two things we cannot do alone

finished reading church: why bother? by philip yancey in one sitting. why am i reading this book, it doesn't take a genuis to see i'm actually questioning if cell works, if any of us actually change when pastor shares his heart out or if i can come to God at all through church.

but as much as i used to believe bringing a pre believer to church once might give that person a chance to know Christ, i'm giving myself an equal chance now. just maybe the next time will be it, i will experience God again.

'Saint John of the Cross wrote "The virtuous soul that is alone... is like the burning coal that is alone. It will only grow colder rather than hotter." I (yancey) believe he is right'

someone once asked me this "why do you come to church?" i answered "to worship God, i do not come for the people" to which i thought was the perfect text book answer. i am not influence by people. i just realised what i meant was "i always ignore the people". the same person also mentioned "when Christ comes back for the Bride. it does not refers to us as individuals, how we always laugh about the man becoming the bride are just nonsense. the Bride refers to the church." i couldn't understand how important that is until now. that you are either part of the church or not. i guess yancey quotes him well.

"there are two things we cannot do alone," said Paul Tournier: "one is to married and the other is to be a christian."

'I (yancey) once visited a 'church' that manages, with no denominational headquarters or paid staff, to attract millions of devoted members each week. it goes by the name Alcoholics Anonymous. I went at the invitation of a friend who had just confessed to me his problem with drinking. "come along," he said, "and i think you'll catch a glimpse of what the early church must have been like."... Mostly the members, seemed to enjoy being around people who could see their facades. There was no reason not to be honest; everyone was in the same boat.'

my desire of a church.

in my greeks philosophy class, there is this cave anology. after we walk out and see the light, do not be too proud and move away thinking we are too smart for the rest. enlightentment was never for that purpose. go back into the cave and tell others about how big the world is. they might not believe you or follow you. be gentle, remember you were once like them. thank God, He had showed you the light.

i had been visiting a few churches, with very different people, preachers and worship styles. they all have their own flaws but if i was told to lead a church, i am sure it will still fall short of what my ideal is. i know what i mean because i was the co founder of my college CF. things do not happen as we always plan it. i guess therefore i should give credit to all these pastors who had been faithful to try sustain what they had been called into. i cannot say i love my church anyway if it is not a pain in the ass. the fact is, i had not really love if it does not hurt.

for now i am trying my very best to walk as a believer. i am not apologetic about my absence in ministry. my greatest concern is my heart with God. if i cannot worship with you in church, all my act of service is just a mere show.

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my first 24 hours back had been very fruitful. welcome by samuel and sara crawling to me. that's new, cuteness. a good night sleep. finish my errands in the morning. lunch with steph and jac. visit celia in her new house, my other secondary best friend. dinner with family. follow by this good read.