i am very tired... i feel like the adrenaline rushing inside me from my body to my head. the national library, singapore project deadline is tonight. i can't count how much time i have left, my brain is not functioning. i need starbucks, rub rub and sayang.
oh God, tonight give me the power to do the impossible again.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
trust
How long more O Lord?
Will you forget me forever?
... But i have trusted in your mercy;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because He had dealt with bountifully with me.
Psalm 13.5-6
From 'how long more?' to 'singing in joy' is all about the word TRUST. trust in His faithfulness and your heart will leap with joy. the funny thing with this word TRUST is, it is not tangible nor visible. so how do we show it. the good thing is God knows. the question is: how do you let another person know you trust him? you can't. he just has to trust that you do. so remember guys, don't use this frequently used phrase "you don't trust me". think first, because if you say that you have first show distrust.
thanks be to God who always love and trust us so much more, even more than ourself at many times. because of that, we all can slowly learn to trust again.
Will you forget me forever?
... But i have trusted in your mercy;
My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because He had dealt with bountifully with me.
Psalm 13.5-6
From 'how long more?' to 'singing in joy' is all about the word TRUST. trust in His faithfulness and your heart will leap with joy. the funny thing with this word TRUST is, it is not tangible nor visible. so how do we show it. the good thing is God knows. the question is: how do you let another person know you trust him? you can't. he just has to trust that you do. so remember guys, don't use this frequently used phrase "you don't trust me". think first, because if you say that you have first show distrust.
thanks be to God who always love and trust us so much more, even more than ourself at many times. because of that, we all can slowly learn to trust again.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
hahahahaah
laugh till i can't hold my camera properly
a compilation of quanwei's jokes/ best of best
day 1
qw: when the locals say to us 'sawade ka'. this is how you respond, look at my hand...
SAWADE KA!
day 2
cy: hey where do you get the eggs?
qw: oh you knock on the head of the chicken 3 times, the egg will come out.
btw this is my daily yummy breakfast
day 3
qw: wow the jap buffet last night was really feeling... if i eat more i will be like the merlion.
day 4
cy: eh why are you not eating egg this morning
qw: arghh, i ate the chicken last night
he ordered fried chicken expecting 2 pieces but he was served a whole chicken. and so there goes the chicken that provide eggs for our daily breakfast :)
---
more
1. value air air stewardess: the total age for our crew on this flight is 232
the woman sitting next to me: what was that for? for us to buy 3D is it?
2. brazil vs japan game, after the first goal
cy: yeahhhh, japan put in a goal before brazil hahhhha
jerrine (brazilian fans): who is that kamade (translation: your mother!)
we found this big board on the street reminding us of the time of the upcoming game. isn't that cool?
3. cy: so what do my travel insurance cover? what if i lost my laptop? how much will they pay me back? can i lose it pls, i want to buy the new macbook.
alvin (who is also our insurance agent): i have a bad feeling selling the insurance to you
an agent feel intimidated for the first time :)
---
what's new
1. cy: i want to go watch tiger show
i shall not mention who: eeeeeee..... why chaiyen do you know what they do? they open the can with their vagina... yuks.
cy: huh serious how do they do that?
2. steph: what are we playing? "asshole tai di" (cards game)?
cy: huh what is the different between asshole tai di and cho tai di? got such game?
3. alvin: when you go for bargain just say "pheng" (thai tanslation= so expensive, cantonese= so cheap)
cy: okie i get it, put a straight face and go "pheng" (thai) even though it is very "pheng" (cantonese) already
---
a total of 12 of us in the trip. 5 were down with diarrhoea, fever and were vomitting. 2 fell sick with sore throat and fever.
the last five standing: quanwei, laifong, steph, weiling and i. we had la ji thong (rubbish bin) tummy. and yah i am the only one buying all kinds of food from the street. i am well trained from malaysia mamak, we eat next to the drain.
