what i heard so far

it comes to a point when i know all the ppl around me know what i am going through. i would say that it affects a lot the opinions they give me. i would say i am looking for fresh words.

cy: since you preach the message stuck in the moment. how do i know i am stuck/stagnant or it is a waiting time?
ps nick: if you are stuck you are walking in circles, you don't have a purpose. if you are waiting you have the peace. are you disappointed about anything?
cy: ... (i said something)
ps nick: i heard that word in my heart too.

after he prayed for me. "i tell you what you should do, keep a journal for 21 days and start listening to God again.

now i understand a little. to be stucked is like the israelites in the desert but waiting can be with disappointment like joseph but a peace from within.
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Day 1: drop and listen
Drop everything and listen, listen as he speaks:
"Don't turn a deaf ear as in the Bitter Uprising,
As on the day of the Wilderness Test,
When your ancestors turned and put me to the test.
For forty years they watched me at work among them,
as over and over they tried my patience.
And i was provoked-oh was i provoked!
'Can't they keep their minds on God for five minutes?
Do they simply refuse to walk down my road?'
Exasperated, i exploded,
They'll never get where they're headed,
never be able to sit down and rest.' psalm95.7-11

if you read the déjà vu entry you will know that i had been weighing which category i belong to. i vividly remember that God told me to drop everything and just love Him, i ought to have that peace. the verse today affirms me of this decision. which category am i in? it might not be an or but an and. i am stuck because i had drop everything but i had not fulfill the latter. i am feeling better at least i know i am not too far from the right track.

Day 2: to serve beyond the church
"i cannot pastor a church anymore if all we do is look after Christians."
"it is time for the church to love the community, just love them like Jesus does and not just to convert them. Jesus never say i will heal you if you believe in me." Ps Danny Guglielmucci.

i said those words before and i am really pondering on that. he did something after that statement but i had not. there is something God has put in my heart that i had not done. how should my team be? a dream team is not to robe in ppl to do but gather those that wants to do. this time we are not looking for moses that says "i can't speak, i can't lead". we are looking for ezekiel that says "here am i, sent me". we are not looking for the capable but the willing. but to gather a team like this might take forever, so if God is willing.

Day 3: community=the common struggles that unite us
my kids want to meet me. we shared about what we are struggling now and how we would like to fix it. all of them couldn't really tell what they had learned from the conference but we are using this conference to be the beginning of change. once again i am bless by just meeting with them. the transparency, trust and love they have for each other. i know at least they are not stumbled by my action especially when i am sharing and ivan asked "you have drop everything so have you start loving Him yet?" my goodness my kid think like me. which i humbly answer, not yet and finish my sharing for day 1. we all prayed and they prayed for me too. btw did i tell you i never feel that to be a role model to them means that i need to hide my struggle from them.

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yes, usually i blog about things i think about only after a few days so that it is not just a spur of a moment. anyway i don't seem to be hearing anything these few days. the thing is after this conference i don't feel a great excitement to serve, nor a great presence of God that struck me. i merely felt affirmed for things that i had been hearing from my heart and that is very important to me. honestly life is going on as usual but maybe i am not as confuse about my relationship with God.