person that raise up issues about their relationship the one at fault? aren't we suppose to raise up issues? are those couple that never raise up issues happier couple? similarly are christians that question less a believer? is struggling from insecurity a problem to be solved alone?
ask and it (answer) shall be given to you. maybe it doesn't apply to human.
little girl: mummy, how do you and daddy make babies?
mum: *blushing* you will know when you grow up.
girl: can we talk?
guy: no!
cy: can i know who you like?
q: no!
---
i am feeling a bit emotional now, i really feel like writing or talking. there are great loads of things inside me i need to sound off. a lot of which i do not have the permission to write about or i just do not have the liberty to sit down and talk to the right person. do you think, one day i will just give up talking all together? hahaha maybe not, i am so talkactive.
---
FAST FACT: the water in singapore is so clean, i can use it as my saline for contact lenses. i am running low of solution. need to go get them :)
FAST FACT: in japan, the family of the deceased get fine if he jumps into the train station to commit suicide. so if you want to die, choose singapore.
Monday, January 15, 2007
i want to know you
i know i had ask this before. i had tried once and again. but i am going give this one last try. i really want to know you who is reading this blog. it will be really nice if you could:
- leave your name or nick. you can leave your link too if you want
- tell me what you do for a living
- mention where you are from
- what you like to read on my blog MOST?
1. bgr: boy girl relationship real issues, love philosophy and theories
2. reflection: things i see and how i relate it with my life
3. confession: my struggle and transparency of life
4. His voice: my devotion and how i relate it with my life
5. to know how i am
6. everything... you really really cannot choose one (fine! but guess i am fine then... i wasn't too depressing. ppl loves it)
7. ... (fill in the blanks)
i really want to know because a lot of ppl told me that my blog is very depressing and i talk a lot about love. but then again those are the entries that cause a lot of you to come back and read it isn't it? btw i had always been writing for ppl to read that some may understand. in a way i was writing the heart of many unspoken hearts. i had been really honest with you, i had spilled my life to you. i just wish that you tell me a little about what you think.
---
my faithful reader. will be updating this list:
1. dejelly, chaiyen's blog reader, pj, 1
2. fay, coffeenator, kl, 6
3. shups!, non-profit work, singapore, 6 and 'generally kaypoh'.
4. paolin, blog reader, perth, 3
5. sam, business student, soontobe sydney, 6 specially the third.
6. anobech, mum, melbourne, 5 and pat
7. anna, *, kl, 5
8. steph, *, sj, 5 and know about herself
9. sharon, lawyer, singapore, 5
10. teddyguy, *, *, 2
11. martin, art director, kl, 3
12. yanlin, *, singapore, *
13. steph sung, contract specialist, singapore, 5
14. tze teng, business student, kl, because it is about you
15. tracie, housewife, taiwan, *
16. felix, biz student/freelance jingle composer/guitar teacher, KL, 6
17. jon, ChaiYen's blog reader and my blog reader is ChaiYen, Taiping currently in KL, 1 and 3
18. elaine, the mysterious muddling maze of media, singapore, 5 and do not like no 1
19. shirley and howe, *, singapore, we love you
20. pauleon, dr-to-be, from KL to Singapore, 6
* = haven't answer the question
honestly i have an average of 70 hits a day. to do the maths they are at least 20-30 ppl visiting my blog. why do they not want me or other ppl know that they are reading my blog. still thinking... had been thinking for a while.
- leave your name or nick. you can leave your link too if you want
- tell me what you do for a living
- mention where you are from
- what you like to read on my blog MOST?
1. bgr: boy girl relationship real issues, love philosophy and theories
2. reflection: things i see and how i relate it with my life
3. confession: my struggle and transparency of life
4. His voice: my devotion and how i relate it with my life
5. to know how i am
6. everything... you really really cannot choose one (fine! but guess i am fine then... i wasn't too depressing. ppl loves it)
7. ... (fill in the blanks)
i really want to know because a lot of ppl told me that my blog is very depressing and i talk a lot about love. but then again those are the entries that cause a lot of you to come back and read it isn't it? btw i had always been writing for ppl to read that some may understand. in a way i was writing the heart of many unspoken hearts. i had been really honest with you, i had spilled my life to you. i just wish that you tell me a little about what you think.
