it just gets better

tuesday
1st cookie
so i wake up and decided i will make this good. i guess as we grow old, i just don't want to lose any friends unlike the small girl "i dont friend you anymore", "dont friend, dont friend le".

so i smsed her for dinner and i let her throwed me the whole side of her story and i gave her mine. what had been done is already done, so i just wanted her to know how i felt. giving her a chance to explain does helps, so now i also wanted to make sure she doesn't feel horrible after this whole thing. because i had been on her side of the story and i know how that feels too. as much as i tried, it turns up so so but not too bad, i think we are still friends. but i am very happy about how we handle this whole thing. at least we have a chance to hear each other out.

2nd cookie
if that is not draining enough, i had a flat tyre. i called AAM so that i dont need to dirty my fingers but i gave up waiting so i just plunged my hands into it. honestly i was actually excited since i had not done this for a while. then prince charming came, kidding... i mean a nice guy came and did the whole works for me. though i told him i know how to do it but i got not enough strength to unscrew the tyre. he was very nice when he said "it's ok le, let me do this dirty work for you". (though i know how to do the whole thing, trust me i had done it before). anyway thank you, i didn't even manage to ask his name, he just say no prob and walked off. really not expecting anything, i think an angel just passed by.

wednesday
1st cookie
with meetings and appointments cramped from morning till noon, i finally decided to skip my gym class for the day and remove my lunch appointment with my buddies. still i can't remove the most important thing which is to get my tyre fix. and no it is not a rm10 repair, it is a rm520 repair. you see it is burst, so i need to change the tyre and since you always have to change two... mind as well change all four. and so i thank GOD well at least i'm forced to change my tyres which is long overdue. for safety, this is necessary.

2nd cookie
then meetings after meetings back to back, it all went on well till 4pm leng called me. "i need to be hospitalised, i'm scared, can you come". if you have forgotten about my experience with this hospital, this is for you. so the whole waiting process begin. not to mention she started the wait since noon, long before me.

yes of all time, my mum is in singapore and my dad is in china for work. when the nurse ask, who do i contact in case of emergency. she pointed to me, "my mum". i cannot believe she actually wrote that down till we both burst out in laughters. our impression of her is she must be quite fun to ask "who is the patient?", when she saw both of us lying on the bed together. oh yah, i suddenly realised why we are call patient, do you thing it has to do with the waiting.

so at 7pm we met the doctor in charge. leng has a 4cm cyst on one side of her ovary and 9cm cyst on the other. she told me her friend has a 50 cents sized cyst and doctor said she need to be operated. so i laughed "then i guess 1 dollar (paper note, no more rm1 coin in malaysia) definitely had to go." and yes an operation tonight.

playtime is over, she was in pain and she teared when all the stuff was poke to her. the last time i see her cry was when she was studying for her finals in college. i guess all this caught her offguard too. you see my family has this cultural that we dont really see the doctor till we are seriously ill. we are not those rich brad that go to see the doctor when we have a sneeze or two, i guess this is what you get in exchange surprise. but to lighten the mode up we cracked another joke. she said "i think it is time to play the tong hua soundtrack for me." she was in tears and laughters which i can't differentiate anymore.

so finally she was pushed to the operation room at 9pm. i called my dad and told him about it. i thought i was holding up pretty well till i put down that phone. tears welled in my eyes, i think i am a bit overwhelmed. driving back lots of things run through my mind but one of the most important one is this. i think the devil is really giving me his best shot. and you know what i'm still feeling good, never felt better.

ok got to go bring some stuff to the hospital for my sis and a marathon of work tonight. i'm ok, dont ask me why. i had change quite a bit over the last few years. i am not sorry about that unlike many for me because i kind of like the softer side of me. today i see a reflection of something familiar (what is that word FAITH? strength? depth? spirit of GOD inside me?... whatever), the only bit about myself that i miss. tell me how can i not love who i am now? im at my best :)

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pls pray for my sis. for your info she is out of the operation room already. everything should be ok. and ya pray for me too, may i continue to have this good spirit to face thursday, friday, saturday and sunday. whatever is installed for me. stay tune to this spine-tingling life of mine.

new life old shit

a month ago i took a break from blogging, you can call that fasting from blogging. once a while you just need to stop doin what you always do so that you know why you do what you do. i had already decided i want to focus on my own life. i was beginning to enjoy singlehood again and the company of friends around me. works had been coming in and everything looks good.

as of this morning, i wanted to wake up and brag about my new life. then shit happens, as they always do. always faster than i hope. as if happiness cannot meet the morning sun, they always go.

1. I HATE IT when i always share so much with ppl. i felt that there is a necessity to be transparent with my friends, for the sake of bonding or to liberate each other. again and again being betrayed. taking the courage to share again is no joke. still i had always choose to share.
2. I HATE IT when they do not ask my permission before speaking for me. as if they know everything about me. more so she didn't even tell me before or after.
3. I HATE IT even more when they misquote and misrepresent me. i always get this. a torn in my flesh.
4. I HATE IT after his friends does it, my friend needs to do the same stupid thing. AND I SWEAR IN MY LIFE never to be in between other ppl relationship.
5. I HATE IT having warned her not to say or do anything stupid, she did. promises don't mean a thing out there.
6. I HATE IT i was the one that brought the two of them together and then i became the excuse for them to meet.
7. I HATE IT that he called. it doesn't matter he is not friendly but he needs to come in between my other friendship.
8. I HATE IT he talked to 1001 unrelated ppl about this, and i never had the rights to speak for myself.
9. I HATE IT because he again and again destroys the little that i have.
10. I HATE IT he never once feel sorry about it. never once apologise for it. if there is such thing as kharma, in my previous life i must had owed him my life so now i'm repaying my debts.

suppose to start the new entry with new life, but you see shit happens everday. before you have the chance to celebrate the new friendship, something comes to destroy it. when you are about to see breakthrough, something is sure to happen. remember the movie pursuit of happyness. the car got clamped, machine got stolen, wife left, put in lock up, unpaid jobs, being used. but you know what, i ain't giving up. you throw me a staff i will use it to split the red sea. YOU CAN'T BREAK ME, SHOW ME WHAT ELSE YOU HAVE LITTLE DEVIL! one day you will regret and you will back off from me. don't mess up with the child of God.

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for those that had been faithfully clicking this blog, you know who you are. this is for you, i'm back. stronger than you think. :)