the price of my medical fee

not that i am more hard working nowadays but i had been doing more and more lifestyle magazines, which requires me to path out like hundreds over products ranging from perfumes, heels, dresses, models and the list goes on. that resulted with what they call a mouse elbow. basically my whole right hand could not move and it hurts when i try to even click the mouse. inflammation on my elbow onwards.

that is the end of my career.

so i decided to rest as adviced. thankfully, i dont have much work this week so im declaring a week off because im freaking out and not ready to lose my right hand.

so i started thinking what alternative i have. instead of seeing a doctor, i got myself this. not the best in the market but i guessed enough for a beginner. yessss white to match my macbook. vanity :)


here is my first piece. of course so much more can be done, in fact most ppl can do this with their mouse but somehow i cant cordinate my right hand to do this kind of simple things.


just in case you wonder how this help since my hand is still injured. im a left handed, so i can now utilise my left hand. dont ask me how come i can use the mouse with my right hand. i cant remember how i started off with that. but basically now i can spread the work between the two hands. 'bamboo' on my left and 'apple' on my right. take your time to recover while i practice using my bamboo pen.

most satisfied medical fee i ever paid. happy.

my gym past time

i meet a lot of ppl in a week but i definitely dont see the same guy as much in a week other than him (besides my family). i noticed him a while back. i mean besides the point everyone in gym looks sweaty and not that great, it is hard not to notice a man with such great stature and nice shirts strolling around. yes i eavesdrop and really like his confident voice when he projects his voice.

i do a lot of cycling in the gym. how my machine is positioned, it is surely not very difficult for both our eyes to meet. i cannot deny i made the first move. i took a good look at him, long enough to make an impression. from that day on, i never did make much effort but im sure he noticed me. every now and then he will steal a look to check if im staring. if i notice that from the corner of my eyes, i will make sure i look up to make his day. it is an extremely fun thing to do in between my exercise. for me my interest for him doesnt strain me because i dont exactly feel anything for him more than a crush. i wont get disappointed if he doesnt like me. neither do i think of him throughout the week since i barely know him. having said that he has my boyfriend type of look so i had observe him for a while but i didnt exactly like what i saw. im not bias when i say the girls have their hands all over him, only on him and not any other dude in that gym.

since then, i dont give him as much attention as i did. instead i had been trying to push myself on my workout by doing more kilometres. he had not stop intentionally buzzing a lot around me though. it is totally so out of the blue that day when he changed from his formal working attire to shorts and t-shirt. didnt had much time to think about it before he plopped into a sit next to me. i swear there is still another sit after that which he didnt take. i dare to look from him from afar but seriously i was quite shy when he sat next to me. i dont really dare to look up. my heart was beating so fast, i wasnt sure it was him or the cycling. he didnt manage to stay long coz some smart ass GIRL decide to come and max his level. i told u the girls never leave him alone. he struggled for a while then left.

is that progress or what? i got so ons that night i couldnt stop. after cycling i did sit ups and i think i hurt my back again. hehe... i think i will give my body a break for a week and let him miss me a little. if you know him, pls dont tell me he is taken. dont tell him i wrote this and spare me the shame. dont burst my bubbles im enjoying this little entertainment in my gym :)

order

this year, i try to bring order back into every area of my life. i started keying in all my daily expenses here. it has surely helped me save my targeted amount by using within the budget i set. i went holiday last week and it did interrupt my saving plan quite a bit. nevertheless im still determine to save the amount i had set.

lately i started keeping a time chart to calculate my value per hour which looks like this.


i do not have sufficient data to calculate that yet so that's not the point of this entry. im sure it will not surprise anyone that im a nocturnal person. yes, that explains the non shaded columns in the day (middle). the two colours represent my two clients. i was taken aback that not only i dont work on most weekends. i actually dont work for more than 8 hours on most days. seriously i do know i have more free time this year, i just didnt know that much. had also cut down on my napping hours, replacing them with reading and work out. since the trip im trying to go to bed early too. it definitely feels good to put order back into my life.

life is bliss for now.