---
my faithful reader. will be updating this list:
1. dejelly, chaiyen's blog reader, pj, 1
2. fay, coffeenator, kl, 6
3. shups!, non-profit work, singapore, 6 and 'generally kaypoh'.
4. paolin, blog reader, perth, 3
5. sam, business student, soontobe sydney, 6 specially the third.
6. anobech, mum, melbourne, 5 and pat
7. anna, *, kl, 5
8. steph, *, sj, 5 and know about herself
9. sharon, lawyer, singapore, 5
10. teddyguy, *, *, 2
11. martin, art director, kl, 3
12. yanlin, *, singapore, *
13. steph sung, contract specialist, singapore, 5
14. tze teng, business student, kl, because it is about you
15. tracie, housewife, taiwan, *
16. felix, biz student/freelance jingle composer/guitar teacher, KL, 6
17. jon, ChaiYen's blog reader and my blog reader is ChaiYen, Taiping currently in KL, 1 and 3
18. elaine, the mysterious muddling maze of media, singapore, 5 and do not like no 1
19. shirley and howe, *, singapore, we love you
20. pauleon, dr-to-be, from KL to Singapore, 6
* = haven't answer the question
honestly i have an average of 70 hits a day. to do the maths they are at least 20-30 ppl visiting my blog. why do they not want me or other ppl know that they are reading my blog. still thinking... had been thinking for a while.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
just call me and i'll be there
i remember i told some of you i was quite excited to meet my long lost best friend from sec 1. that day when i first give her a call after i got her contact i was bursting with joy. all the flashback and memories. i thought this is going to be fun, we have a lot to catch up. the person that she used to be... that will laugh till she tears while i figure out what she is talking about.
since then, i had made a lot of calls to ask her out. we had met two or three times but i had stop calling. the last time we went out she called me because someone fong fei kei (fly aeroplane) her, i postponed my other appointment to company her. she asked me then "why you never call me already?*" then i replied her "i told you, i will always make time for you. if you are free just call me because you are more busy than me."
you know why i had call and sms a lot before that and i feel a bit unwelcome, maybe she doesn't want to meet me as much as i want to. do they really want you to sms when they don't reply? do they want to hear from you when they don't answer your call? sometimes you really wonder do ppl want to hear from you or not? so i stop, it's not that i don't care. i mean maybe they are happier without me bugging them.
i am a bit curious why she asked me that* the last time though.
since then, i had made a lot of calls to ask her out. we had met two or three times but i had stop calling. the last time we went out she called me because someone fong fei kei (fly aeroplane) her, i postponed my other appointment to company her. she asked me then "why you never call me already?*" then i replied her "i told you, i will always make time for you. if you are free just call me because you are more busy than me."
you know why i had call and sms a lot before that and i feel a bit unwelcome, maybe she doesn't want to meet me as much as i want to. do they really want you to sms when they don't reply? do they want to hear from you when they don't answer your call? sometimes you really wonder do ppl want to hear from you or not? so i stop, it's not that i don't care. i mean maybe they are happier without me bugging them.
i am a bit curious why she asked me that* the last time though.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
a fine line between love and used-to-love him
when i was 19 i had a very special feeling for a friend. we dropped very obvious hints for each other - very drama birthday presents, post-it notes that we passed to each other everytime we meet and are too busy to talk to each other. the guessing game went as long as it can, one day i was sure that he likes me and the next day i feel that maybe he was just treating me as a friend.
then the time came that he needed to go oversea to study. he left me with a cassette tape, on the cover it is written: 'only hear this when i am on the plane'. it was pretty hard to hold on the cassette but not play it. nevertheless, i did wait. the content was very sweet, those that can make me cry but still he didn't tell me how he feels for me. i thought maybe he thinks that it is really selfish to tell me he likes me eventhough we can't start a relationship.
