i am sorry if you allow me to say that

i like to blame ppl when things don't turn up right and i hate that about myself a lot. if there is one eg from the bible it will be the adam and eve story.

"have you eaten from the tree of which i commanded you that you should not eat?" then the man said, "the woman whom you gave me to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and i ate." and the Lord said to the woman, "what is this you have done?" the woman said, "the serpent deceived me, and i ate." (genesis 3)

everyone has someone to blame, i somehow like to find a way to point out that i am not part of the problem. it doesn't even take effort. somehow it is like an automatic respond to defend myself. i think it takes effort and humility instead to add 'this-is-what-happen' and i am not blaming the person because they didn't know. to put myself in the shoe of others and remember that other ppl have no intention to harm me. from this recent neck injuiry i realised something about me, i began to take responsibility of the mistakes i made. i wan't ashamed to admit my mistakes, i only hope this will continue. i mean really hope. i understand when i give excuse for someone i love because i want to protect him but these incidents involved some ppl that were mere strangers to me. therefore i am really proud of myself.

the series of events as eg:

i admit that my injuiry was caused by my wrong posture though my instructor repeatedly remind the class not to use the neck. it just slipped my mind that day.

someone also told me that i need to sleep on a proper pillow and i did without questioning further what is "proper". i admit it was my fault when it got worst and painful the next day because my pillow was too thick. what was common sense to him was not so common to blur ppl like me.

then another told me i need to go to see the doctor if i want to recover. of course she didn't warned me that that it will get worst before it gets better causing a terrible pain over the few days of work. there is really no one to blame, that pain is a process of healing.

it was miraculously healed after my shanghai trip, lo and behold i went for facial on friday. the girl did a bit of massage on my shoulder which was common but suddenly she caught me offguard when she reached for my neck. and yes i think i injuired myself again. not her fault, i never tell her not to touch my neck.

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i had made a lot of mistakes in my life, some which i hope i have a chance to apologise and be forgiven. forgiven means really forgiven not forgotten as a person in their life. most importantly i just wish ppl will understand as well i had never had intention to harm, i just made my share of mistakes. but this i guess takes ppl that know and trust me to recognise.

sometimes you wish all you have of the past are only good memories
and all you will have of the future are sweeter times
then you will have the courage to be yourself and love freely now

in need of a world that will not be too hard on you and themselves