---
after putting those two areas of my life in order, im surely ready to take in more challenges in my life. im doing my prep, decision time seems to be coming closer to an end.

fix my life

my sleeping hours are messed up.

my eating hours are messed up.

my life is messed up.

diagnosis: i have gastric.

---
i am not even hungry when i am suppose to. it is really kinda weird. and of course im hungry at the weirdest hour of the day. now i need to fix this. i need to fix my life. what a great sign.

iatrophobia

im not a fan of the doctors. even though i love grey's, i dont like to go to the doctors. besides our doctors are not half as hot.

i had been having an unusual stomach ache. it is not a period cramp. still i had been going out because i assumed it will go. but it had been days now and it seems like it is not going. i had been sleeping like nobody business –– with that i mean i woke up this morning at 1pm took lunch went back to sleep and woke up for dinner -- hoping that i will wake up without that discomfort but it still doesnt seems to be happening. so fine, im going to the doctor tomorrow morning.

i was just sitting here thinking why do i not like seeing the doctors. one, no doubt is because it always cause me a bomb without results. two, as much as i want a diagnosis; i dont really want to know something is wrong with me. not that i have any sickness yet now. i rather bear with the pain then to go see a doctor, i believe that says a lot. then after a while the unusual pain will cause me panic which force me to go see a doctor rather then dying of curiosity and agony. still every time i hang on to this hope before seeing a doctor, i pray like mad "God help me recover so that i wont need to see a doctor". yah, i fear all these things. i fear not being healthy, i fear surgical, i fear losing my life.

why am i talking about this, it is not funny, im not even reported sick yet but you see im seeing the doctor tomorrow. im freaking out.

sleep

yes go to sleep wong chaiyen.

and you bother to read this long article.

oh no... you are actually going to sign in to blog this. gosh....

enough is enough go to sleep.

---
without me realising it, im beginning to take pride about sleeping less. in fact i really think that sleeping more than 6 hours is a total waste of time. repent... wong chaiyen. sleep early, fight wrickles.

i love to sleep. but sometimes you are deprived so much of it, you forget how you used to love it. maybe it is true with everything else in life.

is a small world after all

the kind of things i say when i am sleeping and dead tired:
1. sis: wake up, you call me to wake you up after half an hour
cy: yahh but now i beg and plead you not to fulfill that
2. sis: can you fetch me to school. pls... no one is at home
cy: *cry* you are crazy and cruel, don't let me sleep. got no compassion at all
3. (today) mum: there are constructor in the house doing some stuff. we are going out for lunch. can you make sure they don't go upstairs
cy: no, i'm sleeping. if they want to rob the house i will just let them but i will continue my sleep.

---
mind you i'm saying all these with my eyes close. sometimes i don't even remember what i said. i was invited to passion yesterday for a free flow of calsberg. we have a budget of 1k to hit. apparently we cleared all the bottles from the bar before we even hit our target so we will continue next week after they stock up. i don't even know the person paying for the beers but i've come to know the world is a small world after all.

let me paint you the picture. i was there with dinesh my smsu high school friend that i got in touch again from friendster, he saw my photos on anna's flickr, one of my close girlfriend from seafield high school and my photos on cavin's blog whom i got to know through joan, my college friends. they work in the same office building. to close this loop. dinesh and cavin ot to know each other from photos site or blog, i can't remember. this is like just one of the many incidents, i wouldn't even want to try plotting the rest out. you can imagine the flashback from the lost series.

anyway i end the night talking about my pet subject with dinesh and his good friend jeremie, a year my senior from smsu high school -- close friends of hon kit and chan hui whom i used to walked to school with everyday. they gave me a new name call miss hope. they said in reality relationship is not about that.

all good things come in 3

3 good buys. brighten up your days during busy season like this:
1. due to the ever 'got problem solution', i ran out of solution brands to buy. if you are going through the same problem as i am, hereby i recommend you one. bought this and thought it is one of the best solution by far. but i can't promise you how long it will be on the market. it seems to me every brand that do well in the market get banned after a while, maybe there are some sales politic there. maybe, just maybe someone is trying to monopolise the market but couldn't so they keep creating problems for all these big shots.

even when you wake up with tired eyes, it doesn't hurt. seriously good.