life goes on for both of us, we were very bad at keeping in touch, at average we had send each other 2 to 3 emails or snail mail a year. when i was 23, we met once when he came back for holiday. that was a very important day because i really want to know if i still feel the same for him or i was just still in love with the old him. at the end of the meal, it was a good time of catching up but i can see that he is no longer the same guy i used to like. still the time was short to tell anything. so i just left it as it is.
i think that meeting up did released me because at 24, i finally have this very special feeling again. of course history repeats itself, the guessing and waiting. i never think much of him anymore until he send me an email a month before he comes back. "i read the letter you gave me the day i left and am very encourage by it." i started to think again maybe he does still have feelings for me, i mean why bother to pick up a letter i gave you ages before. anyway he came back, we spend some time together and i know that i really don't feel the same for him anymore. more than that, i found out that he is attached. something he didn't tell me in any of the email. i do wonder why though? is it because he wants to keep me as a backup plan or he just didn't have the chance to tell me. anyway that is a close file case, i can peacefully enter my next relationship*.
yes, ppl often say that time will remove those feelings. but i am really capable of liking someone for very long. i guess that is why not meeting up with a person is quite dangerous. it is pretty hard to differentiate if you still love a person or you are loving the him that is in the past. but then again that might be what he wanted. ok maybe not, i don't think he is that cruel but i mean why not right? it is always nice to have someone like you. yes, he never asks me to wait so it is not his fault. in fact i should thank him, if not my record of bfs would probably have hit 2 hands by now. but i think the sad thing is, we never really share to each other anymore. is it true that a guy and a girl cannot be best friends?
also, i don't understand why guys keep their feelings to themselves. i mean why is it that he alone make the decisions for both of us?
---
* he is not my second choice. in fact, i felt more comfortable with him more than ever. i just want to be sure with my feelings before i make any decision because honestly if i still like the first guy. i would have continue waiting, man what's with me?
then the time came that he needed to go oversea to study. he left me with a cassette tape, on the cover it is written: 'only hear this when i am on the plane'. it was pretty hard to hold on the cassette but not play it. nevertheless, i did wait. the content was very sweet, those that can make me cry but still he didn't tell me how he feels for me. i thought maybe he thinks that it is really selfish to tell me he likes me eventhough we can't start a relationship.
life goes on for both of us, we were very bad at keeping in touch, at average we had send each other 2 to 3 emails or snail mail a year. when i was 23, we met once when he came back for holiday. that was a very important day because i really want to know if i still feel the same for him or i was just still in love with the old him. at the end of the meal, it was a good time of catching up but i can see that he is no longer the same guy i used to like. still the time was short to tell anything. so i just left it as it is.
i think that meeting up did released me because at 24, i finally have this very special feeling again. of course history repeats itself, the guessing and waiting. i never think much of him anymore until he send me an email a month before he comes back. "i read the letter you gave me the day i left and am very encourage by it." i started to think again maybe he does still have feelings for me, i mean why bother to pick up a letter i gave you ages before. anyway he came back, we spend some time together and i know that i really don't feel the same for him anymore. more than that, i found out that he is attached. something he didn't tell me in any of the email. i do wonder why though? is it because he wants to keep me as a backup plan or he just didn't have the chance to tell me. anyway that is a close file case, i can peacefully enter my next relationship*.
yes, ppl often say that time will remove those feelings. but i am really capable of liking someone for very long. i guess that is why not meeting up with a person is quite dangerous. it is pretty hard to differentiate if you still love a person or you are loving the him that is in the past. but then again that might be what he wanted. ok maybe not, i don't think he is that cruel but i mean why not right? it is always nice to have someone like you. yes, he never asks me to wait so it is not his fault. in fact i should thank him, if not my record of bfs would probably have hit 2 hands by now. but i think the sad thing is, we never really share to each other anymore. is it true that a guy and a girl cannot be best friends?
also, i don't understand why guys keep their feelings to themselves. i mean why is it that he alone make the decisions for both of us?
