trying to keep my words

"if we dont end up together. will you attend my wedding? promise me you will invite me for your wedding too. ok?"

the kind of things i say to my boyfriend. i can only say, since young i already make it a point to keep my boyfriends as friends if things dont work out. and i dont mean just friends... but close friends. but i guess as well... not that i still like him. but there is always this intrigue feelings of wanting to find out since things never work out between us, what kind of girl will actually score perfect 10. very much like the line in this lyric:

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好想知道你的100分 會給怎樣的人
Hao xiang zhi dao ni de yi bai fen / Hui gei zen yang de ren
(I really wanna know what kind of girls can get your perfect marks)
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though the song is not really referring to ex but everytime i hear that line of the song i just cant help but think. seriously... what kind of girl will really make him happy. definitely i cannot help but start comparing which bit i fall short. not pretty enough? not gentle enough? not submissive enough? not smart enough? and most of the time... i will just be speechless because i lose hands down since most of the time she will just be every bit better. so it is a bitter sweet experience, aside of the *ouch* feelings im actually really happy for him as well that he finally find that someone that he had always been looking for -- that someone i tried so hard to be but just am not. so this is just to share with you how excited i am about attending my exs' weddings.

this month i will be attending my first ex bf's wedding. it just has to come in the most challenging manner. i have 3 invites to which all 3 fall on the same weekend. saturday evening in subang, sunday morning chip san leong in malacca follow by sunday night the dinner and my ex's wedding dinner in nilai on the same night. so the saturday night is slightly easier to decide though not easy to perform - to do a night drive to malacca after the dinner. but the sunday is extremely challenging. i already agreed to go to my college friend's wedding. i was excited to party through the night with my friends till my ex call. the thing is... he is the last to call. but the thing is i really want to be there. and i think the main thing is he expects me to be there too. because when i break the news i have another wedding, he kept complaining... till i say i can try going for both. he unashamedly answer "that's more like it". and we are not talking about subang and kl. im actually talking about malacca - nilai.

i dont know how im going to do it but i'll try. im not sure if i will really do it but actually considering about it is crazy enough.

i guess knowing i will never qualify to be the best gf, i went for another league and try to win the best ex gf award. things i do for my exs.