2. i had a crave for this long long ago when i was in singapore. but i forgotten all about it since i came back. my little sister rediscover it for me when she brought this back last week.

sweet things keep you awake

3. this is really one of the best phone i ever have. it comes in handy in my car and in gym. looks good, nice interface and desperate to mention nice earpiece too.

who needs an ipod hehe.

---
since i'm on it. these are 3 types of ppl you get to see in the gym:
1. pretty girls with tank top. they are there not to exercise, they just walk around and parade themselves. so pls look.
2. miss zouk that was dancing in the podium at zouk teaching the girls do dirty dancing (opps i mean latin mix, but honestly i don't see anything latin-ish in it). but it looks quite fun, maybe i should go for one of those class too, it might come in handy in the future if i can still shake. of course in such a scene, you see guys staring from outside the glass. some pretending to be on the phone, some trying to forget the tiring routine of cycling -- legs still cycling but eyes on her -- and of course some don't even bother to pretend they just sit there. yah just waiting for those moments she shakes her booty and bent down with her short skirt. oh, tight hot but.
3. this is the best part, you see some hunks once in a blue moon. i walked in and i remembered i saw him last week. i couldn't control myself so i forgotten to look away when he stared back. after i passed by, i remembered i forgotten to smile. so i told myself to do so if i have another chance. start off with my stretching and i saw him over my back doing his stretching before he goes off. couldn't do my smile thing since his back is facing me, so i went on my way to hit the machines. long after that, he passed by and he throwed me his smile. so i gently return his sweet gesture. muahahah so fun, feels like high school crush again.

bee+zzzzzzzzz

things to do before the week come to an end
1. massive clean up and sent to print L.I.F.E. booklet for lindy (124 pages)
2. HELLO! july issue (102 pages)
3. HOT! and HELLO! rate cards
4. conceptualise the whole dinner, look for wedding photographers and bridal gown for my client
5. COTR corporate identity

coming in next week
1. 3 parkson booklets for bluinc (90 pages x 3)
2. close HELLO! july issue

and i need to face it with this:
due to my neck injury, i need to lie down straight on the bed every 9 hours. if not they will be a peircing backache. all the best wongchaiyen

still hoping to
1. finish reading Hillary Clinton's book
2. meet yili for lunch in klang
3. read my bible
4. go to gym tomorrow morning (which is most unlikely, don't want to make a show tomorrow by being the first person to faint in a rpm class)
5. finish my OTH season 4, start grey's and 24 season 6

trendy campaign

maybe ppl will think that it is more trendy not to smoke if our non smoking campaign looks this good. or at least they want to be associated with it.








thanks to art director like my cousin

i am sorry if you allow me to say that

i like to blame ppl when things don't turn up right and i hate that about myself a lot. if there is one eg from the bible it will be the adam and eve story.

"have you eaten from the tree of which i commanded you that you should not eat?" then the man said, "the woman whom you gave me to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and i ate." and the Lord said to the woman, "what is this you have done?" the woman said, "the serpent deceived me, and i ate." (genesis 3)

everyone has someone to blame, i somehow like to find a way to point out that i am not part of the problem. it doesn't even take effort. somehow it is like an automatic respond to defend myself. i think it takes effort and humility instead to add 'this-is-what-happen' and i am not blaming the person because they didn't know. to put myself in the shoe of others and remember that other ppl have no intention to harm me. from this recent neck injuiry i realised something about me, i began to take responsibility of the mistakes i made. i wan't ashamed to admit my mistakes, i only hope this will continue. i mean really hope. i understand when i give excuse for someone i love because i want to protect him but these incidents involved some ppl that were mere strangers to me. therefore i am really proud of myself.

