are you happy today?

"Happiness comes in many forms -- in the company of good friends, in the feeling you get when you make someone else's dream come true, or in the promise of hope renewed. It's okay to let yourself be happy because you never know how fleeting that happiness might be." lucas from oth

let us take a break from LA photos and go for some emo entry. a friend told me the other day im happy. i think she meant it, plus im in no right to judge her because only one alone can judge themselves when it comes to this question. but her statement led me to think of this word 'happy'.

busy is not happy. it can mean that im doing well in my social life or career but it doesnt mean im happy. but it is better for me to be busy then to remember im not happy. that's for sure. most of the time i barely connect with my own emotions and the best bit is im too tired to think at night. the next day come and the next day end. so it seems im doing well and that is probably just what i needed to get by the day.

so i ask myself what is 'happiness' then. is it a satisfaction of where you are, who you are with and what you have? so does happiness stay with you for a while, for days or for years?

the more i think of it the more empty i feel. i am not happy with the state im in but the worst point is i do not know what will make me happy either. so i try to figure out what used to make me happy. then i realised though it is a sad truth most of us do not know it when we are happy. we only recognised it when it is over. meaning it is in the absent of happiness that we remember we once were happy.

happiness in my words would be the moment you feel like the luckiest person alive. a moment you want to freeze. a moment you receive what you do not deserve unexpectedly. a dream you do not want to wake up from because you know that reality will kick in and you wont stay happy forever.

you might be holding to the same fortune, same job and same person the next day but you realised happiness fades away slowly. why? i think i know why. it is because as time passes we all begin to think we deserve what we have. also how will you recognise you are happy if you are always happy? so happiness is never a constant mood. we human being live most of our days not happy, just satisfied. happiness is when things come your way when you least expect it, when you do not deserve it or when the impossible happen after all your life pursuing that which you thought you will never live to see. *sob sob* that day you are truly happy. though short lived, it is worth living many unhappy days to enjoy.

honestly im not happy today and had not been for a while. i dont see the point denying that since more than half of the world population feels the same everyday.

"Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there… because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. But then one day you feel something else-something that feels wrong, only because it's so unfamiliar. And in that moment you realize… you're happy." lucas from oth