---
and i am really sleepy now... staying awake to finish both my clients work till 6am this morning... zzz. see how long i can stand tonight.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
my last 24 hours
yesterday was my last 24 hours to work till i start packing for my holiday. it is quite a bad timing, since my holiday dates are the most critical time actually because there is a presentation two days after i come back. besides, i have other jobs on top of that. that is why i am in the office till 11.30pm and yah i just finish my dinner, which is fairly good compare to my many OT. those who knows me will know what i mean.
but i don't care because i am looking forward to my first trip to bangkok and spending time with all my old friends which i believe will give me a good measure of lame jokes and laughters. why am i paying so much more to go from singapore? all for my beloved singapore friends, i paid for the company. with friend like me, who need more friends :)
will be back on sunday. don't miss me too much.
but i don't care because i am looking forward to my first trip to bangkok and spending time with all my old friends which i believe will give me a good measure of lame jokes and laughters. why am i paying so much more to go from singapore? all for my beloved singapore friends, i paid for the company. with friend like me, who need more friends :)
will be back on sunday. don't miss me too much.
Monday, June 19, 2006
maybe someone can give some answers
someone ask me this:
do guys call you out only when they are interested in you? i am just curious why the abrupt change when they suddenly stop calling you out
she is refering to her ex and another guy who is no longer interested in courting her.
another ask me this:
why is he saying all these mean things to me? before this i am his world, then now can't be bothered
then another make this statement:
you know i used to think that he listens and we can talk. people say it is common but i refuse to accept it
it is amusing why they asked me this, is it because i just broke up and they want to find out if every guy is the same. or maybe they just want to find a girl to relate to.
i have to be fair, not every guy does that. even though it is rare. this might be some of the answers:
1. it is a waste of time taking you out since they are not interested in you. there are many more things to do, you know. btw phone bill is suddenly expensive.
2. if it helps to make you feel better, they love you so much that they must not talk to you so that they can go on and do other things.
i am not a guy so obviously i can't answer that. so here you go guys, you might want to give them some answers. but be gentle.
do guys call you out only when they are interested in you? i am just curious why the abrupt change when they suddenly stop calling you out
she is refering to her ex and another guy who is no longer interested in courting her.
another ask me this:
why is he saying all these mean things to me? before this i am his world, then now can't be bothered
then another make this statement:
you know i used to think that he listens and we can talk. people say it is common but i refuse to accept it
it is amusing why they asked me this, is it because i just broke up and they want to find out if every guy is the same. or maybe they just want to find a girl to relate to.
i have to be fair, not every guy does that. even though it is rare. this might be some of the answers:
1. it is a waste of time taking you out since they are not interested in you. there are many more things to do, you know. btw phone bill is suddenly expensive.
2. if it helps to make you feel better, they love you so much that they must not talk to you so that they can go on and do other things.
i am not a guy so obviously i can't answer that. so here you go guys, you might want to give them some answers. but be gentle.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
i not stupid too
many unspoken words from our heart, love that is not communicated well. if only the world learn better how to say the word "I Love You" and "I'm sorry". never hear both that phrases from my dad before but don't remember i say any of that either. as usual i cry in every movie. this is a simple touching movie.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
old friends new friendship
1. had been going out with the girls more than our weekly dinner, for eg gym, mahjong, climbing
2. had been going out with edwin a lot just to play pool
3. had been chatting online a lot with edmund* and lemuel
4. had been going out with justin** a lot for drink, movies and dinners
i had been going lunch with some collegue. it had been fun but i have to confess i am much more excited for those in the category up there. yah i pray that i will have new friends but even more that many old friendships will be restored.
*this guy is in the State now. he send me an email out of a blue from an email i send him 6 years ago, yah can you imagine he still keep that email.
**he is my second ex bf, we had known each other for 10 years now. it is funny what we can talk about, literally anything for eg "which is you favourite girlfriend, is it me?" :)
2. had been going out with edwin a lot just to play pool
3. had been chatting online a lot with edmund* and lemuel
4. had been going out with justin** a lot for drink, movies and dinners
i had been going lunch with some collegue. it had been fun but i have to confess i am much more excited for those in the category up there. yah i pray that i will have new friends but even more that many old friendships will be restored.
*this guy is in the State now. he send me an email out of a blue from an email i send him 6 years ago, yah can you imagine he still keep that email.