the series of events as eg:

i admit that my injuiry was caused by my wrong posture though my instructor repeatedly remind the class not to use the neck. it just slipped my mind that day.

someone also told me that i need to sleep on a proper pillow and i did without questioning further what is "proper". i admit it was my fault when it got worst and painful the next day because my pillow was too thick. what was common sense to him was not so common to blur ppl like me.

then another told me i need to go to see the doctor if i want to recover. of course she didn't warned me that that it will get worst before it gets better causing a terrible pain over the few days of work. there is really no one to blame, that pain is a process of healing.

it was miraculously healed after my shanghai trip, lo and behold i went for facial on friday. the girl did a bit of massage on my shoulder which was common but suddenly she caught me offguard when she reached for my neck. and yes i think i injuired myself again. not her fault, i never tell her not to touch my neck.

---
i had made a lot of mistakes in my life, some which i hope i have a chance to apologise and be forgiven. forgiven means really forgiven not forgotten as a person in their life. most importantly i just wish ppl will understand as well i had never had intention to harm, i just made my share of mistakes. but this i guess takes ppl that know and trust me to recognise.

sometimes you wish all you have of the past are only good memories
and all you will have of the future are sweeter times
then you will have the courage to be yourself and love freely now

in need of a world that will not be too hard on you and themselves

a new experience

with my injured neck i went to shanghai. not expecting much because i already know the place i am about to shoot doesn't look very good. am not very excited as well because i also know i do not have any time left.

i arrived at the airport 5.50am, a bit anxious to meet the two people i am suppose to work with. hi hi... off we go. once we reached there, we went for a quick meal in kfc and to our first destination. the plant in shanghai. then for our dinner and to our next plant 5 hours from shanghai. huai an, a small town part of jiangsu. first day, so i tried to behave and not bring my mickey mouse camera out too much. but as usual i always travel with photographers. so here are a few just for the record.

© All rights reserved. photograph by henry.
this is part of work. testing the light :)

© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.
it wasn't as bored as i thought. i actually got a chance to play pool in an open freezing area. look at the contrast. a pool table in the middle of nowhere. RMB0.50/game. how cool is that?

© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.
my competitor. also my driver for this whole trip, xiao zhu.

© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.
look behind. everyone is staring... i am pretty stress

© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.
all the little kids there are so cute

© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.
my photographer's favourite

© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.
this too

© All rights reserved. photograph by henry and finn.
my famous red shoe

© All rights reserved. photograph by finn.
keep wanting to be in a photo :)

© All rights reserved. photograph by chaiyen.
one of the many nice restaurants

© All rights reserved. photograph by chaiyen.
the photographers actually think i shoot pretty good photos

© All rights reserved. photograph by chaiyen.
the charming photographer, henry

he said:
1. "finn, i am glad you came instead of james (his other assistant). if not i don't think he will be working, got such a pretty lady here."
2. "i like your art direction. i have to say you did a pretty good job considering you are so young. if i have job next time that requires an art director i will get you ok."
3. "i have this guy name X, i think he is very nice. but maybe Y is better, he got more character."

© All rights reserved. photograph by chaiyen.
assistant photographer, finn. cuteness is the word to describe her

she said:
1. "i have a bro same age with you, he wants to be a pastor. he attends city harvest. interested?"
2. "you are a libra? no wonder. scorpio and libra can be good friends i am one."
3. "i really like your photo angle."

© All rights reserved. photograph by chaiyen.
the local favourite

© All rights reserved. photograph by finn.
'kan' means bottoms up

---
just for laugh:
1. he was checking into one room in shanghai because he extended his stay. the two of us followed him because we need to do some more product shoots. but we did wonder what other ppl will be thinking. one guy, two girls. then finn said "i know, i know. both of you are the main casts, i am the videographer and these are my equipments."
2. "i need to shower, you guys go ahead. i don't even need dinner" finn. i continued "what is this? you rather shower than to see shanghai. is that all you want to tell ppl. i bath in shanghai."
3. the client from china wanted us to bring a some stuff back for his niece. it was heavy and sealed very horribly in a ugly plastic bag. so i was teasing her. "hey, don't you want to check? what if there are drugs inside? you know those movies have it all the time." then walking pass the scanning machine. i quickly ran over first so that i can see from the tv what it is. she was already very embarrass with the bag till the immigration lady shouted loudly "zhe ke woh se sui de" (whose pot is this). everyone stared at her. and i just stand there laughing my heads off. the lady asked us what is inside and if she can open it. i said "go ahead, we also want to know what is inside". she opened it layers by layers. we were so amazed by the amount of things pack in there. later she taped it all back for us.

