back to stage one

to be honest without me knowing it, there were a point of my christian journey when i was trying to climb the ladder of success. similar to the rat race in the world, i am trying to get it right as a christian. i begin to seek "how can i get the fullest blessing of God?" and "how does it benefit me if i do this?" what we ask is what we get. but after a while i feel like i know it all. it is almost like a text book. so even now going to church i have to ask for this childlike faith that i may see things in a new light.

learning what is right and not right began to shape how i look at people as well. i think i began to be very judgemental. but when i read the bible i see God that gives equal chance to both the jews and gentiles. so i pray as i continue to live among people that i may see God in my daily life.

i hope i am not entering into a post modernism thinking, i really am not saying that everything is right but i am saying everything must be judge differently because of the different circumstances. at the end of the day everyone has a good heart of the CREATOR. i am now beginning to see the Jesus that eats with the tax collector, the Jesus that says to the woman caught red-handed in the act of adultery "does no one condemn you? neither do i. go your way, from now on sin no more" and the Jesus that reaches out to thomas and allow him to touch his nail-pierced hand. i'm now searching for this part of God that is not often discuss about. for if i live at that time i will surely be found as one of those wretch.

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i am probably categorised as a nuclear man with fragmented ideology from the book the wounded healer.