word study 3: fear

faith
being sure of what we hoped for and certain of what we do not see (hebrews 11.1)

fear
putting too much time thinking of what we do not hope for and what we do not want to see

ps melyvn brought this to light for me. after 14 years of labour with uncle laban, why did jacob not leave and go home? reason being he was more afraid to go home to see his brother than to be cheated. he stayed 6 more years. that is what fear does, it eats your time. he just need to stand up one day and say i am going to face my fear head on. like she says "tell me it is not what i think it is". and yes esau wasn't mad at him.

quite a number of ppl say i had change. if there is one thing i can put a finger on is this word 'faith'. i had not lose faith in GOD. in fact i felt that my faith in God had been refined. i had learn to have faith in other ppl more than i know how. not from a positive thinking speech because i sympathise what you are going through but for the so-much-more i know God has for you. i think probably i had exhange all that with the faith i have for myself.

what cause faith to be replaced by fear and vise versa:
1. broken dreams and disappointments in life that you no longer believe that what you hope for is true.
but ps kong hee once preached "it is when God break this small dreams of mine then He can together with me built a bigger greater dream." like how shups puts it, we begin to look at life with perspective once we are able to coin out why we are going through what we go through.
2. allowing myself to be questioned "is christian just a group of happy-clappy-positive thinking ppl? ppl that keep all their struggles and only thank God for their good things in life." i do not want to be categorise with hypocrisy. but without me realising it, i had stop to proclaim with faith my hope.
i had to admit that in fear that our struggles will stumble others or disgrace God's name, many of us fall into this category. come to think about it, that is because we do not have enough faith that God will turn things around that is why we are not sharing our disappointments. also we do not want to be weak like other non believers. how shallow is that? when ppl ask, "you call yourself christians?". we should actually answer... "oh i am not good enough that is why i need to be a believer." recent months i had told myself i will show you my real self. if i struggle i will share with you, that you might know in the day i overcome it is not me but God in me. i will not be ashamed to hope as well trusting that you know it is genuine since i am not afraid of admitting what i'm not.

i pray that the faith in the Father who had been faithful to me all these years, the great hope that the Spirit has install for me and that love that Jesus Christ demostrated when He comes down to earth be with each and everyone of us.

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i have to tell you, i fear meeting up with josh's boss though. i fear he likes my work and give me a good offer. if i don't get an offer i do not need to think and conclude it as 'that is not God's plan for me'. if i do i need to make a decision that is going to change the route of my life forever. probably even who i am going to marry. i hate to make decisions like that. just when i thought i had already decided when the opportunity comes. the real test comes when the decision is in front of you. for now, i will spare myself from the fear since it is not here yet.