i still believe

"And often he (evil spirit) has thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, have compassion on us." Jesus said to him, "If you believe, all things are possible to him who believes." Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!" mark9.21-24

we all go through this bit, to be responsible of our life. the very reason we need to earn our wages to live and survive is to remind us that. you don't work, you don't eat. but it always come a point of time in our life, we don't want to be that. we don't want to be responsible and we want to test how far or long more we can live on. we break some marriage vows, break our parents' hearts and break the heart of those that cares for us. why do we do that?

1. eyes of envy. we conclude that it doesn't pay to be responsible. the irresponsible ppl seems to be happy and prospering. the good and evil ppl will live and die the same anyway. so why should we try so hard? not remembering sins always catches up on us, every decisions we make today determines our tomorrow.
2. deeply hurt. a feeling of rejection makes us think that no one really cares for us anyway. so we become the pathetic person that we are told we are. we let everyone trampled over us. having a pity party and waiting to see how bad we need to get till the world will notice that we exist. we don't want to pick up ourselves because we want someone else to do that for us but maybe this person will never come. if he does it just goes to prove that what they say we are "nothing". so maybe we are meant to stand up ourselves this time to tell the world we are something.

but from the story today i see the third group of ppl. the father, like many of us the helpless. we care but we couldn't help. we had tried every way but it doesn't work. so we give up trying and we just stand at the side to watch. by that i do not mean apathy. it aches your heart but it just seems like the best way is to pray for a miracle because you know there is nothing your hands can do you haven't tried. the world may look at them as a gone case, hopeless person. but there are part of you that believes there are still some good left in them and so you answer God "i believe, i do. help my unbelief (because honestly they are moments you do doubt)".

today, i'm just touched thinking that somewhere around us there might be such an angel. that believes for us when we couldn't. they activate the possible, because when the boy couldn't do it, when the boy don't even remember who he was anymore. the father said "i believe". isn't that life, it is all about hope? it is sad if we have nothing to hope for. because hope is the only thing that keep us going.

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had been working hard but had been playing really hard too. done all the major movies and am pretty proud of myself. as i said, i don't normally do movies when i'm single but i think this time round i had been doing pretty well, in fact i think i do more movies then i was last attached. i am super tired now and i ought to be on bed, but i just need to brag a little that i had not ill treated myself though i'm super busy. i had been attending wedding, meeting the girls, yam cha-ing, clubbing, attending gym, msn-ing. up and coming i just might be planning a big getaway... oh no i'm so excited. told you single life can be pretty fun. while i see my girlfriends stay at home to take care of their new born babies, the guys complain about their gfs, and the girls in agony waiting for the guy they love to express themselves. i'm just glad, for now i have no part in all that. happy, happy, happy