ok besides this. my conclusion, china ppl are just loud but they are extrodinary nice and hospitable ppl. even though we were suppose to be working for them, they were serving us like kings. you just need to know them and not walk on the street of shanghai to judge them. i didn't spent a single RMB or cents in this trip.

my neck on the other hand, it just got better and better. i have to say i am pretty surprised to feel so much better. from not being able to turn my head, to now just a slight pain at one particular weird angle. i believe it is really a miracle. it must be the prayer. thanks guys.

shanghai photos are on the way, haven't download them. after this trip, these two new friends of mine made me feel very good about myself. i have to say it is nice to have other ppl that see the beauty and strength in you once again.

till i break down and cry

i hurt my neck due to using the wrong posture during exercise.

to make it worst, i slept on a pillow too thick for an injured neck.

i consulted some friends. some were very nice and some were not so nice, "is this what you want to know, happy?". i was so hurt. fine, i am pretty vulnerable now so i just make no more conversation.

i went to the chinese doctor that did the "click clack". i was at the verge of tears. i stopped her and was in a few moment of speechlessness. i know how bad it was when it hurts even when i try to pop some pills in. meaning i need to drink with a straw. for food i need to lift my spoon to my mouth.

in pain, i drove to do all my errands. but i know i need to press on because i need to drive to singapore later. i could hardly turn my neck to see the car. i started crying in the car, my mum asked me if we need to call someone to come and fetch us.

i really cannot take it. i was desperate, i was helpless. i cried and called my boss. he said he will fly me down. it is moment like this i ask myself "why can't i take MC like any other ppl."

i went back home, i really cannot think of how. i just lied down and rest for half an hour.

i woke up and started packing. then i pleaded but no one wants to fetch me to the airport. later my sis felt bad so she took me there. even helped me with the luggage cause i am not suppose to carry anything heavy.

i got the last flight. my boss insisted to fetch me from the airport. he quickly took all my luggage, welcomed me with thank you, thank you and sorry, sorry. i didn't blame him for having me to come. he was feeling bad for me but we both know how important it is to deliver the work tomorrow.

i am prepare to drop the shanghai job if they think that i am not fit for the job, but i will do it because i don't want to cause any trouble last minute because i already promise to do it. so see how it goes tomorrow.

am feeling a bit of headache now probably because i ran around working the whole day. not to mention the heavy laptop. that i tried to hold in the best way i could. or was it because i didn't take the pills. again, i only take one main meal today so i couldn't be taking any pills without them.

i am not a workaholic. i don't love my work. i am just responsible to those i work.

---
not suppose to eat spicy, sour and salty food. no cold drinks for "extra ice girl" :(

the reason i write this blog is because i want you guys to pray for me and also pls remember to be extra nice to me if you do see me. am very vulnerable already, pls add no more pain. pls show some sympathy.

trying to live a life

© All rights reserved. photograph by jon ng.

my whole body aching from my first attempt back to the gym after a month off.

slept at 7.47am.

finally woke at 10am after i pressed snooze 3 times on my alarm.

need to find a place with internet connection because the one at home is down, now i know how handicap i am without two days of internet.

taking quite a while to leave the house. the two cuteness are here.

starbucks might help keep me awake. trying to download stuff from the ftp site. it is taking ages, very slow connection.

need to hurry for lunch with yili.

maybe i need to get another place later to finish up my work.

philosophy class tonight.