---
* he is not my second choice. in fact, i felt more comfortable with him more than ever. i just want to be sure with my feelings before i make any decision because honestly if i still like the first guy. i would have continue waiting, man what's with me?
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
i can call him anytime and he will answer
woke up early in the morning. i can barely open my eyes but these words flood my mind. managed to pen this down quickly and continue my sleep.
---
i can call Him when i am lonely
i can call Him when i am in trouble
i can call Him when i need a friend
He will always answer me when i call
i didn't answer His phone when i was busy
i didn't answer His phone when i don't feel like it
i didn't answer His phone when i have nothing to talk about
how selfish i can be but i couldn't care less
there are probably many times He said 'I had enough of you'
but everytime i call on Him, He gets weak and He gives in
never really understand how can One loves me that much
never knew how much pain He might had felt
He had demonstrated the greatest love 'i'll be there for you'. the very thing many guys promised but never fulfill. am happy this morning to be a recipient of this love.
---
I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow to attain to the resurrection from the dead. (philippians 3.10-11)
---
i can call Him when i am lonely
i can call Him when i am in trouble
i can call Him when i need a friend
He will always answer me when i call
i didn't answer His phone when i was busy
i didn't answer His phone when i don't feel like it
i didn't answer His phone when i have nothing to talk about
how selfish i can be but i couldn't care less
there are probably many times He said 'I had enough of you'
but everytime i call on Him, He gets weak and He gives in
never really understand how can One loves me that much
never knew how much pain He might had felt
He had demonstrated the greatest love 'i'll be there for you'. the very thing many guys promised but never fulfill. am happy this morning to be a recipient of this love.
---
I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow to attain to the resurrection from the dead. (philippians 3.10-11)
Saturday, September 23, 2006
mix emotions
i am a bit drained out emotionally.
^ my friend just decided to break off with his bf. i accompanied her the whole time she was deciding, which is yesterday till the break off today. i didn't sleep much like her and i was pretty much sharing every questions that was going through her mind. the second in the group.
v another friend got pregnant. she is the second mummy in the group... wow.
^ going for a wedding tomolo
v not sure if she will be ok without me around the whole weekend.
^ he is finally treating me like a friend.
v why does he want to do 'that'?
^ going to singapore next week.
v i haven't finish some work. there are a lot i need to do in KL actually.
life is full of ups (^) and downs (v) but i don't expect so many in a day and these are the most drastic ones. i have a mix emotions for almost everything that is happening. weird.
---
thank God for everything that happen to us and yes most of all thank God for friendships.
^ my friend just decided to break off with his bf. i accompanied her the whole time she was deciding, which is yesterday till the break off today. i didn't sleep much like her and i was pretty much sharing every questions that was going through her mind. the second in the group.
v another friend got pregnant. she is the second mummy in the group... wow.
^ going for a wedding tomolo
v not sure if she will be ok without me around the whole weekend.
^ he is finally treating me like a friend.
v why does he want to do 'that'?
^ going to singapore next week.
v i haven't finish some work. there are a lot i need to do in KL actually.
life is full of ups (^) and downs (v) but i don't expect so many in a day and these are the most drastic ones. i have a mix emotions for almost everything that is happening. weird.
