the end and the beginning

wake up this moment standing at the end of the chapter of this year
not sure if i had pushed myself to be the best
not sure if i had really make the most out of it
definitely sure grace had accompany me throughout

i wouldnt say it is the most eventful year
nor will i say it is any less eventful
nothing i say i cannot forget
yet a lot i know i will say one day i treasure dearly

i thank God for the friends i made
i thank God for those i did not
i thank God for those far away
i thank God for those next to me

i thank God for the conversation made
i thank God for the crazy things we do
i thank God for the people that shower me with love and smiles
i thank God for the cakes, chocs and coffee

i thank God for the noisy time we had,
and the quiet space we had
i thank God for striving through the busy schedule,
and the hardship we go through together

mistakes i make this year may i find more grace to not repeat it again
may He keeps me close to his heart, may i live with more passion
may i recognise the greatest that He has install for me, may i see the beauty all around me
may grace, love and hope bring me and you through the next chapter

i wrote

i picked up my pencil for the first time after many months
this journal which used to be my only outlet to keep my heart intact
Oh how i forgotten you
like i forget many things in my life

maybe i have not forget you
maybe im just fearful to write anymore
maybe i dont want to admit im lost
maybe i dont want to face the fact -- im far away from home.

God where are you?
and i dont mean you are hiding
God where are you?
i meant im lost
help me find my way back home

i cant remember when
i cant remember which direction i took
not too long because i cant seem to forget you
yet long enough, i dont seem to be able to trace my way back home

God where are you?
i seem to see you but i cant touch you
at times, like a dream
and i lost you again the next waking day

is the way back home that far?
will i ever find my way back?
honestly it's hard to believe the possibility
yet i believe, and i want to keep this hope

that one day, i'll be home again
one day, i'll be back in your embrace
one day
i only hope one day will not wait no more
and when one day come, i'll still recognise home when i find it
one day


---
i wrote the above after coming across what Vance Havner observed: "How long you've been a Christian tells you how long you've been on the road, but it doesn't tell you how far you've come."

exiling love by jie wei ling

Sometimes, I feel so lonely
Even though you haven't said anything
You just held me tightly
but said to me gently
I'm only a friend
The love is different
The love I give bears no fruit

I don't get it, I know I'm not wrong
Forgot to put lock on the heart that loves you
Foolishly let love became a torture
You don't care about me at all
I still love without giving up
I choose to step aside for the love of you

Being exiled to the cold border
Learning that ambiguity is not sweet
Not caring the so called unfairness
Quietly leaving, gently closing my eyes
Quietly put it there

you learn

"You Learn.

You Learn

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security.


And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.


After a while you learn...
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth...

And you learn and learn...

With every good-bye you learn."

— Jorge Luis Borges

happy alone

"There is a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasnt because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever"

meredith, grey's anatomy

because im a girl

"BECAUSE I'M A GIRL" by Kiss
Version English
I just can't understand the ways
Of all the men and their mistakes
You give them all your heart
And then they rip it all away

You told me how much you loved me
And how our love was meant to be
And I believed in you
I thought that you would set me free

(REFRAIN):
You should've just told me the truth
That I wasn't the girl for you
Still, I didn't have a clue
So my heart depended on you, whoa

(CHORUS):
Although I'll say I hate you now
Though I'll shout and curse you out
I'll always have love for you
Because I am a girl

Been told a man will leave you cold
Get sick of you and bored
I know that it's no lie
I gave my all, still I just cry

Never again will I be fooled
To give my all when nothing's true
I won't be played again
But I will fall in love again

(REFRAIN)

(CHORUS)

I loved you so
Now you leave me in the cold
How could this be
I thought that you'd only love me

Into the night
I will pray that you're alright
You hurt me so
I just can't let you go

You took advantage of my willingness
To do anything for love
Now I'm the only one in pain
Will you please take it all away

Never thought being born a girl
How I can love you and be burned
And now I will build a wall
To never get torn again

august rush

strangers again

the thing is we all know the pattern but we just can help but let it happen all the same again.

we're all afraid of pain by wilber pan

from the taiwan tv series endless love

Synopsis, Story and preview:
Song Rui En had always believed that she would marry his childhood sweetheart one day. But her belief changed after she met Liang Jing Hao, a wisecracking guy who turned her world upside down. She was a girl from a rich family without a care in the world. And he was a penniless man with a chip on his shoulder. They overcame many obstacles to be together. But when Liang walked out on her the day before their wedding, she was at a loss to understand his reason. He reappeared three years later to find out, she is still waiting. Maybe to say waiting is an understatement. But yah, girls do that. What's wrong with them, idiot. Oh, i mean the girls.

---
Something strike a chord here.

dream

a dream

i usually wouldnt take notice of chinese singing competition. but her story is one worth telling.

7 years ago at malaysian idol finale. (incidentally i was there)


this same girl, jess lee makes a very loud statement today. never give up in your dreams. champion of this season Taiwan, One In Million. she scored full points for all her 4 songs in the finale. so much so the judges was tempted to announce her winner before the show was over. they also said she can sign up with a recording studio immediately and cancel off her CNY plans :)

her story:


more


usual sucker, i teared hearing her stories and when she sings.

---
her mum statement to her: "failures are stepping stones to success, which successful person doesnt have some?". what doesnt brings you down, makes you even stronger.

visualise, baby

NYC - Mindrelic Timelapse from Mindrelic on Vimeo.

a letter to my child

Dear darling,

Mummy just want you to know no matter where you are and what you are doing, regardless of your academic achievements, mummy and daddy love you very much.

My only prayer for you is that you live a faith driven life. A life that dare to walk into the unknown and move mountains because you know that God is with you. A heart strong enough to believe the God of the impossible, I believe you will do great things.

Examine your days and let everything be done with purpose in mind. If you have no reason to do something it is not worth your energy. When you find that purpose to do something then go all out to do it. Give your best shot, you have nothing to lose.

In all this adventure and passion do not forget people. For a life of purpose and excitement with no one in it is meaningless. Value every life that cross your path. Love them, see them and learn from them. That is life. That is so much more fulfilling than anything you can imagine.

love, mummy
2010

---
i wrote this in 2010, in this activity i was asked "what would you write to your future child?". i realised when i read it again that it actually encompasses all that matters to my life. It is like last words before you die, you only say things that matter. so i feel i need to reread this again and again, so that i can constantly reexamine what really matters in life. because so often, we are preoccupied with things that doesnt matter.

love the way you lie cover by stephenie gee

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because i like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because i love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Always thought you and i were perfect
I could tell you from the start
Thought you were gonna be my man
but then you left, tore me apart
And now you are gone
You ain't by my side
Got me askin' questions
Cause everything we were was all a lie
When were you gonna tell me
Oh how you feel
Why you gotta wait so long to tell me it was all unreal

Everyday i sat by just waiting
For you to come back home
But then i saw you with a girl
Broke my heart, and left me cold
Seems so unreal
Cant' grasp this thought
Couldn't sleep at all last night
Cause just realised it was all a lie
When were you going to tell me
Just how you feel
Left me for someone else and here I am caught up in tears