and if jelly is not tired we can start prison break tonight. what, another series? hopefully i don't get another hoh-hah from the parents now that i am doing it with the younger son :)

---
anyway did i say if jelly is tired? hmm maybe i'll be more tired than him.

christmas eve

this christmas morning, i can't open my eyes like i used to every morning. my bottom and top eyelashes stuck together, it is scary. i am scared... not only that i lost my voice. then i remembered what happened the night before. so i went and took some water and wet both my eyes slowly to removed the dried liquid around my lashes. i can see again.

it is the first time in my life there are liquid that come out from my right eye. i still had not figure out whether it is because i rubbed my eyes too much, contact lense or they are just too tired. but no kidding the liquid just keep coming out the whole day. i named this sickness after weng onn "weng onn's eyes" because he had that all the time. my friend name it 'eye flu' because like running nose it is really irritating but it will heal with much rest. i still remember at some point it was so difficult to drive because for a while my whole right eye will be covered by that liquid and i can't see with my right eye. the side of my eye has a crack because i keep drying my eye yesterday... ouch. but i have to say this is really quite an experience.

the part about me losing my voice is just simple, i am already having sore throat but i top it up by spending the night at laundry. as usual being the talkative me i need to shout to make myself be heard. and to end the night off, i need to shout for the countdown that i never had for quite a while. why didn't i the last few years? oh i was at home... like i told someone christmas had never been very memorable for me.

i will tell you more about my dates (yes plural) this christmas eve, but i need to go rest now. for those of you that are faraway, i know you want to buy me a christmas present very much because i had been so nice but to make it simple for you just uphold me in prayer. for this season i better not watch any korean series... better not cry anymore if not i might have a korean series ending, the girl normally get blind haha!

living a celebrity life

Newborn, originally uploaded by annaiam. photograph by anna

i have to say life had been pretty cool having a photographer around me all the time. it is like every significant moment in my life are no longer just memories but recorded down. isn't that just sweet. anyway that is baby brandon, he is only two days old but look at the amount of hair on his head. he is the joy of one of my thursday bunch girls.

what's with me and babies this year, my goodness i am seeing a whole new generation of kids birth in front of me everday.
---

i had been having sore throat, running nose and cough since i came back from bangkok. the latter had remained and got worst. so bad till i was woken up now at such ungodly hours. it is not that bad in the day compared to the night. maybe i just need to sit up to sleep. let me go try it out now :) good night.

crazy things i did the last week

1. i went to the chinese guru to get my knee massage. after the whole works. she bandaged it, it looked horrible. i took it off the next day to go for gym.
2. i went back to the chinese guru. this time it was even more drama. she poked two needles like the one on top to the side of my knee, it is suppose to let the blood flow. i had to admit i was terrified even before the needle touches me. she left the needles there and my whole leg got numbed. i got more nervous.... what's happening. ok that is suppose to be normal. my knee was feeling good immediately. quite amazing huh!
3. i still went for gym following that and it works out fine. i think my knee just need exercise so that the blood can flow. no wonder it hurts every morning. i'm aging faster than i think.
4. i went for body pump class yesterday. i was late so the free weight for 0.5 ran out. i reluctantly took the 2.5 for the first time. ouch my hands hurt but i think i am getting better. i am fine today. i think circumstances are pushing me beyond what i think i am capable.
5. i dropped my mum at the saloon today and accidentally got my hair perm. not only that i was the first customer to try their new product. i think i am a bit too daring recently.