**he is my second ex bf, we had known each other for 10 years now. it is funny what we can talk about, literally anything for eg "which is you favourite girlfriend, is it me?" :)
3 movies in a row
Sunday, June 11, 2006
memories cannot be redo or undo
for those of you who are not in kl, for your information we had our very first service in our new church building today. i had not help in the moving nor the preparation for this day and therefore only walk into the hall for the very first time this morning.
many had different thoughts about it but most missed the old sanctuary where many memories and events had taken place. i understand what they all meant but strangely i do not feel anything at all. maybe i had come to learn that no memories can be redo. we can only ask for new one to come. so what can the new building do to us? it cannot take away our memories but on the brighter side it can bring about more memorable days. for me the season there is over, may we believe that the glory of the latter will be greater than the glory of the formal house.
to be very honest, today in the service i did not feel the extra presence of God. but with the church that big, i enjoyed the fact that i can be lost in the crowd and just worship freely. at the end of the day, it is still the preparation of my heart that matters. i will try again next week :)
many had different thoughts about it but most missed the old sanctuary where many memories and events had taken place. i understand what they all meant but strangely i do not feel anything at all. maybe i had come to learn that no memories can be redo. we can only ask for new one to come. so what can the new building do to us? it cannot take away our memories but on the brighter side it can bring about more memorable days. for me the season there is over, may we believe that the glory of the latter will be greater than the glory of the formal house.
to be very honest, today in the service i did not feel the extra presence of God. but with the church that big, i enjoyed the fact that i can be lost in the crowd and just worship freely. at the end of the day, it is still the preparation of my heart that matters. i will try again next week :)
Thursday, June 08, 2006
the little that is left
why do i feel so comfortable eating alone at Starbucks and on the other hand i will never go for a meal alone in a kopi-thiam. i guess that is why Starbucks can charge me so much more, it allows me to be alone without feeling uneasy - just with the company of iced latte.
today, with the book Drawing Near and my little journal.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When shall i come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while they continually say to me,
'Where is your God?"
When I remember these things,
I pour out my soul within me.
Psalm 42.2-4
it is easier to desire to say these verses than to say that i pray these verses. why do so many of us struggle with what we want to do and what we do? this will be how my prayer sound like now:
why do i not feel the emptiness of my soul?
how do i cry out to the living God?
i know in my mind i am looking for You,
yet that very same mind ask me, "Where is your God?"
but i will not give up, oh i will not lose heart.
i will keep telling You about my days,
i will keep telling You how i feel.
though some may tell me You are not interested in my life,
though some may tell me You are busy with greater things,
though it might sounds like a one way conversation.
but i know You want to know me,
and i know You are listening to me.
this is how i keep my relationship with You,
i will keep talking to You,
i will hold on this little that is left,
and i know, oh yes i know, one day You will speak to me too.
i remember, You are my ever presence God.
from Your ever stubborn girl :)
---
One more short note:
Dr Paul,
did you remember the last time my knee swell? it happens again. and yah it cause a bit of numb feeling at the feet. one of this could be the reason:
1. driving in a very long traffic jam (which was my guess the cause the previous time as well), gosh i need a chauffeur!
2. gym (unlikely because i had not gone to gym for a week)
3. not enough sleep (but what has it got to do with the knee hahaha)
i remember you mentioned that it was okie, not such a big deal but what was it already? i went to the doctor the last time and i did felt better after taking the pills. so can you tell me if it is okie it happens again?
thanks.
today, with the book Drawing Near and my little journal.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When shall i come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while they continually say to me,
'Where is your God?"
When I remember these things,
I pour out my soul within me.
Psalm 42.2-4
it is easier to desire to say these verses than to say that i pray these verses. why do so many of us struggle with what we want to do and what we do? this will be how my prayer sound like now:
why do i not feel the emptiness of my soul?
how do i cry out to the living God?
i know in my mind i am looking for You,
yet that very same mind ask me, "Where is your God?"
but i will not give up, oh i will not lose heart.
i will keep telling You about my days,
i will keep telling You how i feel.
though some may tell me You are not interested in my life,
though some may tell me You are busy with greater things,
though it might sounds like a one way conversation.
but i know You want to know me,
and i know You are listening to me.
this is how i keep my relationship with You,
i will keep talking to You,
i will hold on this little that is left,
and i know, oh yes i know, one day You will speak to me too.
i remember, You are my ever presence God.
from Your ever stubborn girl :)
---
One more short note:
Dr Paul,
did you remember the last time my knee swell? it happens again. and yah it cause a bit of numb feeling at the feet. one of this could be the reason:
1. driving in a very long traffic jam (which was my guess the cause the previous time as well), gosh i need a chauffeur!