---
thank God for everything that happen to us and yes most of all thank God for friendships.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
don't you ever walk away from me again
i feel for her because like every girl, she felt that her bf is not treating her the same - sentences get shorter, phone calls get lesser, doesn't want to bring her out.
i feel for her because like every girl she asked "is there something wrong? do you want to talk about it?"
after hearing her i concluded it is true, i have never hear a guy tells his gf i have lost the feeling for you, can we do something about it. never. the girl always has to be the one that feels it and bring it up and then the guy will tell you things like "yah i think so there is a problem but i don't really know how to tell you." especially for girls that think a lot, there have to figure out for the rest of their life what did i do wrong. worst still to suffer the not-good-enough syndrom. so pls guys bring up your issue when you have it.
i feel for her because she can actually says this "if i never bring it up maybe we wouldn't end up in this stage now."
so is it true we need to be transparent in a relationship? if we girls are always the one that bring up the problems it seems like we are full of problems eventhough our intention is too iron things up.
i feel for her because i know his words can be hurtful now, even more because she still loves him.
i feel for her because there are friends that can actually add fuel to the situation as if it is not bad enough.
i feel for her because i know the ball is not in her court and she can't do anything about it.
i feel for her because when she lost her feelings for him, she gave him a chance to do something and now he is not opening himself.
why is it always so much easier when a guy loves a woman to win her heart over again than a woman to win back the heart of a man.
i feel for her because i remember days when guys queue up for her and now she has to be in a stage of courting a guy.
i feel for her because this stupid fella only decides to think like this now, stealing the best years of her life.
let me warn you guys not to drop a girl in their late 20s, unlike guys not many of them want to settle down after 30. the older they get, the more serious they take relationship.
i feel for her because she actually says if he is going to call it off i am going to tell him i'll wait.
i know a lot of you will say that is stupid but you don't know what love can make you do when you find that one that you believe is the one.
---
i am glad that i didn't say something stupid, that will hurt her even more. beginning to see light that surely everything happens for a purpose. when i hear her share today i nearly tear. what happen to the order of creation - guys pursuing girls? what happen to loving the person forever - for better or worst? what happen to those beautiful words - you complete me? i hear her but i know there is nothing that both of us can do. may God do what we all cannot do and knit these hearts together once again.
don't you ever walk away from me again, kate hudson from you me and dupree. that will be the perfect ending now.
i feel for her because like every girl she asked "is there something wrong? do you want to talk about it?"
after hearing her i concluded it is true, i have never hear a guy tells his gf i have lost the feeling for you, can we do something about it. never. the girl always has to be the one that feels it and bring it up and then the guy will tell you things like "yah i think so there is a problem but i don't really know how to tell you." especially for girls that think a lot, there have to figure out for the rest of their life what did i do wrong. worst still to suffer the not-good-enough syndrom. so pls guys bring up your issue when you have it.
i feel for her because she can actually says this "if i never bring it up maybe we wouldn't end up in this stage now."
so is it true we need to be transparent in a relationship? if we girls are always the one that bring up the problems it seems like we are full of problems eventhough our intention is too iron things up.
i feel for her because i know his words can be hurtful now, even more because she still loves him.
i feel for her because there are friends that can actually add fuel to the situation as if it is not bad enough.
i feel for her because i know the ball is not in her court and she can't do anything about it.
i feel for her because when she lost her feelings for him, she gave him a chance to do something and now he is not opening himself.
why is it always so much easier when a guy loves a woman to win her heart over again than a woman to win back the heart of a man.
i feel for her because i remember days when guys queue up for her and now she has to be in a stage of courting a guy.
i feel for her because this stupid fella only decides to think like this now, stealing the best years of her life.
let me warn you guys not to drop a girl in their late 20s, unlike guys not many of them want to settle down after 30. the older they get, the more serious they take relationship.
i feel for her because she actually says if he is going to call it off i am going to tell him i'll wait.
i know a lot of you will say that is stupid but you don't know what love can make you do when you find that one that you believe is the one.