---
is my knee and hair good. only time can tell. anyway i can live dangerously because i don't have husband and kids waiting for me at home.

occupied

image by corbis

work
- female magazine
- drunk before dawn

mental
- greeks philosophy class (i had only went for 1 out 4 classes but i like it!)

spiritual
- listening to Always and Forever the Daughter of a King series by Bobbie Houston
- listening to Womanhood by Ps Lee Choo
- psalms
- still reading Bono

leisure
- going to laundry
- meeting new and old friends
- having fun replying sms and msn of ppl i hardly know, you will know what i mean if you are from the irc generation :)
- watching my latest korean series save your last dance for me
- planning my next bangkok trip

health
- attending body pump, abt and abs classes in celebrity fitness
- thai massage at odyssey at tropicana clubhouse
- beauty spa

things i want to do very much but have not come to it:
- to read Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh, my birthday present from elaine
- to read The Man who ate the 747 by Ben Sherwood, a surpise in my mailbox from a friend i haven't meet. according to him it is a very romantic book
- to make an arrangement with my doctor. the pain on my knee is getting quite serious. any driver that will be kind enough to fetch me around?
- use my FREE manicure spa, FEEE facial at Shiseido, FREE RM200 spa ( a lot of free stuff because i had been doing a lot of purchases, haha)
- sleep (ok i will never have enough eventhough i slept 11pm-11am, took my lunch and slept till 4pm today). tell you a secret, i think someone was awake for me last night so that i can sleep :)

---
i am not keeping myself busy to drown myself but when God shed some light in what i am going through, joy fill my heart once again. yes, i am most beautiful when i smile. i am the child of a King.

don't be busy looking for the one, be busy preparing yourself for the one

so many things at the back of my mind

finished my shoot at 2am. still remember when i left my house this morning, my eyes are already too tired to put on my lenses.

knee still painful. blood test showed that it is not a health problem. need to go for further check up. but don't have the cash to do it. need to plan that when i am free. it normally doesn't hurt for so long, it's about a week now.

the magazine still not done, and i know it will take forever to do that world map. i don't even feel like starting on it.

meeting a new client tomorrow or wednesday, my goodness i can't even remember what she said to me but i think i am not going to take that job. i really don't feel like it.

keep reminding myself not to stress my laptop too much because my mac was in comma over the weekend. i really didn't know what to do because the whole magazine layout is inside that hard disk. but thank God the service centre managed to recover back most of my things.

still thinking what God is teaching me even these few days. people. people. people.

need to plan my penang trip end of the month. going down for may and ky vern's wedding.

trying to make time to go to singapore. to meet people and get some money from my singapore account.

got facial appointment this thursday.

since he took my number to make sure we figure our way home on friday. she asked me today "did he call you?", yah that makes me wonder why he didn't call.
---
why am i not sleeping yet because i got a lot of things on my mind and i need to unwind before i go to bed.

scar: the visible and not visible

e: i hope the blood test comes back with good results
cy: actually i want it to be health problem. then he will give me some pills and fix that. if not i will have to go through another test... he will put a scope into my knee and take some tissues inside to check what's wrong.
e: ouch... that sounds painful
cy: hope the result of this blood test will be positive. i don't want another scar on my knee
e: another?
cy: yah i got a lot of scars on my body and legs hahahahah

this leads to a new train of thoughts.
from birth
birth mark on my forehead

3 years old
sitches on my forehead. when my auntie pulled me to go upstairs, i refused bang to the edge of the stairs handle
4 years old
sitches on my eye brow. house renovation... the carpet rolled up. i jumped across and around it... then bang i knocked the glass door
5 years old
stiches on my chin. i didn't bring my swimsuit on swimming day in pre school. i still want to walk around the pool so i slipped.

one for every year. i got slightly better after that.

about 9 years old
a burn scar on my leg. i was waiting for my school bus then i was standing very near a bike. the exhaust pipe is still burning hot and a touch is enough.
12 years old
a tattoo on my hand. shortly after i take my BCG shot, someone accidentally pushed me and it hit the door. the started to grow a little and of course my itchy hand didn't help.
14 years old
hurt both side of my legs while i was walking home from school then i wrongly estimate, i fell into the big longkang. my dad always tease me "must be looking at guys, that is why you didn't keep your eyes on the road."

---
scars on my physical body had cause me to feel insecure a lot of time but at least i know about it and i know how to face it. sometimes i wonder how many wounds and scars are on my heart that are still affecting what i am doing today. people say "it is a matter of time, wound will heal" but i am beginning to think likewise because these scars had never leave me.