iatrophobia

im not a fan of the doctors. even though i love grey's, i dont like to go to the doctors. besides our doctors are not half as hot.

i had been having an unusual stomach ache. it is not a period cramp. still i had been going out because i assumed it will go. but it had been days now and it seems like it is not going. i had been sleeping like nobody business –– with that i mean i woke up this morning at 1pm took lunch went back to sleep and woke up for dinner -- hoping that i will wake up without that discomfort but it still doesnt seems to be happening. so fine, im going to the doctor tomorrow morning.

i was just sitting here thinking why do i not like seeing the doctors. one, no doubt is because it always cause me a bomb without results. two, as much as i want a diagnosis; i dont really want to know something is wrong with me. not that i have any sickness yet now. i rather bear with the pain then to go see a doctor, i believe that says a lot. then after a while the unusual pain will cause me panic which force me to go see a doctor rather then dying of curiosity and agony. still every time i hang on to this hope before seeing a doctor, i pray like mad "God help me recover so that i wont need to see a doctor". yah, i fear all these things. i fear not being healthy, i fear surgical, i fear losing my life.

why am i talking about this, it is not funny, im not even reported sick yet but you see im seeing the doctor tomorrow. im freaking out.