2. gym (unlikely because i had not gone to gym for a week)
3. not enough sleep (but what has it got to do with the knee hahaha)
i remember you mentioned that it was okie, not such a big deal but what was it already? i went to the doctor the last time and i did felt better after taking the pills. so can you tell me if it is okie it happens again?
thanks.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
in awe of myself
Few things that you need to know
1. 2 packs of 3 in 1 milo -must use 3 in 1- add a bit of hot water and stir it well, then put ice first before you fill in the remaining water will cause the milo to taste as superb as the milo van's milo :)
2. my 14 days trial with celebrity fitness had come to an end. i had done 3 body pump, 3 abt, 1 rpm and 1 yoga classes. i am so proud of myself. thanks to my super ONS friend. i might consider joining one soon, it is one good way to kill my time healthly and i enjoy doing things with my friend.
3. i slept at 5am this morning and woke up at 8am so that i can sit in the office now and do nothing.
1. 2 packs of 3 in 1 milo -must use 3 in 1- add a bit of hot water and stir it well, then put ice first before you fill in the remaining water will cause the milo to taste as superb as the milo van's milo :)
2. my 14 days trial with celebrity fitness had come to an end. i had done 3 body pump, 3 abt, 1 rpm and 1 yoga classes. i am so proud of myself. thanks to my super ONS friend. i might consider joining one soon, it is one good way to kill my time healthly and i enjoy doing things with my friend.
3. i slept at 5am this morning and woke up at 8am so that i can sit in the office now and do nothing.
Monday, June 05, 2006
the song of every woman
In life and death, Marilyn embodied a supremely surreal and ambiguous version of the all-American success story. Raised in orphanages and foster homes, she became the Queen of Hollywood, using her talent and her body in equal measure to ascend from one imagined tier to the next. By the end she had achieved everything any starry-eyed bit player could dream of, and along the way she had bedded a president, married a sports legend and literary giant, and captured the adulation of the world more completely than any actress of any time. She could be in turns a bitch and a baby, cunning and helpless, the goddess of sexual promise and the ghost of oblivion. She was a woman who could move, in the afternoon, from the trembling mess of insecurity and self-doubt into and absolute master of her art. No one before or since has put more electricity and magic onto a piece of film.
excerpts from the book Murder in Mind by Kirk Wilson
As i read more and more about her life, how she got famous and had every attention that she wanted. many men will fall for her, i mean of course she is dead gorgeous. who would think that inside this woman she cried the same song of every woman, a desire to be loved more than just for her body and sex. from one man to another, she was craving for that. records had it her few calls were rejected by her lover before she took her last breath. wow can't believe one will not take up her calls.
"If fifteen men were in the room with her," said one Hollywood publicist, "each would be convinced he was the one she'd be waiting for after the others left."
She had no problem attracting guys, she had problem finding one that loves her enough to stay. if the goddess of love who had men at the tip of her fingers struggled to be accepted and to find this thing call love. what makes it easier for us?
Sunday, June 04, 2006
the ragamuffin gospel
ps victor asked us this 3 years ago in the E03 sexuality session. "how many of you struggle with masturbation?" then he quickly continued, "... i am not refering to the guys only, also the girls." he was too specific i cannot help it but raised up my hand. but i guess i dared to lift it up only because all eyes were close.
I experienced a significant breakthrough into the freedom of the children of God at my first AA (alcholic annonymous) meeting. In the past I would have set great store not only on looking good but on thinking too often about who is looking. My self-image as a man of God and a displined disciple had to be protected at all costs. My ravenous insecurities made my sense of self-worth rise and fall like a sailboat on the winds of another's approval and disapproval. It was supreme moment of liberation to stand up, kick the pedestal aside and simply state: "My name is Brennan, I am an alcoholic."
excerpts from book The Ragamuffin Gospel
ya i no longer believe in confessing a sin only after i have a breakthrough. yes i have struggle with that all my life since i know how, and this is my last try: to confess before men and GOD. it might be a bit late to confess now since i don't really find any satisfaction in it, in fact i felt i look rather stupid but as promise.
*don't ask me how i do it. i don't use vibrating machine, nor do i start touching myself. anyway stop imagining, masturbation starts there :)
I experienced a significant breakthrough into the freedom of the children of God at my first AA (alcholic annonymous) meeting. In the past I would have set great store not only on looking good but on thinking too often about who is looking. My self-image as a man of God and a displined disciple had to be protected at all costs. My ravenous insecurities made my sense of self-worth rise and fall like a sailboat on the winds of another's approval and disapproval. It was supreme moment of liberation to stand up, kick the pedestal aside and simply state: "My name is Brennan, I am an alcoholic."
excerpts from book The Ragamuffin Gospel
ya i no longer believe in confessing a sin only after i have a breakthrough. yes i have struggle with that all my life since i know how, and this is my last try: to confess before men and GOD. it might be a bit late to confess now since i don't really find any satisfaction in it, in fact i felt i look rather stupid but as promise.
