Sunday, December 30, 2007

the power of words

try reading this:
you are not very understanding, oh my gosh... i don't believe you dont know this, what??? stop bugging me, no wonder no one wants you, you are unrealiable

compare to this:
you are looking good, nice shoes, good work, you look hot, thanks for the pressie i like it a lot, you had been a great help, nice profile photo, you are the bomb

after church service today, i told myself ps paul ang is right. i must close my year right before i step into the next. i do not need extra baggages.

im a person that doesnt really care about what the crowds think of me. i care very much though about how my friends think of me. it can be just a passing comment, an expression or gesture but i am able to pick it up and quickly interpret it. ignoring the fact that some ppl just talk this way, i take it quite personal. i feel rejected, hurt, not pretty enough, not good enough and a series of things will run through my mind –– what i shouldnt have say or do. and yes most of the time i feel that i was better off not doing anything. less communication, less miscommunication (sorry this is not really true, but i perceive then). it just goes on and on till i get so fed up and i will just go to bed trying to shut those noises and believe me it helps.

i can accept honesty and constructive comments if im close enough to this person. but i cannot accept bluntness and sarcatism. those words make me really stupid and dumb. that was how i slide to my last depression when i began to compare myself with ppl around me. i wouldnt want to allow myself to get there again because it was tough to believe im good for anything then. two sides of the coin, i had learned not to take things to personal but i had also learn to built walls to protect myself (which is not exactly good). well we have to accept the fact that in this world some ppl just make you and some ppl just tear you.

"remember, it's not something wrong with you... most of the time it is something wrong with them. so dont be too affected" ps paul ang.

in the new year ahead, i want to complain less, praise ppl more and make their days. i want to be a builder. i hope that i will learn to be more sensitive instead of more cynical as well. im 28 still single, am in a highly sensitive and fragile category and it will be great if you can learn to be nice to me :). as for my side i choose to believe.... im still looking good, doing fairly well in my job and having a time of my life.

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