---
i am glad that i didn't say something stupid, that will hurt her even more. beginning to see light that surely everything happens for a purpose. when i hear her share today i nearly tear. what happen to the order of creation - guys pursuing girls? what happen to loving the person forever - for better or worst? what happen to those beautiful words - you complete me? i hear her but i know there is nothing that both of us can do. may God do what we all cannot do and knit these hearts together once again.
don't you ever walk away from me again, kate hudson from you me and dupree. that will be the perfect ending now.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
i had been thinking of you
it had been a busy week, juggling between the conference and work. i do not really have the time to check any blog. all the time that was left i used it to sleep. but that had not keep me from reflecting on my life and journalling. i have not stop thinking, i guess i just can't stop. why do ppl do this or why not?
this is one set of my many thought: i wonder how many times do ppl visit my blog in a day? what do they do when they keep visiting and find out that i have not update my blog. will they give up checking? will they reason that my life had been uneventful? will they call to find out how i am doing? or at least sms me? why do they not want me to know they visit my blog? what if i have a way of finding out, will they still visit my blog? why do ppl who doesn't know me read my blog? why kind of person do they think i am? do my thoughts inspire ppl at all?
i know i had said this before but i am really curious? is my blog just a reading material or you read because you want to know how i am doing? i dare say if you do read my blog you will really know how i am doing because i am not a blogger that blogs my routine but more like the condition of my heart. therefore my entries can be contradictory at times because that could be just how i felt that day.
some of my entries might sound pretty depressing but i was just trying to be honest with how i feel. and yes i am a very emotional person. i know not everyone know how to react to that but bare with me i am trying to be truthful to how i feel.
---
what about the conference? i will blog about it later. ps nick told me to keep a journal for 21 days and ask God to give me direction. i am not sure why that magic number. keep your eyes on this page especially those of you that are struggling from quater-life crisis because i asked him this question: "how do you know that you are stagnant (stuck) or it is just a waiting process (ministry of darkness-when God seems silence though present)?" the million-dollar-question, he gave me a fairly good answer. i am processing myself now.
this is one set of my many thought: i wonder how many times do ppl visit my blog in a day? what do they do when they keep visiting and find out that i have not update my blog. will they give up checking? will they reason that my life had been uneventful? will they call to find out how i am doing? or at least sms me? why do they not want me to know they visit my blog? what if i have a way of finding out, will they still visit my blog? why do ppl who doesn't know me read my blog? why kind of person do they think i am? do my thoughts inspire ppl at all?
i know i had said this before but i am really curious? is my blog just a reading material or you read because you want to know how i am doing? i dare say if you do read my blog you will really know how i am doing because i am not a blogger that blogs my routine but more like the condition of my heart. therefore my entries can be contradictory at times because that could be just how i felt that day.
some of my entries might sound pretty depressing but i was just trying to be honest with how i feel. and yes i am a very emotional person. i know not everyone know how to react to that but bare with me i am trying to be truthful to how i feel.
---
what about the conference? i will blog about it later. ps nick told me to keep a journal for 21 days and ask God to give me direction. i am not sure why that magic number. keep your eyes on this page especially those of you that are struggling from quater-life crisis because i asked him this question: "how do you know that you are stagnant (stuck) or it is just a waiting process (ministry of darkness-when God seems silence though present)?" the million-dollar-question, he gave me a fairly good answer. i am processing myself now.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
speaking in their own language
1. lemme know by tonight. i'm going there cos i got class at 6.45pm.
(the class is on the next day 6.45pm)
2. cy: can you fetch me?
answer: at home
(he is at home it is not convenient)
3. ru driving?
(he meant he wants to use the car)
cy: yes, why?
what time will you be back?
cy: not sure why?
i want to use the car
why do ppl speak in their own language and assume other to understand what they mean. they make me feel really stupid when i ask to clarify. especially when they get frustrated when i don't get them. sms (short message system) and msn are killing communications. ppl are sending sms to break up, not to turn up for wedding, probably next time divorce too. why sms? because that can simplify the procedure. no reason required. girls you just have to sulk and bring those unaswered questions to the grave. guys have limited words a day.
---
ok on top of this i am just hurt. like the case of my bro, he just talks to me when he is in the mood. when he is done, he becomes rude. he will slam the door at my face or try with all his might to end the phone call. again when he feels like it he will buzz you on msn but when he doesn't he'll asks you to SHUT UP or just don't reply. felt so ignored and at the same time so stupid for being offended. and you say girls have PMS. but i am not going to complain to him because i value the little conversations that are left.