*don't ask me how i do it. i don't use vibrating machine, nor do i start touching myself. anyway stop imagining, masturbation starts there :)
Saturday, June 03, 2006
so ppl do read this thing
given that people don't normally leave a message on my tagboard i was just thinking the other day that maybe ppl don't really read this blog. but then again while i was visiting their blogs i found out that they do read my blog. now i am happy and i shall continue blabbing.
these are what i meant:
1. 10 things i hate about you by robin
2. tomorrow will never be the same by yanlin
3. emotions are not control by reasoning by jon ng*
*he doesn't has a blog but i believe if he does it will be on his blog :)
on the other hand, i am feeling what she is feeling about work.
keep talking to me, it keeps me going. and you there keep blogging i am reading.
these are what i meant:
1. 10 things i hate about you by robin
2. tomorrow will never be the same by yanlin
3. emotions are not control by reasoning by jon ng*
*he doesn't has a blog but i believe if he does it will be on his blog :)
on the other hand, i am feeling what she is feeling about work.
keep talking to me, it keeps me going. and you there keep blogging i am reading.
Friday, June 02, 2006
tomorrow will never be the same
creative director: i need you to come into the office to work for the first issue
chaiyen: when do i start?
creative director: can you start tomorrow?
chaiyen: tomorrow? erm... okie
i walked off the building, first i need to change my friday lunch appoinment. so i met auntie lee choo for lunch immediately. then i had to cancel my massage session tomorrow and squeezed it into the evening. at night i went out for pool, then i realised i cannot go back too late because i had some work to finish before tomorrow comes.
from tomorrow onwards
1. i will be going to into the office from 9am - 5pm
2. i will not be able to wake up at noon anymore
3. i will be joining the morning traffic jam
4. i will have no more afternoon nap
5. i will not be able to finish watching all my outstanding dvds
6. i will not be able to run my errands at non peak hour anymore
7. i will be late for dinner appointments if i can't finish my work
8. i will not have the luxury to meet ppl at anytime they want
9. i will not be able to keep chatting on msn
10. i will have to join the evening traffic to go home
but it is good
1. i was just thinking if i should go back to full time to kill my time and this is perfect
2. i can get out of my crazy sleeping hours, take less noon nap and sleep earlier at night
3. i will know some new friends
4. i got to wear all my nice dresses and skirts
5. i can still go for bangkok in the middle of june, the off days are approved
6. i will earn more money
7. i will have this client as my long term client after this month
8. i can still do my freelance at night
9. i am very excited because it is something new again
10. i can leave as soon as i am done :)
chaiyen: when do i start?
creative director: can you start tomorrow?
chaiyen: tomorrow? erm... okie
i walked off the building, first i need to change my friday lunch appoinment. so i met auntie lee choo for lunch immediately. then i had to cancel my massage session tomorrow and squeezed it into the evening. at night i went out for pool, then i realised i cannot go back too late because i had some work to finish before tomorrow comes.
from tomorrow onwards
1. i will be going to into the office from 9am - 5pm
2. i will not be able to wake up at noon anymore
3. i will be joining the morning traffic jam
4. i will have no more afternoon nap
5. i will not be able to finish watching all my outstanding dvds
6. i will not be able to run my errands at non peak hour anymore
7. i will be late for dinner appointments if i can't finish my work
8. i will not have the luxury to meet ppl at anytime they want
9. i will not be able to keep chatting on msn
10. i will have to join the evening traffic to go home
but it is good
1. i was just thinking if i should go back to full time to kill my time and this is perfect
2. i can get out of my crazy sleeping hours, take less noon nap and sleep earlier at night
3. i will know some new friends
4. i got to wear all my nice dresses and skirts
5. i can still go for bangkok in the middle of june, the off days are approved
6. i will earn more money
7. i will have this client as my long term client after this month
8. i can still do my freelance at night
9. i am very excited because it is something new again
10. i can leave as soon as i am done :)
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