the little that is left

why do i feel so comfortable eating alone at Starbucks and on the other hand i will never go for a meal alone in a kopi-thiam. i guess that is why Starbucks can charge me so much more, it allows me to be alone without feeling uneasy - just with the company of iced latte.

today, with the book Drawing Near and my little journal.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When shall i come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while they continually say to me,
'Where is your God?"
When I remember these things,
I pour out my soul within me.
Psalm 42.2-4

it is easier to desire to say these verses than to say that i pray these verses. why do so many of us struggle with what we want to do and what we do? this will be how my prayer sound like now:

why do i not feel the emptiness of my soul?
how do i cry out to the living God?
i know in my mind i am looking for You,
yet that very same mind ask me, "Where is your God?"
but i will not give up, oh i will not lose heart.

i will keep telling You about my days,
i will keep telling You how i feel.
though some may tell me You are not interested in my life,
though some may tell me You are busy with greater things,
though it might sounds like a one way conversation.
but i know You want to know me,
and i know You are listening to me.

this is how i keep my relationship with You,
i will keep talking to You,
i will hold on this little that is left,
and i know, oh yes i know, one day You will speak to me too.

i remember, You are my ever presence God.


from Your ever stubborn girl :)

---
One more short note:

Dr Paul,

did you remember the last time my knee swell? it happens again. and yah it cause a bit of numb feeling at the feet. one of this could be the reason:
1. driving in a very long traffic jam (which was my guess the cause the previous time as well), gosh i need a chauffeur!
2. gym (unlikely because i had not gone to gym for a week)
3. not enough sleep (but what has it got to do with the knee hahaha)

i remember you mentioned that it was okie, not such a big deal but what was it already? i went to the doctor the last time and i did felt better after taking the pills. so can you tell me if it is okie it happens again?

thanks.