---
ending my day like that affect my next morning. i will feel lousy and refuse to wake up.
(the class is on the next day 6.45pm)
2. cy: can you fetch me?
answer: at home
(he is at home it is not convenient)
3. ru driving?
(he meant he wants to use the car)
cy: yes, why?
what time will you be back?
cy: not sure why?
i want to use the car
why do ppl speak in their own language and assume other to understand what they mean. they make me feel really stupid when i ask to clarify. especially when they get frustrated when i don't get them. sms (short message system) and msn are killing communications. ppl are sending sms to break up, not to turn up for wedding, probably next time divorce too. why sms? because that can simplify the procedure. no reason required. girls you just have to sulk and bring those unaswered questions to the grave. guys have limited words a day.
---
ok on top of this i am just hurt. like the case of my bro, he just talks to me when he is in the mood. when he is done, he becomes rude. he will slam the door at my face or try with all his might to end the phone call. again when he feels like it he will buzz you on msn but when he doesn't he'll asks you to SHUT UP or just don't reply. felt so ignored and at the same time so stupid for being offended. and you say girls have PMS. but i am not going to complain to him because i value the little conversations that are left.
---
ending my day like that affect my next morning. i will feel lousy and refuse to wake up.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
case study
did i not said that was a common theme? even superman returns puts her in this dilemma, richard (James Marsden) or superman (Brandon Routh)? as usual both are equally good looking. this guy had always been here for you, life would be happily ever after if he doesn't comes back. ok is it time to sing "boy i miss your kisses, boy i'm sorry you are 25 minutes (okie maybe 5 years) too late". but then again if she really loves him maybe she should had waited. or she should not? and why did superman not think, if i take too long she will not know i still love her.
okie i leave this to the guys what do you think?
superman can see through the wall but not through her heart. i mean don't you think that her expression had already betrayed her. too bad for superman for not believing she still likes him, i mean the husband knows it - if not he will not ask her to go to the hospital (and i told you about MR Perfect, didn't i? he knows your heart). even that blur friend Jimmy (Sam Huntington) knows it - "ya she is married but she still likes him, you know who?" this is for those who wants to know it for themself but can't judge like superman, then i think you should stay with hearing from friends hahaha. anyway so what if superman knows that she loves him more, he will not go so low as to covet another man's wife for love. so this is to wrap up the first story, that's it. that's the end. superman made his choice. she did what was left for her.
this is the final question. so in life do you choose the person you love to married or the person you can live with? didn't a lot of wedding speeches quote this "don't married one you can live with, married one you can't live without". it is already not easy to find one that you can't live without, till you thought you had found him he might not feel the same. and maybe he finds one he can't live without and she doesn't feel the same. so at the end of the day who should be the one that compromise? or what should be the deciding factor?
i want to work for a company that does research for this area of life, i can commit my lifetime doing this. but for now, we can start small. pls sent in your letters to dear chaiyen... from anonymous/confused :) we will do an analysis of your case.
okie i leave this to the guys what do you think?
superman can see through the wall but not through her heart. i mean don't you think that her expression had already betrayed her. too bad for superman for not believing she still likes him, i mean the husband knows it - if not he will not ask her to go to the hospital (and i told you about MR Perfect, didn't i? he knows your heart). even that blur friend Jimmy (Sam Huntington) knows it - "ya she is married but she still likes him, you know who?" this is for those who wants to know it for themself but can't judge like superman, then i think you should stay with hearing from friends hahaha. anyway so what if superman knows that she loves him more, he will not go so low as to covet another man's wife for love. so this is to wrap up the first story, that's it. that's the end. superman made his choice. she did what was left for her.
this is the final question. so in life do you choose the person you love to married or the person you can live with? didn't a lot of wedding speeches quote this "don't married one you can live with, married one you can't live without". it is already not easy to find one that you can't live without, till you thought you had found him he might not feel the same. and maybe he finds one he can't live without and she doesn't feel the same. so at the end of the day who should be the one that compromise? or what should be the deciding factor?
i want to work for a company that does research for this area of life, i can commit my lifetime doing this. but for now, we can start small. pls sent in your letters to dear chaiyen... from anonymous/confused :) we will do an analysis of your case.
Friday, July 07, 2006
why do you keep me at a distance?
i know they are a lot more ppl that read this blog than those few that always leave their comments. why is that so you are not leaving a word? why do you just want to watch me from afar? is it because you run out of things to read? or is it because you want nothing to do with my life anymore?
so what when you know that i cried last night?
so what when you know that i'm down with fever?
so what when you know that i had got a big client?
so what when you know that i got hurt by ppl?
so what when you know that i'm lost?
so what when you know that something is bothering me?
i want ppl to cry with me and sayang me.
i want ppl to laugh with me and laugh again.
i want ppl to praise me and celebrate with me.
i want ppl to disagree and reason with me.
i want ppl to think with me and enlighten me.
i want ppl to miss me and leave me notes.
i want you to know your presence are special to me, and i long to commune with you. pls don't leave me talking to myself.
*i wrote this with tears. i don't know why. maybe i am the only few ppl in this world that wants ppl to talk to me and not just hear me. once again, forgive me for talking so much... i am beginning to learn that ppl are not like me.
so what when you know that i cried last night?
so what when you know that i'm down with fever?
so what when you know that i had got a big client?
so what when you know that i got hurt by ppl?
so what when you know that i'm lost?
so what when you know that something is bothering me?
i want ppl to cry with me and sayang me.
i want ppl to laugh with me and laugh again.
i want ppl to praise me and celebrate with me.
i want ppl to disagree and reason with me.
i want ppl to think with me and enlighten me.
i want ppl to miss me and leave me notes.
i want you to know your presence are special to me, and i long to commune with you. pls don't leave me talking to myself.
*i wrote this with tears. i don't know why. maybe i am the only few ppl in this world that wants ppl to talk to me and not just hear me. once again, forgive me for talking so much... i am beginning to learn that ppl are not like me.
Monday, June 19, 2006
maybe someone can give some answers
someone ask me this:
do guys call you out only when they are interested in you? i am just curious why the abrupt change when they suddenly stop calling you out
she is refering to her ex and another guy who is no longer interested in courting her.
another ask me this:
why is he saying all these mean things to me? before this i am his world, then now can't be bothered
then another make this statement:
you know i used to think that he listens and we can talk. people say it is common but i refuse to accept it
it is amusing why they asked me this, is it because i just broke up and they want to find out if every guy is the same. or maybe they just want to find a girl to relate to.
i have to be fair, not every guy does that. even though it is rare. this might be some of the answers:
1. it is a waste of time taking you out since they are not interested in you. there are many more things to do, you know. btw phone bill is suddenly expensive.
2. if it helps to make you feel better, they love you so much that they must not talk to you so that they can go on and do other things.
i am not a guy so obviously i can't answer that. so here you go guys, you might want to give them some answers. but be gentle.
do guys call you out only when they are interested in you? i am just curious why the abrupt change when they suddenly stop calling you out
she is refering to her ex and another guy who is no longer interested in courting her.
another ask me this:
why is he saying all these mean things to me? before this i am his world, then now can't be bothered
then another make this statement:
you know i used to think that he listens and we can talk. people say it is common but i refuse to accept it
it is amusing why they asked me this, is it because i just broke up and they want to find out if every guy is the same. or maybe they just want to find a girl to relate to.
i have to be fair, not every guy does that. even though it is rare. this might be some of the answers:
1. it is a waste of time taking you out since they are not interested in you. there are many more things to do, you know. btw phone bill is suddenly expensive.
2. if it helps to make you feel better, they love you so much that they must not talk to you so that they can go on and do other things.
i am not a guy so obviously i can't answer that. so here you go guys, you might want to give them some answers. but be gentle.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
